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NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #145 - "Verbiogenesis"
- Thread starter Mike M
- Start date
- Status
British Monsoon
Member
I was writing a text adventure, but realised that even an optimum play through would require the player to read well over 2,000 words, so I wrote this instead. It's not really a story, just a thing;
As the Union Grows, by Xile Draphazat
The plaza is grand, all white marble against a backdrop of beautiful trees nestled amid the heart of the bustling city, capital of but one of many nation states that call this planet home. The columned style is reminiscent of Esquorl architecture and, as I stand here among dignitaries and journalists from far across the Union, I could almost imagine we were on Endaraq Prime, if not for the pale blue sky above. A veteran of near twenty of these induction ceremonies, you'll forgive me, dear reader, for feeling somewhat detached from the day's all-too-familiar precedings. The Prime Aurtach made his speech, followed by a number of heads of states and religious leaders, while the newest citizens of the Union gawped on in a somewhat dazed manner, no doubt overwhelmed at the new future that had so quickly arisen for them. But, from what I have learned in my time here, these are an adaptable people and there is little reason to doubt that they will overcome their trepidations.
However, it is no secret that many amongst the Union opposed their entry. Those dissenters main point of contention being that which also makes today such an historic occasion: this is the first time a divided people have entered the Union. Indeed, it seems strange, almost inconceivable, that a species has made that great leap towards interstellar travel while still shackled by the petty squabbles that sprout from a myriad of nation states, all vying for power and prosperity on their crowded planet. But, perhaps it is a testament to these people that they have come so far divided, that they have put aside their differences (for now) in favour of the mutual benefit and only time will tell what effect such benefit has. For better or worse, the Union is strengthened here today, but some may say it's starting to buckle under the weight.
As the likes of Vogoar tradesmen and Kaeliaz merchants further expand the reaches of 'explored space' it seems not a year passes without another star placed on the Union's flag and, while some inductions passed without incident, others have proved costly. There's no doubt that significant credits will have to be expended integrating a near eight billion people into the Union and preparing them for the trials that lay ahead, but what is the alternative? I have met their leaders, seen the glimmer of a dream about their eyes and experienced the insatiable hunger these people have to explore and to understand everything around them. With the advent of their interstellar era, as their people take their first bold steps to the stars, I surmise that we would be hard pressed to prevent them entering the galactic stage proper and lack the conviction to squader their potential.
Potential, indeed. While the benefits to our newest citizens are entirely evident, many have wondered exactly what they will bring to the Union. They are a varied and industrious people, that much is true, but it is also true that much of their technology is vastly obsolete. However, looks can be deceiving. Take 'The Ulysses', for example. As the great bulk of the imposing vessel entered Tzachiran space and first contact was made, the ship's armaments were easily dismissed as primitive, only for Tzachi scientists to later calculate that those 'primitive' magnetised metal projectiles would have shredded their fleet like paper. But, while they may yet surprise us in the technological realm, the real boon comes in the thousands of years worth of culture waiting to be shown to an immeasurable number of people, the grandest of audiences, if you will.
After the ceremony closes we are treated to one such cultural treasure, a 'play', as they call it, with a cast of 'actors' performing a tale of a shipwrecked sorcerer and his daughter. I ask the Lizanii delegate seated next to me the name of the play. "Tempesssst", he replies, relishing the strange sounds on his tongue. As the proceedings come to a close, I'm struck by what a shrewd choice it was to perform this 'Tempest', written near five hundred years ago. "Oh brave new world, that has such people in it!" declaimed Miranda, the heroine of the piece, upon seeing others of her kind for the first time, offering us a timely parallel to the many peoples of this planet as they too enter a brave new world full of marvel and intrigue. But they would do well also to remember the irony of those words and to remember how Miranda's innocence added a veneer of wonder to the merely mundane. I feel it will be a valuable lesson as the newest members of the Union take their place amongst their peers. Signing off from Earth, this has been Xile Draphazat, Galxcon 7 News.
As the Union Grows, by Xile Draphazat
The plaza is grand, all white marble against a backdrop of beautiful trees nestled amid the heart of the bustling city, capital of but one of many nation states that call this planet home. The columned style is reminiscent of Esquorl architecture and, as I stand here among dignitaries and journalists from far across the Union, I could almost imagine we were on Endaraq Prime, if not for the pale blue sky above. A veteran of near twenty of these induction ceremonies, you'll forgive me, dear reader, for feeling somewhat detached from the day's all-too-familiar precedings. The Prime Aurtach made his speech, followed by a number of heads of states and religious leaders, while the newest citizens of the Union gawped on in a somewhat dazed manner, no doubt overwhelmed at the new future that had so quickly arisen for them. But, from what I have learned in my time here, these are an adaptable people and there is little reason to doubt that they will overcome their trepidations.
However, it is no secret that many amongst the Union opposed their entry. Those dissenters main point of contention being that which also makes today such an historic occasion: this is the first time a divided people have entered the Union. Indeed, it seems strange, almost inconceivable, that a species has made that great leap towards interstellar travel while still shackled by the petty squabbles that sprout from a myriad of nation states, all vying for power and prosperity on their crowded planet. But, perhaps it is a testament to these people that they have come so far divided, that they have put aside their differences (for now) in favour of the mutual benefit and only time will tell what effect such benefit has. For better or worse, the Union is strengthened here today, but some may say it's starting to buckle under the weight.
