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What The Longest-Running Study on Happiness Reveals

EviLore

Expansive Ellipses
Staff Member



Harvard has been running an ongoing study on happiness since 1938, incorporating new methods as they become available. Subjects included everyone from the poorest kids of Boston to John F. Kennedy.

Conclusions:

-Have a successful marriage
-Build healthy social relationships and avoid loneliness
-Get regular exercise and stay in shape

-Money improved happiness moderately for most groups ( <10% between poor and rich)
-Achievements were not important in the long run



"Relationships are emotion regulators. They're stress regulators. Stressful things happen every day to many of us. So then what happens? Our body goes into fight or flight mode. Blood pressure goes up. Respirations become more rapid. Circulating stress hormone levels rise. But then the body is meant to go back to equilibrium afterwards. If I can come home and there's somebody here to talk to, I can literally feel my body calm down. What we're pretty sure happens is that people who are isolated, they're more likely to stay in a kind of chronic fight or flight mode."



Of course, we're failing hard at those most important metrics currently, here in the US:

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Toots

Gold Member
Find someone who's important for you, and to whom you're important. The rest doesn't really matter.
The fact that human beings, through millenias, structured societies and morals to appease their hormonal urges might be flabbergasting to some but it is the way of Nature. Going against it is not healthy in the long run, despite what some weirdos say.
 

Cyberpunkd

Member
So let's look at the results:

1. People are less connected to each other
2. People have worse health
3. People hold less importance off all values except money
4. People are more and more unhappy

Shocked GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon


I love how social engagement plummets with the rise of social media that IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR A GENUINE HUMAN CONNECTION.
 

Bojji

Member
I can confirm, I'm in relationship for over 3 years now and it's the best time in my life. We are engaged and I'm confident she is the women I want to spend rest of my life with. It's not 100% honeymoon (nothing in life is) but even with some problems it's so much better than being alone.

And I didn't mind being alone between 16-31, I thought I'm living some good life but looking at it now I was just fooling myself...
 

Dice

Pokémon Parentage Conspiracy Theorist
People hardly even have the time to be alone anymore because you have to work twice as much to scrape out a survival. That’s why money is more important to them now. People value things beyond bare survival leas because they see it as unobtainable until that grounding is established. Since others are in the same situation, many people are only looking out for themselves and can’t be trusted, making healthy relationships even more rare. Maslow had some good insights.
 

FeralEcho

Member
I'm out of a shit relationship and never been happier.Guess I'm just a loner.To be happy people just need to be free.Free to choose whatever path you want,free to tell your boss to fuck off,free to tell your gf or wife you aren't happy with them.Most people arent though cuz they live in fear,fear of being fired if you say the wrong thing to your boss,fear of ending up alone if you say sth your significant other might not agree with etc.

Happiness comes from the removal of fear. That's why the happiest people in the world are the ignorant and stupid.They have no fears.Whereas someone with money for example lives in constant fear of not losing that money.Having things,by design creates fears of losing them which in turn shackles you with constraints which puts burden and weight on your everyday decisions therefore keeping you in a constant struggle to be free to be happy.
 

JimmyRustler

Gold Member
Well, I don’t think anyone who has a little bit of knowledge of human psychology will be shocked with those results.

Shame that the only thing you have power over as an individual is the exercise. For everything else you are dependent on the people around you having a certain base mindset, a mindset that is increasingly rare in today’s narcissistic times.
 

peish

Member
I dont believe this study, people say politically correct things on camera.

marriage rates dropped because it is getting too expensive to buy things for myself, let alone sharing with a partner.
 

Arsic

Loves his juicy stink trail scent
Does that study take into account that most of these things are impossible without money ?

Having friends and doing things together will require money to participate. A marriage with financial stress is hard to maintain.

About the only thing you can do is stay healthy at home via home exercise, and getting a subscription to WoW or ff14 for the “friends” social aspect to not be too lonely.
 

Thaedolus

Gold Member
Does that study take into account that most of these things are impossible without money ?
Honestly, I felt like social interactions and such came easier when I made much less money. It feels easier to put shit off because I feel like career things take precedence. It makes me really appreciate when I do get together with friends and family lately….

