I come to you guys because I trust your advice. You guys are awesome at helping people and getting down to the nitty gritty, and I need a 'nonpartisan' view on this. Wall of text incoming.
tl;dr, me and my girlfriend don't want to bring our 4-month old daughter to my Mom's house, unless everyone goes outside and smokes while we are there. They don't want to go outside, and now it's gotten to the point where they don't even care if we visit. They will not come over to our apartment because my mom says she is intimidated by my girlfriend.
My Mom (56) lives with my Dad (51), Little Brother (19), His girlfriend (18), and my Little Sister (19). They are all chronic Marijuana smokers (whole ounces in matter of days), and pretty big on cigarettes (at least 1 pack a day for each person, my mom does not smoke cigarettes.
Side Note: I smoke marijuana, but not nearly as much (probably a half ounce every two weeks), and I go outside on my balcony. I air out for about 5 minutes before I come in, and wash up immediately. I used to smoke cigarettes years ago.
Of course, this has been an issue since before we even revealed the pregnancy. We both don't want our daughter breathe that shit in, and we don't want her to be exposed to it (especially from her own family). All through the pregnancy, my girlfriend would refuse to go to my mom's house because she didn't want to be around second hand smoke while pregnant. They didn't care.
Around the beginning of August (our daughter was born in September), I finally made an ultimatum with my mom. I told her if the family couldn't give up smoking while we were there (at most 3 hours at a time), then we can't come over. Period. If they can't deal with that, then they are more than welcome to visit our daughter at our house, a smoke-free home. Yes, I do feel bad for keeping her from my Mom but this is just how it has to be. My mom finally realized what she would be missing out on, and agreed to have everyone go out on the back porch to smoke if they wanted to when we were there. We visited for Thanksgiving dinner and everything was golden! No smoke at all in the house and we had a good time (save for my Dad trying to light up a cig in his bathroom, and my Mom catching him and scolding him for it). I was very proud of my family.
Fast forward to Christmas Eve, we were having dinner and opening gifts. After dinner I ran down to the rec room by myself (basement of a 3 story house) to grab something, and lo and behold, clouds of smoke thicker than an opium den. 2 blunts and about 6 cigs all at once. I said "What the fuck guys, shes gonna take Scarlett and make us leave" and everyone was like "calm down, she's not going to leave on xmas eve, it's not a big deal, she'll never find out... etc." I just went back upstairs with a disappointed feeling and didn't say shit.
Of course my girlfriend could smell it on them after they came upstairs, and didn't say anything because it was Christmas eve. After we came home she very calmly said "I'm done with your mom. She's selfish. I'm not going over there anymore, especially with Scarlett. Period." My girlfriend will not talk to my mom, because she has stated her case many times before and after the pregnancy, and my Mom just doesn't seem to care. Mom gets offended every time we say "its for Scarlett" and thinks we are attacking her.
I finally brought it up while visiting my mom (by myself) last night. In summary, my Mom basically said "I don't care if she's mad, and I don't care what you guys think. My house cannot be smoke-free. The most we can do is restrict it to down in the rec room, take it or leave it." She also has only been over to my apartment to visit 3 times since Scarlett was born (we live 3 blocks away). I asked her why this is and she said that "I don't feel comfortable there because I'm intimidated by your girlfriend" I told her this really wasn't going to work out, something needs to be done. The last thing she said to me was "i'll just wait for one of my other kids to have a baby so I can feel like a Grandma." I was crushed. I cried the whole way home and haven't talked to either woman about it since.
I appreciate the responses and advice in advance, and I'm sorry for the wall of text. Everything needed to be said to understand the scope of the situation.
Who is in the wrong here, and what do you guys think I should do?
Edit: http://instagram.com/p/UKNpaugSx8/ my daughter and gf for reference (and bragging rights :-D)
tl;dr, me and my girlfriend don't want to bring our 4-month old daughter to my Mom's house, unless everyone goes outside and smokes while we are there. They don't want to go outside, and now it's gotten to the point where they don't even care if we visit. They will not come over to our apartment because my mom says she is intimidated by my girlfriend.
My Mom (56) lives with my Dad (51), Little Brother (19), His girlfriend (18), and my Little Sister (19). They are all chronic Marijuana smokers (whole ounces in matter of days), and pretty big on cigarettes (at least 1 pack a day for each person, my mom does not smoke cigarettes.
Side Note: I smoke marijuana, but not nearly as much (probably a half ounce every two weeks), and I go outside on my balcony. I air out for about 5 minutes before I come in, and wash up immediately. I used to smoke cigarettes years ago.
Of course, this has been an issue since before we even revealed the pregnancy. We both don't want our daughter breathe that shit in, and we don't want her to be exposed to it (especially from her own family). All through the pregnancy, my girlfriend would refuse to go to my mom's house because she didn't want to be around second hand smoke while pregnant. They didn't care.
Around the beginning of August (our daughter was born in September), I finally made an ultimatum with my mom. I told her if the family couldn't give up smoking while we were there (at most 3 hours at a time), then we can't come over. Period. If they can't deal with that, then they are more than welcome to visit our daughter at our house, a smoke-free home. Yes, I do feel bad for keeping her from my Mom but this is just how it has to be. My mom finally realized what she would be missing out on, and agreed to have everyone go out on the back porch to smoke if they wanted to when we were there. We visited for Thanksgiving dinner and everything was golden! No smoke at all in the house and we had a good time (save for my Dad trying to light up a cig in his bathroom, and my Mom catching him and scolding him for it). I was very proud of my family.
Fast forward to Christmas Eve, we were having dinner and opening gifts. After dinner I ran down to the rec room by myself (basement of a 3 story house) to grab something, and lo and behold, clouds of smoke thicker than an opium den. 2 blunts and about 6 cigs all at once. I said "What the fuck guys, shes gonna take Scarlett and make us leave" and everyone was like "calm down, she's not going to leave on xmas eve, it's not a big deal, she'll never find out... etc." I just went back upstairs with a disappointed feeling and didn't say shit.
Of course my girlfriend could smell it on them after they came upstairs, and didn't say anything because it was Christmas eve. After we came home she very calmly said "I'm done with your mom. She's selfish. I'm not going over there anymore, especially with Scarlett. Period." My girlfriend will not talk to my mom, because she has stated her case many times before and after the pregnancy, and my Mom just doesn't seem to care. Mom gets offended every time we say "its for Scarlett" and thinks we are attacking her.
I finally brought it up while visiting my mom (by myself) last night. In summary, my Mom basically said "I don't care if she's mad, and I don't care what you guys think. My house cannot be smoke-free. The most we can do is restrict it to down in the rec room, take it or leave it." She also has only been over to my apartment to visit 3 times since Scarlett was born (we live 3 blocks away). I asked her why this is and she said that "I don't feel comfortable there because I'm intimidated by your girlfriend" I told her this really wasn't going to work out, something needs to be done. The last thing she said to me was "i'll just wait for one of my other kids to have a baby so I can feel like a Grandma." I was crushed. I cried the whole way home and haven't talked to either woman about it since.
I appreciate the responses and advice in advance, and I'm sorry for the wall of text. Everything needed to be said to understand the scope of the situation.
Who is in the wrong here, and what do you guys think I should do?
Edit: http://instagram.com/p/UKNpaugSx8/ my daughter and gf for reference (and bragging rights :-D)