As the likes of Vogoar tradesmen and Kaeliaz merchants further expand the reaches of 'explored space' it seems not a year passes without another star placed on the Union's flag and, while some inductions passed without incident, others have proved costly. There's no doubt that significant credits will have to be expended integrating a near eight billion people into the Union and preparing them for the trials that lay ahead, but what is the alternative? I have met their leaders, seen the glimmer of a dream about their eyes and experienced the insatiable hunger these people have to explore and to understand everything around them. With the advent of their interstellar era, as their people take their first bold steps to the stars, I surmise that we would be hard pressed to prevent them entering the galactic stage proper and lack the conviction to squader their potential.
Potential, indeed. While the benefits to our newest citizens are entirely evident, many have wondered exactly what they will bring to the Union. They are a varied and industrious people, that much is true, but it is also true that much of their technology is vastly obsolete. However, looks can be deceiving. Take 'The Ulysses', for example. As the great bulk of the imposing vessel entered Tzachiran space and first contact was made, the ship's armaments were easily dismissed as primitive, only for Tzachi scientists to later calculate that those 'primitive' magnetised metal projectiles would have shredded their fleet like paper. But, while they may yet surprise us in the technological realm, the real boon comes in the thousands of years worth of culture waiting to be shown to an immeasurable number of people, the grandest of audiences, if you will.
After the ceremony closes we are treated to one such cultural treasure, a 'play', as they call it, with a cast of 'actors' performing a tale of a shipwrecked sorcerer and his daughter. I ask the Lizanii delegate seated next to me the name of the play. "Tempesssst", he replies, relishing the strange sounds on his tongue. As the proceedings come to a close, I'm struck by what a shrewd choice it was to perform this 'Tempest', written near five hundred years ago. "Oh brave new world, that has such people in it!" declaimed Miranda, the heroine of the piece, upon seeing others of her kind for the first time, offering us a timely parallel to the many peoples of this planet as they too enter a brave new world full of marvel and intrigue. But they would do well also to remember the irony of those words and to remember how Miranda's innocence added a veneer of wonder to the merely mundane. I feel it will be a valuable lesson as the newest members of the Union take their place amongst their peers. Signing off from Earth, this has been Xile Draphazat, Galxcon 7 News.
Candidate #5: Dax Slaven (~1800 words)
quote for password
Let me know if the fonts come out funky. I think I embedded them all correctly, but you never know with these things
quote for password
Let me know if the fonts come out funky. I think I embedded them all correctly, but you never know with these things
Chainsawkitten
Member
Will at least it wasn't
INflammitor
Hard deadline means hard deadline!
Your contestants for the crown are:
karenq0506
Ourobolus
Elfforkusu
Mike M
Cyan
Bootaaay
Charade
Chainsawkitten
kehs
Molly Attack
Tangent
Reeeeally small field of entrants. I'm sorry my OPs are always so bad : (
I'll probably be nice and let add anyone who's not too egregiously late and posts in the next couple hours
Your contestants for the crown are:
karenq0506
Ourobolus
Elfforkusu
Mike M
Cyan
Bootaaay
Charade
Chainsawkitten
kehs
Molly Attack
Tangent
Reeeeally small field of entrants. I'm sorry my OPs are always so bad : (
I thought the theme and the secondary were great. It is not your fault I managed my time horribly this week and couldn't write my story which by the way would have been totally awsome.
MollyAttack
Neo Member
If I'm not too late, I'll add mine. Just saw this post...
"Happy to, Sergeant"
Clark Woodson. My name rings out from the nurse, standing boldly in the doorway, blocking the path back to the small, windowless consultation rooms. I hesitantly rise, peering back at my chair, wishing I did not have to leave it. The nurse brings me to a room devoid of any personality, as if to impress upon me that this place is a blank slate, suited well for manipulation and programming. Whoor whatenters the room is what mattered.
Upon entering, I notice a mirror hung across from the doorway, allowing me to view my obvious apprehension. Three chairs and a desk stand before me, plain with few frills. No toys, no personal artifacts; no distractions were going to be purposeful in this moment. A lonely nameplate sat upon the desk emblazoned with the title Staff Sergeant Wesley Cooper, Genetic Architect.
Wait here, the nurse ordered, briefly meeting my gaze. I nodded, taking a seat before the desk.
Awaiting the arrival of Sergeant Cooper, I contemplated the consequences of the complex machinery I was about to encounter first hand. Many praise it, thinking of it as nothing but a strategy to keep our families intact and our homeland safe from harm. Often times, I find myself partaking in this belief, solely based on my breadwinner complex. Who will provide for my wife and children if I am gone? is often a thought of mine when I am deployed to regions that are hostile and war-torn. They say its divine trickery, this new militant strategy. The enemy will never know the difference, but will be obliterated five times as fast due to the training the machines will undergo. However, many oppose it, wondering how to distance themselves from something so akin to them in mind and body. How do we not become attached? This is sending innocents off to be slaughtered, I recall a woman protesting in a news special shown on TV. She has a pointit is hard to think of them as machines when they are modeled after us. They have no hardware; they too are made up of bone, nerve, and muscle. Nothing more, nothing less. Simply a blank slate.
My thoughts are interrupted by the clatter of knuckles rapping on the door. Sergeant Cooper enters, extending a hand for greetings.