…and yes being married to someone who a) has a graduate degree and can take care of herself and b) makes me get off my ass and stay in shape is probably the single best thing I can recommend to anyone else
 

DeafTourette

Perpetually Offended
Having close friends and family (social circle) is very important! I would be suicidal (more than ever before) if I didn't have the friends I do... The family members that I do. Even those who treat me like family... When I'm with them, I feel genuinely happy. The closest ones let me be ME! Meaning I don't have to put on my public mask. I can be the corny, uncool, extremely nerdy and funny person I am when I'm alone. That's RARE to have people (and a few family) like that who let you be you and they love you for it!
 

NeoIkaruGAF

Gold Member
Well, having to work to maintain the money flowing in doesn't make me happy at all, that's true. But boy, am I happy for not living paycheck to paycheck and having a bit of a safety net when stuff decides to break all at the same time and I need to get some medical examination done.

The data after 2019 is perfectly comprehensible. Inflation has been a bitch and welfare has taken a huge hit in my country. I still agree with the results of the study though, even if it does reek a bit of "you'll own nothing and you'll be happy".
 

Happosai

Hold onto your panties
My sister and I talked about this last night. Our lives feel so much better after marriage (I married in 2016 and my sister in 2019). My wife is my best friend and that's all I need. Doesn't hurt having stable jobs and physical activity. Loving others really helps too. No need to go through life without simple kindness.
 

Men_in_Boxes

Snake Oil Salesman
A successful marriage or relationship does not require lots of money. If you think it does, you’ve never been in a successful marriage or relationship - and frankly are never likely to be either.

It's not required, but it sure helps. Money problems are the #1 cause of divorce and the reverse of this doesn't exist...

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StreetsofBeige

Gold Member
Money doesn't solve all issues in life, but it sure helps.

I'm not even rich (I have a decent job and enough money to be comfortable and invest in stocks and real estate). But when you dont have to worry about any bills anything money related is no issue.

I'd hate to be in a situation where I live pay stub to pay tub worrying about if I lost my job I'd be toast, or a car bill will kill me. This year, I spent around $4000 on my car to replace brakes and rotors, fix a turbocharger tube, and annual maintenance. I also bought a new 4070 laptop which was $2000 because my old laptop keyboard buttons were fucking up, couldnt fix it and didnt want to buy a portable keyboard. It sucks I spend $6000 in the span of 3 months, but in reality it's no skin off my back. Oh, I also replaced my water heater because the circuit board blew and some reason the new one didn't work so there was something else wrong with it the technician couldnt figure out and customer service on the phone with said do this and that and tell him the error codes couldnt fix or figure out either (what a waste of an hour that call was). There's another $4000 as I decided to just replace it all with a new efficient unit under 10 year warranty.. So $10,000 in maybe 5 months. Anyone complaining about $500 of repair bills that cant pay off, well mine was $10,000 worth.

Money is also great because I love buying fam Xmas gifts. I'm spending over $2000 this year on them all. I especially enjoy buying my nieces and nephews cool shit. Bought them a Switch and games years back. I just ask them what they want and I get them it. That assumes they tell me what they want. Sometimes I just surprised them like with the Switch. This year, I'm surprising one of my nephews with an authentic NHL jersey and my brother with an autographed framed pic. My dad had eye surgery to fix his shitty vision, so I just ordered a cheap 4k TV for him to replace his shitty TV. Years back I bought my dad a new PC.

Money always helps.... that assumes you dont have fam and friends constantly nagging you for free shit! Mine dont.
 
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Majormaxxx

Member
I don't know I guess I'm an outlier. I like being alone and was married and it was worse 10 years of my life. I guess it didn't help she had NPD and borderline.
My last relationship was with a low key narcisist and she made it stressful even when we were not together (for example when she went on vacation).

Of course there were good times as well, but the stress from her personality disorder is worse than being single.
 

poodaddy

Member
I live over a thousand miles from any of my friends, but I have a great connection and friendship with my daughter. I wonder if that counts.

Other than that, I exercise and eat right, so I've got those down. I wish I had more money, but I can't say I'm poor. I will say though, that despite making middle class income for my area, it really feels like my money doesn't go as far as it used to. The price of healthy food alone has gotten insane as of late.
 

