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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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Llyranor

Member
She doesn't want roommates to hear you guys, but she's ok with her mom hearing? Good luck with the mom as baggage.

Are YOU ok with the mom as a roommate in this future? It will be like the reverse of your present situation (which she already finds unacceptable) but infinitely more intrusive.
 
She doesn't want roommates to hear you guys, but she's ok with her mom hearing? Good luck with the mom as baggage.

Are YOU ok with the mom as a roommate in this future? It will be like the reverse of your present situation (which she already finds unacceptable) but infinitely more intrusive.

I'm cool with that. Family is one of the most important things in the world. I grew up with my grandmother living with us because my dad had to take care of her.

I don't think it's that odd.
 

vegohead

Member
Welp, coffee and bagels date went bad. For one, she looked nothing like her pictures and two, our personalities are completely different. Sucks.

Giving the app one more chance, I've been talking with a 10/10 match and we're going out for coffee next week. I think I'm more stressed out about her actually matching her profile than the date lol.
 

War Peaceman

You're a big guy.
I'm cool with that. Family is one of the most important things in the world. I grew up with my grandmother living with us because my dad had to take care of her.

I don't think it's that odd.

it is very weird to sleep in the same room as your mother beyond the age of like 5.

it is even weirder to want to be in that position
 
I agree with Bacon. It may be an asian thing.

I have a Thai friend who makes about 80k. Lives with his parents, sister and two nephews in a 1 bedroom in bellflower. They basically just lay mattresses on the ground in the bedroom.

They do it to save money. He wants to own his own business and saves all his money.
 
Any ideas for a first date around toronto or north york?

Plan is to meet halfway which would be north york. I can drive there

But toronto is where the good stuff is at so Id have to bus.

Am I overthinking or is a simple drinks date good enough?
 

TheBear

Member
Meet up.com looks great, thanks for the suggestion! There's actually some cool stuff that I would want to get involved with anyway so it's great I can enjoy myself whilst trying to forget my woes lol.

Also, going to be in San Diego and Cabo for 4 nights at each place. Mate of mine reckons I should get on Tinder premium and try and arrange some dates ahead of time. Thoughts? Is it common for people to have tinder profiles setup whilst on holiday?
 
Since I'm not familiar with the cultural aspect you are referring and can only look at through an American lens, could you explain the cultural part of it?

I had a living situation a couple of years ago in China where there was myself and another English guy and our Chinese girlfriends all sharing one apartment. Both the girls were conscious about the other hearing hearing them having sex. There were solid concrete walls and if we were both in the bedrooms you really could not hear anything. Myself and my friend didn't care, he'd sit in his room sometimes watching porn that I could hear when I was in the living room it didn't bother me.
The girls didn't like sharing the bathroom, or more specifically sharing a towel or facecloth that someone else might have used. I'd often find those put in the wash even though those towels were new and fresh just because one of the girls had left it in the bathroom instead of taking it into the bedroom and somebody might have used it while it was left in the bathroom. Ironically they had no problem sharing each other clothes. Culturally it comes down to "these things" are considered dirty and "these things" are considered clean and they are different compared to westerners. For example feet are considered dirty.

Next living with the mother. My ex wifes mother (Chinese) lived with us for a while. It was OK and was like having my own mother living with me, she'd treat me like a son and wash my clothes, cook, clean while I was away at work. She gave us space in the evenings and would stay in her room after dinner usually. I did have to buy her her own TV for her room as she would take over the living room TV watching Chinese soaps and some of those would last for a couple hours and all the actor performances had the emotions dialed up to 10. There were only 2 things I would consider downsides, her not locking the bathroom door, like ever. Also if I did something that annoyed my wife, I'd get the nagging in stereo from the pair of them.

Chinese women will share beds when it's practical, when my ex wifes mother when to stay in England they would share the bed and my son would stay in his bed. Just last weekend my wife had a friend stay with her in our apartment in the city when her friend needed to catch a plane early the next day and our apartment is near the airport. It's just a normal thing.

Now this is based on China and Megas girlfriend is not Chinese (I forget, philippines?). But her living arrangements make sense to me.
 

petertheb

Neo Member
Any ideas for a first date around toronto or north york?

