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NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #110 - "Hurdle"

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John Dunbar

correct about everything
Theme - "Hurdle"

Word Limit: 2110

Submission Deadline: Friday, December 28th 2012 at 11:59 pm Pacific

Voting begins Saturday, December 29th, and goes on until Monday, December 31st at 11:59 PM Pacific.

Optional Secondary Objective: Satire

Submission Guidelines:

- One entry per poster.
- All submissions must be written during the time of the challenge.
- Using the topic as the title of your piece is discouraged.
- Keep to the word count!

Voting Guidelines:

- Three votes per voter. Please denote in your voting your 1st (3 pts), 2nd (2 pts), and 3rd (1 pt) place votes.
- Please read all submissions before voting.
- You must vote in order to be eligible to win the challenge.
- When voting ends, the winner gets a collective pat on the back, and starts the new challenge.

NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge FAQ
Previous Challenge Threads and Themes

Entry List:

Tragicomedy - "Track & Field"
Warrior at Heart - "This was it"
Copernicus - "Hurdles - Ten Year Dash"
Irish - "NO!"
AnkitT - "This is not a story"
Nezumi - "The long way Home"
John Dunbar - "Licentious"
Grakl - "Hard to Swallow"
Valerie Cherish - "Small Mammal With Whom I Live A Lie"
Tangent - "Too Genius for Mundane Trivialities"
Bootaaay - "Alimar"
Iceman - "Failsafe Company"
Cyan - "Worries Over "Fiscal Hurdle" Freak Out Washington"
Ashes1396 - "Ruin"
 

Sober

Member
In 110 words you could write a story about someone who jumped too early and landed crotch-first onto the hurdle. I cringed writing that last sentence.
 

Irish

Member
The ideas... they simply don't come to me any more and the ones that used to come weren't very good in the first place either. :/
 

Tangent

Member
I'm already cracking up. Man the stories are gonna be good this time around. Good thing we're all still alive to read them.

(Congrats Dunbar!)
 

ronito

Member
Holy crap. How did I miss the secondary objective?

I've already thrown away the first three ideas and started writing a very VERY serious story.
Crap. Rethink? Or stay the course?
 

Cyan

Banned
We're alive? We're alive! How did that happen?

Damn it, now I need to think up something to write. Here I was thinking I'd be saved by the apocalypse.

Holy crap. How did I miss the secondary objective?

I've already thrown away the first three ideas and started writing a very VERY serious story.
Crap. Rethink? Or stay the course?

That shit is optional, yo. If you like what you're writing, stay the course.

Besides, your story last time was plenty satirical. You get rollover points.
 
Track & Field

Always chasing, high of all highs
Most days it's habit, desperate
Different tools and techniques
Everyone has tips

Any given day asking why
I do this to myself
Stop/breaks - unnatural
Only charge me deeper on reentry

Some have tasted
Licked lips - now they understand
But they can't...

Having never leaned over the line
Charged, vulnerable
Gunshot of injected adrenaline
NEED
Hunter and Hunted
Controlled chaos
Flying, untouchable

All the world slows

I lie weak and sick
Accomplished
Intensity narrowed, it's endless
Glorious

That's my track and field life
That's who I am
Just another addict with direction and means.
 

t-ramp

Member
Not sure about you guys, but I'm still here. Maybe I'll try to write something in the next couple of days...
 
Just got back in to writing again last week after a very long time, so thought I'd do something for this challenge. Here's what I came up with.

This was it

This was it.

This was the moment he'd been waiting for his whole life.

The moment he'd trained for since he was a young boy, watching Olympic athletes performing to the world. He was finally one of them. He'd wanted it as hard as he wanted to breathe.

All the sacrifices: half a world away from his family, the physical torture, the mental agony, the financial burden.

It was all worth it

He was at the starting line. Feet in position, arms straight, fingers splayed. Perfectly balanced.

He looked nowhere but at the ground. The cheering of the crowds blocked out by the sheer force of his concentration.

The gun went off.

So did he.

A perfect start

He didn't look left. He didn't look right. The competitors were of no interest. He looked directly ahead.

The first hurdle.

He readied himself, as he'd done countless times, and jumped.

Perfect form. I'm doing this

Nine more times, the same thought.

The finish line beckoned. ” Come on!” it shouted.

He worked harder. Legs pumping, arms moving in perfect rhythm.

At last he reached the finish line.

He paid no attention to the others. Panting, he simply looked up at the board, awaiting the results.

The first name came up. It wasn't his.

Nor was the second, or third.

He frowned.

There must be some mistake.

Another three names. Again none were his. He didn't understand.

The next three. Still nothing.

What is this?!

The last name came up. It was his. Last. 10 seconds slower than 9th.

I don't understand!

For you see, in all the thousands of hurdles he'd jumped, in all the sacrifices, in using all his money to guarantee a place, he had completely missed the biggest hurdle in his life:

To accept the fact he was never meant for this. His family had told him. His trainers had warned him. His friends had advised him. Most of all, his body had shown him. He had ignored it.

It wasn't that he had a physical ailment. It was just that he was slow. Really slow.
 

ronito

Member
No way am I making it this time. Shame, it was a good story.
But Christmas and kids no way I'm going to make it.
 

Irish

Member
Clouds in the sky. That is where they belong I suppose. Clouds floating through the air and fog rolling in from beyond the hills. That's the way it always is around here. The rain is sure to follow. Nothing hard though. If anything, it will be a light sprinkle, barely even noticeable through the dampness of the fog. Not even the damned rain has the decency to make something of itself in this town. Doesn't even give a fellow a reason to run somewhere to get away from it. No, just like the clouds above and the fog at your feet, the rain is only here to ensure there is nothing around to possibly spark your interest.

You know what the worst part of it all is? I think I fucking like it- the blandness of it all, I mean. If there is no challenge to rise to or a beautiful sight to be seen and spoken of, that means that I have no responsibility to do it. I can just sit around and keep doing not a single thing without feeling bad about it. I don't have to decide what to do with myself if there are no options to choose from. This place is wonderful for an indecisive bastard such as myself.

And then it started to pour, just as the clouds began to part revealing the brightest damned sun a man has ever seen.

“Damn it!”

Running. That's what I began doing. Colors filled my vision, a variety of which I had no idea existed in this town. The architecture here is insanely beautiful and this was my first time seeing it all. People from the city of cloud and fog began to dance their way into the streets, filling it up with a sense of companionship and joy.