-Minsc-

Member
AmuIUHV.png



People hardly even have the time to be alone anymore because you have to work twice as much to scrape out a survival. That’s why money is more important to them now. People value things beyond bare survival leas because they see it as unobtainable until that grounding is established. Since others are in the same situation, many people are only looking out for themselves and can’t be trusted, making healthy relationships even more rare. Maslow had some good insights.

The question; is the abandonment of healthy social interaction and the increased focus on money a negative feedback loop? In my mind the increased focus on money is ironically making the rich richer and the poor poorer.

I come from being a certified loner. During my childhood years I did not develop healthy social interactions with other kids. Coming into adult life I was definitely lacking something. Rather, I'm coming to see I had something that others lacked. That is a highly self centered mindset. Lots of fear of what others would think. Fear of doing things wrong. Fear of being hurt. These are things I know I have to face and it's not something I'm going to overcome by living for myself. I've already done that and it's quite lonely.
 

KrakenIPA

Member
AmuIUHV.png





The question; is the abandonment of healthy social interaction and the increased focus on money a negative feedback loop? In my mind the increased focus on money is ironically making the rich richer and the poor poorer.

I come from being a certified loner. During my childhood years I did not develop healthy social interactions with other kids. Coming into adult life I was definitely lacking something. Rather, I'm coming to see I had something that others lacked. That is a highly self centered mindset. Lots of fear of what others would think. Fear of doing things wrong. Fear of being hurt. These are things I know I have to face and it's not something I'm going to overcome by living for myself. I've already done that and it's quite lonely.
You seem very balanced to me. Everyone has a job to do, and you remind me of how hard this life is, and how great it is to live.
 

Dice

Pokémon Parentage Conspiracy Theorist
AmuIUHV.png





The question; is the abandonment of healthy social interaction and the increased focus on money a negative feedback loop? In my mind the increased focus on money is ironically making the rich richer and the poor poorer.

I come from being a certified loner. During my childhood years I did not develop healthy social interactions with other kids. Coming into adult life I was definitely lacking something. Rather, I'm coming to see I had something that others lacked. That is a highly self centered mindset. Lots of fear of what others would think. Fear of doing things wrong. Fear of being hurt. These are things I know I have to face and it's not something I'm going to overcome by living for myself. I've already done that and it's quite lonely.
I always lived for others/community and loved well and it always fucked me over for my entire life. The worst of the social turn happened with covid which also aligned with the start of my best success so I let it return to me and let go of all the people who don’t give back. Turned out that was 99% of people.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with living for yourself if you are doing it by your own work and not using others. Also if you do decide to go beyond that and care for others, I would say make sure that energy is matched by them and don’t expect loyalty to actually exist. People will care for you as long as you are bringing what they happen to want in the moment. That is all.

I think the most successful people learn how to bring something skillfully and then how to find all the people who want that thing. The downside is that going beyond a one note personality will lose people as your interests and output shift around. The people you lose from that aren’t worth worrying about, just like people who only want to take or people who disappear when you hold them accountable for their actions.
 

-Minsc-

Member
I always lived for others/community and loved well and it always fucked me over for my entire life. The worst of the social turn happened with covid which also aligned with the start of my best success so I let it return to me and let go of all the people who don’t give back. Turned out that was 99% of people.
I do believe there needs to be a certain balance and other people can not be my foundation. Where I come from is spending too much time in things like porn, video games and other forms of entertainment. Doing so has no doubt lead to "fucking over" people such as yourself. I've also tried to appease others but found that does not work either.

My thinking today is figuring out how to support myself while also supporting others. For example, my marriage with my wife will be pretty crappy if I only think of myself and never support her. That is my impression of how divorce happens. At the same time I can not be a yes man. I want to support her but it necessary to speak my mind and not simply do what she says. It can be a challenge.
You seem very balanced to me. Everyone has a job to do, and you remind me of how hard this life is, and how great it is to live.
Not as balanced as I could be. Have some issues to work out but i have reached out and sought support. I reached by breaking point trying to do things by myself about 12 years ago. Got to the point where I could not look at myself in the mirror. Keeping my own problems in my own head was an unhealthy choice.

Today i'm working towards facing my character defects and make amends to anyone I need to. It's going to be a challenge but worth freeing my mind of the past.
 