Plan is to meet halfway which would be north york. I can drive there

But toronto is where the good stuff is at so Id have to bus.

Am I overthinking or is a simple drinks date good enough?
Search putting edge on Google and see if they have a location in the area. I've never had a girl not enjoy herself mini golfing. If she's already done it, try the comedy club at yonge and Eglinton. Cozy place, there's a bar.,pool and they serve food while you watch the show
 
Sounds like you went through something similar?
Anyway, I'm actually just looking forward to this new chapter in my life. I could dwell on a lot of things but I'm choosing to be positive about this change.
You may be right in that I should go solo, but I can always try it out for a few months first and see how it goes as I won't be committed. Any tips on joining social circles in your local area? Like, are you contacting friends for beers or do you just head to the pub? Kinda hoping I can just cruise down to the pub and make friends
Yeah I went through a similar thing. Broke up after nearly 8 years. I was pretty destroyed. At least you are looking towards this next chapter with a positive attitude. Thats a good start. Couldnt hurt to give what you want to do a try. Do what you want now. Nothing is stopping you. Just giving my two cents. Who knows, I might have been better off had I not gone to being alone right away.

I hit up some of my single friends for drinks but most of my close friends are either married or in serious relationships busy rasing kids and ahit so they dont have time to be coming out with me.

I would say the majority of time I go to a pub by myself and just start talking to people. Ive met so many people this summer alone so far. Had so many good times. I'm a bit closed off from making too many close friends these days but I have made quite a few new aquaintances who I can call up if I am heading out and want some company for a pint and food on a patio on a nice day.

Been going to the gym a lot the last year and feel in the best physical shape since my early 20's. That has helped a lot with the self esteem and shit. I think I have found a good balance of gym, work, meeting friends for social times and just going out on my own adventures.

I do get carried away a bit sometimes and party a bit too much but eh. Its summer and Ive missed out on a lot over the last 8 years.

Good luck man.

beware of the younger girls lol
 
Has anyone ever felt so conflicted with someone they're not attracted to? I mean coming from having zero experience in anything dating/relationship related, I have this person who seems very interested, will respond to messages ASAP, has asked me out a couple of times (bad timing killed it rather than lack of interest bc I'm working crazy long hours and pass out once I head home), we're both deaf and use CIs so there's some commonality there, and the killer for me is no physical reaction to her the way I felt with other women. Yet, she's the only person I know in the past 7 years who's given me this kind of attention and interest when none of my interests reciprocated...
 
Has anyone ever felt so conflicted with someone they're not attracted to? I mean coming from having zero experience in anything dating/relationship related, I have this person who seems very interested, will respond to messages ASAP, has asked me out a couple of times (bad timing killed it rather than lack of interest bc I'm working crazy long hours and pass out once I head home), we're both deaf and use CIs so there's some commonality there, and the killer for me is no physical reaction to her the way I felt with other women. Yet, she's the only person I know in the past 7 years who's given me this kind of attention and interest when none of my interests reciprocated...

Do not do it. If you are not feeling it, you're not feeling it. In the long run, you'll only be hurting her and yourself.

You can't force attraction.
 
4th date tonight with a girl and I've decided to pursue her for a relationship. Had a great evening grabbing drinks and mexican food then watching horror movies. Second time having sex with her too which is always a plus. She works two jobs and is pretty busy yet she still finds time to see me, going to spend the night at her place Friday after her closing shift then grab breakfast in the morning. It may be early but I've lost my motivation to see other women.
 
Do not do it. If you are not feeling it, you're not feeling it. In the long run, you'll only be hurting her and yourself.

You can't force attraction.

Idk. Attraction can grow. Love can be built through shared experiences.

I say there's no harm in giving it an honest try. Just make sure you don't commit too strongly before you're more sure.
 

Xun

Member
I'm spending time with the Romanian girl this weekend (she's briefly back in London), but unfortunately she doesn't return properly until the 20th September.

Depending on how it all goes I may make things official, but we shall see.

The 2 months she was away flew by...
 
Welp, coffee and bagels date went bad. For one, she looked nothing like her pictures and two, our personalities are completely different. Sucks.

