Dude might be. A vindictive ex would just do that. Had she nuked the dating app from the get go, I would have been more inclined to believe that. Now its a toss up without proof.
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Just found out my girlfriend is cheating on me
- Thread starter kittoo
- Start date
Jaguar Victory
Member
SapientWolf
Trucker Sexologist
If she's still on the app she's probably going to dump you regardless. She's clearly shopping around. You're just there in case the other prospects don't work out.
It's not a tossup. Human beings aren't that complicated. The simplest explanation is often the correct one.
That proof is only important to you so you know you're leaving for the right reason. No need to complicate the breakup with evidence.
Be clear and concise, then walk away, head held high and your mind on more important things, like your future without a cheater girlfriend
Actually, one of my housemates had a girl contact her that her boyfriend cheated on her. There were some iffy parts in the story upon further questions. Eventually, via fb, other people became involved (all from the same study), reporting she was wrong. It turned out the girl was lying, and likely jealous because she was turned down by the boyfriend of my housemate. So the bf didn't actually cheat.
Humans can be complicated, though I imagine situations like these are way more rare than the common occurrence of cheating. And I know far more people who have cheated or have been cheated upon.
Ops sister told him about it.
Jezbollah
Member
So after 1 and a half years you only just got to meet her family and don't live with each other?
Sorry to be so blunt OP, but I strongly suspect you overvalued your relationship with her and she undervalued it with you. The fact they've been dating for a while under your nose proves this.
Cut all ties, take the loss, learn some lessons and move on.
Sorry to be so blunt OP, but I strongly suspect you overvalued your relationship with her and she undervalued it with you. The fact they've been dating for a while under your nose proves this.
Cut all ties, take the loss, learn some lessons and move on.
Jaguar Victory
Member
Hopefully OP wasn't paying any bills.
dickroach
Member
this is extremely normal
Kain-Nosgoth
Member
the heck, i wouldn't live with someone after only one years.... this is the most normal thing ever! And meeting family, it depends, that can vary from a lot of things
dickroach
Member
yeah, that's definitely weird
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
kittoo I don't want to rush you but I am extremely bored
Status report
Status report
Red Liquorice
Member
As a lot of people are saying - DON'T confront her this way. She is the one who cheated, you saying you know about it is enough. Presenting evidence like she's on trial is just going to give her ammunition to turn it around on you - that you're a creep and spying on her blah, blah. That will be what she uses to break up with you when you confront her because she will be on the defensive, and what she tells other people about why she broke up with you, and why she was seeing other people in the first place, because it will give her the sympathy angle.
Just tell her you know and that it's over.
StarCreator
Member
OP doesn't reside in the US so I'm not sure what this has to do with it, but in the US it's not unthinkable the parents would be up to a five hour flight away. The further the distance, the less likely a meet the parents thing will happen unless things are really serious.
If I had the information that he doesnt reside in the US, I would not have asked, unless I know otherwise, I assume every poster on NeoGAF is american.
Vivalaraza
Member
OP said their families met specifically for marriage purposes. Unless he assumed that and those conversations only took place in his head - I don't think he's over valued anything and simply taken things at face value.
OP lives somewhere in Asia (I think subcontinent) where this kind of approach is perfectly normal and common. It's even common amongst those communities in the West.
Of course his girlfriend (ex) valued his relationship differently. However GAF has natural inclinations toward western norms such as multi year relationships and living together before marriage but those are pretty alien concepts in other parts of the world.
sephiroth7x
Member
The way I have read your 'vent' OP suggests that there is no reason for anyone to lie here (Not your sister or this 'other' man) but I do believe you need to have it out with her and find out 100% the truth.
I only suggest this because not knowing the truth could potentially eat you up a bit. It did with me, because I felt so betrayed I wanted to know what the hell had gone on and when. (This could be a me thing though).
What I will say is that, unless there is a miraculous situation where your 'girlfriend' hasn't cheated on you and this is all fabricated by a Twisted Sister or a jealous rival, the relationship will be knocked off the rails completely. You wouldn't be able to trust her without doubt anymore, and as sad as it is to say, most relationships don't survive these kind of things...
Best bet... find out the truth... walk away.
I only suggest this because not knowing the truth could potentially eat you up a bit. It did with me, because I felt so betrayed I wanted to know what the hell had gone on and when. (This could be a me thing though).
What I will say is that, unless there is a miraculous situation where your 'girlfriend' hasn't cheated on you and this is all fabricated by a Twisted Sister or a jealous rival, the relationship will be knocked off the rails completely. You wouldn't be able to trust her without doubt anymore, and as sad as it is to say, most relationships don't survive these kind of things...
Best bet... find out the truth... walk away.
This.
SonicXtreme
Member
cheaters don't give 'explanations' or 'motives'
sephiroth7x
Member
True... but I wouldn't personally have been able to walk away without at least asking why. Shit like that eats me up...
BuddyTheBestPuppy
Member
Lol
Alter_Fridge
Member
Being single is infinitely easier
Kitbash
Member
Do you often marry people you don't have basic day-to-day conversations with?
