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[Advocatus Diaboli]

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What's your point here?

I've seen guys who aren't traditionally attractive with women who you'd think would never give them the time of day. To dismiss confidence in attracting someone is just ridiculous.

He doesn't have a point. He just expected this thread was a narrative-supporting circlejerk. But, dear lord, that's not nearly as bad as the "I'm going to make her pay for ghosting me" guy.

Anyway: yes, the guys who are 6'4", rich, funny, packing a monster dong, speaking 8 languages fluently including Argentinian tango, and having a loving relationship with their moms and grandmothers are several steps ahead of us.

Is being < 6' a dealbreaker for some women? Yes. So's not being Jewish or having a college degree or being previously married.

But confidence really is key. Don't you guys understand that probably nearly everyone in this thread started as a clueless, simping fuckboy? We have the perspective y'all lack.

Also, my weekend:

Spoiler

highlights included being fought over by two Brazilians. Unfortunately they were both gay. But, those concerts were fucking excellent. I brought friends together. We drunk dialed our buddy (my boy's husband) in Afghanistan and made his night. The music was thumping. I learned I could go 48 hours without sleep and still not get hangovers. I can't wait to do this shit again. Why did I never live in my 20s?

Gotta pull myself together for my date tonight. Going to walk around a market, then back to my place.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Yup, we learned through failure and what we did learn was that what we were told by others was right and what we were thinking to ourselves was usually wrong.

 

[Subpar Scrub]

You don't always need a bed, just saying. If you two are down it'll work out one way or another.

With that being said don't stress, have fun. Dating is supposed to be fun, people forget that sometimes.

If it isn't a mix of overthinking and anxiety, is it really dating?

I guess I'll just continue trying to meet up with people in hopes something happens.

Thanks anyway.

"in hopes something happens" doesn't sound very confident, tbh. Which I get, I mean we're not all like that obviously, but you need to just own your height and work with it. Women who'd filter you out based solely on height probably aren't the ones you'd want to meet anyway, right?

Case in point- only one girl I know, a friend of a friend, mentioned to me at a party last year that height was a reason she would never date me (I never even asked her lol) but then later that night she was complaining about "getting hit on by fat dudes who won't even go to the gym to be over 6 feet for me". Yeah... it's exactly what it sounds like.

 

[ldar247]

What's your point here?

I've seen guys who aren't traditionally attractive with women who you'd think would never give them the time of day. To dismiss confidence in attracting someone is just ridiculous.

Bullshit, unless money or status was involved. No amount confidence is going to fix an ugly face or being a manlet. The lack of it might blow your chances if you're only 7-8/10, I'll give you that. But confidence + ugly face or manletisim = creep.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Bullshit, unless money or status was involved. No amount confidence is going to fix an ugly face or being a manlet. The lack of it might blow your chances if you're only 7-8/10, I'll give you that. But confidence + ugly face or manletisim = creep.

Yes, you know Miles' friends better than Miles himself.

Have fun being bitter and dying alone.

 

[AdventureRacing]

Bullshit, unless money or status was involved. No amount confidence is going to fix an ugly face or being a manlet. The lack of it might blow your chances if you're only 7-8/10, I'll give you that. But confidence + ugly face or manletisim = creep.

That's not true at all. I've seen plenty of people considered 'ugly' end up with attractive girlfriends and it wasn't because of status or money. I'm sure plenty of people will attest to that.

One things for sure, no matter how ugly you think you are there is someone even uglier who is successful with woman. Quit with the excuses and make the most of what you've got.

I'm not saying looks don't matter, they do. It just doesn't make impossible to date as so many imply. Furthermore most people who use it as a crutch usually arent as ugly as they think they are.

Edit: your attitude is a bigger turnoff than any ugly face.

 

[PancakeBurglar]

Bullshit, unless money or status was involved. No amount confidence is going to fix an ugly face or being a manlet. The lack of it might blow your chances if you're only 7-8/10, I'll give you that. But confidence + ugly face or manletisim = creep.

Then how about working towards looking better by hitting the gym, eating better, and dressing better among other things. We don't have complete control of how we look but instead of just acting defeated you can work towards bringing out the best of you. By working towards looking better you in turn improve your confidence which will help you find dates.

 

[Subpar Scrub]

Bullshit, unless money or status was involved. No amount confidence is going to fix an ugly face or being a manlet. The lack of it might blow your chances if you're only 7-8/10, I'll give you that. But confidence + ugly face or manletisim = creep.

That's total bullshit. I'm not the best looking dude, but through humour, feigning confidence and actually getting over myself and having a go, I've have managed to date girls who I initially thought were waaayyy out of my league.