Corporal Woodson, I am Sergeant Cooper. Id like to thank you for your contribution to this project, he says candidly. I smile in only what I can imagine is the most transparent smile hes ever witnessed, hoping he cannot see the moral tug-of-war raging inside myself.
Happy to, Sergeant, I manage to blurt out.
Your genetic makeup is prime for positions such as these, you should be proud. Now, before you examine the product, do you have any questions for me, he probes. I feel his intense focus hone in on me, like a sniper on his target.
Not one, I lie, hiding my desire to explode with questions on the morality of it all. Its too late now.
Sergeant Cooper nods and silently retreats from the room, going to retrieve the machine that has caused this country so much controversy. In an unsettled stir, I pace around the suffocating room, only to find myself standing before the mirror. I stare into the mirror, wondering if I have done the right thing. Identifying the obvious doubt in my eyes, I find the answer to my question, as the door to the room swings open behind me. Sergeant Cooper enters, trailed by another figure. Silently, I continue to gaze into the mirror. My reflection blinks.
"Happy to, Sergeant"
Clark Woodson. My name rings out from the nurse, standing boldly in the doorway, blocking the path back to the small, windowless consultation rooms. I hesitantly rise, peering back at my chair, wishing I did not have to leave it. The nurse brings me to a room devoid of any personality, as if to impress upon me that this place is a blank slate, suited well for manipulation and programming. Whoor whatenters the room is what mattered.
Upon entering, I notice a mirror hung across from the doorway, allowing me to view my obvious apprehension. Three chairs and a desk stand before me, plain with few frills. No toys, no personal artifacts; no distractions were going to be purposeful in this moment. A lonely nameplate sat upon the desk emblazoned with the title Staff Sergeant Wesley Cooper, Genetic Architect.
Wait here, the nurse ordered, briefly meeting my gaze. I nodded, taking a seat before the desk.
Awaiting the arrival of Sergeant Cooper, I contemplated the consequences of the complex machinery I was about to encounter first hand. Many praise it, thinking of it as nothing but a strategy to keep our families intact and our homeland safe from harm. Often times, I find myself partaking in this belief, solely based on my breadwinner complex. Who will provide for my wife and children if I am gone? is often a thought of mine when I am deployed to regions that are hostile and war-torn. They say its divine trickery, this new militant strategy. The enemy will never know the difference, but will be obliterated five times as fast due to the training the machines will undergo. However, many oppose it, wondering how to distance themselves from something so akin to them in mind and body. How do we not become attached? This is sending innocents off to be slaughtered, I recall a woman protesting in a news special shown on TV. She has a pointit is hard to think of them as machines when they are modeled after us. They have no hardware; they too are made up of bone, nerve, and muscle. Nothing more, nothing less. Simply a blank slate.
My thoughts are interrupted by the clatter of knuckles rapping on the door. Sergeant Cooper enters, extending a hand for greetings.
Corporal Woodson, I am Sergeant Cooper. Id like to thank you for your contribution to this project, he says candidly. I smile in only what I can imagine is the most transparent smile hes ever witnessed, hoping he cannot see the moral tug-of-war raging inside myself.
Happy to, Sergeant, I manage to blurt out.
Your genetic makeup is prime for positions such as these, you should be proud. Now, before you examine the product, do you have any questions for me, he probes. I feel his intense focus hone in on me, like a sniper on his target.
Not one, I lie, hiding my desire to explode with questions on the morality of it all. Its too late now.
Sergeant Cooper nods and silently retreats from the room, going to retrieve the machine that has caused this country so much controversy. In an unsettled stir, I pace around the suffocating room, only to find myself standing before the mirror. I stare into the mirror, wondering if I have done the right thing. Identifying the obvious doubt in my eyes, I find the answer to my question, as the door to the room swings open behind me. Sergeant Cooper enters, trailed by another figure. Silently, I continue to gaze into the mirror. My reflection blinks.
ACT II
SCENE I. A cemetery.
(more to come)
SCENE I. A cemetery.
WOMAN IN A NIGHTGOWN doubled over, resting on a tombstone.
WOMANAnd now it mocks; the sky, just moments past,
A jealous child that yells above an infants cries,
Now beams a saintly smile.
This light you cast in silence, slaps my mouth
Already worn from supplication wasted;
My hope is crushed like the cigarette butt
His boot snuffed out, my would-be liberator.
Miles away he seems now.
I wonder then, his name, this last and dim
Memento cruel of lifes duplicity:
To childrens eyes a pool of purity,
Revealed at last a poisoned chalice;
One chaste and guiltless kiss, returned five-fold
As bitter malice.
But lo! These labor stabs a worse betrayal,
A tumor on some mission savage
Stay your mindless striving.
Can your undeveloped ears not hear the
Warnings? Beating drums of thunder, lightning?
And still you kick?
Seek you confirmation? Testimony?
Demonstration? Look! I lend my eyes.
Ill pull the veil, this cotton shroud that hides
The gospel of your nigh reception.
This brutal braille of bruises on my belly
Are monuments to natures promise.
A jealous child that yells above an infants cries,
Now beams a saintly smile.
This light you cast in silence, slaps my mouth
Already worn from supplication wasted;
My hope is crushed like the cigarette butt
His boot snuffed out, my would-be liberator.
Miles away he seems now.