Giving the app one more chance, I've been talking with a 10/10 match and we're going out for coffee next week. I think I'm more stressed out about her actually matching her profile than the date lol.
Always request for a recent full body pic. If they get hesitant, either they're insecure or they're more than their pictures say. No harm in asking.
 

TheBear

Member
Yeah I went through a similar thing. Broke up after nearly 8 years. I was pretty destroyed. At least you are looking towards this next chapter with a positive attitude. Thats a good start. Couldnt hurt to give what you want to do a try. Do what you want now. Nothing is stopping you. Just giving my two cents. Who knows, I might have been better off had I not gone to being alone right away.

I hit up some of my single friends for drinks but most of my close friends are either married or in serious relationships busy rasing kids and ahit so they dont have time to be coming out with me.

I would say the majority of time I go to a pub by myself and just start talking to people. Ive met so many people this summer alone so far. Had so many good times. I'm a bit closed off from making too many close friends these days but I have made quite a few new aquaintances who I can call up if I am heading out and want some company for a pint and food on a patio on a nice day.

Been going to the gym a lot the last year and feel in the best physical shape since my early 20's. That has helped a lot with the self esteem and shit. I think I have found a good balance of gym, work, meeting friends for social times and just going out on my own adventures.

I do get carried away a bit sometimes and party a bit too much but eh. Its summer and Ive missed out on a lot over the last 8 years.

Good luck man.

beware of the younger girls lol

Hey mate thanks for sharing. I feel like I have a lot to make up for also. And I am definitely not going to heed your advice lol.
 

Llyranor

Member
Has anyone ever felt so conflicted with someone they're not attracted to? I mean coming from having zero experience in anything dating/relationship related, I have this person who seems very interested, will respond to messages ASAP, has asked me out a couple of times (bad timing killed it rather than lack of interest bc I'm working crazy long hours and pass out once I head home), we're both deaf and use CIs so there's some commonality there, and the killer for me is no physical reaction to her the way I felt with other women. Yet, she's the only person I know in the past 7 years who's given me this kind of attention and interest when none of my interests reciprocated...

Do not do it. If you are not feeling it, you're not feeling it. In the long run, you'll only be hurting her and yourself.

You can't force attraction.

Idk. Attraction can grow. Love can be built through shared experiences.

I say there's no harm in giving it an honest try. Just make sure you don't commit too strongly before you're more sure.

Well, yes, 'attraction can grow', but OP is coming from a place where the only reason he's considering this person is because she's the only one who's giving him attention. That's really not a good place to start, at all.
 

Peltz

Member
I'm cool with that. Family is one of the most important things in the world. I grew up with my grandmother living with us because my dad had to take care of her.

I don't think it's that odd.
I agree with you. I'd have a sick parent or grandparent move in too.
 

dochuge

Member
Girl (from Instagram) brought up the exclusivity talk a few days ago, and we got into a relationship.
I was happy because that's what I also wanted, then I deleted Tinder, etc.

Today she texted me, cancelled all our weekend plans and said that she wants to talk.
Of course I already knew what's up, I went to her place, she said that she doesn't feel it and we... broke up.

I'm a bit sad as I did like her, but more like WTF just happened.

Already back into the game, but strange.

I feel bad for you dude but want you to know you aren't alone. It happened to me. I was so attracted to her too, blonde hair, blue eyes, bubbly and cute. And she asked ME to be exclusive. I thought I'd hit the lottery. I drove home from our date literally buzzed. And then..... she never saw me again. Made plans and she canceled on me saying she was sick. She barely texted too. Like what the fuck? I'm figuring I was a pawn in some game she was playing. Like this gave her leverage over the guy she really wanted to be with. I confronted her and she said she was moving back to Texas. Found her on Facebook a few months later and low and behold she's got recent pictures of her at local locations.
 

gaiages

Banned
I feel bad for you dude but want you to know you aren't alone. It happened to me. I was so attracted to her too, blonde hair, blue eyes, bubbly and cute. And she asked ME to be exclusive. I thought I'd hit the lottery. I drove home from our date literally buzzed. And then..... she never saw me again. Made plans and she canceled on me saying she was sick. She barely texted too. Like what the fuck? I'm figuring I was a pawn in some game she was playing. Like this gave her leverage over the guy she really wanted to be with. I confronted her and she said she was moving back to Texas. Found her on Facebook a few months later and low and behold she's got recent pictures of her at local locations.

