Man, I hate giving critiques - I always feel like such a dick.
Aaron - Not going to lie, I was having difficulty following along for a bit, mainly because I wasn't terribly interested in the characters. Miriam was a decent character, but I feel like there was something missing, like there was something anachronistic about her left me uninformed. It was well written, but I feel that because it's part of some larger story of yours that it fell flat.
Cyan - I liked it quite a bit. I was hoping for a bit more backstory on her involvement with the Oracle and the increasing idiocy of society (Go away, I'm 'batin!), but I understand the five-minute imposed time limit...sorta. Why were they limiting the time with the Oracle? If they were aware they were stupid and knew that the Oracle made them smart (once they entered the circle, of course), why was it guarded heavily rather than public? Some people can clearly remember some things from the past, like the doctor, so...yeah. Again, I liked it, but I'm just being nitpicky.
lupin23rd - I appreciated the humor (although the whole time I kept hoping that it would be more nonchalant in the discussion with Reiko and Nomura, rather than her reacting to his words). I thought the ending was a bit weak, and I wish there had been more development on the outcome of the "new development," possibly a revisit to the earlier scene with the new details. Good story overall though.
Mike M - I enjoyed this one. While I was hoping for a bit more fight on the Captain's part, but at least the weakness was evident in the story. I would also think that when the AI initially made the mistake over the Captain's name, that it would logically take into account possible mistakes in its further actions, but it wasn't that distracting. I did like the progression from simple name confusion to the inability to administer even the most basic of human necessities. The final door reveal was pretty good, too.
B-Dubs - I thought the fairies were interesting, but it seemed a little strange to me that they were confined to the building. Most creatures would simply move elsewhere rather than living on in a world that didn't allow them to survive. Maybe a bit more focus on
why they stayed where they did. I rather felt like I was reading a Monty Python sketch for the first part of the story (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), but I felt that the fairies' dialogue was cliche and could have been a bit more entertaining, especially considering the tone of the dialogue up to that point.
Sober - I liked the concept! But, the story just droned on and on - no conflict, no rising action, nothing (for instance, the section about Haynes/Barnaby - I didn't feel like it added anything to the story. Also, was "Dr. Barnaby" Alan? He was never introduced with his full name, so I had to go back and reread who all the players were), until like the last few paragraphs, and even then, the story just kinda...stops. I think fleshing out their decision and the consequences would have been a good way to go about it.
lastflowers - Ummmm...whoa. I think you have a terrific knack for exposition, but there is a point where it definitely is excessive. I could follow along
somewhat, but the sheer enormity of the descriptions hindered my enjoyment of the story itself. The imagery was nice, but ridiculously distracting. It was certainly a curious read, but I think loosening the level of flowery prose would severely increase the gratification one would get from reading the story.
Tangent - I got the confusion early on with the references to the different "groups" of animals, but I can see why others may not. As such, the final reference from the owl was a bit heavy-handed. For that matter, I can see why some stories use an outsider for perspective, but I think the story could have been much better if he had been left out. The stork narrative was interesting enough - and the owl just seemed extraneous filler.
Nezumi - I liked it. After reading the entire thing I ended up hoping for more of an upbeat end to the underlying story, rather than the anticlimactic finale Dahpne and Brian got - though it does make sense given the nature of the story. But it was certainly good, I never felt bored or wanting during its entirety.
Ashes1396 - I'm a big fan of dialogue-heavy stories, and I appreciated the interactions between Joseph and Katie. Coming from someone who has had plenty of issues with alcohol in the past, some of the dialogue at the end made it a bit more personal for me. I think my only problem was the speed at which the dialogue changed after the shower. I may have missed something, but he seemed to sober up rather quickly as if not enough time had passed. It didn't strike me as such when I was reading - more like after the fact. However, I still really liked it.
I had a tough time getting down to 3, so...
1. Nezumi
2. Mike M
3. Ashes1396
HM: Cyan, lupin23rd