I wonder then, his name, this last and dim
Memento cruel of lifes duplicity:
To childrens eyes a pool of purity,
Revealed at last a poisoned chalice;
One chaste and guiltless kiss, returned five-fold
As bitter malice.
But lo! These labor stabs a worse betrayal,
A tumor on some mission savage
Stay your mindless striving.
Can your undeveloped ears not hear the
Warnings? Beating drums of thunder, lightning?
And still you kick?
Seek you confirmation? Testimony?
Demonstration? Look! I lend my eyes.
Ill pull the veil, this cotton shroud that hides
The gospel of your nigh reception.
This brutal braille of bruises on my belly
Are monuments to natures promise.
(more to come)
What's the story with that, anyway? Like just... Unreliable internet coverage or something?
Chainsawkitten
Member
"I can't log in to gaf since I'm too busy writing my story at the last hour."
god damn.
Elfforkusu
Member
This is kinda a douchey comment
Chainsawkitten
Member
It's a joke. Settle down. I've gone over the deadline as much as anyone else in this thread. (And I didn't even have valid reasons.)
Having just realized what you did as I was writing up comments: Holy shit.
Is there an answer key for this? I'm awful at crossword puzzles.
Lots of creativity on display this time around. Even if Im not the greatest at making challenges, Im glad to see that this one at least had a pretty good outcome.
karenq0506: Fun fact, but I never used text messages until I got a smart phone and could type out the full words without having to suffer though the T9 system. I just cant stand the usual text speak abbreviations. Its anathema to me. So that made this a little difficult for me to read, not because of anything you did, but because text message abbreviations are just one of my more irrational trigger issues. That said, the concept of two cats having a text message conversation is amusing to me. I have a soft spot for anthromorphic animals to begin with : )
Ourobolus: For a last minute, seat-of-you-pants entry, I think it was a pretty good effort, despite Cyans best efforts to ruin it for everyone : ) I totally reserve the right to steal the term crehative writing because that perfectly encapsulates what I do and how I feel about my own stories. But telling me that my prompt sucks ass isnt likely to win my vote : P Way to think way the fuck outside the box on this one though, good work. I dont know if you had Cyan in on it, but if not you owe him for a pretty stellar punch line.
Elfforkusu: Usually I would be lamenting my inability to appreciate poetry, but I did kind of specifically ask for stuff like this from the get go, didnt I? I always view being able to tell a story using rhyming scheme to be something of an accomplishment, as poetry has always struck me as being better suited to more abstract depictions of things. Or maybe I have it completely backwards, I dont know. Im not a poet. I was a bit confused that the law officer was initially introduced as Deputy Justin Ice (Theres a pulp crime drama name if I ever heard one), but then for the rest of the poem is referred to as Sheriff. Maybe in other jurisdictions the terms can be used interchangeably, but all my life Ive understood that deputies serve under the sheriff.
Mike M: Came out pretty dry, but then again I kind of suspect that a hissy fit thrown by the people who run the Oxford English Dictionary would by its very nature be pretty dry. I actually did a fair amount of research into how the OED is compiled and how the OUP is run, and promptly threw it all out the window because it gave me nothing to work with. The fact that the Delegacy and Corpus exist are true, but I made up just about everything else except for the targeted release date of 2037. I also tried to make the most absurdly English names I could think of. I also took some liberties with the transcript format for the sake of readability.
Cyan: Not sure what it is in this instance that Im supposed to be spotting. My first inclination was that you only made up one of the words in this and that the rest were genuine -- if obscure and archaic words. If that is indeed what you did, bra-fucking-vo then, because you have thwarted even the great and mighty Google for finding any instances of ramshacklous or broumic (and I gave up that line of inquiry at that point). My other guess is that theres a word hidden in capitalized letters or something somewhere? Because the frequent abbreviation of Franklstin HOLY FUCK,
Jesus jumped up Christ that must have broken your brain to do! I cant even manage more than
Id actually toyed with doing
as a secondary challenge in the past just to be a dick about it, but you went and actually pulled it off. I was going to comment how it was weird that the narrator was named Igor, and how it was clearly supposed to be based on Frankenstein but the name change didnt put enough distance between you and the source material, but that was kind of instrumental in my figuring out the thing just now. Holy shit, dude. Holy shit.
Bootaaay: I feel like humans being the odd man out in a galactic community where all other members had come together as a species and put aside their differences before achieving interstellar travel is a bit of an old chestnut. I have to wonder why the Ulysses had any armaments at all, though, unless they knew the Tzachirans and were looking to start a fight. Mass is at a premium on spacecraft, they probably wouldnt spend a lot of it on weapons (unless its some sort of Dead Space-esque asteroid defense system rail gun cannon thing). Not a bad read though, and its nice to see a story about humanitys integration into an interplanetary federation where everything goes right without any tragic misunderstandings or embarrassments.
Charade: Wow, you make the effort I put into mine look like chump change. Look at all these fancy letterheads and stuff youve got going on here. Really excellent found document sort of story, I appreciate the effort you went through in putting together all the different forms together to tell the story and all the details, right down to the race baiting in the comment section of the online news article. Seriously, you went way beyond would I would have even contemplated attempting for a challenge such as this, and you deserve the accolades for the work.
