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[Michael F. Assbender]

There absolutely is a stigma... there's a reason women report masturbating at a much lower level.

Also it's interesting that you present female masturbation as accepted because it turns men on...

Quit with the bullshit implications and just say what's on your mind.

I never said it was right or fair, but by the very nature of the male-dominated power structure of our country and the rest of the world, something seen as attractive to men is more likely to gain wider acceptance.

Should it be that way? Fuck no. But it is what it is.

Edit: I'd also like to point out that maybe women report masturbating at a much lower level because they masturbate at a much lower level. It doesn't have to be stigma. It could be biology.

Besides differences in sex drives, men are usually capable of reaching orgasm/ejaculating much faster than a woman can reach orgasm. A man can run into a closet and toss one off in thirty seconds if he really wanted to. Most women don't have that luxury.

From my experience with women, they consider it rather more "toxic" if the man has no regard at all for his partner's pleasure. This shit is ridiculous.

I agree the article is stupid.

It can be that while toxic masculinity is a thing. They're not mutually exclusive.

 

[Alcotholic]

I remember hearing this argument and thinking it was dumb. I feel like I'm a good sexual partner because I can make my GF cum. I love seeing her orgasm.

 

[HotHamBoy]

Eh I see a point in the article.

As a woman who has had a number of male sexual partners, it **is** pretty goddamn awful when the guy insists he can and will make you orgasm, and doesn't really care what you think or want. I've had a surprising number of partners where I had to just fake it so they'd get off my back (front?). At that point it doesn't seem like they care at all what I like or want, and it's all about them making me orgasm for *their* benefit.

Not that all men behave like this, of course, but it's not a ridiculous thought.

On the flip side, a lot of men feel inadequate or indeed emasculated if they don't feel that they've pleased their partner. It's their issue, of course, not the partner's.

But that insecurity is real.

 

[Polioliolio]

So women don't gain satisfaction from bringing their partner to orgasm?

This reads like it could be a joke article.

 

[HotHamBoy]

So women don't gain satisfaction from bringing their partner to orgasm?

This reads like it could be a joke article.

They do. Everyone gets off from getting other people off.

 

[BlueTsunami]

This seems like a desperate reach for a problem that doesn't exist. I'm not dismissing the idea that dudes could be vain about it - but "frightening conclusion?" is this satire?

Seriously. Who cares about vanity as long as everyone fully rides the roller coaster.

Trash article

 

[Airola]

Not every instance of man feeling manly is toxic masculinity.

When did man feeling manliness become a social sin?

 

[Count Dookkake]

If you want to see exactly how dumb and hypocritical this article is, the next time you bone a girl, don't nut.

 

[Veezy]

Eh I see a point in the article.

As a woman who has had a number of male sexual partners, it **is** pretty goddamn awful when the guy insists he can and will make you orgasm, and doesn't really care what you think or want. I've had a surprising number of partners where I had to just fake it so they'd get off my back (front?). At that point it doesn't seem like they care at all what I like or want, and it's all about them making me orgasm for *their* benefit.

Not that all men behave like this, of course, but it's not a ridiculous thought.

Well, society has kinda done a number on men and women when it comes to that stuff. It took a while when my wife and I were just a casual thing for her to be comfortable with the fact that I was rarely gonna get off due to the SSRIs I take. It is, literally, a fucking time consuming process, we've both got shit to do, and traditionally sex ends once everybody gets theirs.

Now, we'll roll around in bed for a while, or the couch, generally not the floor unless we just vacuumed, and if she gets off that's awesome (personally, I'm really glad she's cool with helping herself out) and if she knows it's not going to happen she's cool with telling me. She's okay that I don't normally and she knows it's not her fault. But that took a while. Shit, I still don't know if I'm okay with it, but whatever, that's why I have a therapist.

Also, Zoloft's a motherfucker.

 

[King Tubby]

Eh I see a point in the article.