“Fuck you, Universe! I'm not getting pulled into this bullshit again. You won't be able to find my next hiding spot. I'll be damned if you'll actually have me go on an adventure!”
 

AnkitT

Member
Chapter 1

They would not let me into the multiplayer beta. Whose dick would I have to suck to be in it? I paid for the DLC season pass and bought the collector’s edition of a game I did not want just to gain access in here. Fuck these elitist scum! I will file an official complaint on their forums, that’ll show em!

Post made by xXgarbageduckXx 20 minutes ago.

WTF YOU GUYS, MY DLC CODE ISNT WORKING FOR THE MULTIPLAYER ACCESS!!!!! I PAID TOP DOLLAR FOR THIS!! I AM NOT SOME ILLITERATE PLEB WHO YOU CAN SHOVE INTO OBSCURITY, I HAVE A CONSIDERABLE FANBASE ON MY YOUTUBE VIDEOS!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE HELP A FELLOW GAMER OUT!! I EVEN CONNECTED MY TWITTER ACCOUNT AS IT SAID IN POSTS WHEN I GOOGLED MY ERROR CODE! PLEASE FIX THIS SHIT YOU MORONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Post made by RedColouredUsername 10 minutes ago.

I checked out your problem, and there is no problem at our end. Though I have checked the connected Twitter account to our account service, and unfortunately, you do not meet these parameters for joining the private beta:
• Klout score too low



Chapter 2

Once upon a time, there was a movie theater. This is the tale of a matinee show. Two people were watching the screen with unflinching attention. They thought they had it good that day. After about 40 minutes had passed, two loudmouths walked in, shining their smartphone flash all over the still darkness of the hall. They noticed the paltry two people with their eyes affixed to the screens.

Their giggles were loud enough to be echoed throughout the sound proofed walls. They giggled their way across to the people watching the movie, and sat right behind their seats, perhaps to seek some kind of parallel universe definition of solidarity. They exhibited astonishing jaw gymnastics while masticating the cheese jailed popcorn. Maybe the acoustics of the cinema were off, but the munching drowned out any sound emanating from the audio system. The people in front shot a look of resentment to the back seats, which all but intensified their charade. They started talking about who had the largest gamerscore.

“Excuse me” the front seaters whispered softly, a comically disproportionate eke. But somehow, the backseat people heard them.

“Would you please qui-“

Suddenly two gunshots were heard. It was perfectly synched with two gunshots on screen. A cosmic joke. As the two heads in the front seats bled on to the maroon coloured seats, the two gentlemen on the backseat resumed their important conversation with much gusto.



Chapter 3

They accused me of being a pedophile. Even a solid court verdict is false in their eyes. They are all bloody hypocrites, love the music but hate the man. This will all change though. All in due time.

They don’t want me to build playgrounds for children. What good is my money? All I have is time. It will be tonight. I will make the journey to stop the onslaught against me. I will change it all.

Note 1 – The machine is here. I will go back in time in a few moments. I am going back to a time when I know I can be alone with myself in a space where there will be no outside interference.

Note 2 – Arrived. Stole my baby self. There is a very small margin here. Must go forward in future with myself. A moment of refuge to myself.

Note 3 – Arrived in the hotel room with myself. Checked in while I would be out with my son. Nobody noticed a thing. I have all the time in the world. This is it.


I stare at my own eyes in the hotel room. I see a look of recognition. This can’t be. I feel the strangest sense of déjà vu. He knows who I am and what I’m here to do. Killing myself is the only way to solve this mess now. I take myself in my arms. Go to the balcony window, him dangling over the balcony window. I recoil when I see a circus of media beneath. I can’t kill me now, they will know. I rethink this, to and fro on the opinion on just dropping myself. I smile uncomfortably as I realize the only way out in my mind. I take myself inside, and make love to myself. This feels familiar, but this will change everything. I am now safe, no one can hurt me. I pick myself back up and embark on a journey to return myself.

Note 4 – Returned myself at the exact time I had stolen myself. Nobody will suspect a thing.

Note 5 – Back to the present time. Nothing has changed. Shit.




Chapter 4

You are writing this story. This is chapter 4 of the story. It is the final chapter. Writer’s block is not a wing of the old soviet bloc. Plotholes are a feature, not a bug. Awareness is not a shield to criticism. Nothing in here actually exists. Your brain perceives it to be real. You think that your parents are secretly ashamed of you, though they have repeatedly told you otherwise. That traffic cone is a metaphor.

Your knowledge is irrelevant, and will remain so until the ink runs out. “Society made me like I am” is not admissible in the court of law. You are not a writer. You are not even pretending to be a writer. Everything you “own” is someone else’s. You are an imposter. You are not even writing this story. This is all objectively true. Why don’t you write an actual story? There were supposed to be 5 chapters. This is trash and shall end up in the trash. Your ego is the reason you are doing this. Nobody else cares, least of all you. These are not real problems. These are strawmen you cobbled together in your own image. This story is writing you.
 

Nezumi

Member
Managed to finish this time. Not really a satire, more of a parody I guess.
The long way Home (2074 words)

I hope that dropbox thing worked. Don't really use it that often. If not tell me please and I will just copy the text here.
 

John Dunbar

correct about everything
Licentious
(630 words)

“Seems like a perfect fit.”

Arthur turned around and saw the salesgirl behind him. She had a thumb in the pocket of her jeans, a line of tan skin visible just above the waist and below the hem of the hideous yellow shirt the store forced on their drudges. Her auburn bob cut sans any ghastly bangs gave an approachable impression, while the light pink shade of her shapely lips served to put thoughts in any man's brain. He turned back to face the mirror, adjusting the hat on his head. “Not many of those in this world.”

He saw her reflection approach his, and felt her slender hand brush away creases from his shoulder. “Well, I think you've found one,” she said, smiling in the mirror.

“Really? I've never really cared for hats, to be honest.”

“Wouldn't have guessed it, the way you've been trying on every hat here for the past twenty minutes.”

Of course, Arthur reflected. Of all the days it had to happen today. He was well aware that people met like this, and he had been looking forward to his turn, but it would not feel right. Not today, when he had been visiting every department store in the area to try on each and every hat he could get his hands on since nine o'clock in the morning. At around 8:45 he had found out he has lice.