Chainsawkitten: I feel like theres something dark and sinister just lurking below the surface here (Hell, Id probably feel that way even without the creepy drawing, title, and clues just because youve built that kind of expectation for your entries), but as previously mentioned, Im awful at crossword puzzles. Even if I werent, I have a feeling that these clues are to arcane for me to decipher regardless. Without the answers, I feel like Im only getting half the entry.
kehs: Got a few punctuation issues and apparently at least one wrong word choice going on, but nothing too terrible. I dont know if I would have picked up on it if I hadnt been listening to something about Writing the Other, but the main character in this seems to be a transsexual, so I was a little thrown about her wanting not to appear too queer since in my understanding is that transsexualism and homosexuality arent the same thing. But I suppose there can be some significant overlap in a lot of areas. Sexuality and gender are perpetually bewildering and confusing things sometimes. Also, not entiiiiirely sure whats going on at the end between Vase and guy at the end. The implication is that its not another one of Vases jons, which would imply that its someone whos attraction to her is genuine. But shes dressed as a man at this point, which would seem to imply that the other guy is gay and into her as a man. But to my understanding, which is admittedly possibly flawed self-identifies as a woman. That would actually make for a fantastically interesting dynamic that I would probably enjoy reading, but everything ends before that possibility can even start.
Molly Attack: I recall I once read or heard something about the role of sci-fi in addressing societys ethical quandaries by positing and exploring the repercussions of various what-if scenarios. The morality of human cloning and the eventual possibility of creating a second-class citizen status of lab-grown humans versus natural born ones isnt a topic Ive seen tackled lately, though it is a kissing cousin of the topic of genetically engineering designer children and whatnot. You only barely make the slightest of scratches on the surface, but I reckon its probably difficult to launch into any sort of detailed evaluation of the matter in the word limit we had before us.
Tangent: Honestly was not expecting that bit of a scif-fi twist. It didnt seem necessary, honestly, as you probably could have written this same story in modern times with some other explanation for the disability. As it is, you inadvertently opened a can of worms in my mind questioning how the earth is habitable at all in the future if they live for hundreds of years and none of their waste can biodegrade, because that shit (no pun intended) adds up fast. Also, having real troubles imaging a world at least 2000 years hence where the only two methods of communication available to Anil are telepathy chips and these pictograms. You touched on the problem of how to communicate the hazards of material to future generations because the material will outlive us all, which is a real and ongoing problem (even to the point where its been postulated that starting a religion about it would be a good way to provide longevity of the warning), which dovetails nicely with a narrator that can only communicate in pictograms, but it almost seems like an afterthought.
Votes:
1. Charade
2. Cyan
3. kehs
karenq0506: Fun fact, but I never used text messages until I got a smart phone and could type out the full words without having to suffer though the T9 system. I just cant stand the usual text speak abbreviations. Its anathema to me. So that made this a little difficult for me to read, not because of anything you did, but because text message abbreviations are just one of my more irrational trigger issues. That said, the concept of two cats having a text message conversation is amusing to me. I have a soft spot for anthromorphic animals to begin with : )
Ourobolus: For a last minute, seat-of-you-pants entry, I think it was a pretty good effort, despite Cyans best efforts to ruin it for everyone : ) I totally reserve the right to steal the term crehative writing because that perfectly encapsulates what I do and how I feel about my own stories. But telling me that my prompt sucks ass isnt likely to win my vote : P Way to think way the fuck outside the box on this one though, good work. I dont know if you had Cyan in on it, but if not you owe him for a pretty stellar punch line.
Elfforkusu: Usually I would be lamenting my inability to appreciate poetry, but I did kind of specifically ask for stuff like this from the get go, didnt I? I always view being able to tell a story using rhyming scheme to be something of an accomplishment, as poetry has always struck me as being better suited to more abstract depictions of things. Or maybe I have it completely backwards, I dont know. Im not a poet. I was a bit confused that the law officer was initially introduced as Deputy Justin Ice (Theres a pulp crime drama name if I ever heard one), but then for the rest of the poem is referred to as Sheriff. Maybe in other jurisdictions the terms can be used interchangeably, but all my life Ive understood that deputies serve under the sheriff.
Mike M: Came out pretty dry, but then again I kind of suspect that a hissy fit thrown by the people who run the Oxford English Dictionary would by its very nature be pretty dry. I actually did a fair amount of research into how the OED is compiled and how the OUP is run, and promptly threw it all out the window because it gave me nothing to work with. The fact that the Delegacy and Corpus exist are true, but I made up just about everything else except for the targeted release date of 2037. I also tried to make the most absurdly English names I could think of. I also took some liberties with the transcript format for the sake of readability.
Cyan: Not sure what it is in this instance that Im supposed to be spotting. My first inclination was that you only made up one of the words in this and that the rest were genuine -- if obscure and archaic words. If that is indeed what you did, bra-fucking-vo then, because you have thwarted even the great and mighty Google for finding any instances of ramshacklous or broumic (and I gave up that line of inquiry at that point). My other guess is that theres a word hidden in capitalized letters or something somewhere? Because the frequent abbreviation of Franklstin HOLY FUCK,
YOU DIDNT USE THE LETTER E!
