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[Count Dookkake]

Fine, just blow me then.

 

[How About No]

Every time I give my wife an orgasm I point and laugh at her and yell "HA HA MADE YOU CUM".

I just spat out my Squirt

 

[rec0ded1]

Sex was a mistake.

 

[Zombine]

I just want everyone to have fun...

 

[Poor GRIMES]

You took "men's perceived sexual skill is the main reason women cum" as a positive?

You're basically demonstrating the article's thesis.

I didn't want to be the one to say it lol

 

[riotous]

I see her argument, I agree with it to an extent,, the male ego is extensively documented and a man making a woman orgasm is seen as a pinnacle sexual achievement.

Which makes the study rather odd; I'm all for studying things even if they seem to be common sense, but this just seems really unnecessary.

I do think the overall topic is interesting; the male reaction to the female orgasms and how it shapes sexual relationships, etc.. but the fact that guys feel manly when they make a girl cum is a conclusion that's been drawn by a billion girlfriends worldwide lol.

 

[blame space]

i wish there was a quiz i could take to figure out if i should be ashamed of myself

 

[marrec]

Hey look, someone who actually understands what the article is talking about.

No, most of us get the difference, the problem is the article does not differentiate between sexual pleasure and masculine ego. It leaves the impression that any pleasure derived from female orgasm is due to toxic masculinity and encourages men to "stop that" as if, mid sex, as our partner is orgasming, we're hearing an achievement unlocked sound and mentally tallying our new total.

Not only that, the study itself is deeply flawed. "Mean Masculinity" is a value they pulled from numerous data points, none of them specifically tied to "masculinity" beyond how they felt at the time. The "Sexual Esteem/Depression" seems more tied to reality, but doesn't on it's own support their conclusion.

Also, all the participants were pulled from a college campus (most psychological research is done this way, tbf) which seems to me will quite obviously skew WHATEVER results you get from a sexual survey. Most of these men are probably still in developmental stages sexually, and based on THIS they want to claim men derive sexual ego from female orgasms?

 

[Michael F. Assbender]

Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen a negative stigma for female masturbation, at least not in the US.

I'm sure in some dark corners of the country it's a no-no. But if anything, among the wide swath of the country, I'd say its viewed as a turn on.

 

[Poor GRIMES]

Okay so here's the thing:

A lot of people in this thread feel attacked. This article isn't about you if you don't hold the beliefs that it's attacking.

 

[Massive Duck. C.M.]

There's a point buried under the rot, shame

 

[marrec]

Okay so here's the thing:

A lot of people in this thread feel attacked. This article isn't about you if you don't hold the beliefs that it's attacking.

But according to the study, most of us do so...

 

[213372bu]

No, most of us get the difference, the problem is the article does not differentiate between sexual pleasure and masculine ego. It leaves the impression that any pleasure derived from female orgasm is due to toxic masculinity and encourages men to "stop that" as if, mid sex, as our partner is orgasming, we're hearing an achievement unlocked sound and mentally tallying our new total.

Not only that, the study itself is deeply flawed. "Mean Masculinity" is a value they pulled from numerous data points, none of them specifically tied to "masculinity" beyond how they felt at the time. The "Sexual Esteem/Depression" seems more tied to reality, but doesn't on it's own support their conclusion.

Also, all the participants were pulled from a college campus (most psychological research is done this way, tbf) which seems to me will quite obviously skew WHATEVER results you get from a sexual survey. Most of these men are probably still in developmental stages sexually, and based on THIS they want to claim men derive sexual ego from female orgasms?

This post is spot on.

The article in Cosmo semi-concedes that point, but the published study actually doesn't.

 

[Kettch]

Feeling pleasure when you pleasure your partner is absolutely a good thing.

The article/study makes some other good points, but the click-bait title is ridiculous.

 

[riotous]

Is this actually the case, though? I feel like masturbatory aids and sex toys for women are much, much more normalized than they are for men.

Like, a girl owning a dildo or a vibe is a big "so what?", while a guy having a fleshlight or using a cock ring leans more towards a stigma of being a deviant or having dysfunction.

Well I think there's a weird dichotomy; while female sex toys are far more acceptable than a flesh-light, female masturbation is still a more taboo subject. Especially for young females.

Maybe things have changed; but when I was in middle school for instance, a girl telling her friend that they masturbate could turn into embarrassing gossip that would follow her around until she graduated or moved. Whereas guys would joke about it, or be blatant about it.