Truth be told, he had began to feel pangs of conscience even before being approached by Sarah, as her name tag disclosed, but he had silenced them by pointing out that lice seldom leave the comforts of human hair for the artificial softness of headgear, and even when they do their survival is rather limited. Despite this hindrance to spreading his miserable condition, putting on a strange hat and giving it a good rub for good luck had been a satisfying experience for him, thinking that perhaps some hapless fellow would take on one of his lice and join in the fun before he would take the plunge into temporary baldness to rid himself of the insects frolicking on his head. He did not have the face to support hairlessness, nor the grace to take setbacks in stride.

The universal truth of bad decisions: no matter how badly we want something, the resulting regret always overwhelms the original desire. Arthur's desire had now shifted from spreading his woes to spreading his seed, preferably in, on, or around Sarah. But therein lay the conundrum: lice may not easily go for some cheap tart of a hat when they have a good thing at home, but another mane might tempt even the most loyal louse. Thus a roll in the proverbial haystack would no doubt lead to a more drastic outcome apropos that lush hair on her pretty head, as the creepy little critters occupying his scalp would certainly find her soft bob a more boisterous playground. It was one thing to let some faceless and nameless cads run a minor risk of a harmless if embarrassing infestation in the name of something a warped mind might call justice, but here, standing right beside him, was a living, breathing, and seemingly all-around wonderful girl eager to share his company. He could just picture it, there amidst the throes of passion, a squad of adventurous lice would abandon his hair to start a colony in that exciting new world of hers. Could he bring himself to do something like that, knowing it could cause irrevocable damage to any future prospects beyond brief carnal pleasure he might have with this lovely lass?

“I'm just about the get off from work,” she said. “I was wondering, maybe you'd want to go some place?”

“Sure.”
 

Grakl

Member
Hard to Swallow

A window showing the benefits of a sex stimulant popped up over the writhing women on the screen. Richard slammed his pudgy left hand on to his oak desk as his right hand closed the window.

His headphones blasted moans as another window popped up. McAfee Antivirus alerted him of a virus that infected his computer. His computer wasn't adequately protected. His chair creaked under his weight as he leaned forward to inspect the specifics. It was adware. He scanned, and then a Trojan ad popped up as a Trojan infected his computer.

Richard's baby-like face turned red with frustration. “Ordinary measures will not solve this hurdle!” he declared to the empty room. Richard proceeded to download and install avast!, Malwarebytes, Microsoft Security Essentials, and Norton Antivirus. Each one found the problem and fixed it.

Richard leaned back in his chair, almost breaking it, and consumed the pornography. It was only 1:00AM. Plenty of time to finish.
 

Sober

Member
I think I'll be sitting this one out, but the topic this week has given me an idea of sorts for that novel from NaNo I haven't finished yet.
 

Iceman

Member
As usual I'm overlong. I got 1600 words so far with a full half of the story remaining. I'll get what I can to you guys by midnight. It's probably the most disgusting story I've written.
 

Tangent

Member
Wrote this in an inebriated state, on vay-cay in Miami. Hope it makes sense. Sorry for using a disclaimer, Cyan. Oh and btw, just as a forwarning, I probably won't be able to do crits with my votes (again) this time around. Sorry!



“Too Genius for Mundane Trivialities” (1811 words)

His birth name was Jim. But he legally changed it to Abraham-Oswald. He thought that names that started with vowels were far more intellectual sounding. Plus, after studying Jewish theology, he found himself feeling deeply connected to the Torahic Abraham in character – and in plight – as well as to Oswald Ernald Mosley, the founder of the British Union of Fascists. His mother felt a little rejected by his name change. But did her opinion count? Abraham-Oswald thought not. He simply lived with her at his ripe age of 47, made her do his laundry, cook 4 - 5 meals a day for him, chauffeur him (driving was for riff-rats and he refused to get a license) , and manage his schedule. His mother, Mrs. Butter, worked full-time as a cafeteria server at the local elementary school.

“But fair is only fair,” Abraham-Oswald always insisted. Mrs. Butter had to do her part as a household member just like him. After all, Abraham-Oswald worked too. He had multiple jobs in fact. He believed he was blessed to be one of those few people struck with an impossible situation: he was so brilliant that using his mind in any playfully creative and scientific direction was more than useful for society. But at the same time, he was far too advanced for his time and therefore went on underappreciated. But he wasn’t one to complain. Between the 13 hours of sleep he needed each night to reignite his masterful creativity, the ½ hour neighborhood stroll, 4 - 5 meals, and the 1 hour nap, he attempted to compose musical apps for phones and tablets and to complete a screenplay about an African American Jew standing up for his rights in a close-minded modern dance troupe. His work was very demanding.

But the holidays were coming to a close and the New Years was fast approaching. He realized that he was too thoughtful to be one of those brooding scientists or artists – since he was both – to only be caught up in his own work. He wanted to share himself with someone. It was time for him to find a lifelong mate. He believed that most women were intimated by his good looks. And he could never find a wingman since men were consumed by jealousy when in his presence. One time, his mother timidly suggested that maybe he needed to manage his foot odor, excessive dandruff, and his painfully caustic short temper in order to make friends with anyone – male or female.

“Mother! Not only did you just interrupt a brilliant idea that I had that is quickly slipping away, but your comment is so ridiculous! Will you please think before you talk? It’s just outrageous that someone like you, who socializes with overweight geriatrics in hairnets that smell like tater tots year round, would even have the audacity to speak to me about – about… getting a life!” He rolled his eyes so hard Mrs. Butter immediate shame turned into sudden shock and concern in fear that her only son might be having a seizure. But alas, his eyeballs returned, and he gave her the stink-eye, and a grunt, which was code for, “Leave me be in my room.” Mrs. Butter closed the door.

With the door closed, Abraham-Oswald got to work. He turned on his computer since that’s what one does when they want to start anything meaningful. He got sidetracked and checked a few forums and then his email.

“What was I going to do again…?” he mumbled to himself. “Oh right, find a life partner.” He had attended Harvard Business School after earning a Master’s in mythology and a required technical degree (he chose Information Technology) at Oklahoma Northsouth Tech. It was actually Harvard Business School Online Extension program, but the details don’t matter. What was clear to Abraham-Oswald was that he was a first-class businessman and his entrepreneurial spirit with designing innovative applications was his case in point. He wondered if he could use this spirit towards the most important goal of finding a lifelong partner to share his knowledge with. Of course! He began designing a webpage where he would offer $7,899 to anyone who would find him the perfect match. He figured that’s how much a woman was worth to him. He would be able to pay someone easily once he sold his apps to a larger software company, which would happen in no time. Unfortunately, right after buying the domain name, AreYouUpToFindingALadyForAbraham-Oldwald.org, he realized that it would be an arduous task for anyone without knowing the complexities of Abraham-Oswald’s nature.

