nkarafo
Member
Ever since i remember, i never really believed in god. I always thought it was an absurd idea. I also thought that i'm among the "smart" ones or at least the lucky ones who are able to see through the bullshit.
But as i grow older i realize that i'm the unlucky one instead. Because i denied myself from a wonderful bed time story where god and his angels will always watch over everyone or something and that there is a deeper meaning to everything and that no matter how cruel something looks, it's always according to god's good plan and that i will live forever in some form so i won't miss anything, etc.
Instead i am now the most pessimistic person, i think there is no reason for anything to exist, yet i don't like the idea of not existing either because nothingness seems even more meaningless if that makes any sense. It doesn't help that my life has been miserable the last 6-7 years or so. So the whole "live your life to the fullest" atheist motto doesn't really work on me.
Sure, religious people have hell to worry about but that's just something to keep things interesting. That's the whole point of religion. It's interesting. It has a meaning. Nothingness has no meaning. I hate the idea of death because of it. And i actually feel very jealous of people who really believe in god without knowingly kidding themselves. I wish i could do too. But my sense and logic always tell me that existence is a stupid mystery that nobody will ever solve and at some point nobody sentient will exist to know about it.
I wonder if others have similar thoughts?
But as i grow older i realize that i'm the unlucky one instead. Because i denied myself from a wonderful bed time story where god and his angels will always watch over everyone or something and that there is a deeper meaning to everything and that no matter how cruel something looks, it's always according to god's good plan and that i will live forever in some form so i won't miss anything, etc.
Instead i am now the most pessimistic person, i think there is no reason for anything to exist, yet i don't like the idea of not existing either because nothingness seems even more meaningless if that makes any sense. It doesn't help that my life has been miserable the last 6-7 years or so. So the whole "live your life to the fullest" atheist motto doesn't really work on me.
Sure, religious people have hell to worry about but that's just something to keep things interesting. That's the whole point of religion. It's interesting. It has a meaning. Nothingness has no meaning. I hate the idea of death because of it. And i actually feel very jealous of people who really believe in god without knowingly kidding themselves. I wish i could do too. But my sense and logic always tell me that existence is a stupid mystery that nobody will ever solve and at some point nobody sentient will exist to know about it.
I wonder if others have similar thoughts?