I do think they have a point that the male ego affects all of this as well; I just think the fact males have egos surrounding sex certainly isn't something that needed to be proven lol.

 

[You Are Viewtiful]

Isn't another way of interpreting the results: "not making your partner orgasm makes you feel less manly/lowers self-esteem"?

 

[Staccat0]

While we're at it, I need assurances that gay men and women never enjoy giving oral sex please.

I just spat out my Squirt

Hahahah

 

[Michael F. Assbender]

No, most of us get the difference, the problem is the article does not differentiate between sexual pleasure and masculine ego. It leaves the impression that any pleasure derived from female orgasm is due to toxic masculinity and encourages men to "stop that" as if, mid sex, as our partner is orgasming, we're hearing an achievement unlocked sound and mentally tallying our new total.

Not only that, the study itself is deeply flawed. "Mean Masculinity" is a value they pulled from numerous data points, none of them specifically tied to "masculinity" beyond how they felt at the time. The "Sexual Esteem/Depression" seems more tied to reality, but doesn't on it's own support their conclusion.

Also, all the participants were pulled from a college campus (most psychological research is done this way, tbf) which seems to me will quite obviously skew WHATEVER results you get from a sexual survey. Most of these men are probably still in developmental stages sexually, and based on THIS they want to claim men derive sexual ego from female orgasms?

Shhhh...you're supposed to let them shame us based on flawed science and a writer's opinions.

 

[King Tubby]

I for one hate it when my partner orgasms and do everything in my power to prevent that from happening #staywoke

 

[Veezy]

You took "men's perceived sexual skill is the main reason women cum" as a positive?

You're basically demonstrating the article's thesis.

Well, positive may be the wrong word.

What I was more leaning towards is that it's a good thing that the importance of your partners pleasure, and lack there of (input, etc.), during sex is taken into account rather than just, well, having the PUA mentality of sex being a notch sorta situation.

EDIT: Although, yes, social expectations on how sex works is an issue.

 

[HotHamBoy]

I mean, women also derive satisfaction and a feeling of achievement from making men cum. I know because they've told me. I have to imagine women get the same pleasure from making other women come. Is that toxic?

There's no such thing as altruism.

 

[marrec]

Reading through the discussion of the study and this paragraph is important:

Results did not support our fifth and sixth hypotheses, that traditional versus egalitarian values and/or investment in a partner's pleasure would influence men's masculinity responses to women's orgasm presence. We had anticipated that traditional men might see women's orgasms as more of a masculinity achievement compared to egalitarian men because of their more traditional expectations for masculine sexuality, or that they might not care about women's pleasure generally and would therefore be unconcerned if an orgasm did or did not occur. Alternatively, we anticipated that egalitarian men might not link women's orgasms to their own masculinity, or they might see women's orgasms as more of a masculinity achievement than traditional men because of the importance of women's orgasms to more liberal forms of masculinity. It may be the case that men with either set of values experience women's orgasm as a masculinity achievement; that is, although traditional and egalitarian perspectives frame women's orgasms differently, both framings may equally position women's orgasms as an important symbol of men's masculine sexual behavior. This may explain why men felt more masculine after imagining that a woman orgasmed regardless of their traditional values, egalitarian values, communal approaches, or exchange approaches to sexual relations. Accordingly, traditional and egalitarian values or men's investment in a partner's pleasure may influence the motivations for viewing women's orgasms as masculinity achievements for men rather than the existence of the phenomenon itself.

Their fifth and sixth hypothesis was that a man's values (traditional vs. egalitarian) would affect the feeling of masculinity derived from female orgasms. The data gathered did not support that point, showing that whatever the man's viewpoint the data points were the same... and instead of using this to try and falsify their hypothesis (as any good researcher would) they shoehorned this into their prior hypothesis.

What a fucking awful study.

 

[yanipheonu]

They're doing it wrong.

 

[blame space]

There's no such thing as altruism.

🤔

 

[AlteredBeast]

Actually I feel great shame and dissatisfaction when I make my fiancee cum. Sometimes I cry.

Check mate Cosmo.

I laughed WAY too hard reading this. Thank you.

 

[Fuchsdh]

🤔

I have no idea how serious he is, but yeah the thesis of this article could basically be used to argue against altruism of any type if you gain personal satisfaction from it.

 

[tuna_love]

👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏

 

[Sunster]

Yea I kinda assumed those feelings I had were like a primal male dominance thing. But in this instance, why is that bad?