I am a good work
guy.
dont use the letter E
Bootaaay: I feel like humans being the odd man out in a galactic community where all other members had come together as a species and put aside their differences before achieving interstellar travel is a bit of an old chestnut. I have to wonder why the Ulysses had any armaments at all, though, unless they knew the Tzachirans and were looking to start a fight. Mass is at a premium on spacecraft, they probably wouldnt spend a lot of it on weapons (unless its some sort of Dead Space-esque asteroid defense system rail gun cannon thing). Not a bad read though, and its nice to see a story about humanitys integration into an interplanetary federation where everything goes right without any tragic misunderstandings or embarrassments.
Charade: Wow, you make the effort I put into mine look like chump change. Look at all these fancy letterheads and stuff youve got going on here. Really excellent found document sort of story, I appreciate the effort you went through in putting together all the different forms together to tell the story and all the details, right down to the race baiting in the comment section of the online news article. Seriously, you went way beyond would I would have even contemplated attempting for a challenge such as this, and you deserve the accolades for the work.
Chainsawkitten: I feel like theres something dark and sinister just lurking below the surface here (Hell, Id probably feel that way even without the creepy drawing, title, and clues just because youve built that kind of expectation for your entries), but as previously mentioned, Im awful at crossword puzzles. Even if I werent, I have a feeling that these clues are to arcane for me to decipher regardless. Without the answers, I feel like Im only getting half the entry.
kehs: Got a few punctuation issues and apparently at least one wrong word choice going on, but nothing too terrible. I dont know if I would have picked up on it if I hadnt been listening to something about Writing the Other, but the main character in this seems to be a transsexual, so I was a little thrown about her wanting not to appear too queer since in my understanding is that transsexualism and homosexuality arent the same thing. But I suppose there can be some significant overlap in a lot of areas. Sexuality and gender are perpetually bewildering and confusing things sometimes. Also, not entiiiiirely sure whats going on at the end between Vase and guy at the end. The implication is that its not another one of Vases jons, which would imply that its someone whos attraction to her is genuine. But shes dressed as a man at this point, which would seem to imply that the other guy is gay and into her as a man. But to my understanding, which is admittedly possibly flawed self-identifies as a woman. That would actually make for a fantastically interesting dynamic that I would probably enjoy reading, but everything ends before that possibility can even start.
Molly Attack: I recall I once read or heard something about the role of sci-fi in addressing societys ethical quandaries by positing and exploring the repercussions of various what-if scenarios. The morality of human cloning and the eventual possibility of creating a second-class citizen status of lab-grown humans versus natural born ones isnt a topic Ive seen tackled lately, though it is a kissing cousin of the topic of genetically engineering designer children and whatnot. You only barely make the slightest of scratches on the surface, but I reckon its probably difficult to launch into any sort of detailed evaluation of the matter in the word limit we had before us.
Tangent: Honestly was not expecting that bit of a scif-fi twist. It didnt seem necessary, honestly, as you probably could have written this same story in modern times with some other explanation for the disability. As it is, you inadvertently opened a can of worms in my mind questioning how the earth is habitable at all in the future if they live for hundreds of years and none of their waste can biodegrade, because that shit (no pun intended) adds up fast. Also, having real troubles imaging a world at least 2000 years hence where the only two methods of communication available to Anil are telepathy chips and these pictograms. You touched on the problem of how to communicate the hazards of material to future generations because the material will outlive us all, which is a real and ongoing problem (even to the point where its been postulated that starting a religion about it would be a good way to provide longevity of the warning), which dovetails nicely with a narrator that can only communicate in pictograms, but it almost seems like an afterthought.
Votes:
1. Charade
2. Cyan
3. kehs
Chainsawkitten
Member
Hmmmm... Is 7 "Arm?"
Chainsawkitten
Member
Hm, carcass for 11?
S for 10?
And then that's "scum" for the vertical? Can't think of anything for 13, though...
Thanks! I finished the writing sooner than I expected, so I was able to spend a couple days making it pretty. As a lifelong procrastinator I surprised myself
S for 10?
And then that's "scum" for the vertical? Can't think of anything for 13, though...
Thanks! I finished the writing sooner than I expected, so I was able to spend a couple days making it pretty. As a lifelong procrastinator I surprised myself
Mike, was it depth for the wrong word? I think i had a whole paragraph written about voice pitch at one point. Was supposed to be pitch.
The final portion was supposed to be about how we keep creating (verbiogenisis) words and definitions to explain things that happen, things that you just can't explain.
The final portion was supposed to be about how we keep creating (verbiogenisis) words and definitions to explain things that happen, things that you just can't explain.
Elfforkusu
Member
Votes:
1) Charade
2) Tangent
3) Mike M
1) Charade
2) Tangent
3) Mike M
Actually the part I was thinking about was the use of "hi" instead of "he." Strictly minor stuff.
Get those votes in, people! Hard deadline of 8 am tomorrow! Sorta. Basically whenever I get to my computer at work and tabulate the score in my spreadsheet. Pending confirmation after I fucked it up so spectacularly that one time.
Oh, those were just typos then. But thanks for the input.
Thanks man. No, no internet connectivity problems. Cyan found out that it was a cookies issue and that I simply needed to log into another browser. That did the trick! Before then, I tried logging in a million times, changing my password, logging in as a different person, etc. No luck!
Some feedback, more after some sleep:
karenq0506 -- this was hilarious! How come only one cat had the held up mask providing a smile?
Ourobulus -- brilliant! I had no idea that THIS would be your actual entry. The typo is the icing on the cake.
