Alright, time to read!
Updating this post as I go through your stories:
I Push Fat Kids – conflict +1
Quite a short short story, but is in itself not a negative, what I do think could be improved is to write it more as an excerpt out of a self-biography rather than a stand-alone account of your day.
Secondly, you’re probably overusing the word of the theme as well as doing an injustice to the theme itself by bringing up multiple minor to major conflicts that doesn’t seem to be linked to each other in any other way than having occurred lately.
Prose is fine, though you could cut down on the short sentences and weave things together into a more flowing account of your day(s).
Aaron – Show Match
Good characterization of the couple of characters introduced the first paragraphs, though you hinted at the motivation of the narrator I think it would have been better to either bring up more of it early on in the text or save it for later on as she does some self-reflection. The fight between the sumo wrestler and boxer was an interesting concept, was well described, and the surprise ending was quite enjoyable.
Good writing and interpretation of the theme.
En-ou – a secret visit
The classic tale of unrequited love, and different worlds, in a light fantasy setting. You brought forth some fantastical elements of this particular world, but more would have been welcomed (what sort of forest was it for an example? Might shape the behaviour of this elf/spirit and thus be of importance)
Bombadil – Food Court
Couple of grammar mistakes (looks like auto-correct messed up as well) but otherwise fine in the writing department.
Pretty gripping story, the start was a bit slow but once the Solomon character (and the relationship between him and the narrator) was introduced it picked up pace. Good usage of the theme, the resolution to the conflict was satisfactory but bitter-sweet. The rest following it felt somewhat disjointed and out of place though, and if I’m going to be honest I think the story would have been much improved by ending it after he left the building (could even use the very same ending-lines).
FairyD – Craigstlist Acquaintances
Nice slice-of-life story you got there. Writing was good and all, but I feel like I missed something in-between the lines.
Was he indirectly pushing her away due to his conflicting feelings?
Certainly felt like this, either way you did a good job of conveying how the narrator felt.
Bootaaay – In a Cat’s Eye
Looks like a learned a new word today (susurrus)!
Strong introduction and framing of the story, great climax, and a nice conclusion that ties everything having occurred into your basic theme.
Elfforkusu – Here Comes the Sun
Writing was excellent and engaging, but as the story was so short it failed to draw me in as much as I would have liked to. The main character’s motivations and thoughts were a bit of a mystery, though with the few words you had you did do a good job at telegraphing some interesting fluff about him (and the rest of the world).
Copernicus – Trolling: is it a art form?
There is a lack of conflict in your contribution, as I really consider trolling to be a form of conflict (which you did alright, I suppose).
I think you need at least a hundred words to make use of the theme.
SquiddyBiscuit - Salvation
The writing feels a bit stilted and stiff at parts (and there’s plenty of grammar errors) which some editing and a couple of read-throughs might have rectified.
You made it reasonably clear who the protagonist was from the get-go, but the second character felt a bit all over the place in terms due to his anonymity. The setting itself was interesting, but you could have elaborated a bit more (you completely forgot about the little sliding hatch, which would have allowed for some more characterization through rough visual descriptions)
The passage of time hasn’t been dealt with very well either, as we go from the departure of the confessor to the priest reading about what had transpired the night (or day?) in question just a couple of lines later.
Tangent – Coffee
I think you did do a good job of making the reader feel a bit uncomfortable, but that last line and mention of the janitors gives that eternal moment a sense of the passage of time to a degree – though it wouldn’t have been as much of a conflict then if he had just stayed there all night. Characterization was great, and made me even a bit scared of ending up in the same position as the main character
Sober - Backed Into a Corner/Barricade
This feels more like an excerpt from a longer story than a self-contained short story, and due to that the introduction/ending feels a bit weak. The story is interesting though, and you did good at characterizing the three primary characters while doing some world building. The acronyms/shortenings got a bit confusing with the number of corporations involved, it might have been better to shorten the name of one or two of them to reduce the random letter combinations.
ZeroRay - Three Girls in a Bathroom
Well written but I was a tiny bit confused as to why anything in the story was happening. With a little bit of an introduction to the characters, the setting, the story, it would have been a lot better - another 500-1000 words would probably have done it.
Ashes1396 - Dead Languages
The writing is very good, technically, but if feels just a bit too poetic at time. The characters do have some depth, but I don't really feel any attachment to any of them for some reason. Some background just in general would probably be useful, both for the characters and the world.
Cyan - King Street Blues
I like this very much, but it doesn't quite seem to follow the theme. It could also be a lot more exciting if given some more details, some exposition, because as it stands now it feels like nothing can really go bad for the protagonist.
Mike Works - Zombie
As it stands now, it's one massive build-up to the zombie attack (which is unfortunately left out) but regardless of how good it is as a conclusion to the story I feel like it could have come a lot sooner. The writing is good, and the internal monologue style pretty suitable for this sort of story - I don't know if it was intentional but it does help in giving you a sense of loneliness in this apocalyptic world despite having a person next to you.