 

[excelsiorlef]

Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen a negative stigma for female masturbation, at least not in the US.

Dear Wants to learn more,

Many women masturbate, but they haven't beaten the men when it comes to solo sex frequency... at least not yet. Statistically speaking, various studies of the sexual behavior of men and women detailed connections between gender and self-stimulation. The authors of The Social Organization of Sexuality (Edward O. Laumann, John H. Gagnon, Robert T. Michael, and Stuart Michaels; University of Chicago Press, 1994) gathered information about masturbatory practices from face-to-face interviews and self-administered questionnaires of 2,969 men and women ranging in age from 18 to 59 years. The researchers found that 41.7 percent of women and 63.3 percent of men masturbated during the year studied. According to The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior (Samuel S. Janus and Cynthia L. Janus; John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 1993), based on a large-scale, nationwide survey of adult Americans ages 18 and up conducted between 1983 and 1992, 10 percent of women reported masturbating frequently (several times weekly or daily) vs. 25 percent of men. Similarly, 38 percent of women reported masturbating on a regular basis (monthly to daily) in comparison to 55 percent of men. The Kinsey Institute also published statistics about gender differences in masturbation. They were compiled from renowned sex researcher Alfred Kinsey's studies on the sexual behavior of men and women. According to Dr. Kinsey's 1948 and 1953 studies, based on detailed interviews with white American adults, 92 percent of men and 62 percent of women reported that they had masturbated.

Several reasons have been suggested to account for the lower percentage of women (vs. men) who have ever masturbated. Women are considered "good" when they adhere to their traditional sex role: to be sexually passive, naive, and dependent -- basically, to be nonsexual. Sexually experienced and independent women are frequently seen as threatening and "loose."

In addition, in many cultures, women are raised to believe that their genitals are repulsive and inferior to those of men. They're also encouraged to repress their sexual feelings until marriage, when sex is for the purposes of procreation and pleasing their husband. A woman learns that she is to receive sexual pleasure only from sexual intercourse (not from touching or oral sex, and especially not from masturbation) with her husband (not with anyone else or by herself). If a woman with a partner masturbates, it is often seen as though there's something wrong with her relationship. Likewise, if a woman is without a partner, masturbating is seen as an act of loneliness.

Not only is there a taboo for women to masturbate, but there's also a greater taboo against talking about it. No doubt, for some women (and some men), talking about sex can also be awkward, so shyness, as you mentioned in your question, may be another, though lesser, factor. It doesn't have to be this way. Masturbation is a healthy and natural part of sexuality. It enables people to learn about their own bodies and genitals as well as to recognize and develop their sexual responses or orgasms. It also helps to foster communication in intimate relationships by making it easier for partners to identify and express what feels good physically and sexually for them and to each other. Candid discussions about sexuality and sexual pleasure can help free women (and men) from the historically negative influences that have bound and prevented some women (and some men) from discovering, exploring, and enjoying their sexual selves. These conversations can make it easier to break the taboos and myths about masturbation and can encourage women (and men) to reach their healthy, sex-positive goals.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answ...ng-stats-are-there-gender-differences-and-why

It's actually a thing....

In supplemental the documentary This Film Is Not Yet Rated observes that female orgasms on film lead to higher more strict ratings

Finally, the documentary provides convincing evidence that the female orgasm is the ultimate hot button for the MPAA: to paraphrase The Rocky Horror Picture Show, it's the pelvic thrust that really drives them insane. Chloë Sevigny in the throes of a Hilary Swank-induced orgasm in Boys Don't Cry made the MPAA ask for an NC-17. As Maria Bello and her director Wayne Kramer claim for Dick's camera, a flash of Bello's pubic hair in The Cooler sent them back for recuts.

http://www.metroactive.com/metro//09.27.06/this-film-is-not-yet-rated-0639.html

 

[King Tubby]

When I cook a meal for my girlfriend and she enjoys it, I know better than to take pride in that meal, because then I'm making the act of her eating food all about me and my toxic male ego. I'M SORRY LADIES FOR ALL THE JOY I'VE CAUSED

 

[Plum]

As to the actual point of the article, I'm confused. What's inherently bad about a man getting a boost to self-esteem or their "manliness", from doing something pleasurable to a woman? It seems to bring up a point them just assume it's bad without explaining at all why that's so.

Also, I'd say more importantly, how do women who aren't the author feel about such a situation? I wouldn't know, I'm a man, after all. Why does an article about men removing women from the equation during sex, itself, remove women from the equation?