Elfforkusu -- wait, you are an amazing poet! This flowed so well and the ending made me smile.
My votes:
1) Cyan
I felt like this was interesting, if only because of the disonance between what I expected and what was delivered. Bravo.
2) Mike M
I feel like this would be incredibly funny in a dry humor kind of way, if a pomp englishman read it aloud. I read it like that myself and laughed.
3) Elforkusu
Loved your entry. You have a gift with flow, and it left me wondering whether I should interpret it deeper or not.
HM: Charade.
1) Cyan
I felt like this was interesting, if only because of the disonance between what I expected and what was delivered. Bravo.
2) Mike M
I feel like this would be incredibly funny in a dry humor kind of way, if a pomp englishman read it aloud. I read it like that myself and laughed.
3) Elforkusu
Loved your entry. You have a gift with flow, and it left me wondering whether I should interpret it deeper or not.
HM: Charade.
Chainsawkitten
Member
Have you tried just deleting the cookies? (If you don't want to change browsers.) In most browsers you can remove specific cookies (if you don't want to simply clear all of them).
just some feedback/ramblings:
karenq0506- Well, you succeeded in your mission with me! Also, thank you for the translation at the end. I didn’t recognize a few of the acronyms, so it was nice to have that there.
Ourobolus- This was a neat idea. I’m bummed I missed out on all the fun!
Elfforkusu- I loved the rhyming in this. Is the sheriff his father?
Mike M- I liked this a lot. The irony and the humor worked, and the transcript format was great. All the proceedings felt real as well, like some research had been done.
Cyan-The brief conflict he felt to save F was a highlight. As was his determination to win back what F took from his brain, whatever that was. Good use of made-up words that could sound like they’re real. And after reading Mike’s feedback:
Bootaaay- I liked this. I think it maybe would have worked better if it was hidden more until the last line? But I’m a sucker for that kind of thing. Though I did like how you tied the Tempest into the reporter’s message and the theme of the whole piece.
Charade- How did this guy even get an interview in the first place?!
Chainsawkitten- I didn’t get far, but I can also feel something dark behind it all.
Kehs- The promise of a real relationship at the end was nice.
Molly Attack- Cool use of the mirror to somewhat mask the presence of the clone.
Tangent- This was neat: the fake urban dictionary entry, use of the pictograms, mentioning South/Central America as the “rich” part of the world, how it all became akin to a public service announcement.
karenq0506- Well, you succeeded in your mission with me! Also, thank you for the translation at the end. I didn’t recognize a few of the acronyms, so it was nice to have that there.
Ourobolus- This was a neat idea. I’m bummed I missed out on all the fun!
Elfforkusu- I loved the rhyming in this. Is the sheriff his father?
Mike M- I liked this a lot. The irony and the humor worked, and the transcript format was great. All the proceedings felt real as well, like some research had been done.
Cyan-The brief conflict he felt to save F was a highlight. As was his determination to win back what F took from his brain, whatever that was. Good use of made-up words that could sound like they’re real. And after reading Mike’s feedback:
wow that is amazing. Like seriously crazy. I didn’t notice it before, but now it all makes sense (like why you changed some words the way you did). That’s so cool. I can’t even imagine trying to write like that.
Charade- How did this guy even get an interview in the first place?!
Chainsawkitten- I didn’t get far, but I can also feel something dark behind it all.
Kehs- The promise of a real relationship at the end was nice.
Molly Attack- Cool use of the mirror to somewhat mask the presence of the clone.
Tangent- This was neat: the fake urban dictionary entry, use of the pictograms, mentioning South/Central America as the “rich” part of the world, how it all became akin to a public service announcement.
British Monsoon
Member
1. Charade - loved the detail that went into this one, excellent formatting and the cover letter and interview made me want to read a story about the guy.
2. Mike M - really well written and formatted, very humorous conversation and I was indeed legitimately shaken at your usage of legit shook! Mind if I PM that to a couple of the WrassleGAF guys?
3. Cyan - very cool concept, loved some of the language used and it wasn't at all what I expected from the outset.
2. Mike M - really well written and formatted, very humorous conversation and I was indeed legitimately shaken at your usage of legit shook! Mind if I PM that to a couple of the WrassleGAF guys?
3. Cyan - very cool concept, loved some of the language used and it wasn't at all what I expected from the outset.
Mike M – I most appreciated the English names used. I liked the rivalry between the MW and Oxford and the words that you chose to have them discuss. I especially liked, “They’re Americans, dear. They don’t exactly have a history of having good reasons for doing anything.” Go Americans!
Cyan – I think this was one of my favorite things you have written. I wanted to re-read some sentences because they were so fun. It reminded me of the Jabberwocky. I was struck by this phrase: and as a gulp of air slips..." I thought it might have been something like, "and as a airs of gulp slip..."
Bootaaay – Cool to read about a world where all species unite. It was fun to read about the perspectives of humans as a minority. Because we seem to be so wired to think that we are the center of the universe, I wonder how humans would have perceived their position as a minority – especially if being a minority might entail less privilege or access to resources, etc.
Charade – Holy crap. This was so exciting to read. The visual layout was beautiful. You were very thoughtful in all the details. Did this take you forever? Everything you included was fun too. Also, sometimes I feel like people’s stories are better suited for a longer novel. Your story was very fitting for 1800 words.