Enter The 36 Chambers
Member
Marriage talk after 1.5 years? And rhe other few dude mentioned getting married as well? Wtf??
Making friends on tindr is the biggest fucking red flag I've ever heard man.
Break it off and learn some lessons from this.
Making friends on tindr is the biggest fucking red flag I've ever heard man.
Break it off and learn some lessons from this.
Bananajama
Banned
No dude that I know is on tinder to make friends
I agree in this situation shenanigans like that are extremely unlikely (especially since she still uses that dating app, a red flag right there to me), I was specifically replying to the notion people aren't complicated in these matters.
Furthermore, the guy approached OP's sister. Sister obviously doesn't lie, but if I were OP I'd at least want to talk to the dude to hear his story. If only to inform him on the situation as well, because he likely may be in a similar position.
MisterR
Member
A year and a half is plenty enough time to get to know someone. How long do some of you think people should date before deciding on marriage?
Why would you assume every poster on NeoGAF is American? Regardless of the percentage, it's a bit presumptuous.
Same here. The overwhelming majority of people end up disappointing their loved one in a relationship, that much is true. Thinking about relationship now seems like willfully, inevitably letting some person hurt me big time. In my mind there is no scenario where I wouldn't get cheated on at some point so my enthusiasm to enter a romatic relationship is somewhat...low.
It might be a bollocks explanation but it'll be one nonetheless. Help with closure and help him to move on
Enter The 36 Chambers
Member
"That's why I don't do relationships"
Is such bullshit. You've either just had shitty relationships or more than likely never had one.
Is such bullshit. You've either just had shitty relationships or more than likely never had one.
Jezbollah
Member
It's not. At all. Especially when you're considering marriage.
Being alien to your other halves family for that long means you have never spent any festive periods, birthdays, other celebrations or other family gatherings together.
That is a sure fire sign that there is something wrong with the relationship.
I had a similar problem a last week
Found out girl was dating someone else when i gave her the ticket for a concert and she dedicated the songs to other guy and put it in Instagram. After that i actually tried to forgive her, we moved on, but shee kept seeing the guy.
I find out that she invite him to all of the college degree acts, even though i was the one who pay for his college Thesis, i payed at least 2 or 3 semesters, i drive her everyday to his home.
In fact, i remember that when she was doing the thesis, his uncle got sick. I drive her everyday to college, to home, to the hospital, to college, to home. 2 months later after that some guys enter her house and stole everything from her, so i payed for clothes, bought her a new phone...etc.
Later, i give her money to leave the country (my money from work). A few weeks later (last week) i found everything about the guy and what she was doing.
Worst parts is...she still have my money, two little dogs i love and i don't think its fair for me not being able to see them, and a fuck ton of feelings broken. I even bought a fucking ring to propose her on her birthday (october 23)
You guys think OP has a trouble? i lost almost everything for a single women. I was with her with 4 years (from start to finish of college). And she was actually dating the guy from a year ago, i didn't knew. I don't know if i am too much of a good guy, or just a fool
Found out girl was dating someone else when i gave her the ticket for a concert and she dedicated the songs to other guy and put it in Instagram. After that i actually tried to forgive her, we moved on, but shee kept seeing the guy.
I find out that she invite him to all of the college degree acts, even though i was the one who pay for his college Thesis, i payed at least 2 or 3 semesters, i drive her everyday to his home.
In fact, i remember that when she was doing the thesis, his uncle got sick. I drive her everyday to college, to home, to the hospital, to college, to home. 2 months later after that some guys enter her house and stole everything from her, so i payed for clothes, bought her a new phone...etc.
Later, i give her money to leave the country (my money from work). A few weeks later (last week) i found everything about the guy and what she was doing.
Worst parts is...she still have my money, two little dogs i love and i don't think its fair for me not being able to see them, and a fuck ton of feelings broken. I even bought a fucking ring to propose her on her birthday (october 23)
You guys think OP has a trouble? i lost almost everything for a single women. I was with her with 4 years (from start to finish of college). And she was actually dating the guy from a year ago, i didn't knew. I don't know if i am too much of a good guy, or just a fool
Always-honest
Banned
Edit: i was wrong! Somebody made up a story.
yeah she is spreading her chances.
Get out!
WTF?!
yeah she is spreading her chances.
Get out!
WTF?!
Enter The 36 Chambers
Member
Different priorities for different people and all that. Can't help the fact that I'm personally put off by the idea of romantic relationships.
#notallcheaters
Because I am one. A cheater. Not proud, but I am. I still explained myself to her because she deserved that and it is the decent thing to do. If you dont, theres something more wrong than just leaving. Karma is a bitch and I havent had a steady relationship for 7 years.
Keeping the app, keeping contact, keeping things are a bad sign. The worst kind.
You sir are a good man. And keep being a good man. You did nothing wrong. You maybe did not see what was happening but why would you? Everyone trusts people they love. Dont lose that trust for other even if you lost it for her.
MatrixMan.EXE
Member
OP, are you mad? Fuck this girl, she doesn't deserve talk. Drop her ass and go no contact. Don't let her treat you like some fuck boy. End it clean and fast.
kittoo
Cretinously credulous
Update GAF.