Pat from two best friends is short, and he's dating Paige because he's a hilarious fucker amongst other things. There's people out there, and even if only 0.1% of people would date you or something ridiculous like that, you find your damn 0.1% son.

Spoiler

That being said, if only 0.1% of people would date you, there's probably work to be done.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Bullshit, unless money or status was involved. No amount confidence is going to fix an ugly face or being a manlet. The lack of it might blow your chances if you're only 7-8/10, I'll give you that. But confidence + ugly face or manletisim = creep.

and those "mail order brides" are going to choose you because...

 

[Azerare]

Yeah those posts on here have me scratching my head. Then you also got the people saying "hit the gym, get better clothes"... it still doesn't do anything about their looks.

 

[Subpar Scrub]

Yeah those posts on here have me scratching my head. Then you also got the people saying "hit the gym, get better clothes"... it still doesn't do anything about their looks.

Maybe not, but you need to do the best with the hand you're dealt. Short of facial augmentation surgery, there's not much you can do.

 

[Ray Wonder]

I see the point only in the facet that no amount of confidence is going to get someone to swipe right on you. And that being unattractive makes it tougher to date attractive people. Kinda just life.

 

[Messofanego]

Bullshit, unless money or status was involved. No amount confidence is going to fix an ugly face or being a manlet. The lack of it might blow your chances if you're only 7-8/10, I'll give you that. But confidence + ugly face or manletisim = creep.

Who the hell says "manlet". Oh, reddit self-hating losers.

With that kind of attitude, you're only sabotaging yourself even more. Who cares if some girl cares more about height or doesn't find you attractive? You don't want them, you want someone who accepts you for you. No point in fretting about things you can't change.

 

[PancakeBurglar]

Yeah those posts on here have me scratching my head. Then you also got the people saying "hit the gym, get better clothes"... it still doesn't do anything about their looks.

So just giving up and complaining that "I'm too ugly" is going to somehow make things better. Put in some effort to bring out the best version of yourself, defeatism isn't going to get you anywhere.

 

[Metroxed]

Who the hell says "manlet". Oh, reddit self-hating losers.

"Manlet" is a derogatory term that so far I had only seen on 4chan, reddit and the bodybuilding forums, always used with the intention of being demeaning. I'm actually saddened of seeing it being used so casually here as well.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Ugly people wouldn't exist if they weren't able to get laid.

Quit crying and try harder.

 

[ldar247]

Then how about working towards looking better by hitting the gym, eating better, and dressing better among other things. We don't have complete control of how we look but instead of just acting defeated you can work towards bringing out the best of you. By working towards looking better you in turn improve your confidence which will help you find dates.

Except I'm already doing all that. None of it will fix my recessed bones of course, only implants, filler and osteotomies can do that and I've been researching and saving up for those as well. All I (correctly) stated in my previous post was that confidence will not make up for being ugly. Recognizing that doesn't preclude someone from trying minimize their ugliness. But if I'm still sub 5 after doing all that, then it's 100% over and no amount of confidence in the world is going to change that.

 

[timetokill]

You keep saying filtered out as if that's an actual search option on these apps lol

There actually is, at least on Okcupid

 

[Peltz]

Yeah those posts on here have me scratching my head. Then you also got the people saying "hit the gym, get better clothes"... it still doesn't do anything about their looks.

There's always plastic surgery.

 

[LucidMomentum]

Summertime bringing out all types to this thread.

 

[Moose Biscuits]

Summertime bringing out all types to this thread.

I think you're right. It's too hot. Women wear less clothing when they're out in public. I am reminded that women are attractive in real life.

I hate summer. Autumn and Winter can't come about soon enough. That, or the nuclear winter that's been promised what with all this Korea business. Layers are good.

 

[Peltz]

I have a friend who struggles with confidence and can't get girls. And yes, it's true he isn't very attractive.

But I have another friend who is very overweight, balding, and is extremely generic looking who gets all the girls he wants. Why? Because his personality, sense of humor, and approach to meeting new people in general shows that he loves life and cares about those who are close to him. He's super nice and knows how to make everyone in the room feel comfortable.

He's loud and fun. And doesn't act that way for any reason other than the fact that he's comfortable with himself. He doesn't do it to get women, which is likely why they all like him.

Even girls I'm dating who meet him say "I want to set him up with my friend" because of how genuinely cool he is.

No one feels that way about my other friend because he's always down on himself and feels life is so unfair. He feels he's owed something and is fixated on trying to get a hot girl. And no girl will ever get with him as a result.

