October 28
Spending its budget wisely (?) on an excess of fog machines,
The Ghost Galleon totals around two on-screen deaths of any value, and only one of those is at the hands of our old friends. Granted, it's the most gleefully ridiculous death in the whole film, involving a partial decapitation that is topped off with the Knights indulging in their inner zombie. This happens almost precisely an hour into the film, which should tell you a lot about how the rest of the film is up to that point and how it unfolds from that point. Basically throwing everything away that was improved upon in the previous film from its predecessor, we are back to watching people walk around aimlessly and stumbling away from the Knights in a way that makes it incredibly easy for them to catch up, as well as inconsistent characterization that changes from scene to scene for no reason. New to the series' deficiencies are miniature effects so god awful that they defy explanation, especially in the film's fiery climax where you've seen birthday cakes with more convincing infernos. You gotta feel bad for the Knights, since a creepy ship isn't a bad concept for them to go on their merry way of collecting victims, but there's so little that happens in this film that you wish that the fog machines obscured even more of the actors than they already do. Admittedly, the setting meant that they couldn't rely on reused footage, so you're at least getting more unique screentime for the Knights, but when the film seems perversely adverse to indulging even the most basic B-movie thrills, they wind up walking around aimlessly just as much as our heroes. As pointless a sequel as you could ever fear for.
While I wouldn't go as far to say that
The Night of the Seagulls lives up to the promise of its predecessors, I found myself far more into this, despite the longer wind-up in the film's first half hour. Opening with a slightly different but new origin for the way our merry band of virgin blood drinking Knights Templar, it already establishes itself as a much dynamic film with more inspired camerawork and quicker editing. Characters are fleshed out more and earlier on, even though the cast does start getting bigger and bigger in a fairly unmanageable way (hey, at least there's plenty of undead knights to solve that issue!), and there seems to be a stronger sense of purpose all around, as if it was building to something bigger without having to resort to extremely scattered connections. And then faster than you can say "Gamera," the stock footage from the first film creeps up and doesn't go away for a while, making it a bit tough to stay focused on the film when it doesn't seem interested in doing anything new, other than putting a slightly darker filter on stuff you've already seen... hey, wait a minute. Isn't this basically the same film as
Return of the Blind Dead? I'm writing down the same things because it's not really that much different. Well, um, I will say that the seaside town makes for a pretty cool setting, and the general idea of unintentional interlopers disrupting the flow of ritual isn't a bad one to dive into (although given the substantially more localized threat of the Knights in this one, why didn't everyone move the hell away from the town at the first sign of slow-motion undead horseback riding?). Admittedly, there really isn't that much stock footage, either, as it comprises a fairly short scene in the film and spends the rest of its time with some cool footage of them riding along the beach and doing their thing in the castle that overlooks the sea. It's not nearly as action-packed as
Return of the Blind Dead, opting to focus more on a mystery that, thankfully, wasn't already revealed to the audience well ahead of time, but it's not a particularly interesting one, making you wish that they scrounged up more virgins to try and sacrifice. It does occur to me that only
Return of the Blind Dead did much of anything with the whole "hunt people down by hearing alone," as this film does nothing with that idea, opting to emphasize more slow impending doom than anything else, and while it is good that it indulges in a bit more baser thrills with an increase in violence and nudity, there's really nothing too terribly new here. It's the second-best film in the series practically by default, but following so closely in the footsteps of the best one is its biggest problem, as it doesn't offer up anything really new until its climax, in which the Knights are defeated for good (some fish god they worship!) and have their eye sockets erupt into fountains of blood. The filmmakers do honestly save the best for last, though it could have used a lot more new than that overall.
Film for October 29: One more day 'til
Halloween!
Halloween!
Halloween! One more day 'til
Halloween!
Silver Shamrock! Wait, wrong entry, but we shuffled a few films around to make room for a theatrical screening of John Carpenter's classic film, as it was surely meant to be seen. It's time to grab some popcorn and yell at younger audience members for looking at their cellphones while Carpenter puts on a clinic of masterful horror filmmaking.