You probably shouldn't Facebook stalk people, it'll make you bitter.
 

Astral

Member
So I had a ton of sexy talk last night with a girl I matched with on Tinder. We're hooking up tonight supposedly. The thing is, she's extremely submissive. She likes being called names, being "owned," thrown around, slapped, choked all of that. I'm all for hair-pulling, biting, and spanking, and have even clamped clothes pins on a girl, but I'm not sure I can go as far as she wants me to. It would feel uncomfortable. I mean she wants me to slap her in the face. I can't do that! I faked most of it last night while we were texting and idk how much I can fake in person. Part of me doesn't wanna go because of it. Anyone ever been with someone extremely submissive like this?
 

dochuge

Member
You probably shouldn't Facebook stalk people, it'll make you bitter.

I'm not bitter, just curious. I actually just looked again and she's in the same city she lived in when we were meeting a few years ago. So she clearly lied to me and I don't have time for liars.
 
So I had a ton of sexy talk last night with a girl I matched with on Tinder. We're hooking up tonight supposedly. The thing is, she's extremely submissive. She likes being called names, being "owned," thrown around, slapped, choked all of that. I'm all for hair-pulling, biting, and spanking, and have even clamped clothes pins on a girl, but I'm not sure I can go as far as she wants me to. It would feel uncomfortable. I mean she wants me to slap her in the face. I can't do that! I faked most of it last night while we were texting and idk how much I can fake in person. Part of me doesn't wanna go because of it. Anyone ever been with someone extremely submissive like this?

That sounds... extreme. I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all. But I'm pretty vanilla.
 
So I had a ton of sexy talk last night with a girl I matched with on Tinder. We're hooking up tonight supposedly. The thing is, she's extremely submissive. She likes being called names, being "owned," thrown around, slapped, choked all of that. I'm all for hair-pulling, biting, and spanking, and have even clamped clothes pins on a girl, but I'm not sure I can go as far as she wants me to. It would feel uncomfortable. I mean she wants me to slap her in the face. I can't do that! I faked most of it last night while we were texting and idk how much I can fake in person. Part of me doesn't wanna go because of it. Anyone ever been with someone extremely submissive like this?
Just mention you're fine with everything else but not slapping, sorry. If she goes after you about being uncomfortable about it, then she can take a hike.
 
So I had a ton of sexy talk last night with a girl I matched with on Tinder. We're hooking up tonight supposedly. The thing is, she's extremely submissive. She likes being called names, being "owned," thrown around, slapped, choked all of that. I'm all for hair-pulling, biting, and spanking, and have even clamped clothes pins on a girl, but I'm not sure I can go as far as she wants me to. It would feel uncomfortable. I mean she wants me to slap her in the face. I can't do that! I faked most of it last night while we were texting and idk how much I can fake in person. Part of me doesn't wanna go because of it. Anyone ever been with someone extremely submissive like this?
If you're not willing to try it, you should tell her beforehand because she's going to expect you to be into choking her with a dead cat.

She sounds cool af btw.
 

Scotch

Member
I'm not bitter, just curious. I actually just looked again and she's in the same city she lived in when we were meeting a few years ago. So she clearly lied to me and I don't have time for liars.
It appears you have time to look them up on Facebook, though.
 

MogCakes

Member
Sometimes people get cold feet after appearing to commit. Commitment issues are a very real thing with everybody. Especially in today's 'always someone better' world of dating.
 

Peltz

Member
It appears you have time to look them up on Facebook, though.
So? The dude was curious.

Here's what happened, dochuge: she wanted to see if she could nab you, but didn't really want the commitment in truth. It was all about the pursuit. She got you then lost interest.

In other words, she used you because she lacks self esteem. And is a loser. And wanted to feel like a winner.

Don't let someone like that drag you down. She's a shitty person with bad intentions. She never wanted a commitment. She just wanted the temporary high of having someone be into her 100%. When she got that, she realized she can't chase the next high if she stayed with you so she bailed.

There's your closure.
 

Astral

Member
That sounds... extreme. I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all. But I'm pretty vanilla.