Chainsawkitten – Man it’s been a long time since I’ve attempted a crossword puzzle. Do you mind if I share this with a friend (from Seattle!) who is a crossword fanatic? Without having completed the crossword puzzle, what I’m most impressed by is your tedious work with actually creating this – rather than just using solid lines in whatever drawing program you used. I also liked the masking tape.
Kehs – I wish I were familiar with more stories about gender, since it’s this eternal concept we’ve had, but continues to befuddle everyone. I liked the concept and how the story flows. I wish, at the end, there was more explicitly stated as to how the new Jon in town felt about Vase. I was a little unclear as to why he was so nervous – if he was gay since Vase is now dressed as a man, if he just had extreme social anxiety with strangers, felt insecure in a new town, etc. Oh, and I liked this sentence: If I could be as tall as I am with hooker heels without hooker heels I wouldn’t need hooker heels.
Molly Attack – Really cool idea and I liked the ending with the reflection in the mirror.
Votes:
1. Charade
2. Cyan
3. karenq0506
hm: Mike M, Kehs
I was pleasantly surprised with all the entries. What I liked about this challenge was the thoughtfulness put into the design of a story. Or at least, thinking of a story in terms of design rather than just how a story will move forward. For me, it framed the thinking process in a fresh way -- while I was writing my story and while reading others. And man, it seems like in addition to being great writers, you guys could also be graphic designers. Maybe you already are.
Just yesterday, I heard Roman Mars in a radio show talk about the puzzle of how to communicate to future generations using religion. Or at least, mythology, to communicate with people in the extreme distance future. It was a fun show on how symbols' meanings have changed over time.
Cyan – I think this was one of my favorite things you have written. I wanted to re-read some sentences because they were so fun. It reminded me of the Jabberwocky. I was struck by this phrase: and as a gulp of air slips..." I thought it might have been something like, "and as a airs of gulp slip..."
Bootaaay – Cool to read about a world where all species unite. It was fun to read about the perspectives of humans as a minority. Because we seem to be so wired to think that we are the center of the universe, I wonder how humans would have perceived their position as a minority – especially if being a minority might entail less privilege or access to resources, etc.
Charade – Holy crap. This was so exciting to read. The visual layout was beautiful. You were very thoughtful in all the details. Did this take you forever? Everything you included was fun too. Also, sometimes I feel like people’s stories are better suited for a longer novel. Your story was very fitting for 1800 words.
Chainsawkitten – Man it’s been a long time since I’ve attempted a crossword puzzle. Do you mind if I share this with a friend (from Seattle!) who is a crossword fanatic? Without having completed the crossword puzzle, what I’m most impressed by is your tedious work with actually creating this – rather than just using solid lines in whatever drawing program you used. I also liked the masking tape.
Kehs – I wish I were familiar with more stories about gender, since it’s this eternal concept we’ve had, but continues to befuddle everyone. I liked the concept and how the story flows. I wish, at the end, there was more explicitly stated as to how the new Jon in town felt about Vase. I was a little unclear as to why he was so nervous – if he was gay since Vase is now dressed as a man, if he just had extreme social anxiety with strangers, felt insecure in a new town, etc. Oh, and I liked this sentence: If I could be as tall as I am with hooker heels without hooker heels I wouldn’t need hooker heels.
Molly Attack – Really cool idea and I liked the ending with the reflection in the mirror.
Votes:
1. Charade
2. Cyan
3. karenq0506
hm: Mike M, Kehs
I was pleasantly surprised with all the entries. What I liked about this challenge was the thoughtfulness put into the design of a story. Or at least, thinking of a story in terms of design rather than just how a story will move forward. For me, it framed the thinking process in a fresh way -- while I was writing my story and while reading others. And man, it seems like in addition to being great writers, you guys could also be graphic designers. Maybe you already are.
Hmm good point. I wish I flushed that out -- the part about communicating to future generations. I also wished I flushed out the challenges of communication with picture symbols. I have seen people communication with picture boards and at times they just sit there when they try to re-explain themselves, and the listener is not quite sure what is going on. Thinking time? Fatigue? Confusion? Frustration? Hopelessness?
Just yesterday, I heard Roman Mars in a radio show talk about the puzzle of how to communicate to future generations using religion. Or at least, mythology, to communicate with people in the extreme distance future. It was a fun show on how symbols' meanings have changed over time.
Don't mind at all, so long as they're aware I'm not trying to single them out, it was just the second thing that occurred to me : )
At work now. THE VOTE TABULMIFICATION PROCESS BEGINS!
EDIT: Holding the door for Tangent, but Charade pretty much has this locked in.
Sorry about the delay. When you say you get to work at 8, you mean it.
Well now I'm gonna go make myself some oatmeal, so you bought yourself another 5 minutes!
(Secretly hoping for last minute surge of first place votes)
EDIT: oh, you edited them in above.
Thanks! Those are actual pictures I had from my cat and my friend's cat. Mine just happened to have a fake smile.
Oh, and before I forget:
Well that was... Shakespearean. I believe you had mentioned you were going to do a script for the second part, but I wasn't expecting that at all. Between this and Part 1, you're obviously capable of wearing multiple hats at this, very impressive.
That said, I think I would have preferred the follow up to have been in the same still as the first part for the sake of consistency since it's one continuous story (and I really liked how you wrote part 1).
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