As a woman who has had a number of male sexual partners, it **is** pretty goddamn awful when the guy insists he can and will make you orgasm, and doesn't really care what you think or want. I've had a surprising number of partners where I had to just fake it so they'd get off my back (front?). At that point it doesn't seem like they care at all what I like or want, and it's all about them making me orgasm for *their* benefit. &yes, this is after I patiently explain before sex that I don't cum from piv (it's not common at all), but I still really enjoy sex and am very happy with it as it is.

Not that all men behave like this, of course, but it's not a ridiculous thought.

The problem there is an issue of not respecting your wishes or agency. If I were in a relationship with a woman who told me what you say, then I wouldn't try to force the issue. I would instead ask her if there's something I can do that will get her rocks off and we can work from there. But the article seems to be taking a much broader stance on it.

 

[BlueTsunami]

If you want to see exactly how dumb and hypocritical this article is, the next time you bone a girl, don't nut.

What happened?
Is something wrong?
What did I do?

And if youre with a Puerto Rican girl..

WHO YOU FUCKING?

 

[JMizzlin]

We should work to prevent female orgasms.

E: at first this article really pissed me off then I had to laugh because it is absolutely inconsequential.

 

[CrocMother]

Well sure, but those partners treated it like a reflection of their own sexual prowess.

It's honestly gobsmacking how many men don't seem to care what their partner says to them. Like, why can't I enjoy sex my way? Why do you want to dictate how and what I enjoy in sex?

And sure, I love orgasms. I have a vibrator for that. No one's dick is going to work, because that's the wrong part of my anatomy that causes orgasms. (I don't have a clit inside my vagina.) I have a feeling many heterosexual women share this perspective, but many men just seem to not be able to hear.

I think if a man is only willing to use intercourse to give you an orgasm, you have a point.

 

[generaldane]

Speaking from my own personal experience I can say women are no different I have had more than one girl get really angry at me because I just wasn't into it and after apologing one of my ex told me she felt like something was wrong with her when I wasn't getting turned on

 

[Ordinaryundone]

Not every instance of man feeling manly is toxic masculinity.

When did man feeling manliness become a social sin?

About 3-4 years ago, depending on who you ask.

What happened?
Is something wrong?
What did I do?

And if youre with a Puerto Rican girl..

WHO YOU FUCKING?

This just triggered the hell out of me. You've never felt true fear until you've had to prove your fidelity mid-coitus.

 

[kvothe]

Eh I see a point in the article.

As a woman who has had a number of male sexual partners, it **is** pretty goddamn awful when the guy insists he can and will make you orgasm, and doesn't really care what you think or want. I've had a surprising number of partners where I had to just fake it so they'd get off my back (front?). At that point it doesn't seem like they care at all what I like or want, and it's all about them making me orgasm for *their* benefit. &yes, this is after I patiently explain before sex that I don't cum from piv (it's not common at all), but I still really enjoy sex and am very happy with it as it is.

Not that all men behave like this, of course, but it's not a ridiculous thought.

I could totally understand why that would be an issue, but I think that problem derives from not respecting your partner's boundaries rather than enjoying giving your partner an orgasm. If someone insists on doing something when you say no, that's fucked up and not okay. But if someone enjoys you having an orgasm, I think that should be considered alright.

 

[Massive Duck. C.M.]

What happened?
Is something wrong?
What did I do?

And if youre with a Puerto Rican girl..

WHO YOU FUCKING?

LMAO

 

[A Link to the Past]

Sure, it feels good on a personal level to make sex enjoyable for the other person, but a big part of that is that you made them feel good. It's like feeling good about giving someone a present that they really liked - part of it is for your own pleasure that you were able to make someone happy, but the goal is the happiness ultimately.

But yes, there is merit to criticizing the mindset of why people do things for others, and it's a pretty interesting discussion to have IMO in general, including this topic.

 

[Ordinaryundone]

Seriously, this is like some Old Testament Bible nonsense. "Go forth, be fruitful and multiply....but don't you DARE enjoy yourself. I see you feeling it, straight to hell with ye."

 

[Count Dookkake]

What happened?
Is something wrong?
What did I do?

And if youre with a Puerto Rican girl..