So he put the webpage aside, and decided to sign up for a month long membership with a dating service. There were so many dating services, that it took him the whole day to choose one, when including his afternoon nap and three evening meals. He had to make an Excel file with all the different features of various dating services, and had to color code each field. The next day, he woke up, and started humming a song while still lying in bed.

“My god,” he smiled to himself. He couldn’t believe how much of a natural musician he was. Clearly, he was destined to make musical apps. He hadn’t realized it at the moment, but he was simply singing “Jingle Bell Rock.” He went to his computer and remembered that he couldn’t just begin the day with “mindplay” but he had to now sign up for the dating service he decided on last night.

He held his breath for a moment when he saw all the fields he had to complete for his profile. What was his favorite book? Well there were so many, and he didn’t want to intimidate women by his vast knowledge of books written in Latin. What did he find most important in life? Deeper question.

“Intellectual fame,” Abraham-Oswald immediately thought to himself. But he had a double think: the whole point of dating was to show that he could care about a life mate more than his personal fame. And really, a mate meant sharing his intellectual prowess, which is something he craved since the rest of the world didn’t appreciate his gifts. But there were so many more questions on the profile page. Abraham-Oswald didn’t know it, but he couldn’t fill out the profile with ease because he didn’t really know himself.

“Mom!” he called out. Mrs. Butter rushed to his room and Abraham-Oswald said, “Mom, I need you to drive me to the stationary store.”

Mrs. Butter assumed that it was one of his “pre-steps” to completing his screenplay. A pre-step was a step before a step in order for Abraham-Oswald to complete a goal. He had them all the time, even though he believed he was working diligently towards lofty goals. Today, Abraham-Oswald wanted to perform another “pre-step” for another matter – not screenplay writing. Once he got to the store, he picked out a pen and a notepad. It was difficult because there were so many notepads – some that could fit in his back pocket, others with recycled paper with imprinted leaves, and legal pads. Then the pens! Oh the pens. You could imagine all that Abraham-Oswald needed to consider. He paid for both items with the allowance that his mother gave him.

The cashier had striking green eyes. Abraham-Oswald first missed her eyes because her wavy and frizzy blond hair hid them. As she was about to scan the barcode for the notebook when she stopped, looked at it, and then looked up at Abraham-Oswald through her yellow-rimmed glasses and said, “This is a great notebook. I, um, I used one of these once to see if I could write out my interpretation of Petrus Plaoul, Commentarius in libris Sententiarum, Citta del Vaticano.” She coughed, almost as an apology for saying too much.

Abraham-Oswald grunted, but didn’t know what to make of what she said. Latin? Medieval philosophy? How could some puissant cashier care about such matters? No matter. He didn’t have time. He called his mom and headed home to write out some facts about himself so that he could sort out which to include in his profile. He looked at his screen. “Salary.” Abraham-Oswald tried to write “$0” – and he was proud of it. A real scientist asks questions and seeks answers for the sake of Truth, not money. However, the ink barely came out in the pen he bought. He needed to go back, and he would have to sample them out on the white notepads a bit more carefully. So his mother dropped him off at the stationary store again, and this time she waited in the car. That was a little embarrassing for Abraham-Oswald, who found himself gazing in the direction of the cashier for a moment – unaware of why.

She looked up and said, “Oh, hi. You’re back.” She pushed up her glasses which made dandruff sprinkle off her dry crimped hair, and she closed her book. Abraham-Oswald saw that she was reading Randy Pausch’s TheLast Lecture.

Abraham-Oswald grunted. “How typical of a layperson to read such a pop cultural book,” he thought. But still, it wasn’t quite Eat, Pray, Love or something. Plus, she set the book on top of the A.D.A.M. Medical Encyclopedia.

Abraham-Oswald was about to ask why she was interested in such books when she added to her greeting, “Can I help you? Was there anything wrong with the pen or notepad?”

“Ah yes, keep your eye on the prize,” thought Abraham-Oswald. He wasn’t one to get side-tracked by some 9-to-5-brick-in-the-wall-automaton like this lady with green eyes.

“Yes, actually, you can,” he said. At this, the cashier’s face glowed and she swept her hair aside for a moment, and Abraham-Oswald found himself locked into her marbleized green eyes. “I um, I’m…hmm.”

“Focus!” he thought to himself. The ideas that come rushing to a creative genius’ mind at once are difficult to manage.

“I need a new pen,” he finally said. “One that would be good for self-reflection,” he added.

The cashier helped out with finding a pen that would be suitable for Abraham-Oswald. She mentioned how she used pens for various tasks. Interestingly, she was both deeply entrenched in the world of science and art. Abraham-Oswald went back home and used the notebook. Over several days, and some hours at the local library, he finally was able to create a profile. It took him two weeks to complete.

“Finally. Back to my brilliant creativity,” said Abraham-Oswald. He swiveled his chair once and opened up a familiar forum as a pre-step to return to his screenplay and apps. He estimated that in no time at all, he’d be ready to send off a manuscript of the modern dance play.

“Mother!” he called out behind his closed door. “I need a ride to the stationary store to buy envelopes!”
 
It was an auspicious night, The Archer ascendant in a clear night sky. The full moon shone fat and yellow, casting its pallid glow across a slumbering land of forests and fields, of grand country estates and sleepy, picturesque villages, smoke rising in silvery tendrils from chimney stacks and glowing braziers, burning brightly to ward off the chill of the night. In the distant hills, winding an inexorable, fate foretold path, a wagon trundled on. At the reins an old man dozed, while behind him, in the darkness of the wagon, a faint, arcane glow shone.

The book was handed down through the generations, its cover inscribed with runes of a long dead language that none, save for the seventh sons of the Kings of Alimar, had the knowledge to decipher. Its mysteries had long been coveted by all manner of dark and nefarious covens, cabals, clans and cults, which made its current whereabouts all the more suspicious. Such a dread, dangerous tome, talked of only in hushed whispers, to be travelling unguarded by no more than a decrepit old man and his weary mules.

