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NeoGAF General Poetry Thread #4: History
- Thread starter hey_monkey
- Start date
- Status
hey_monkey
Banned
I recently wrote one that was just under 600 words and about one hundred lines. When I say "recently," too, I mean all the poetry I've written in my adult life has been in the past two months. :lol I was still very much in a prose-y space so that was a very long poem.
Alfarif said:
Funny you say that, but it might just be being written now!
My line of work means I know the longest poem is -or going to be soon- the twitter poem.
http://www.longestpoemintheworld.com/
info:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technolo...est-poem-in-the-world-written-on-Twitter.html
But for a more non-automatic poem; I don't know really. Bhagavad Gita gets tossed around a bit.
edit: Google brings up this:
http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200608/s1706896.htm
It's a kilometer in length. :lol
And "the blah story". Never heard of it myself.
"The Blah Story, Volume 8" consists of one poem which contains 98,728 words; 449,441 characters (with spaces); 23,161 lines; 728 pages.
http://www.1888pressrelease.com/the...m-now-belongs-to-writer-and-pr-418v0y8hi.html
credit: http://www.funtrivia.com/askft/Question3110.html
There must be others.
Edit 2: A while ago, we had a theme for the writing thread to write poetry but a tale of sorts, like beowolf or something. And as a side task from what I posted, I did say that I would try and find the long poem I had written. Can't remember If found it or not. But It had to have been around the 1800 mark. That was the word count requirement :lol
hey_monkey
Banned
Dream song hard. 
I have a draft, but... uh... I'm not even sure about it, much less whether or not it captures the associational flow of Berryman's work on even the poorest level.
Someone rock it out this time, please. I suck at setting secondary objectives!
I have a draft, but... uh... I'm not even sure about it, much less whether or not it captures the associational flow of Berryman's work on even the poorest level.Someone rock it out this time, please. I suck at setting secondary objectives!
hey_monkey
Banned
What the hell, I might as well go on and post it, since somehow I don't think it's gonna change too much:
Chiggers: A Dream Song
My legs still itch
from walking in the park that muggy day. I knew
the bugs would come for me, would crawl
up my skirt, feast on my flesh, but with your hand glued
to my hand, I was willing to sacrifice
my skin. It has been one month. 32 days since our beginning.
There was another day, and then a night, and another skirt,
different grass, a different car, and we were together, but so distant,
when all I wanted was to crawl into you, to feel the hard
buzz of your chest and the sweat-stickiness of your hands.
We had a seed then, unsprouted. Ungrown.
It has been 12 years since that momentour last.
I always wore skirts
for you, always so femme for you, on another day when we walked
together, through the only patch of grass in Oklahoma.
Sometimes we touched, and in those small, sour moments, I
was alive with your sting. It has been sixteen years. So let
the bites itch. I feel them all.
Chiggers: A Dream Song
My legs still itch
from walking in the park that muggy day. I knew
the bugs would come for me, would crawl
up my skirt, feast on my flesh, but with your hand glued
to my hand, I was willing to sacrifice
my skin. It has been one month. 32 days since our beginning.
There was another day, and then a night, and another skirt,
different grass, a different car, and we were together, but so distant,
when all I wanted was to crawl into you, to feel the hard
buzz of your chest and the sweat-stickiness of your hands.
We had a seed then, unsprouted. Ungrown.
It has been 12 years since that momentour last.
I always wore skirts
for you, always so femme for you, on another day when we walked
together, through the only patch of grass in Oklahoma.
Sometimes we touched, and in those small, sour moments, I
was alive with your sting. It has been sixteen years. So let
the bites itch. I feel them all.
hey_monkey
Banned
Nope. But I bet you could put one in, if you wanted. It's just a ruminatey sort of poem in 18 lines/3 stanzas.
hey_monkey
Banned
Poetry, people. Write it!
Sandbox King
a dog barks
a leaf falls
the days change
the night calls
the sun shines
then it hides
all the kids
have gone home
but one kid is still present
with a definite vision
his aching hands reflect
his constant digging
despite the night's expedited approach
the digging won't stop and
the kid won't go
a gas station sign that provides him
with light
flickers and flickers
and flickers again
but the flickering stops
the morning sun grows
and the sandbox king's
got nowhere to go
a dog barks
a leaf falls
the days change
the night calls
the sun shines
then it hides
all the kids
have gone home
but one kid is still present
with a definite vision
his aching hands reflect
his constant digging
despite the night's expedited approach
the digging won't stop and
the kid won't go
a gas station sign that provides him
with light
flickers and flickers
and flickers again
but the flickering stops
the morning sun grows
and the sandbox king's
got nowhere to go
hey_monkey
Banned
Yay, you return! You better throw down and upset the apple cart regarding this second place thing.
though you can totally still vote for me if you want. that's cool.
hey_monkey
Banned
Deadline approaches, party people.
