It depends. Blanket bans are typically racist. Having personal preferences for physical features that don't tend to be shared by certain ethnicities doesn't make you racist though - say a person absolutely loves blond hair on their partners. Kind of narrows things down, and that isn't racist.
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Is refusing to date people of certain races racist?
- Thread starter Supast4r
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War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
Actively taking the decision not to date a race is obviously racist.
If your preferences tend towards certain races (eg, if you prefer blonde hair/blue eyes you are probably going to lean towards caucasians) then it is hard to fault that. Though it may be implictly racist.
If your preferences tend towards certain races (eg, if you prefer blonde hair/blue eyes you are probably going to lean towards caucasians) then it is hard to fault that. Though it may be implictly racist.
Randomizer123454444
Member
I don't understand, is it common to question reasons for refusing dates?
Man: "I'd like to invite you for a date"
Woman: "No, I'm not interested"
Man: "Why not?"
Is it really OK to pressure people to give reasons like this?
It's not pressure I don't think. If they refuse to give a reason, no worries just move on.
Solid Sora
Member
I don't know I think it's a matter of taste. As a bi guy I don't find black men attractive most of the time, but black girls are the hottest thing ever for me.
These threads usually come down to people not understanding what the word "preference" means. As in, in a group of options you would "prefer" one over the others, but it doesn't mean you would refuse/dislike/hate any of the others as is the case with the OP's story. It's "ok" to have preferences as everyone in these threads always says, but that's never what these threads are about. And the "refusals" we see in threads like these illustrate a bigger issue when these threads are ALWAYS about Black women and on the rare occasion when they aren't about Black women, Black women get brought into the discussion by the end of the first page.
Yes it's racist OP.
Yes it's racist OP.
I don't think it's racist to have a preference to date people of your own race and most people would probably find that reasonable I'd imagine. Excluding the idea of ever dating someone from a race outside yours of even one specific race sounds pretty prejudiced. That said, I'm willing to bet in 99% of cases that, put to the test, nobody would stick to that stance. If OP's friend for instance met the girl of his dreams, perfect for him in every way, but she just happened to be black, my bet is he would change his tune pretty fucking fast. If he didn't at that point, that is absolutely racist.
Crankshaft
Member
What about not dating other races because other people are racist. My mother dated a black guy and his father threatened my mom to have her killed if she didn't break up with him. It didn't stop my mom from dating him or other black men though.
Alter_Fridge
Member
Not really, but only in certain situations. And it should always be said with a glint in your eye if you do ask, not with a serial killer look in your eye
Actually, if the answer is a flat out "not interested" then nah that's the end of it. But if it was like an umming and ahhing no, there may be a window there.
PixelatedBookake
Junior Member
I mean...at that point your parents are threatening to kill you do to their racism is another issue altogether. At a certain age that shouldn't make a difference what they think.
Yeah, do a blankett statement that 'I won't date a black person' is racists.
Preferring darker toned over whiter tone and vice versa isn't, since it is a preference, like hair color, eye color, breast size, dick size whatever.
Sorry, I initially misread your post as: "Your friend could have just said he doesn't date certain races and left it at that."
But yeah, rejected people will often want to know the reason why. Learning from your mistakes and all that.
legacyzero
Banned
Agreed. I have personal preferences too. But its mind boggling to me. Anybody saying they would NEVER be with a black person doesnt even land in the realm of preference.
And as far as Black Women go? I'm even more confused. Dudes like that must not know who the queen was
RIP
Fools I say. FOOLS.
A friend of mine always passed it off as 'only being interested' in women of the same race as him, with no ability to give a rationale beyond claiming a need to be with someone from his cultural background.
He had VERY specific things in mind for what he was looking for overall. Eventually found a girl that checked off all those boxes (including race) and married in less than a year.
He's always been strangely dismissive of racist things like that, or racist actions and ideas/beliefs held by others from his cultural background.
He had VERY specific things in mind for what he was looking for overall. Eventually found a girl that checked off all those boxes (including race) and married in less than a year.
He's always been strangely dismissive of racist things like that, or racist actions and ideas/beliefs held by others from his cultural background.
Chuckie
Member
Agreed. I have personal preferences too. But it mind boggling to me. Anybody saying they would NEVER be with a black person does even land in the realm of preference.
And as far as Black Women go? Im even more confused. Dude like that must not know who the queen was
RIP
Fools I say. FOOLS.
Aaliyah ;____; <3 <3 <3
Fancy Clown
Member
I mean, yeah. It definitely is.
legacyzero
Banned
Alone
Glass Rebel
Member
Incel
johancruijff
Banned
A crude man once told me that pussy got only one color
Greedings
Member
I mean, I'm not really one to say, I don't have the knowledge or experience to tell anyone what is racist or not.
I would think that saying "Black people have feature X" could be perceived as racist thanks to years of clearly racist caricatures. I don't think it's inherently racist to say that different races express different phenotypes, but thanks to centuries of bullshit, it's better to be safe than sorry.
This is key here, as you're admitting that you can or have found black men out there that you consider to be attractive. Completely from people like OP's friend, who just flat out say they could never date a black person.
What features are exclusive to any one race?
Randomizer123454444
Member
Aah, okay.