Just mention you're fine with everything else but not slapping, sorry. If she goes after you about being uncomfortable about it, then she can take a hike.

If you're not willing to try it, you should tell her beforehand because she's going to expect you to be into choking her with a dead cat.

She sounds cool af btw.

Meh. She didn't hit me up till right now because she works nights and I guess was sleeping the whole day. It's too late. I don't wanna do shit and I wanna get up early tomorrow. Actually I don't think I wanna have sex with her at all. I've been trying to figure out why. She's hot but maybe I'm still not attracted to her? Or maybe I just don't feel like hooking up with anyone. The feeling comes and goes but maybe deep down I just don't wanna do that shit. I'm not interested enough to date her either. I feel like a fool. I could be missing out on the craziest sex of my life but I just don't wanna do it.
 

Jintor

Member
So I guess I'm feeling a bit better now

Might give it another weekend as I wrap up my job and then maybe find out what this online dating thing is all about
 

ahdurian

Member
Question for y'all.

In terms of dating apps, where you can "Like" or "Smile" on a person rather than messaging them right away (ala OKCupid), does it seem more logical to "Like" or "Smile" first, and see if they do the same before messaging, or ore logical to "Like" or "Smile", and message at the same time?

I don't know...it's probably because i'm probably insecure, but i feel like the second one is kinda offputting / pushy, so i end up doing the former
 

LNBL

Member
Hot damn, I had a "My breakup thought me a valuable lesson" moment with this girl i was seeing for a month now, which is identifying red flags and knowing when to bail out.
 

Seirith

Member
She has that whole filial piety thing though. She's the oldest cold, so she has to take care of her mom. She cant move out. And I'd we were to move in or even get married, I suspect mom would be there too

If she doesn't want ANYONE to hear you have sex, how would you and her live with her mother if you were to ever get serious/married? Would you never have sex?
 

Ralemont

not me
Question for y'all.

In terms of dating apps, where you can "Like" or "Smile" on a person rather than messaging them right away (ala OKCupid), does it seem more logical to "Like" or "Smile" first, and see if they do the same before messaging, or ore logical to "Like" or "Smile", and message at the same time?

I don't know...it's probably because i'm probably insecure, but i feel like the second one is kinda offputting / pushy, so i end up doing the former

Likes aren't really a useful indicator and unless they are paying for A-List they won't know you liked them anyway. Just send them a message, you can even skip Liking them at all.

Trust me it's not pushy to send a good message regardless of whether they've liked you or not.
 

Salamando

Member
Question for y'all.

In terms of dating apps, where you can "Like" or "Smile" on a person rather than messaging them right away (ala OKCupid), does it seem more logical to "Like" or "Smile" first, and see if they do the same before messaging, or ore logical to "Like" or "Smile", and message at the same time?

I don't know...it's probably because i'm probably insecure, but i feel like the second one is kinda offputting / pushy, so i end up doing the former

Just message.

Liking/smiling is an extra step. Most girls' inboxes are inundated with messages already, they don't need to use the like system to get attention. Make yourself stand out by sending a short message that makes it seem like you give a shit (IE not "hey" or "whats up". Express interest in them, in one of their interests, and try to start a conversation).
 
I'm sure this is fairly common on here, but I'm s gonna ask.

Need advice on what to talk about with a girl I sit next to in class. Im not nervous about approaching people generally, I just have shifty follow up convos (I also very quiet generally) I could say hi to the girl, but then I'd have nothing to say after. What to do I talk about?
 
I'm sure this is fairly common on here, but I'm s gonna ask.

Need advice on what to talk about with a girl I sit next to in class. Im not nervous about approaching people generally, I just have shifty follow up convos (I also very quiet generally) I could say hi to the girl, but then I'd have nothing to say after. What to do I talk about?

When in doubt, ask a question about her. You take a class together. That is what, 6 hours a week of shared experiences. I am sure you can find something to use as an excuse
 
A friend of mine recently cheated on his significant other, and began dating the girl he cheated with.

I was pretty disgusted by this, and when I called him out he got mad at me and said that I just don't understand.

Can someone else give me a different perspective on this? Do these relationships tend to work out, and was this actually for the best?
 
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