Tim the Wiz
Banned
Two poems to vote on? This is going to be a tough one.
hey_monkey
Banned
They have until Friday. But still.
Wait a minute. I mean YOU. YOU have until Friday. Get writing.
Wait a minute. I mean YOU. YOU have until Friday. Get writing.
Tim the Wiz
Banned
hey_monkey said:
Not until you explain what you did to your avatar.
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=397197Tim the Wiz said:
Feldman's made a fool of himself again
His honey bristling and rearing against the dark
A simple smile betraying those poor old teeth
To the plumes and lacerations of his dearest
Interviewing the galaxies and lonely stars
For a job: "One day, I'll buy a car,
And pick a place and fly away.
I wonder if they have minimum wage there
I wonder why I anticipate a collision
On unadopted highways, meandering in sandals
I wonder why the wind is fresh at night
I wonder why I trust this man with the directions
I wonder if they take the fools like him
Dreaming for a distant land
To lay with friends and recuperate
From a life made long with smoke and scars
And thoughtless errands
I know how long this man may have to live
He has a history you know
He killed a man because he could
I wonder if they take the fools like him
His honey bristling and rearing against the dark
A simple smile betraying those poor old teeth
To the plumes and lacerations of his dearest
Interviewing the galaxies and lonely stars
For a job: "One day, I'll buy a car,
And pick a place and fly away.
I wonder if they have minimum wage there
I wonder why I anticipate a collision
On unadopted highways, meandering in sandals
I wonder why the wind is fresh at night
I wonder why I trust this man with the directions
I wonder if they take the fools like him
Dreaming for a distant land
To lay with friends and recuperate
From a life made long with smoke and scars
And thoughtless errands
I know how long this man may have to live
He has a history you know
He killed a man because he could
I wonder if they take the fools like him
hey_monkey
Banned
Yay, moar poe-tree. Keep it coming, folks. Secondary objective is only optional!
As for mah avvy, I wanted the pope hat shot, but it didn't work so well. Sigh.
As for mah avvy, I wanted the pope hat shot, but it didn't work so well. Sigh.
I wrote something I'm mildly happy with. I couldn't do the dream song bit... I tried, and I failed spectacularly. :lol Anyway, quoted bit below my entry is simply for context. I wrote that bit a long time ago, but never got around to actually finishing the story, so figured I'd do that during this challenge.
Second Movement of Discordia Part 2
Greater men than he had failed the tests; men of character
And poise
Greater men than he had met their end; men of import
And strength
Systems come and systems go,
Men topple the lands theyve known
Unearthed and unloved; pushed ahead with angst ridden hands
Even as Discordiant whims retire, and he is made to advance
Even as the world turns to another, and he is not what he was
He must cast off the past and become the mighty.
Leave the men to their own devices
They will be remembered
Stratagem for the overturned and the unborn
To begat the past, and unmake the future; to relish the chaotic motif
Where they were birthed and left bare
A nobility for a peasant, a right for a privilege
He will undo it one step at a time.
Conflict for the twilight end, bloodshed for the returned men
Puzzled and overrun in the interim
It never concludes; it forever cycles
Past, present, future, become the same in time; never a resolution
Still, there arent yet words for that which is unwritten; there is time enough for that
And when liberation meets its makers
The course will become his alone.
Second Movement of Discordia Part 2
Greater men than he had failed the tests; men of character
And poise
Greater men than he had met their end; men of import
And strength
Systems come and systems go,
Men topple the lands theyve known
Unearthed and unloved; pushed ahead with angst ridden hands
Even as Discordiant whims retire, and he is made to advance
Even as the world turns to another, and he is not what he was
He must cast off the past and become the mighty.
Leave the men to their own devices
They will be remembered
Stratagem for the overturned and the unborn
To begat the past, and unmake the future; to relish the chaotic motif
Where they were birthed and left bare
A nobility for a peasant, a right for a privilege
He will undo it one step at a time.
Conflict for the twilight end, bloodshed for the returned men
Puzzled and overrun in the interim
It never concludes; it forever cycles
Past, present, future, become the same in time; never a resolution
Still, there arent yet words for that which is unwritten; there is time enough for that
And when liberation meets its makers
The course will become his alone.
Epoch encroaching mass atrocity: The Rwandan Genocide.