But, long were the days since Alimar had shone with a glory so intense that it had burned the heavens, long and almost forgotten amid the mists of history, a history penned by victors of a war that toppled a kingdom as old as time itself. All that remained of Alimar were the devoted few, those heretics, those heathens, those sorcerous rogues, shunned and feared by all who knew of that for which their order stood. The Knights of Alimar, it was they who were tasked to guard the book. A book that they themselves could not read, trusting only to prophecy that, one day, the stars would align and mark a path toward Alimar’s reascension.

--------------------------------------------------

The old man had failed to raise the innkeeper when his wagon trundled into town, so with weary, creaking limbs, he stabled the mules and bedded down in the back of his wagon, falling swiftly asleep, bathed in a faint, luminous glow. Morning brought with it a chill, as silken folds of fog draped themselves across the dirt streets and up into the hills from whence he had came. He found the innkeeper tiredly opening up for the day and placed an order for breakfast, as well as purchasing some hay for his mules, before returning to his wagon to make sure everything was ready for what would come.

If the stars were right, this time at last the long journey of his order would be complete, and he, one of the last remaining few, would have the honour of restoring balance to the world. A world infected, deep set with rot and corruption, a world that practically cried out to be taken by the hand and led back to civilisation. It would be his greatest accomplishment, the fulfilment of a life’s work. Which made the next few hours all the more important. The boy had to truly believe, had to feel the blood that coursed through his veins, the blood that, fates willing, would allow him to peer through the mists of time and take command of that which was lost.

But there was so little time. The old man felt the icy fingers of death drawing closer with each passing day, draining the warmth from his bones and sapping the strength from his limbs. With each and every sunrise the chances of him finding a seventh son became slimmer and slimmer, and there already were so few of his brothers left. If they failed to bring about the prophecy’s fulfilment, then the world would never awaken from the darkness that had gripped it like a vice since Alimar’s fall. If not now, then when? The boy had to listen, he had to.

--------------------------------------------------

The derision was written on the boy’s face, plain for the old man to see. His words faltered in the face of the youthful arrogance of the brash blacksmith’s apprentice, the old man’s hopes dashed and beaten just like the metal the boy worked upon the anvil. He didn't believe. No one did, not any more. That was the real problem. There was no magic left in the world, no sense of wonder. The cloud of corruption had settled, seeping into every pore and burying it’s vile touch deeper than the old man and his brothers could reach.

Alimar was but a but a scrap of half-forgotten legend to these people, shrouded in folklore and song, and though the light it had shone upon the world still glimmered, it was a faint candle flame amid an impenetrable fog of darkness. He remembered when he was young, when his words had cut through the darkness like a scythe, when the truth had illuminated and inspired those poor, failed hopefuls. When the order had not had to resort to methods that reflected the very darkness they fought.

It could not be helped, that was the sad reality of the situation. For too long they had struggled and sacrificed to bring back that which was lost, and as their numbers dwindled and the remains of Alimar faded further into history, their need had become too great to let prospective seventh sons slip through their fingers. It was with regret that the old man decided once again upon this course as he trudged angrily back to the inn where his wagon waited and inside, the book and its eerie, arcane glow.

--------------------------------------------------

The boy’s eyes no longer held derision, but only anger and a hint of fear. The old man sympathised, he really did. “If only you had listened”, he assured the boy. “If only you could imagine the future that fate has in store for you” he said, as he prepared the instruments he would need for the ritual, and then “You’ll thank me in the end”, although that one was more to comfort himself than the boy. With trembling hands he lit the candles and placed them carefully about the clearing far from town where his wagon now sat.

The moon was obscured, its light visible only as a halo wanly shining through the thick bands of cloud that stalked the starless, ink black sky. In a few hours the sun would rise over the town and someone would notice that the boy was gone, but not before the ritual was complete, and by then he would be beyond the concerns of his past life, in one way or another. The old man glanced sadly over at the boy, still straining futilely against his bonds. The boy had not suspected that the old man, dishevelled and wild eyed, could ever pose him a threat, as his legs canted a drunken course home from the inn.

So now he sat, trussed and gagged, awaiting his fate with less than good grace. The preparations complete, the old man returned to the wagon and retrieved the book. Its glow lent a sinister hue to the clearing, turning the orange yellow candle light green and lengthening the shadows that snapped and clawed as wind fluttered flame. The old man placed the book before the boy and opened it to the first page, the arcane runes that were unreadable to him writhed upon the crackled parchment. The boy looked at him with hatred, and then fear as the old man produced a blade from the folds of his cloak. Wielding the knife with care, the old man nicked the goose prickled flesh on the boys neck.

Blood dripped slowly, steadily onto the open page, falling upon darker, older stains of those hopefuls who had come before. The old man waited, while the boy glared, and then, with a painful familiarity, the boy shuddered. It started with the eyes, the capillaries bursting, letting blood free until the sockets of his skull welled up and overflowed. A vile blackness spider-webbed through the boy’s veins, reaching his fingertips that shrivelled and crumbled at its touch. The old man staggered back with the book in trembling fingers, desperate not to get any of the corrupted blood on himself. His hands pressed to his ears as his futilely tried to block out the disturbing gurgles emanating from the convulsing body.

Soon, it was over, and the old man, bitter tears streaking his face, collected the tools of the ritual. The book he placed reverently back in the wagon, trying not to feel sickened by the sight of the green light that glinted from the blood-stained tome. With one last glance at his latest failure, the old man spurred the mules into action and left the clearing behind, his thoughts already leaving the corpse of the boy and turning towards the next hopeful. He shuddered against the chill night wind, feeling once more the touch of his own impending doom, and wept. Not for his own soul, nor for the poor blacksmith’s apprentice, but his tears were for Alimar. For what had befallen the land of his ancestors, and what had become of its children.
 

Iceman

Member
Failsafe company, or what was left of it, breathed deeply from an air mixed with the aromas of freshly overturned earth, gunpowder, and blood. A half dozen men hunched low in a trench cut only minutes before by a shot down C-17 Globemaster III. A quarter mile to the south of the company, the smoldering remains of the cargo plane spewed a plume of black smoke into the cloudless blue sky like an oil spill in tropical waters. To the north of the trench, the soldiers knew, stood a massive, yet somehow mobile, nuclear power plant that the enemy was relying on to fuel their violent invasion. A rise in the dirt supply road obscured their view.

