• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

G/A/F ? - Rough Day For Alleged Violent Pooping Masturbator

Status
Not open for further replies.
R

remz

Member
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/...florida_n_2533967.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

In Florida, there are violent people, naked people, poopers and masturbators -- but rarely is one man the total package.

When Tony and LaDonna Land discovered naked carnival worker Gregory Matthew Bruni on their roof, the night had just begun. Bruni, 21, allegedly assaulted Tony Land, trashed the couple's North Fort Myers Home, and then defecated and masturbated inside the house, WTSP reports.

The Lands told police they were in their bedroom at around 7 p.m. Monday when they heard a noise that sounded like thunder, according to Fox 4 Now. Tony went outside and says he saw Bruni on top of the roof, completely naked. Bruni allegedly jumped down on top of Land, ABC 7 reported, then knocked him over by hitting him in the shoulder.

The Lands say Bruni ran into the house, pulled a big-screen TV off the wall, and spilled the contents of a vacuum onto the floor. Around this time, LaDonna grabbed a gun and began firing at the nude intruder. She missed, and the couple called 911.

"I don't know who the hell he is -- he's naked and he ran into my damn house," Tony can be heard saying on the recording.

The Lands told authorities that after shots were fired, Bruni began whacking the mole in their living room before heading into their son's bedroom to rub some clothing on his face.

When deputies arrived, they attempted to control Bruni, who they say was wildly flailing around and speaking nonsensically. They also discovered that Bruni had defecated on the floor in two spots within the home.

At some point during the ruckus, investigators say, Bruni sucked up the contents of the vacuum, then spit it back out.

Bruni was taken into custody and transported to a hospital for evaluation, where doctors reportedly told deputies they planned to conduct tests to determine "what Bruni was on."

Bruni has been charged with criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence.

Let's Recap The Allegations Against Bruni:
Got naked, climbed onto the Lands' roof.

Attacked Tony Land by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder.

Ran into Lands' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor.

Dodged bullets fired by LaDonna Land.

Masturbated in the living room.

Rubbed clothes on his face in the Lands' son's room.

Defecated on the floor in two places.

Drank the contents of the vacuum.
Click to expand...

What in the world?
 
S

Syrinx

Member
Now THAT's multitasking!

Edit: "Drank the contents of the vacuum" may be the strangest part of all of this.
 
H

hym

Banned
When you can dodge bullets while taking a shit and masturbating you are a legit super hero.

Maybe not the best use of those powers but still impressive.
 
H

hidden offline

Neo Member
Got naked, climbed onto the Lands' roof.

Attacked Tony Land by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder.

Ran into Lands' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor.

Dodged bullets fired by LaDonna Land.

Masturbated in the living room.

Rubbed clothes on his face in the Lands' son's room.

Defecated on the floor in two places.

Drank the contents of the vacuum.
Click to expand...
Amazing, simply amazing.
 
H

hidden offline

Neo Member
Tzeentch said:
No way man. He was just high on life.
Click to expand...

tumblr_loknk7oHTV1qludboo1_500.gif
 
L

LordCanti

Member
I wonder if anyone made sure he didn't shit on the roof. If he shit into an exhaust vent or something, that could be really awful.
 
S

Syrinx

Member
speculawyer said:
What would we do without Florida? I know we all complain . . . but who else provides us with so many crazy stories?
Click to expand...

Seriously. Florida's such a lovable oaf of a state. Everyone loves to post the Bugs Bunny cutting off Florida gif, but America just wouldn't be the same country without Florida's antics.
 
R

remz

Member
Herbspicesoy said:
Can't wrap my head around how he can get aroused enough to masturbate while doing all this shit.
Click to expand...

I too am baffled by the about of crazy shit he did, whilst somehow finding the time to masturbate. I wanted to bold some stuff in the op but it's all insane.

He was seriously on a rampage. Bath Salts?
 
M

MisterNugNug

Member
Some men aren't looking for anything logical.

They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with.

Some men just want to masturbate and defecate inside your living room.
 
D

Days like these...

Have a Blessed Day
So why did the wife stop shooting at him? She run out of ammo or what? I'm sure that while he was defecting she could have gotten off a clean shot
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

[G/A/F] Police searching for suspect who allegedly broke into a man’s home to suck his toes
36
2K
zeioIIDX replied
HenryG (of CSGO fame) Accused of Sexual Misconduct
Social Drama
10
2K
Redlancet replied
  • Locked
Human cost of conspiracy theories.
2
69
8K
Raonak replied
  • Locked
G/A/F - Man crashes stolen ambulance, masturbates in P.D.
14
2K
Gordon Shumway replied
  • Locked
Shirtless man allegedly smears feces on car
21
3K
Unspeakable Evil replied
Top Bottom