Emotions lay wasted upon the cold concrete grass
Shattered and torn,
The bodies of the African orphan.
Two hundred thousand cockroaches, stabbed, burnt, raped, pillaged and murdered.
Six hundred thousand more by the end of it all.
Raw is the detail, deafening is the sound.
Cries are heard on the 17th page,
On a two inch column,
Behind that bloviated face; the modern front page.
Crapulent is the media; tender is the aim.
When the question spurts from the journalist's heart;
Why is Washington not beating the streets?
The congressman reports frankly, softly, about the calls she gets.
Loud is the campaign to save the endangered Rwandan species.
Less are the calls for people.
Great is the movement, lost to another cause.
Birds flutter in the cloudy sky,
Covering the blue day,
Leaving the brightness of the sun behind;
I sit in the shade and grab a sock of earth,
My eyes wild with fear, as the raging crowd approaches.
Emotions lay wasted upon the cold concrete grass
Shattered and torn,
The bodies of the African orphan.
Two hundred thousand cockroaches, stabbed, burnt, raped, pillaged and murdered.
Six hundred thousand more by the end of it all.
Raw is the detail, deafening is the sound.
Cries are heard on the 17th page,
On a two inch column,
Behind that bloviated face; the modern front page.
Crapulent is the media; tender is the aim.
When the question spurts from the journalist's heart;
Why is Washington not beating the streets?
The congressman reports frankly, softly, about the calls she gets.
Loud is the campaign to save the endangered Rwandan species.
Less are the calls for people.
Great is the movement, lost to another cause.
Birds flutter in the cloudy sky,
Covering the blue day,
Leaving the brightness of the sun behind;
I sit in the shade and grab a sock of earth,
My eyes wild with fear, as the raging crowd approaches.
If history teaches us anything. Never Forget. Never Again.
hey_monkey
Banned
Yay, more poems!
I hope I can recruit someone to compile the list of entries for me. I will be out of town this weekend (was for last vote, too!), but will try to get my comments up, at least.
I hope I can recruit someone to compile the list of entries for me. I will be out of town this weekend (was for last vote, too!), but will try to get my comments up, at least.
Maintain contact with society through bit roles and cameos.
Massive gain of notoriety by performing in donkey shows.
Stand firmly against the rising tide of false humanity.
Ignore the world before you utter cries of insanity.
Shouts, stirs, and slurred words bring about the panic attack.
Beating heart and heavy breaths, the perfect soundtrack.
Crowds of foes hop from pub to bar to tavern.
Hermit on the hill masks loneliness with paintings in the cavern.
Walks down, into town and encounters the perpetrated hate.
A shake of the head and a twitch of the hand more than enough to incriminate.
Hustles forward, slamming into the mound of baiting flesh.
Should have stayed at home, never meant to mesh.
Rising from soot guarantees a constant cycle of second place.
Can't say you'd be better off to never have entered the race.
Hatred of hatred is the consumption of the self.
Rage stored in a water bottle is never good for the health.
Eventually, you'll find yourself giving up the reigns to the cockpit.
By the way, I think this poem is about taking a massive shit.
Massive gain of notoriety by performing in donkey shows.
Stand firmly against the rising tide of false humanity.
Ignore the world before you utter cries of insanity.
Shouts, stirs, and slurred words bring about the panic attack.
Beating heart and heavy breaths, the perfect soundtrack.
Crowds of foes hop from pub to bar to tavern.
Hermit on the hill masks loneliness with paintings in the cavern.
Walks down, into town and encounters the perpetrated hate.
A shake of the head and a twitch of the hand more than enough to incriminate.
Hustles forward, slamming into the mound of baiting flesh.
Should have stayed at home, never meant to mesh.
Rising from soot guarantees a constant cycle of second place.
Can't say you'd be better off to never have entered the race.
Hatred of hatred is the consumption of the self.
Rage stored in a water bottle is never good for the health.
Eventually, you'll find yourself giving up the reigns to the cockpit.
By the way, I think this poem is about taking a massive shit.
British Monsoon
Member
Vuvuzela
The hive fills.
Slowly, but surely, they arive
in vibrant colour and costume.
Drunk on the atmosphere
that permeates the air.
Hope, tinged with fear
alive, vivacious
brimming with anticipation.
The hive erupts in sound
as their champions emerge
and the bees take up the call;
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
------------------------------------------------------
Also tried a secondary objective one, but I don't think I did it right
Light flickers, sparking
in and out of existance
intermitant and irregular.
Pupils contract hurridly,
trying desperately
to take in the scene.
