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The Neogaf Poetry Corner - Challenge#31: At Gunpoint.
- Thread starter iavi
- Start date
- Status
Neutrality
Member
I have a question, how many of you work on your poems during the week?
For me it's just a spur of the moment thing.
I've never been able to really sit down and write.
For me it's just a spur of the moment thing.
I've never been able to really sit down and write.
I'll write a quick draft down as an idea hits me, usually towards the beginning of the challenge, and will then edit as the week goes on. I'll even edit after posting, which is you might've noticed that some of my entries will slowly morph as the week goes on, sometimes dramatically. I do it that way intentionally.
It's so much easier to realize what's wrong with your writing after giving it a bit of breathing room.
It's so much easier to realize what's wrong with your writing after giving it a bit of breathing room.
Neutrality
Member
We're allowed to edit them?
Oh shit.
That changes things.
Oh shit.
That changes things.
@ ThLunarian - Almost comical in routine, with a hurried pace. I kinda liked it. It sort of stuttered a bit, and needed an injection of imagery to actually tell us something.
@Dresden - satirical poetry done very well. Some fine character assassination going on there. Started off very well, but sort of dropped off towards the end. And yet, I liked the whole construction of it - the story if you will.
@Miri - Some nice pen-work here. Blue roses not existing naturally, thus making it a holy grail for rose growers, made the poem for me. Although, I would have gone for the other non-natural colour, the black rose, my self.
ps. Something about guns and roses (or any flower really) that make it a good combination.
@Soultron - I like the way you unravelled the story; and it's a core a powerful piece. Some word choices here or there go evoke more empathy. Human vs person. Human increases the social distance, making it almost machine like. If that was the vibe you were going for, good for you though.
@SoccerGoaliePro - You got a vote! Woot!
@Bootaaay - Moody, and a little bit stylish. I liked that you used weather to put a metaphor in it's place. Paper thin masks take that! Whereas it was also a part of the overall mood of the poem. The word choices are always something to behold, and it was not let down here; the only thing I see here though is a scene being shown; an explicit dream, but surely there must be something implicit, no? I tried to read into it though.
@Amirox - I generally like constrained poems, and alliteratives are no exception to that rule. Almost tongue twisting, in the way it was put together, makes it a fun read. However, it goes on, and adds an implicit layer, which makes it a good poem to teach children, about meaning and depth in poetry. "Late lessons long lasting, liars learning." Could mean a few things; I thought of politicians? Good stuff.
@Neutrality - Suicidal poems aren't my thing. I'm not against them on principal or ethics, as I've written some myself (I think about a king who looks over his people), but I find my self unable to shake off a feeling of false disclosure. You can get through despondent poetry without making such a harsh statement I feel. And the parts where you do this, are the best parts. e.g
"Famous is a word best left to kings
Not a man with a pen whom nobody reads"
is, regardless of whether I agree or disagree with it, much better than the entirety of the last stanza put together.
ps. I don't know who theo baldwin is...
Sorry about the ineligible entries; I'm already late as it is, with my crits. I hope you all had some decent crits already.
Some nice poems this week:
1. Amirox
2. Dresden
3. Bootaaay
hm, to be honest, the one point in the third position, could have gone to anybody else, Miri, Neutrality or Soultron would get the nod on a different morning. I didn't want to toss a coin, so I went with my gut instinct. The bar was at a decent height this week.
@Dresden - satirical poetry done very well. Some fine character assassination going on there. Started off very well, but sort of dropped off towards the end. And yet, I liked the whole construction of it - the story if you will.
@Miri - Some nice pen-work here. Blue roses not existing naturally, thus making it a holy grail for rose growers, made the poem for me. Although, I would have gone for the other non-natural colour, the black rose, my self.
ps. Something about guns and roses (or any flower really) that make it a good combination.
@Soultron - I like the way you unravelled the story; and it's a core a powerful piece. Some word choices here or there go evoke more empathy. Human vs person. Human increases the social distance, making it almost machine like. If that was the vibe you were going for, good for you though.
@SoccerGoaliePro - You got a vote! Woot!