It really is about how you carry yourself. 100%. And if a girl doesn't like you because you aren't good looking enough then she never would have deserved you anyway. And if you're focused on a demographic of women who consistently ignore you, you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself why you're trying to get with those types of women.

If you're constantly chasing a type of woman that ends in rejection every time, then you're likely compensating for something you lack and are doing it for the wrong reasons.

So really, looks matter, yes, but not a whole lot in truth. Your mindset is the only thing that matters deep down.

 

[always crazy bacon]

I think this documentary is accurate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLSaIVPmVPM

 

[ldar247]

I think this documentary is accurate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLSaIVPmVPM

Than you agree with me? This is exactly what happens when an ugly guy tries to be confident.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Than you agree with me? This is exactly what happens when an ugly guy tries to be confident.

No, the opposite.

 

[Lemon Crest]

I don't understand the point of throwing a pity party over being "ugly".

If that's all what you're concerned about, then you're not even close to being in the right mindset to date.

 

[Lulubop]

I can't approach girls at a bar or club despite how well I do on these apps. Total confidence thing I can't shake off.

 

[Spaced Harrier]

I can't approach girls at a bar or club despite how well I do on these apps. Total confidence thing I can't shake off.

Just make conversation man. I started seeing a girl just because when I was nearby a girl bumped into her hard, spilled some of her drink and we made eye contact as if to say "what a fucking bitch". We talked briefly and to tell the truth I went to the bar got some drinks and went back to my friend.

Now in my mind I thought, ah should have said more but I soon forgot. On the way out the club my friend spotted her and she pointed her out again and I went up and asked if she'd seen the manage to protect her drinks for the rest of the night from the crazy bitch. It worked.

I didn't even manage it in one go lol.

If you're ugly, pubs will be easier than clubs, if you are able to speak coherently.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Pubs and clubs got a lot easier when they made all the smokers go outside into a smoking pen. Those places were great for talking with girls. Might not work if you don't smoke obvs...

 

[timetokill]

Okay, so I'm not the most beautiful guy in the world. I know this. I struggle with it, too.
If you feel like saying you're physically attractive is lying to yourself, then don't start there.

What are your good qualities? What good things would your friends say about you?

Stop thinking about the reasons why she shouldn't be with you, and think about the reasons why she should.

 

[Spaced Harrier]

That's a great point, learn how to smoke.

Your lungs won't thank you for it, but your cock will.

 

[Peltz]

I can't approach girls at a bar or club despite how well I do on these apps. Total confidence thing I can't shake off.

Just say "hi." Stick out you hand for a shake and say "I'm [insert first name here]."

It will work like... nearly every time. You don't even need a reason to do it. Just say "I wanted to come over and talk to you" if asked. Don't try to be "smooth" or anything. Just be yourself. If your nervous, you can even admit it to her.

Confidence isn't trying to appear being in control at all times. It's more about accepting the situation and being man enough to still be direct and truthful. No one wants to date a facade. They want someone relatable and truly confident in themselves.

Real confidence isn't about taking a risk and expecting a good outcome. Rather, it's about risk taking despite not knowing or caring what outcome will be. This is a very important distinction.

If you get rejected, guess what? Nothing bad will happen to you. Just move on with your night and don't take it personally. If not, congrats, you just met a new girl. That alone, is all you need to know to be confident when approaching random girls in any location - bar, park, starbucks, wherever.

 

[Lulubop]

I just can't do it, even if I'm smashed. I over think it. Sometimes they'll come up to me, that's way easier. It's something I really wanna work on however.

 

[Salamando]

Okay, so I'm not the most beautiful guy in the world. I know this. I struggle with it, too.
If you feel like saying you're physically attractive is lying to yourself, then don't start there.

What are your good qualities? What good things would your friends say about you?

Stop thinking about the reasons why she shouldn't be with you, and think about the reasons why she should.

If the dude's thinking he needs surgery and mail order brides, he needs therapy. Someone he respects who will call him out on his shit. We may do the latter, but we aren't the former.

 

[always crazy bacon]

I just can't do it, even if I'm smashed. I over think it. Sometimes they'll come up to me, that's way easier. It's something I really wanna work on however.

Don't think about anything other than the approach and greeting. If you do that, then that's a success. Nothing further than getting her number or a date (at that point). But if the apps are working for you seems like a lot of stress for nothing.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Real confidence isn't about taking a risk and expecting a good outcome. Rather, it's about risk taking despite not knowing or caring what outcome will be. This is a very important distinction.

same as what Peltz just said.