WHO YOU FUCKING?

Yep.

Doesn't matter how many loads you've previously dropped in, on, or near her.

This article is bullshit.

 

[Rur0ni]

If you want to see exactly how dumb and hypocritical this article is, the next time you bone a girl, don't nut.

+1

What happened?
Is something wrong?
What did I do?

And if youre with a Puerto Rican girl..

WHO YOU FUCKING?

+100

Eh I see a point in the article.

As a woman who has had a number of male sexual partners, it **is** pretty goddamn awful when the guy insists he can and will make you orgasm, and doesn't really care what you think or want. I've had a surprising number of partners where I had to just fake it so they'd get off my back (front?). At that point it doesn't seem like they care at all what I like or want, and it's all about them making me orgasm for *their* benefit. &yes, this is after I patiently explain before sex that I don't cum from piv (it's not common at all), but I still really enjoy sex and am very happy with it as it is.

Not that all men behave like this, of course, but it's not a ridiculous thought.

I can see this perspective, and agree.

 

[Kyzer]

Umm pretty sure my girl feels great about making me bust too

 

[excelsiorlef]

Quit with the bullshit implications and just say what's on your mind.

I never said it was right or fair, but by the very nature of the male-dominated power structure of our country and the rest of the world, something seen as attractive to men is more likely to gain wider acceptance.

Should it be that way? Fuck no. But it is what it is.

I'm saying you defended a false hood (by denying the stigmatization of female masturbation which is well well documented) by framing it within the context of masculine sexuality and interests. Which is what I said in the first place

I'd note that I had no way of knowing your belief of how right or fair it was given neither was present in your initial post.

I just found it interesting that in a thread about a study whose thesis argues that female orgasms are framed through the lens of masculinity/ masculine desire that someone would frame female masturbation acceptance through that almost same lens...

That said given that you've said it was an observation and not a value judgment I apologize for insinuating that you were making a value judgment, that was haste of me.

That said i find your observation flawed as the reality is there is a stigmatization of female sexuality, especially masturbation. I'd also argue there's a difference between societal acceptance for a woman achieving orgasm via masturbation for herself, and a woman ograsming via masturbation to arouse a male observer. Even if the second one were true (and I'm not convince that one is either) it doesn't result in societal acceptance of female masturbation as a means for women to explore their sexuality for themselves (the true value of masturbation)... that is to say framing female masturbation as accepted because men like it doesn't do anything for the real stigmatization: women doing it for themselves because they like it.

Also regarding your edit: I've linked an article on stigmatization I don't think it's fair to the discussion to default to a biological explanation.

I mean when even those who seek to discourage masturbation recognize the social stigma maybe we should all recognize the social stigma: http://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2014/april/real-problem-with-female-masturbation.html

 

[blame space]

you might say bustin' makes her feel good.

 

[captive]

uh, im not sure what the problem is here? If I couldn't make my wife orgasm I would feel pretty worthless in bed. I know she also takes pleasure in making me orgasm as well. Isn't that how its supposed to work?

Also whats up with the shot about men having more orgasms than women? We're physiologically different. My wifes orgasms seem far more intense than anything i've ever experienced, she's also able to cum multiple times in like several seconds or minutes. And whereas im like yea yea stop touching it after i cum but later i'm like i could cum again and hour or two after sex, she's good for a lot longer.

 

[crimsondynamics]

This is ridiculous. I like to make women orgasm and I take pride in knowing I'm able to fulfill her sexual needs. It's not for my self esteem. In fact I have as a rule to not orgasm until she does.

Why doesn't Cosmo write about the many women who get frustrated and upset that they were not able to bring their men to orgasm because they feel that they're not good enough and have failed in bed?

Yeah.

 

[Stinkles]

If you want to see exactly how dumb and hypocritical this article is, the next time you bone a girl, don't nut.

This is actually an excellent point. Not that we can usually claim any equality in these conversations, that's kinda a real thing. Without getting into detail.