“Get ready to move out,” said Dante, the senior member of the company and their leader. “It's just a matter of time before they get spooked and start moving the target.”

Dante placed his massive machine gun on the ground and unshouldered his backpack. The gun was still smoking from unleashing a hailstorm of bullets at the now crippled cargo plane. A dozen or so parachutes drifted off towards the eastern horizon like dandelion seeds. Most of the paratroopers never had a chance to jump.

Holloway, the youngest of the company, quickly checked his pack: plasma and O negative blood bags, field kit life support system, one MRE, disposable syringes and needles, paddles, all intact. He flipped his pack over. The fuel canisters for the two-stage escape rocket was also intact.

Holloway threw the pack onto his back and picked up his rifle. The chemical oxygen iodine laser unit was also intact. He flipped open a small screen that was attached to the adjustable sight and tapped it. The red letters indicated a nominal 10-kilowatt power reading. His gaze turned to the remaining members of Failsafe.

His eyes turned instinctively to Trane, the only female in the company. On loan from special forces, she was the only female Ranger in history, having had to meet fitness standards that less than one percent of qualified men could pass. She was tall, well built, even for Ranger stadards, and astonishingly beautiful, even without makeup, and even after having to survive this seven day assault entirely behind enemy lines. But she was ice cold and a gifted murderer so everyone had kept their distance. She slid home one of the many knives on her person and then whipped an extendable baton to its full length as a test. She caught Holloway's eyes, pulled out her service piece, and chambered a round with a wink.

Across the trench from her, Cinque, a half-Puerto Rican, half-Brazilian slender giant looked over his RPG-30. It had been fitted with an automatic rocket loader. Satisfied, he picked up a slick rifle. It looked like it had been carved from a solid block of steel. He tested the laser sight on his hand then lifted it to the sky. He took aim at a drifting paratrooper maybe a full click away. A small red dot danced across the man's chest. The paratrooper frantically tried to brush away the laser dot, then, more practically, attempted to contort himself out of harm's way. Cinque pressed on the trigger. A bullet, larger than most, flew from the muzzle with a soft humph, like the bark of an elephant. It arced across the sky. The laser continued to dance across the panicked man's chest. There was a puff of red smoke from his chest and he immediately became limp.

“Cease fire, Cinque,” growled Dante. “Don't want to draw attention to our position.”
“We're four by four, chief,” responded Cinque.

Puzzle, the smallest of the company, scrutinized his long, sniper rifle. It's barrel was twice as long as any Holloway had ever seen. Puzzle counted out the ordinance in one of his pouches. The ammo was more like tightly packed rolls of quarters rather than bullets. Holloway knew the man was an electronics expert and those were probably EMP rounds or some other communication disruptors.

The final member, Snitch, was heavily bearded and always wore sunglasses. What few good looks at his face Holloway had stolen suggested a severe burn that ran down as far as his chest. The explosives expert had invaluable field experience, no doubt. The man had a cornucopia of grenades and bombs precisely arranged on a camouflage handkerchief. A couple of the bombs were marked radioactive. Snitch caught the shocked look on Holloway's face.

“Small fusion bombs. Don't worry, mate. These only have an impact radius of about a hundred yards.”

Holloway swallowed what little saliva he could muster.

“What's our play?” asked Trane.

“We make a run for it,” said Dante. “After that hill, I'd say we have another quarter mile to the outer door.”

“There are at least a dozen turrets out there looking over this service road.” said Cinque Automatic targeting by the looks of it. We'll be cut to pieces.”

“I can give us a few seconds with a chaff flare,” said Puzzle.

“Seconds?” asked Trane.

“Better than nothing,” suggested Puzzle.

“That's our play,” Dante grunted. “We'll use chaff to confuse the buggers, keep running, zig-zag style.”

Dante consulted a hologram of satellite imaging.

“There's a fence.” Dante looked at Holloway. “You''ll have to cut a hole in that on the run.”

“Roger,” said Holloway. Although, he was unsure he could pull it off, at least not without cutting someone in half in the process.

“Then we'll try to blast the outer hull with an RPG,” continued Dante. “If that fails, I'm going to need to you, Puzzle, to hack us in through some door.”

“Aye, aye, chief. Just get me to the door.”

Dante looked everyone in the eye, nodding to each one in turn.

“Chaff!” cried Dante.

Puzzle held a stick aloft, aimed it just beyond the lip of the trench and pressed a button at the base. A tiny missile spiraled into the sky just thirty feet above the ground before exploding into a shower of glitter. Dante leapt from the trench and Failsafe company followed tightly.

Holloway looked around as his feet pounded the uneven dirt road. Several turrets had risen from their perches like birds with enormous saucers for heads. The floating heads jerked this way and that, unable to get a lock on anything in specific. The hill loomed ahead of them, only a hundred yards away. But the cloud of chaff was beginning to thin and dissipate.

“Chaff!” cried Dante from the tip of the spear.

Nothing happened for a moment, but the crest of the hill was close. The unmistakeable sound of bullets began whizzing across the sky. There was a grunt and a thump behind Holloway. He started to slow but a cry from Cinque urged him on.

“Go. Keep going. I got him.”

Holloway saw Trane breeze over the hill, followed by Dante and Snitch. Holloway struggled up the incline, but the sight and sound of bullets pounding into the soft dirt around him was all the motivation he would need. He pulled himself over and half-slid, half-rolled down the other side. Ahead of them loomed a massive dome, like a bald man's pate. It was surrounded by a twelve foot high fence and razor wire. The bright sun shined down and Holloway felt completely exposed. Turrets began springing up along the dirt path.

“MIRV!” cried Dante.

“Coming!” came a response from just above them.

Cinque tossed the limp body of Puzzle down the hill. It rolled to their feet. Cinque threw himself head first into a roll and jumped out of it with the RPG already aimed to the sky. He flipped a switch and a grenade with multiple tips was forced into the barrel. He pulled the trigger and a grenade rocketed a hundred feet into the sky. All of the turret heads turned to follow it. They began to fire. It was like a military salute.

“Hole!”

Snitch ran twenty feet ahead of the company. Pulled out a snub-nosed rifle from his pack and aimed it square at the ground.

“Stand back!”

He fired a large round into the ground and a column of dirt erupted like a geyser. He turned and ran back to the group, and dove at their feet.

“Down!”