 

[brawly]

I can't approach girls at a bar or club despite how well I do on these apps. Total confidence thing I can't shake off.

Drink more. You need to hit that "fuck it, let's just do it" level.

 

[Messofanego]

I just can't do it, even if I'm smashed. I over think it. Sometimes they'll come up to me, that's way easier. It's something I really wanna work on however.

Yes, you can. It's literally just a few words. "Hi, my name is Lulubop. What's your name?" And then find some contextual conversation from there. Even if you overthink it or are drunk, there's not much to memorise.

 

[Llyranor]

You can read up stories about guys born without limbs finishing marathons or marrying beautiful wives. Or people disfigured by fire also getting married.

Yeah. Life isn't fair, but it's the only one you've got. Defeatism won't help you one bit.

 

[Lulubop]

I's like, If I know there's an initial physical attraction things are so much easier. That's why I can feel super confident going into an online date, being approached at a bar. You guys are right of course, it's just something I'll have to work on. Maybe the next time we're bar hoppin' at a NYC gaf meet up.

 

[vegohead]

I's like, If I know there's an initial physical attraction things are so much easier. That's why I can feel super confident going into an online date, being approached at a bar. You guys are right of course, it's just something I'll have to work on. Maybe the next time we're bar hoppin' at a NYC gaf meet up.

Yea man, getting that validation sure is something, I struggle with in person dating too. My issue is I'm not in the right mindset when I talk to women outside of dating websites. I act really formal in person for some reason, but on tinder and shit I unwind.

Doesn't really bother me right now since I gave up (broke) on dating for the time being. But I plan on initiating more when I'm ready to start dating again.

 

[Peltz]

I's like, If I know there's an initial physical attraction things are so much easier. That's why I can feel super confident going into an online date, being approached at a bar. You guys are right of course, it's just something I'll have to work on. Maybe the next time we're bar hoppin' at a NYC gaf meet up.

I'll be your wingman.

 

[Spaced Harrier]

I have a feeling and I could be wrong but I would take a guess that the thing you need to do the most is just Shut the Fuck Up.



Both internally in your mind and externally in what you say out loud.

You remind me of my housemate who just makes excuses for everything even when given strong advice by people who know better on a subject.


You absolutely can do it so don't listen to that Internal voice. Tell him to Shut the Fuck up!

 

[AdventureRacing]

Is that picture actually of the poster in question? I mean sure he's not a 10 but he's hardly so hideous that it would make dating impossible. People far uglier than that have no problems getting dates.

Put some effort into your presentation (like actually do something with your hair). Work out, stay fit and dress nicely.

I'll say the same thing i always see to posters like that. It's far more likely that your incredibly negative attitude is turning people off than your looks. Yes I know like every single other negative poster who has ever posted in this thread I'm sure you only act that way online and no one can pick up on it in person. Truth is people pick up on that stuff quickly and whilst you might not think people notice they probably do.

 

[gaiages]

...

 

[Ledbetter]

Well, after being together almost 7 years, last year my ex-gf broke up with me. After like 3 months feeling like shit, I started going to the gym (which is something I really look forward to do the days I train) and signed up to classical guitar classes at my college. I gradually started feeling better, so I set up Tinder and Bumble. At the beginning I've had a few amount of matches, but now is like a desert haha.

Anyway, yesterday I went to my first first date after the one I went with my ex-gf when I was fucking 14 years old. At the beginning of course I felt nervous, but then I started to relax and it ended up being a nice day. Probably have to wait until the next weekend to go out again because I'm very busy with finals and she has the exam to get into college too. Also waiting to go out with another girl that wants to watch a football game next weekend, but let's see what happens.

I feel kinda weird honestly haha, life is changing on all fronts, but if there is anything you have taught me, is that 22 is still pretty young. So here's my point: I've been following this thread closely but never posted anything, because most of the advice you gave to other users helped me too, so thanks for that! And also thanks to the guys that post creepy stuff, you have really made me laugh.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

...

Needs more Spicey.

Just had a date leave. Hooked up and she wanted to go further, but I'm not taking the risk. Plus I'm not really sure if I want to see her again. I'm just not feeling "it," although I'd totally be friends with her. We'll see.

 

[GK86]

This thread has gone places.

 

[Spaced Harrier]

but I'm not taking the risk.

Eh?

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Eh?

I don't sleep with people I'm not in some kind of relationship with, even if it's informal. Basically, no randos. Part of it's not wanting any baby drama; another part is that I feel it's kinda harder to separate if there's been sex. She was quite satisfied, though.

I realize this is a weird line to take. I imagine we all have our lines, though.