He turns, but for a moment
and shadows dance, wreathed
in the dim electric light.
Deformed, grotesque
wavering to and fro
across the ruined wall.
Rising, he stumbles on
heedless of direction
and emerges into twilight.
The stars stare from above,
their pure, empty gaze
as cold as the night air.
The hive fills.
Slowly, but surely, they arive
in vibrant colour and costume.
Drunk on the atmosphere
that permeates the air.
Hope, tinged with fear
alive, vivacious
brimming with anticipation.
The hive erupts in sound
as their champions emerge
and the bees take up the call;
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
------------------------------------------------------
Also tried a secondary objective one, but I don't think I did it right
Light flickers, sparking
in and out of existance
intermitant and irregular.
Pupils contract hurridly,
trying desperately
to take in the scene.
He turns, but for a moment
and shadows dance, wreathed
in the dim electric light.
Deformed, grotesque
wavering to and fro
across the ruined wall.
Rising, he stumbles on
heedless of direction
and emerges into twilight.
The stars stare from above,
their pure, empty gaze
as cold as the night air.
Tim the Wiz
Banned
Bootaaay said:
Brilliant. :lol
hey_monkey
Banned
Thank you for compiling, Irish! Will try to get my comments/votes in tonight if I'm not entirely toasted by the time I get back to the room. Though if I am, that might make for some hilarity.
hey_monkey
Banned
Bootaay, why you banned?
comments:
kid ness: last stanza really makes this, in my opinion. In some of the other stanzas, I'm not sure the line breaks are optimal--not really building tension or pulling me along, I think. But starting with "flickers and flickers" -- so I guess the last six lines -- things are just fantastic.
Plumbob: I wish this had a title simply because I'm damned curious as to what you'd call it. How you'd focus or direct it, if you will, because that's all that really "missing" here, to me. Nice work.
Alfarif: I almost wish you hadn't posted the "context" one, because I like it better! I think picking up and continuing something you've worked on before (or writing a second part, I mean) makes for a nice double layer on the theme. As for this piece, I like the occasional subtle rhymes a lot. I just think that older one trumps it, me.
Ashes1396 (why that number?): Heavy. Really like a lot of what you did here with language (e.g. "sock of earth"). Think you could do a lot of little editing with punctuation and line breaks here to make this even stronger, though. Obviously excellent work on theme!
Irish: I effin' snorted over that last line. Hilarious. Interesting work on theme.
Boooooootaaaaaaay: I'm glad I looked up "vuvuzela." I guess if I was a soccer fan, I'd have already known! But knowing that gives this a lot more depth, obviously! Don't really like the actual rendering of the sound, but love the rest.
Boootaaaaaay the second: No worries, dude; I've been looking up other peoples' dream songs and I don't think anyone did it "right" except Berryman himself. But I think you caught the ruminative (I still dunno if that's a word) nature here. Strong beginning and end. Nice images.
votes:
1. Bootaay the second (though it was tough picking between the two)
2. Plumbob
3. Ashes1396
Really liked all the subs this time, guys. Wish more of you had written. Sorry if the theme didn't get you kicking and screaming. But really, really happy with what did turn up. You guys are killer.
I'm displeased with mine and will probably rewrite it out of form, but I'm glad I tried something different (sorta....)
comments:
kid ness: last stanza really makes this, in my opinion. In some of the other stanzas, I'm not sure the line breaks are optimal--not really building tension or pulling me along, I think. But starting with "flickers and flickers" -- so I guess the last six lines -- things are just fantastic.
Plumbob: I wish this had a title simply because I'm damned curious as to what you'd call it. How you'd focus or direct it, if you will, because that's all that really "missing" here, to me. Nice work.
Alfarif: I almost wish you hadn't posted the "context" one, because I like it better! I think picking up and continuing something you've worked on before (or writing a second part, I mean) makes for a nice double layer on the theme. As for this piece, I like the occasional subtle rhymes a lot. I just think that older one trumps it, me.
Ashes1396 (why that number?): Heavy. Really like a lot of what you did here with language (e.g. "sock of earth"). Think you could do a lot of little editing with punctuation and line breaks here to make this even stronger, though. Obviously excellent work on theme!
Irish: I effin' snorted over that last line. Hilarious. Interesting work on theme.
Boooooootaaaaaaay: I'm glad I looked up "vuvuzela." I guess if I was a soccer fan, I'd have already known! But knowing that gives this a lot more depth, obviously! Don't really like the actual rendering of the sound, but love the rest.
Boootaaaaaay the second: No worries, dude; I've been looking up other peoples' dream songs and I don't think anyone did it "right" except Berryman himself.