Went over to her place. Asked her calmly as to who is DK (the other guy). She says she knows him. I asked her how they met she said the dating app. On asking when she said either a little before she met me or after, she wasnt sure. She said they met twice. Once in the beginning once a couple months back when they were in the same mall and he kept asking her to meet.
She showed me the chats on Whatsapp and Fb (the first thing I checked was the app, she doesnt have it anymore). It was mostly him msging her frequently and she ignoring him, though it didnt seem antagonistic from her side either.
Her side of the story was that they met long back and she didnt like him but the guy kept pestering her about meeting and dating and taking things to the next level etc. Post that they only met once a couple of months back.
She then called the guy and kept me on speaker. It went something like this-
Her: "Hi. Did you have chat with a friend of mine?"
Him: "Yeah. Wait I will call you back."
Disconnects the phone. Doesnt call back. So she kept calling him. After 3-4 times he picks up again.
Him:"You've never called me before and now suddenly so many calls. What happened?"
Her:"Why did you tell my friend that we were dating?"
Him"We met one or two times. What else should I call it? Ok wait."
Puts us on call waiting for a long time. Then we disconnected.
After a while my sister messages me that now he is asking her why she told my gf about him claiming to date her etc. My sister tells me to call him once again and clarify everything he said, like my gf saying she is single and flirting with him etc. So we called again. Again he doesnt pick for a while but then does.
Her:"Hi. So why did you tell my friend that I was flirting with you?"
Him"I didnt say that."
Her:"Then what did you say?"
Him:"I just said that I saw her and your pics together and that I like you. Thats it."
Her:"And you said nothing like I was flirting with you or that I was single?"
Him:"No."
Her:"When I told you that I am thinking of marrying a guy and my parents are meeting him, then why are you still telling my friend all this?"
Him:"I only said I like you. Nothing else."
At this point we disconnected the call. There was no point. The guy wasnt going to accept he lied about anything.
So looks like the guy was lying. We still did have a chat about her keeping the dating app in her phone after we met, and she gave the same explanation that she used to talk to a couple of guys who had become her friends over there. Nevertheless she agreed it looks wrong and that she had deleted the app long back and had no plans of doing any such thing.
At that particular time I didnt have any reason to think she was lying, until unless she is such a master liar that somehow managed the whole situation to her benefit, despite me showing up suddenly and giving her no chance of even touching her phone before this went down. The app wasnt there. The chats were clean. The guy was called and situation clarified.
Looked like things were OK.
Then, we banged.
Went over to her place. Asked her calmly as to who is DK (the other guy). She says she knows him. I asked her how they met she said the dating app. On asking when she said either a little before she met me or after, she wasnt sure. She said they met twice. Once in the beginning once a couple months back when they were in the same mall and he kept asking her to meet.
She showed me the chats on Whatsapp and Fb (the first thing I checked was the app, she doesnt have it anymore). It was mostly him msging her frequently and she ignoring him, though it didnt seem antagonistic from her side either.
Her side of the story was that they met long back and she didnt like him but the guy kept pestering her about meeting and dating and taking things to the next level etc. Post that they only met once a couple of months back.
She then called the guy and kept me on speaker. It went something like this-
Her: "Hi. Did you have chat with a friend of mine?"
Him: "Yeah. Wait I will call you back."
Disconnects the phone. Doesnt call back. So she kept calling him. After 3-4 times he picks up again.
Him:"You've never called me before and now suddenly so many calls. What happened?"
Her:"Why did you tell my friend that we were dating?"
Him"We met one or two times. What else should I call it? Ok wait."
Puts us on call waiting for a long time. Then we disconnected.
After a while my sister messages me that now he is asking her why she told my gf about him claiming to date her etc. My sister tells me to call him once again and clarify everything he said, like my gf saying she is single and flirting with him etc. So we called again. Again he doesnt pick for a while but then does.
Her:"Hi. So why did you tell my friend that I was flirting with you?"
Him"I didnt say that."
Her:"Then what did you say?"
Him:"I just said that I saw her and your pics together and that I like you. Thats it."
Her:"And you said nothing like I was flirting with you or that I was single?"
Him:"No."
Her:"When I told you that I am thinking of marrying a guy and my parents are meeting him, then why are you still telling my friend all this?"
Him:"I only said I like you. Nothing else."
At this point we disconnected the call. There was no point. The guy wasnt going to accept he lied about anything.
So looks like the guy was lying. We still did have a chat about her keeping the dating app in her phone after we met, and she gave the same explanation that she used to talk to a couple of guys who had become her friends over there. Nevertheless she agreed it looks wrong and that she had deleted the app long back and had no plans of doing any such thing.
At that particular time I didnt have any reason to think she was lying, until unless she is such a master liar that somehow managed the whole situation to her benefit, despite me showing up suddenly and giving her no chance of even touching her phone before this went down. The app wasnt there. The chats were clean. The guy was called and situation clarified.
Looked like things were OK.
Then, we banged.
Similar threads
- Locked
- Locked