I think it's the difference between "You are not my type" vs "I don't date blacks". One is personal preference. One is an attack on the person insinuating inferiority, and thus racism.
Royce McCutcheon
Junior Member
For dating sure, marriage is different.
Glass Rebel
Member
I mean, the entire concept of race is racist. If your preferences are based on an inherently racist social construct, obviously they are racist.
yo what
yo what
Raptomex
Member
This sums it up.
Does he live in / Has he considered moving to Scotland?
If I had such narrow preferences, I'd certainly move to wherever there were better odds.
Here's a link for him: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/maps-and-graphics/country-with-the-most-redheads-gingers/
On topic: Yes, 'refusing' to date people of certain races is definitely racist, as in the example given by the OP.
Having preferences is another thing entirely, and something that can be rapidly overturned just by meeting someone new.
EDIT: For clarity after reading Cyframe's post below, I am not talking about having 'racial' preferences (prefering dating X-race people to Y-race people). I'm talking about preferences for light/dark hair, tall/short, big chest/little chest, whatever/whatever, that may incidentally lead to a demographic tendency towards certain groups that more commonly exhibit the features you prefer.
I just wanted to add something to this. I've been told by people, "I don't usually date Black guys or you're really attractive, I usually don't date people of your race." Other patronizing comments that infer that I should be happy that someone is breaking their biases to give me attention. I don't date people like that. And I would tell others date people like that as well.
There are races within most major cultures. For example, there are Black Jews that are not converts. They can trace back their Jewish heritage centuries.
Overall, racists have very monolithic ideas about certain races and Black people come in all shades, if you look at Africa, and all the countries within it there is so much diversity that I can't find it reasonable for someone to just say, I don't like Black people.
I don't really care about those people. I just wish people with racial preferences would stop thinking that I'm going to be humbled because they find me attractive. I don't find them to be attractive, and I owe them nothing.
Youth Crew
Member
No. Thats insane.
You can date who you want. Everyone has preferences and a type.
You can date who you want. Everyone has preferences and a type.
We parted ways years ago, he was still living at home at that time, so another country is out of the question.
There is a difference between refusing and not preferring to. That is where I make the distinction.
How do you reconcile being attracted to some people of a certain race but not all because you recognize there is great variety within any race, then accept someone who throws away everyone within one race under the pretext of physical attraction despite there being a great variety of skin tones and facial traits within that race?
Youth Crew
Member
I mean, if someone were to say wow shes perfect and shes attractive... but shes black; I cant date her
Then yes, thats racist.
But if youre just not attracted to them, I dont see a problem.
Sabercrusader
Member
Yeah a bit. It's really mostly the refusal aspect.
Having preferences and types is normal - I have those. I never say 'I ONLY date people who fall into these boxes' because those boxes are pretty superficial.
That being said, these boxes are also tangible - like if I said I only dated women who were 6 ft tall+, aside from that being stupid, it could at least be consistently verified. If I said I didn't date white people, and I dated someone who was half white by accident, do you think when I found out I'd be like 'oh no, we have to break up'.
Basically, no one has preferences that are set in stone, or are inescapable. Saying you'd never date a black person is implicit of a deep bias, because black people aren't all made in the same factory, so to speak. We vary physically, mentally, emotionally
sp3ctr3
Member
The way he says it, yes, but he could be just bad with words. Not giving a specific reason also points to yes.
BUT
I can also be a preference thing? If he likes girls with pale skin, he's obviously not looking for a black girl. In that case I wouldn't call it racist.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Even when someone says I have a personal preference or type I find it interesting that these people seem to think it isn't informed by social conditioning or culture. The vast majority of people in this thread who have stated they have a type have said they prefer lighter skin to dark skin 🤔 Prefer blue eyes 🤔 Prefer blonde or brunette hair 🤔 Maybe my "black paranoia" (yes people have said this to me) is setting in but some of these things have tons of history and social context behind them no?
You can like what you wanna like but you're not so much of a special snowflake as to not have your preferences in part shaped by society.
You can like what you wanna like but you're not so much of a special snowflake as to not have your preferences in part shaped by society.
No. Thats insane.
You can be friends with who you want. Everyone has preferences and a type.
Royce McCutcheon
Junior Member
Coming from a my family, I personally would have an extremely difficult time introducing say a white woman to my family. My family don't like white people, I didn't know what an edible cracker was until I could read. Even dating a white girl was a damn near intervention style incident. *my mother was 100% positive my girlfriend was a Satanist for wearing a Marilyn Manson shirt.* I'm not willing to dump my family for marriage. So I'll likely be marrying black the first time around.
Maybe you should tell your family to fuck off when it comes to who you date? You dont have to dump your family to tell them that their attitude towards the people you date is unacceptable. That or let their racist views control your life. The choice is yours.
Youth Crew
Member
Im not sure with what youre saying here.
Are you comparing your friends to people you date/have sex with?
Maybe youre different than me, but I really dont focus on how sexually attractive my friends are.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Yeah your family has some racial issues to work out. I understand the idea of wanting to date someone culturally similar to you simply due to making certain interactions easier but that's still all socially informed. If everyone was open minded you wouldn't have this problem.
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