StreetsofBeige

Gold Member
For you guys above talking work/life balance and what you think you should do in life or not, here's my opinion. For me, I'm single, no kids, my fam and I do pretty well for ourselves. I totally get if youre married with kids it'll be a different. We arent Elon Musk billionaires or anything but we arent going to go broke or anything. We all got houses, cars, some have investment properties etc...

Rank of priority

- Yourself
- Fam (since I'm single, this row means direct fam and my relatives who I'm closest with)
- Really close friends
- Marginal friends
- Charity causes

That's my ranking. Focus on yourself and get your life straight and sorted out, while of course helping family if they need help. Dont fall for the trap or image that if you dont help others first, they'll think youre an asshole. Fuck em. If you run into trouble yourself, are any other people or government going to bail you out? Maybe. Maybe not.

After you got everything in good order and got time and resources to spare, then hey go nuts helping other people everywhere if you want.

To me, this kind of stuff also depends on how OCD you are having all i's dotted and t's crossed. I'm one of those people who likes everything all organized, humming along on auto-pilot, and dont even want one late credit card payment or my grass growing too high. If youre someone who doesn't have things sorted out in life (not saying it's your fault or anything but hey things happen in life) and youre also stretched to help other people, youre kinda falling into a situation where you're stretched to the max across personal issues and external factors. And once people know youre the giving type, they'll keep asking assuming you say yes.

It's no different than work. Are you the type of guy who says Yes to everyone who comes by asking for help? If you are, youre falling into the trap. what happens is at some point everyone comes to you for shit. I know, because I've been that guy. At first it feels good because you think youre helping everyone being Santa Claus, but then you realize some people are just taking advantage of your generous spirits. Sometimes you got to brush people off and let them handle their own shit. You got tasks and responsibilities to do to.

It's like when there's a situation that involves driving someone or picking up food etc..... guess who in the family gets a text message saying "Hey, can you pick up the food, were busy". Me. I'm single and no kids so who gets the calls to be Mr Chauffeur even though I live farther away than some of my other siblings? "Hey, were busy can you get the food for us.... oh and can you pay for it too and well pay you back?" Wow thanks bro. Your fam is the one hosting and I'm already picking up food I said I'll bring, so now you want me to do your errands too? Whose the guy when there's a raffle fund raiser going on who gets the snarky comments..... "Hey, you got money and not doing anything with it, how come you dont buy tickets like other people?". Me. Ive even had coworkers call me cheap (in more a joking sense), but hey how would they like it if I called them broke deadbeats?

These are petty things overall. But dont fall for the trap of expecting to make other people happy just for the sake of it.
 
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DeepEnigma

Gold Member
Achievements were not important in the long run
This one makes sense, since they're mostly "in the moment or moments" dopamine hit based. There really is no lasting appeal beyond those moments other than nostalgic responses I would think, and speaking from personal experience.
 

Zathalus

Member
Only thing I appear to be failing at is regular exercise. Happy marriage, fulfilling job, decent kids, and good friends. I consider myself to be quite happy.
 
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Pidull

Member
I've known about this study for a while, I believe it was the main discussion of a TED Talk years ago.

I've completely adjust my life since then, and my happiness is significantly higher. Take note that the quality of support you receive from your marriage partner is a significant factor in your overall happiness, as negative relationships are just as destructive as the loneliness of not having them.

Our entire Western culture needs to more aggressively pursue a complete cultural shift from whatever it is we currently have.
 
I'll say that my marriage to my wife has probably been the single, most important thing in my life. I've grown and evolved so much since we first were married and I feel like I'm a much better and more well rounded person because of my wife. Through all the struggles, and there's been plenty of them, we've stuck it out and now we've found ourselves in this comfortable boringness surrounded by loved ones and close family that all are doing well.

I think a healthy marriage and good family/community are the best things one could do for themselves. Followed by working out. Don't neglect your health, poor health spirals into so many problems that it's better to address whatever health issues you have now and not when it's mentally (in)convenient.
 

kittoo

Cretinously credulous

This chart is scary for the future of the US. What the hell happened to US post 2019? Suddenly all your (I am not a US citizen) social structures seem to be crumbling.