 

[HotHamBoy]

🤔

What I mean is that people do things for others because it makes them feel good.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answ...ng-stats-are-there-gender-differences-and-why

It's actually a thing....

In supplemental the documentary This Film Is Not Yet Rated observes that female orgasms on film lead to higher more strict ratings



http://www.metroactive.com/metro//09.27.06/this-film-is-not-yet-rated-0639.html

That documentary is really good.

 

[CrocMother]

I'm confused

 

[Hero_of_the_Day]

They'd really freak out if they knew how much men enjoy making themselves orgasm.

 

[George Washington]

Edit:
You can never win with Cosmo.

 

[n00bsauce87]

They need to interview 810 women to see if women feel like a sexual object when men gets them to orgasm.

 

[AndersK]

What if you say you're welcome without even waiting for a thank you?

This is some 4th dimensional chess right there

 

[Taruranto]

Is the Internet running out of intelligent stuff to write about?

 

[The Silver]

I should just become a robot, that sounds easier, just program some code to stop any feelings of self satisfaction.

 

[ClayKavalier]

what about lesbian women then?

The specifics of why may continue to divide us, but liberals and conservatives can at least agree that they should be ashamed of themselves.

 

[marrec]

They need to interview 810 women to see if women feel like a sexual object when men gets them to orgasm.

A more interesting study would be 810 gay dudes.

I'm guessing you'd find the exact same results that the researchers found, assuming that they didn't fudge the numbers entirely.

Of course, the researchers would probably still find a way to shoehorn this result into backing up their hypothesis.

Man, bad science gets me so mad

 

[watershed]

Well, I'm confused.

 

[Michael F. Assbender]

I have no idea how serious he is, but yeah the thesis of this article could basically be used to argue against altruism of any type if you gain personal satisfaction from it.

That's what I got from reading it too.

To be clear, they're very obviously framing it only in such a way as to address the very real issue of toxic masculinity.

But they take the idea that men may take some small bit of satisfaction in helping bring a woman to orgasm and turn it into, "therefore it's just another example of men being selfish and self-serving."

 

[excelsiorlef]

I'm sure in some dark corners of the country it's a no-no. But if anything, among the wide swath of the country, I'd say its viewed as a turn on.

There absolutely is a stigma... there's a reason women report masturbating at a much lower level.

Also it's interesting that you present female masturbation as accepted because it turns men on...

 

[Staccat0]

My friend and I were talking about this the other day...

Do you remember how sitcoms and stuff used to make coy little jokes about how it's really hard to give a woman an orgasm? And then when you do it you think you must be really good at it, because she said you were and it didn't seem that hard?

... weird stuff right?

Eh I see a point in the article.

As a woman who has had a number of male sexual partners, it **is** pretty goddamn awful when the guy insists he can and will make you orgasm, and doesn't really care what you think or want. I've had a surprising number of partners where I had to just fake it so they'd get off my back (front?). At that point it doesn't seem like they care at all what I like or want, and it's all about them making me orgasm for *their* benefit.

Not that all men behave like this, of course, but it's not a ridiculous thought.

That's a fair point. I could see that being really frustrating.

 

[HotHamBoy]

That's what I got from reading it too.

To be clear, they're very obviously framing it only in such a way as to address the very real issue of toxic masculinity.

But they take the idea that men may take some small bit of satisfaction in helping bring a woman to orgasm and turn it into, "therefore it's just another example of men being selfish and self-serving."

It's really misguided. It undermines the real issue by targeting something sex-positive.

 

[CrocMother]

Eh I see a point in the article.

As a woman who has had a number of male sexual partners, it **is** pretty goddamn awful when the guy insists he can and will make you orgasm, and doesn't really care what you think or want. I've had a surprising number of partners where I had to just fake it so they'd get off my back (front?). At that point it doesn't seem like they care at all what I like or want, and it's all about them making me orgasm for *their* benefit.

Not that all men behave like this, of course, but it's not a ridiculous thought.

I think people take it for granted that everyone wants to orgasm.

 

[King Tubby]

To be clear, they're very obviously framing it only in such a way as to address the very real issue of toxic masculinity.

From my experience with women, they consider it rather more "toxic" if the man has no regard at all for his partner's pleasure. This shit is ridiculous.

 

[OG Shaka Zulu]

The next time my wife orgasms i will tell her I hate women, mid orgasm.

 

[D_prOdigy]

[incredibly dril voice] to all my girl followers, I pledge I wil NEVER make you orgasm