 

[Foggy]

It's a strange conclusion to draw since you ask any guy if they feel a measure of masculine pride they're going to say yes. Primarily because it's considered masculine to be good at sex and secondary in order to FLEX or whatever term you want to use. If your primary motivator with sex is to make a woman orgasm for the purpose of self-adulation, then your issue is pathological.

 

[Raitosaito]

This seems like drawing a conclusion you want base on data that can be interpret in multiple ways.

 

[Angelus Errare]

Too bad over half of women don't ever achieve orgasm from men lol

 

[Arkage]

I skimmed through the study to find the summaries.

Results supported our first hypothesis, that men would feel more masculine after imagining that a female partner orgasmed with them versus imagining that she did not. However, results did not support (or only weakly supported) our second and third hypotheses, that a woman's sexual history would elicit stronger or weaker feelings of masculinity.

Results supported hypothesis 4; the item ”masculine" from the AAS loaded onto the accomplishment factor, which is characterized by items associated with achievement (e.g., successful, skilled, fulfilled).

Our general prediction was that women's orgasms function as a masculinity achievement for men, but we also offered subhypotheses for how selected trait variables would influence this link, which received partial support. Results did not support our fifth and sixth hypotheses, that traditional versus egalitarian values and/or investment in a partner's pleasure would influence men's masculinity responses to women's orgasm presence.

Masculine gender role stress was significantly influential, supporting our seventh hypothesis: High-stress men felt more masculine when a woman orgasmed and less masculine when she did not compared to low-stress men.

So the study shows:

1) Women orgasming during sex raises the masculinity "rating" of the event
2) Helping your partner achieve orgasm is viewed as a skill
3) High-stress men more strongly associate female orgasm with masculinity than low-stress men

Which is hardly the dumpster-fire that Cosmo is trying to stir up, though the study itself introduced the topic via a whole pseudo-narrative on male/female sexuality power struggles via 7 different hypothesis at once. Most of these turned out wrong. The masculinity rating itself is also fairly vague:

Specifically, we included the words masculine and feminine to assess feelings of masculinity and femininity and to test whether the ”masculine" item grouped with other items related to success. The AAS included a total of 36 words. Participants were asked to indicate on a 5-point scale the extent that they would feel the listed emotion if they experienced the situation outlined in the vignette. The scale was anchored with 1 = Very slightly or not at all and 5 = Extremely.

Overall I find the word association going on pretty strange, especially when the study is juxtaposing nonmasculinity vs masculinity, instead of masculinity vs other emotional states. The Traditional-Egalitarian scale would've at least tied masculinity into feelings of selfishness, but that didn't pan out statistically either. It seems the strongest statement to be made out of all of this is that men who are more stressed about perceptions of their masculinity are more likely to view a woman's orgasms as affirmation of their masculinity. Which I'm not sure says a lot considering how damned nuanced the statement is.

Also, weirdly:

Participants were also asked about feminist identification through a single question: ”Do you identify as a feminist?" Response options were Yes, No, or Not sure/Undecided. The attribution and feminist identification questions were unrelated to our hypotheses for this study and are not further discussed.

Considering how loaded the word can be I find it weird it was included, and that the results were then omitted because it was unrelated to their hypothesis...? Okey Dokie.

 

[Rentahamster]

It's not enough that men are already having more orgasms than women.

Tell that to the people I have sex with...

 

[ahoyhoy]

"Thanks for making me cum sempai!"
"Yeah... Whatever"

 

[tuna_love]

Too bad over half of women don't ever achieve orgasm from men lol

just means over half of men arent toxic 👏👏

 

[BlueTsunami]

You cant help but feel a sense of male pride when your girl sprays all over the newly financed transitional styled couch. But I guess now you're expected to self reflect, mid squirt, stand back, palms out, and openly state "this is your orgasm" as she writhes around on this smart looking powder blue sectional.

 

[Ordinaryundone]

You cant help but feel a sense of male pride when your girl sprays all over the newly financed transitional styled couch. But I guess now you're expected to self reflect, mid squirt, stand back and openly state "this is your orgasm" as she writhes around on this smart looking powder blue sectional.