And I have been thinking about a tangential question and if someone can shed some light, without political bias, on it I would very much appreciate it. So I've seen reports that 20% of US GenX now identifies as LBGTQ (and this also, incidentally, has jumped suddenly in last 4-5 years). This is a HUGE jump from previous generations and seems almost impossible (dont most mammals have rates of homosexuality at about 2-3% at best?). So while one aspect of it is the possible social engineering, peer pressure, being shown as cool and righteous in all media and all that, what do you guys think it means for a society in general? It seems that this could lead to societal collapse. Fewer kids, fewer traditional families, more fraught social connections (?) and God forbid if the identification is out of peer and social pressure, then severe mental issues going forward.

Let me clarify that I dont mean anything against anyone and if these numbers are genuine, then great. But one must discuss the true reasons behind the sudden increase and its potential impact.
 
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SlimySnake

Flashless at the Golden Globes
This is fucked up. What happened? For me it was my friends moved to different states and got married, but thats not the case for everyone. Why are people not hanging out with their friends anymore? i literally have to spend thousands of dollars to go hang out with my friends but if i dont it, i know i will go insane. if you are in the same city, why arent you hanging out at least once a week for the whole day or half a day?

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jshackles

Gentlemen, we can rebuild it. We have the capability to make the world's first enhanced store. Steam will be that store. Better than it was before.
What the hell happened to US post 2019?
COVID-19 lock-downs, especially on the West Coast, essentially tore our society apart from its usual social norms. In some places, like where I live, it was illegal to even have people from more than one other household in your residence for nearly a year. That's a whole year without holiday gatherings, visiting family, etc. No church services, no 5K runs, no weddings or funerals, no community pot luck dinners, nothing.

I had a grandfather (on my mom's side) that passed away in Seattle in early 2022 - we had to hold his memorial service in the old folks home he worked at, just to get around the law saying that people weren't allowed to congregate (we still had to wear masks). Meanwhile, I had a grandma (on my dad's side) that died in Florida in late 2021 and people from all over the country were able to attend her services, me included thankfully. It was really eye-opening how drastically different things were at both funerals.

If I wanted to go out with my friends now, where would I even go? Almost all the non-chain restaurants, movie theaters, stores, etc. all closed up shop when the government told them they couldn't be open, and very few of them have come back still. The place I live feels like a ghost town a lot of the time, despite the pandemic being declared officially over last year. A few fast food joints have re-opened, but honestly who wants to go hang with their buds at a Domino's Pizza takeout window?

Also, I know this study focused on adults, but I think kids got the worst of it. They were all sent home from school in March 2020 when the pandemic was ramping up in the US - they basically just all got let out of school for spring break, and school never went back in session that term. When school started back up in the fall, it was all Zoom classes. Just this year, a few months ago, did the schools finally open back up for in-person classes. That is almost 4 years that kids here went without socializing face to face with their peers. Imagine if you started high school when this all went down, and now you've graduated and the only social interaction you've had with your peers and teachers has been over Zoom.

Not everywhere in the US was affected like it was here. Like most things everywhere had either a bunch of restrictions or very few. I think we got the worst of it. But I think stuff like this definitely contributed to the down tick in things like religiosity, community involvement, and social engagement with friends across the board.
 

Pidull

Member
This chart is scary for the future of the US. What the hell happened to US post 2019? Suddenly all your (I am not a US citizen) social structures seem to be crumbling.

And I have been thinking about a tangential question and if someone can shed some light, without political bias, on it I would very much appreciate it. So I've seen reports that 20% of US GenX now identifies as LBGTQ (and this also, incidentally, has jumped suddenly in last 4-5 years). This is a HUGE jump from previous generations and seems almost impossible (dont most mammals have rates of homosexuality at about 2-3% at best?). So while one aspect of it is the possible social engineering, peer pressure, being shown as cool and righteous in all media and all that, what do you guys think it means for a society in general? It seems that this could lead to societal collapse. Fewer kids, fewer traditional families, more fraught social connections (?) and God forbid if the identification is out of peer and social pressure, then severe mental issues going forward.

Let me clarify that I dont mean anything against anyone and if these numbers are genuine, then great. But one must discuss the true reasons behind the sudden increase and its potential impact.
Self destruction is pretty common in societies that have reached a point in which more growth is unsustainable. It's scary to consider that these changes could be a precursor to complete collapse of human society as it currently is.
 
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