The ground beneath Holloway shook, like an earthquake. The earth seemed to rise. The ground where Snitch had fired rose higher still and then exploded, like a three hundred pound man doing a cannonball at a community pool, sending clumps of dirt forty feet high.

There was a sound like a quiver of rattlesnakes from above. Holloway looked up in time to see a dozen tiny warheads arcing lazily down towards the ground around the dirt road. Once each warhead had acquired a target they rocketed towards the turrets with urgency. Before he could see their wrath he felt a hand grab him by the collar and pull him into the newly excavated trench.

Trane released her grip. Holloway could hear the explosions of the MIRV warheads above. Black smoke drifted across the lip of the crater. A hand slapped Holloway's face.

“Get to work, doctor,” said Trane.

“How's everybody else?” asked Dante.

A round of nods and grunts confirmed that everyone else was fine.

“Dammit! I hope that RPG works.”

Holloway knelt down next to Puzzle and threw off his pack.

“Light please.”

Three powerful torches came on above his shoulder. This was quickly followed by sounds of disgust. Holloway located scissors and began to cutaway the bloody shirt. A full third of of his torso was eviscerated. The raggedy remains of his left lung slowly deflated under the shattered ruins of ribs. A quick look with his own penlight revealed that his heart was lacerated as well. He was a goner.

Holloway quickly removed the field kit life support system from the sack. He pulled out something that looked like calipers with a handle. He placed it around the base of Puzzle's neck, like a collar. He adjusted its size so as to fit tightly.

“Someone shut his eyes.”

“Wait,” said Cinque. “What are you doing?”

Holloway ignored him and leaned over to Puzzle's ear.

“Puzzle, I'm going to have to cut off your head.”

“What!” cried Trane and Cinque simultaneously.

“Do you want him to help us or not?”

Holloway looked around, waiting for any protests.

“Hold him down. And somebody please cover the poor man's eyes.”

Dante knelt down beside Holloway and Puzzle. He grabbed a hold of the dying man's arms. Cinque placed a hand around Puzzle's eyes, shutting his own eyes. Holloway squeezed on the handle. The small space was quickly overwhelmed by the smell of burning flesh.

“A laser is sawing through the tissue,” Holloway explained. “It takes a little bit of time to make sure that its an even cut.”

The body lurched, as if trying to rise. His fingers articulated grotesquely, as if trying to pop away from their hands. Dante put his weight into it, quickly subduing the man.

“Easy, Puzzle,” Dante said, absent-mindedly. “We got ya. You're okay.”

“Normal,” Holloway said calmly. “That's totally normal.”

Holloway was momentarily surprised how at home he was with beheading a friend, while gunfights and war made him nauseous.

A disembodied, ethereal female voice pierced the absolute quiet of the pit. “Amputation complete.”

Holloway gestured to Cinque. “Quick, give me his head.”

“No way, man.”

“Just lift.”

Cinque squinted as he pulled up on the surprisingly heavy head. Holloway pulled a cylinder, some tubes and a rubber bulb from the kit.

“Put him down on his chest.”

“Oh, this is so wrong,” complained Cinque as he set the head just below Puzzle's dog tags.

A jet of blood sprayed out from Puzzle's neck and drenched Cinque's shirt.

“You may want to move closer to me. That neck's going to keep gushing for a while.”

Holloway attached a bag of blood to one end of the cylinder and connected the tubes to the other end. Once Cinque had situated himself, Holloway reached his fingers into Puzzle's neck.

“Woah, doc!” cried Cinque.

“Hold him steady!” replied Holloway.

Puzzle's eyes shot open and his mouth flew open as if to scream. Only no sound emerged.

Holloway pulled out a thin, diaphanous tube from Puzzle's skull. He slid one of the narrower plastic tubes into its lumen and reached inside the neck for another vessel. After the fourth vessel was connected to the cylinder Holloway pressed a button on its side. A small whirring was followed by a crimson gel running through two of the tubes. Very quickly the two remaining tubes issued purple fluid, deoxygenated blood, that was directed into the cylinder for reoxygenation. After a minute, color was very clearly returning to Puzzle's face.

Holloway grabbed the rubber bulb and jammed it into the a larger opening in the neck. He looked at Cinque and pointed at the bulb.

“Squeeze that every second or so.”

“Why? So he can breathe?”

“No. For him to talk.”

“Oh my God.”

Cinque turned aside and threw up into a dark corner.

“Well, I think we've overstayed our welcome,” declared Dante. “Puzzle, are you with us?”

Holloway looked expectantly at Cinque. His face was ashen.

Holloway grabbed the bulb and gave it a series of big squeezes.

“It's okay, Puzzle. You can talk.”

After a few dozen squeezes, Holloway could see Puzzle's tongue and lips moving as if trying to catch up to the blasts of air through what was left of his trachea. It took a minute before a distinct word could be discerned.

“Four. By. Four.”

Smiles broke out all around.

“Atta boy, Puzzle.”

“Okay, Cinque,” said Holloway standing up, holding Puzzle's head like a bowling ball. “Two heads are better than one, right?”

“What's that mean?”

A flare spiraled out of the pit and exploded into a ticker tape parade. The Rangers of Failsafe Company crawled out and sprinted towards the fence and the power plant just beyond. Dante led the way and Trane brought up the rear this time. Smoke plumes along the side of the dirt road, evidence of deadly accurate MIRV strikes. However, several turrets were up and active, trying to train on a target. As the reflective debris began to float at eye level, Dante gave the order to shoot at the fence.

Holloway lifted his laser rifle and aimed at the base of the fence. Through the scope, at full sprint, the silver of fence and the brown of the earth blurred together. He opened both eyes, dropped the rifle to his hip and held down the trigger as he arced the pulsing light beam at the chain. An outline of a starfish glowed red across the metal mesh.

“Shit, Holloway,” spat Dante. “I thought you said you could do this.”

Dante threw his body against the fence. It came down cleanly, creating a hole large enough for everyone to run through without having to slow down.

“RPG!” cried Dante. “There!” He pointed to what looked like the outline of a door carved into the intimidating dome.

There was a hundred yards between them and the outer wall of the power plant. He felt Cinque brush past him and race ahead of the pack. Puzzle's head was bouncing against Cinque's pack, his eyes blinking with every footfall; the cylinder and blood bag frequently slapping his face, which was mouthing strong pejoratives.