*cue To Zanarkand*

 

[Danis Saur]

Its 2017, and I ought to believe women still read these?

 

[Fulminator]

This article is dumb

Why wouldn't I like it when my partner comes? I want to make her feel good first and foremost. Any self esteem boosts are just a bonus.

 

[marrec]

You cant help but feel a sense of male pride when your girl sprays all over the newly financed transitional styled couch. But I guess now you're expected to self reflect, mid squirt, stand back, palms out, and openly state "this is your orgasm" as she writhes around on this smart looking powder blue sectional.

"It's just pee anyway"

 

[How About No]

Ok ladies hypothetical here, if your guy's feeling inadequate and you come home and he's holding a massive ribbed vibrator(or two) and screaming "but I just wanna make you feel good", is it time to run?

Asking for a friend

 

[Mineshaft_Gap]

No lies detected in article. Guys, it's nice you want to make your partner cum. Please don't take this the wrong way, but it absolutely lessens the enjoy ability of the experience if you turn a female orgasm into an achievement. Making your partner feel obligated/pressured to have an orgasm lest she damage your sensitive masculine ego isn't cool. Sometimes, it just isn't going to happen. That doesn't mean the woman doesn't/isn't deriving immense pleasure from the situation. Putting that sort pressure on your partner is kind of stealing the pleasure from your lady.

 

[Fulminator]

No lies detected in article. Guys, it's nice you want to make your partner cum. Please don't take this the wrong way, but it absolutely lessens the enjoy ability of the experience if you turn a female orgasm into an achievement. Making your partner feel obligated/pressured to have an orgasm lest she damage your sensitive masculine ego isn't cool. Sometimes, it just isn't going to happen. That doesn't mean the woman doesn't/isn't deriving immense pleasure from the situation.

Hm I can understand why trying to force an orgasm when it just isn't going to happen could be bad/annoying, didn't think about it that way.

I guess it's more about being respectful of this, not letting it affect the pleasure you get when they do cum, and not lettijg it reflect in your ego when they dont.

Or something like that?

 

[Servbot24]

No lies detected in article. Guys, it's nice you want to make your partner cum. Please don't take this the wrong way, but it absolutely lessens the enjoy ability of the experience if you turn a female orgasm into an achievement. Making your partner feel obligated/pressured to have an orgasm lest she damage your sensitive masculine ego isn't cool. Sometimes, it just isn't going to happen. That doesn't mean the woman doesn't/isn't deriving immense pleasure from the situation. Putting that sort pressure on your partner is kind of stealing the pleasure from your lady.

Do you have a solution to provide the problem? Perhaps a pill or something to help me to dislike making people feel good?

 

[Skiptastic]

This is actually an excellent point. Not that we can usually claim any equality in these conversations, that's kinda a real thing. Without getting into detail.

Indeed it is.

 

[ElectricBlanketFire]

So the female orgasm is more like an optional side quest and intercourse is the actual achievement?

Like, you can finish a shrine in Breath Of The Wild without getting all the treasure chests (orgasms). It's still satisfying just completing the shrine!

 

[Strangelove77]

So "I got mine" is the right mentality?

 

[jph139]

I find it weird how many people are posting dumb reactions in here. I assume they're not reading anything other than the title?

Like, making your partner feel good is important, but if that's not coming from a genuine place than you're not really accomplishing much. If you used to brag about how "I have sex with so many women all the time," and now you're bragging about "I give so many women orgasms all the time," that's not much of an improvement. Female pleasure exists as more than just an ego boost for the male psyche (and, it should go without saying, the reverse is also true, though as a man I can't really speak much for the female psyche).

When you make someone come, your immediate thought shouldn't be "I am great, I did good." That's a poor way to orient yourself.

 

[How About No]

So "I got mine" is the right mentality?

Relevant Louis CK bit

 

[JoeMartin]

So "I got mine" is the right mentality?

Nope, just passive aggressively remind her that while it may seem like everything past the two minute mark is for her it's actually just you using her body as a masturbation tool for your ego.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

Must.. stop.. making women orgasm.