Good for you. Even if you hate it, at least you can say you gave it a fair chance.
The game is much more easily enjoyed if you don't expect a Metroid game.
If you play FFT expecting a normal FF game you may have a very bad time.
You mean the acquiring of fan-favourite items and abilities to reach new areas,
You actually never get to new areas because you acquire new items.
You're funneled through the game from points to points, the fact that you're never given any time to explore anything means that you never go into the Metroid gameplay loop anyway.
Heck you never actually get them, you're just authorized to use them randomly.
the environmental/traversal puzzles,
dexterous platforming,
There is no dexterous platforming at all.
The game basically has 2D plaforming mascarading as 3D with enemy placement that is basically pointless you are never at risk. Heck the shitty level design kind of precludes any challenge at all.
Which ones exactly?
The shitty bosses lifted from Fusion with downright awful patterns that you don't suffer through once but twice!
The boss whose sole signifier is that you get the varia suit?
Epic isn't how I would describe bosses in the this game...Or maybe you think that a guy in a forklift is somehow some epic thing...
and the goofy, pulpy GF vs Space Pirates nonsense? It's basically a Fusion remake, dude.
You basically listed a bunch of surface similarities.
Remove GF/Space pirates and you wouldn't even know if you were talking about a Metroid game or some random knockoff.
bond•age (bŏnˈdĭj)►
n.
The state of one who is bound as a slave or serf.
n.
A state of subjection to a force, power, or influence.
n.
The practice of being physically restrained, as with cords or handcuffs, as a means of attaining sexual gratification.
I would argue that the story is more about the 1st definition and the game is more about the 2nd.