But I think you caught the ruminative (I still dunno if that's a word) nature here. Strong beginning and end. Nice images.votes:
1. Bootaay the second (though it was tough picking between the two)
2. Plumbob
3. Ashes1396
Really liked all the subs this time, guys. Wish more of you had written. Sorry if the theme didn't get you kicking and screaming. But really, really happy with what did turn up. You guys are killer.
I'm displeased with mine and will probably rewrite it out of form, but I'm glad I tried something different (sorta....)
All right there are two sets of votes here: my wife and then mine. Her account is Alliekat and she didn't feel like logging in. If I can't do that, she'll log in to post them herself.
Alliekat:
1)Ashes1396
2)hey_monkey
3)Alfarif
Alfarif:
1)Ashes1396
2)hey_monkey
3)Bootaaay- Vuvuzela
Alliekat:
1)Ashes1396
2)hey_monkey
3)Alfarif
Alfarif:
1)Ashes1396
2)hey_monkey
3)Bootaaay- Vuvuzela
hey_monkey said:
Yeah, when I was finished with it, I liked that it could stand on its own. Unfortunately, as you said, when taken in context, it just doesn't stand up to the first part. I will end up going back and either redoing it or expanding on it, because I do think it needs to be fleshed out more.
I don't know if anyone will care, but these two pieces are connected to the one I wrote in the "Interior" poetry challenge.
A nobility for a peasant, a right for a privilege, from the second part, and Nobility's flown and I seek your wisdom to seek her out
Girl's azure eyes, the boy's stones of gray, from the first one are actually references to the girl and boy, specifically these lines: It would always be he, the boy with the contagious smile and eyes of slate
To match her calm azure and For her people need her, and the war will never end unless she takes her station.
She takes her mantle, and steps into the unknown.
Sumalis is visited by an "angel" of sorts that tells him to lead the girl in the other poem to safety. Sumalis, however, is leading a group of men known as the "Discordiants" into battle, and he doesn't want to leave his men. He tells the angel to give him three days to complete his task before he departs.
A nobility for a peasant, a right for a privilege, from the second part, and Nobility's flown and I seek your wisdom to seek her out
Girl's azure eyes, the boy's stones of gray, from the first one are actually references to the girl and boy, specifically these lines: It would always be he, the boy with the contagious smile and eyes of slate
To match her calm azure and For her people need her, and the war will never end unless she takes her station.
She takes her mantle, and steps into the unknown.
Sumalis is visited by an "angel" of sorts that tells him to lead the girl in the other poem to safety. Sumalis, however, is leading a group of men known as the "Discordiants" into battle, and he doesn't want to leave his men. He tells the angel to give him three days to complete his task before he departs.
hey_monkey
Banned
Alfarif said:
I vouch if anyone cares (though they may not care about my vouching) as I've seen her post!
votes:
1. Kid ness
2. Bootaay - secondary objective
3. plumbob
I think we should extend it for a bit and let some users get their votes in.
ps. Alfarif posting votes from his significant other is perfectly fine with me.
1. Kid ness
2. Bootaay - secondary objective
3. plumbob
I think we should extend it for a bit and let some users get their votes in.
paging plumbob. I haven't counted the votes yet but you have a few nominations I think.
ps. Alfarif posting votes from his significant other is perfectly fine with me.
hey_monkey
Banned
Okay! We got a little messed up by E3 and I'm really not sure how we should proceed with the new thread. Here are the results as I calculated them:
Ashes1396: 13
Bootaaay (second): 6
hey_monkey: 6
kid ness: 5
Plumbob: 5
Irish: 5
Alfarif: 4
Bootaay (first): 1
Wish we'd seen more people voting, but I expect it might still have been a runaway victory for Ashes1396. Good job, man! Now you get to decide how to handle challenge interruption. :lol
Ashes1396: 13
Bootaaay (second): 6
hey_monkey: 6
kid ness: 5
Plumbob: 5
Irish: 5
Alfarif: 4
Bootaay (first): 1
Wish we'd seen more people voting, but I expect it might still have been a runaway victory for Ashes1396. Good job, man! Now you get to decide how to handle challenge interruption. :lol
hey_monkey
Banned
Oh certainly. When it's that big a margin, you have a clear winner. Mostly, I just don't know what to do about the timeline/dates for the new one, because of this interruption! Maybe we should wait?
Mostly, I just don't know what to do about the timeline/dates for the new one, because of this interruption! Maybe we should wait?hey_monkey
Banned
There were a lot of votes that were close... after your huge-ass margin. :lol Congrats!
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