@Bootaaay - Moody, and a little bit stylish. I liked that you used weather to put a metaphor in it's place. Paper thin masks take that! Whereas it was also a part of the overall mood of the poem. The word choices are always something to behold, and it was not let down here; the only thing I see here though is a scene being shown; an explicit dream, but surely there must be something implicit, no? I tried to read into it though.
@Amirox - I generally like constrained poems, and alliteratives are no exception to that rule. Almost tongue twisting, in the way it was put together, makes it a fun read. However, it goes on, and adds an implicit layer, which makes it a good poem to teach children, about meaning and depth in poetry. "Late lessons long lasting, liars learning." Could mean a few things; I thought of politicians? Good stuff.
@Neutrality - Suicidal poems aren't my thing. I'm not against them on principal or ethics, as I've written some myself (I think about a king who looks over his people), but I find my self unable to shake off a feeling of false disclosure. You can get through despondent poetry without making such a harsh statement I feel. And the parts where you do this, are the best parts. e.g
"Famous is a word best left to kings
Not a man with a pen whom nobody reads"
is, regardless of whether I agree or disagree with it, much better than the entirety of the last stanza put together.
ps. I don't know who theo baldwin is...
Sorry about the ineligible entries; I'm already late as it is, with my crits. I hope you all had some decent crits already.
Some nice poems this week:
1. Amirox
2. Dresden
3. Bootaaay
hm, to be honest, the one point in the third position, could have gone to anybody else, Miri, Neutrality or Soultron would get the nod on a different morning. I didn't want to toss a coin, so I went with my gut instinct. The bar was at a decent height this week.
Mr_Appleby
Member
never read this thread until five minutes ago, but got inspired to do some broetry. i'll keep an eye out for the next one.
Ode to Box
Box of X you have
never worked quite.
I plugged you in
despite the warning
sign.
Apollyon danced his circles thrice -
Box of X,
no more delight.
Ode to Box
Box of X you have
never worked quite.
I plugged you in
despite the warning
sign.
Apollyon danced his circles thrice -
Box of X,
no more delight.
Tim the Wiz
Banned
Mr_Appleby said:
One day, I shall be worthy.
[Vote Tally]
Alright! I'm up, and the votes have been tallied. It's good to say that the winner of this week's poetry challenge is none other than Ashes1396, with an awesome entry that garnered him 11 points. Congrats!
---
The tally went as follows:
Ashes1396 = 11 (2)
Amir0x = 10 (2)
Neutrality = 9
Dresden = 8 (2)
Bootaaay = 7 (2)
Miri = 6 (1)
SoccerGoaliePro = 2
Soultron = 1
-------
A big thanks to everyone who participated, and voted. I love how varied the entries and crits were. Welcome to all the new faces. And congrats again, Ashes. The torch is passed.
Also Bootaaay, if you wouldn't mind, could you draw up the new templates. I have no idea how to.
Alright! I'm up, and the votes have been tallied. It's good to say that the winner of this week's poetry challenge is none other than Ashes1396, with an awesome entry that garnered him 11 points. Congrats!
---
The tally went as follows:
Ashes1396 = 11 (2)
Amir0x = 10 (2)
Neutrality = 9
Dresden = 8 (2)
Bootaaay = 7 (2)
Miri = 6 (1)
SoccerGoaliePro = 2
Soultron = 1
-------
A big thanks to everyone who participated, and voted. I love how varied the entries and crits were. Welcome to all the new faces. And congrats again, Ashes. The torch is passed.
Also Bootaaay, if you wouldn't mind, could you draw up the new templates. I have no idea how to.
British Monsoon
Member
Congrats Ashes and great work by everyone who entered, lot of awesome entries this week.
Yeah, I'll get the thread templates up shortly.
Yeah, I'll get the thread templates up shortly.
British Monsoon
Member
Ok Ashes, here's the updated templates;
Thread template; http://tinypaste.com/3c4d4e
Alumni template pt. 1; http://tinypaste.com/2a9a37
Alumni template pt. 2; http://tinypaste.com/3017c7
Thread template; http://tinypaste.com/3c4d4e
Alumni template pt. 1; http://tinypaste.com/2a9a37
Alumni template pt. 2; http://tinypaste.com/3017c7
British Monsoon
Member
Ashes1396 said:
Yeah, the archive is too large for the word limit now
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