A rocket propelled grenade flew from the launcher, searing the air as it spiraled towards the dome wall. Bullets began to pepper the ground around them. As the missile slammed into the side of the power plant and the smoke cleared, turret rounds whizzing by, the company prayed for the sight of a clean breach. A gust of wind gave the Rangers a clear view of a slightly charred but intact wall.

“Dammit!” cried Dante.

The company slammed into the disappointingly solid hull and spun around like prisoners at an execution. As the bullets approached, Dante ripped a foot and a half long spike from a strap on his side and hurled it to the ground. Immediately a transparent green force field blossomed out to a five foot radius in all directions. Bullets slammed against the field. The bullets were not outright stopped or reflected but rather redirected to the ground and to the sky.

“Puzzle,” yelled Dante above the thunderstorm of bullets. “Can you get us in?”

“Get us in where?” asked Trane despondently. “We have a door, but no handle. No keypad. Nothing.”

“Snitch!” screamed Holloway. “Bulb.” He gestured to Cinque to turn around.

Cinque spun around and knelt to the ground. He threw his RPG-30 to the ground and lifted his rifle, taking peeks around the force field at the battery of turrets. Snitch knelt down next to Cinque and took a hold of the bulb. He began to squeeze the bulb.

“Hard squeezes!” yelled Holloway. “You're not going to hurt him.”

“Breathe. On. Door.”

“Did you say breathe?”

“Yes. Breathe. Door.”

Holloway began to breathe on the door, starting from its center and radiating outward. Trane joined him, taking the other half of the door. A bullet glanced off the hull of the power plant just a foot above her head. She ducked out of reflex but continued blowing on the door, undeterred. Amazingly, a small icon, like a glyph, began to glow blue against the hull, inches from Trane's lips.

“I found something!” she yelled.

“Bulb!” cried Holloway.

“Touch.”

Trane tapped at the blue glyph. A spherical hologram emerged. It consisted of twelve rings of non-sequential numbers and letters, spinning in alternating directions.

“E. Z. P. Z.”

The bullet storm ceased. Seconds later concussive blasts were heard.

“Grenades!” yelled Dante. “They'll have our range soon. You guys have to speed up.”

Holloway turned back to see Cinque lowering a visor from his helmet. On it, boxes indicated three lobbed grenades. He lined up his rifle with each square, pressing a button near the trigger with each contact. He then pulled the trigger releasing three bullets. Three individual lasers emerged from the laser sight; each one tracking an individual grenade. The bullets hit each target, detonating them in midair.

(To be continued.)
 

Cyan

Banned
Worries Over "Fiscal Hurdle" Freak Out Washington

Washington (AP) - The man on the street is deeply concerned over the upcoming "fiscal hurdle," said Senator Robert McSuiterson, speaking to reporters after an ill-fated bipartisan meeting meant to bring about some solutions to the hurdle.

"Look, we're either going to have to come up with some bipartisan way of leaping with the correct timing, height, and speed, or we're going to run right through that hurdle," said McSuiterson. "The American people know that. And they know that if we do knock the hurdle over, that's a one or two second penalty."

Not so, says Representative Joe Otherparty. "McSuiterson is an idiot. Everyone knows that the time penalty was removed from hurdles years ago, after that fiasco in the 30s where Tisdall was cheated out of the world record. They put weights in them now, so that hitting them slows you down physically."

Economists suggest that the current fiscal hurdle negotiations are a chance for America to avoid a major stock market crash. "If there's one thing the stock market hates, it's uncertainty," says little-known, discredited economist George Doofus. "The uncertainty of revenue, of weather, and of dating are bad enough," Doofus goes on, "but the uncertainty of the hurdle is the worst of all. Will we run right through it, incurring a penalty? Will we leap majestically over it? Or will we sort of awkwardly scramble over the top, not quite knocking it over but totally losing our momentum? That would almost be worse." While this reporter was speaking to Doofus, Nobel Prize-winning economist Brain Smartguy had to be removed from the room after repeatedly trying to disrupt the interview by shouting "bullshit!"

McSuiterson and Otherparty, who are leading the ongoing negotiations in Washington, are firmly agreed on one thing--the man on the street is worried. "Ordinary people are worried about this," says Otherparty. "Your typical Joe Sixpack, John Doe, Johnny-on-the-spot type, these guys are worried about the fiscal hurdle--and they should be. If we don't get a deal done, there's going to be trouble."

"The American people know what's going on," says McSuiterson in response. "They know that we're headed straight for a knocked down hurdle if we don't get a deal done, and if my party's priorities aren't embraced above everything else."

The President does not appear enthusiastic about the current meetings. "These guys are all fucking morons. I wish I'd never run for President," he said, before breaking down and crying into his beer, the new White House Honey Porter, brewed specially at 1600 Pennsylvania.

The fiscal hurdle is coming up right smack at the start of the new year--"It's a one-time event that can either be avoided or smashed straight through, that's why it's called the 'hurdle,'" Doofus reminds us--and some worry that time is running out.

"Time is running out," says McSuiterson. With the bulk of the Senate and the House away at home celebrating Christmas--"It's only natural, in a nation specifically built by the Founding Fathers on the druidical tradition," says Otherparty--it seems unlikely that the legislature will come to any sort of agreement in the next few days.

Even if it does come to an agreement, Senator Jeff Teaparty has vowed to filibuster any deal that doesn't abolish hurdles altogether. "We need to stop buying all these hurdles from China," says Teaparty, holding hands with his submissive blond wife. "They're made in these factories where Chinese get paid five cents an hour to build them. How about instead we pay hardworking Americans those five cents an hour?"

The primary bone of contention remains the pacing, jump distance, and technique. Otherparty and his party prefer a last-minute stutterstep to ensure a good takeoff, and then making up the possible lost time with a good landing and a quick second step. McSuiterson disagrees. "I think we don't need any more second steps. We've had enough steps around here. The key is to not lose momentum by stutterstepping, but instead to time the final step properly and then launch right into the jump, even if it seems a little tricky. Keep your hips high, and trust your training and your coach."

With McSuiterson favoring a straight leg in the air for smoother clearance and Otherparty favoring a slightly bent knee for more push on the landing, any deal seems likely to be complicated and fraught with difficulty.

Some don't see any need for a deal. "Look," said Representative Ron Paul, speaking to a nearly empty room. "Why don't we just not jump, stop running, and walk around the darn hurdle? It makes so much more sense!"
 
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