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NeoGAF Anonymous Confessions 2016 - A Miserable Little Pile of Secrets

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NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Well, for one, it's hilarious when you hit on a married girl and ignore all her single friends. The looks they give you are funny. Anger and jealousy mostly.

Also, you're not gonna score with a married chick, but you'll really make her day for some reason.
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Reminds me of the time I took a girl I met on OKCupid out for a couple of dates, only to find out she was engaged.

She didn't tell me or wear a ring, so I found out when her Fiancé called me.

That was the last time I used my OKCupid account. Was kind of done with online dating for a bit after that.
 
LucidMomentum said:
Reminds me of the time I took a girl I met on OKCupid out for a couple of dates, only to find out she was engaged.

She didn't tell me or wear a ring, so I found out when her Fiancé called me.

That was the last time I used my OKCupid account. Was kind of done with online dating for a bit after that.
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The best thing is if the single friends are all pretty cute, but the married girl is a knockout, and you yourself are nothing to write home about.

The single girls would have ignored you all night regardless but the second you compliment the married one, they're all like "what the fuck is this shit."

True stories, bro
 
gaiages said:
One time when I was really young, I picked up the family cat and tossed her (she'd usually come running back like it was a game) but I guess I threw her a little too hard and her side hit the nearby wall. It made a large thumping noise but she was completely okay (you know, like when you drop something light on the ground but it makes this loud ass noise for god knows what reason). I cried my eyes out.

Another time I was spinning around and holding my cat (a different one) in a blanket (like a baby), but I think the blanket flap got over his head so when I sat him down, he didn't move immediately. I freaked the fuck out cuz I thought I suffocated him and unwrapped the blanket and he was fine, he was probably just dizzy.

I always felt bad about those, even though nothing actually happened ;-;
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GEEZ, you people are horrible! My dad brought home 2 kittens when I wasn't even 2 years old. My sibs and I fought to hold them. my older brother won, and I have pics of him crooning and caressing the babies.

Even toddlers know when to be gentle.
 
My vacation resort came with free breakfast buffet but I don't eat breakfast so I made sandwiches for lunch and hid them in my beach bag. And I mean legit toasted baguettes with meat cheese and lettuce, tomatoes etc.
 
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
The best thing is if the single friends are all pretty cute, but the married girl is a knockout, and you yourself are nothing to write home about.

The single girls would have ignored you all night regardless but the second you compliment the married one, they're all like "what the fuck is this shit."

True stories, bro
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Yeah if you're lucky you've given the married woman a confidence boost that she then takes home to the husband, you get to have some harmless fun, and maybe she'll set you up with the single ladies.

Or in my case you don't even know she's married and then you get to have the realization that you may have just unknowingly brought a relationship to an end.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
Haven't read the last 10 pages not sure If I should for my own sanity. That gf revenge shit, what a sad little man that dude has to be to go through that just for getting back at someone..
 
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
91739-I-feel-like-Im-gonna-throw-up-qnPA.gif
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Cumfessor and him are perfect for each other.
 
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
I'll give you the same advice I'd give any other high schooler that came at me with this story.

Date other people. Don't get sucked into high school drama. YOU'RE IN TOO DEEP.
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1024x768.jpg


Stinkles said:
My vacation resort came with free breakfast buffet but I don't eat breakfast so I made sandwiches for lunch and hid them in my beach bag. And I mean legit toasted baguettes with meat cheese and lettuce, tomatoes etc.
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I actually bought a coffee maker and took it to the fucking tourist trap hotel I stayed in last year for breakfast. $6 bucks for a small coffee carafe? Fuck that, I had packs of Colombian coffee I had taken with me as gifts.
 
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
The best thing is if the single friends are all pretty cute, but the married girl is a knockout, and you yourself are nothing to write home about.

The single girls would have ignored you all night regardless but the second you compliment the married one, they're all like "what the fuck is this shit."

True stories, bro
Click to expand...

Dat strategy
 
[awakes from the dead after 3 days]

[sees absolute horrors]

How dare you wake me for this.

11/28

Cookies and Lemonade After Young, Awkward, Stationary Anal (Mobile)

Excessively Nostalgic Man Remembers His Ex (Franchise: Excessively Nostalgic Man)

College Student Out of a Relationship Way Too Fucking Tense To Be Worth It (Big Budget)

My Ex Completely Shattered Me As a Person (Franchise: Shattered But Recovering From Ex)

Recovering From My Ex, Getting My Life Back Together (Franchise: Shattered But Recovering From Ex)

Committing Unnecessary Science Just to Avoid Using a Condom (Console)

Absolutely Disgusting Magazine Wankery (Handheld)
 
Psychotext said:
Given the content of this thread, I'm REALLY not sure I understand what I just read.

lol
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Well... Average schmoes

Wandering Robot said:
And I ask myself,
"Are some confessions better off left unsaid?"
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Sometimes.

BladeoftheImmortal said:
Maybe you haven't, but I have
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Ohhhhhh yeahhhh

AngmarsKing701 said:
Dat strategy
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I know you feel me, bro

CesspoolofHatred said:
[awakes from the dead after 3 days]

[sees absolute horrors]

How dare you wake me for this.

11/28

Cookies and Lemonade After Young, Awkward, Stationary Anal (Mobile)

Excessively Nostalgic Man Remembers His Ex (Franchise: Excessively Nostalgic Man)

College Student Out of a Relationship Way Too Fucking Tense To Be Worth It (Big Budget)

My Ex Completely Shattered Me As a Person (Franchise: Shattered But Recovering From Ex)

Recovering From My Ex, Getting My Life Back Together (Franchise: Shattered But Recovering From Ex)

Committing Unnecessary Science Just to Avoid Using a Condom (Console)

Absolutely Disgusting Magazine Wankery (Handheld)
Click to expand...

Don't ever say I didn't bring you anything nice.

soothe. said:
for some reason? well that sure is a mystery for the ages. something that scholars and scientists will try to figure out until the end of time.
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27 years on this earth and I still don't understand women.
 
Wow @ the magazine kid...
Not quite at the same level as fruitflies (close).
And I don't think anyone will ever top Sister Fucker (shame he made no appearance this year).
But damn... I think magazine kid wins this year.
 
I just don't get coming on to the magazine on purpose. Why not have some toilet paper ready?

In my few years of pre-internet activity, I never once got it over something.
 
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
The best thing is if the single friends are all pretty cute, but the married girl is a knockout, and you yourself are nothing to write home about.

The single girls would have ignored you all night regardless but the second you compliment the married one, they're all like "what the fuck is this shit."

True stories, bro
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no sh*t I will be judging you hard if I were one of them too! The kind of delusion that make you take that as "jealousy"... LOL
 
Kittygirl said:
GEEZ, you people are horrible! My dad brought home 2 kittens when I wasn't even 2 years old. My sibs and I fought to hold them. my older brother won, and I have pics of him crooning and caressing the babies.

Even toddlers know when to be gentle.
Click to expand...

They don't really. A lot of pets can't handle many toddlers due to the poking, punching, etc.
 
To the guy who wanked himself senseless into one magazine over 4 years...and wanked in it again after finding it 12 years later..
Holy crap, you have achieved near fruitfly-flesh light status.

Play of the game!
 
OléGunner;225639888 said:
To the guy who wanked himself senseless into one magazine over 4 years...and wanked in it again after finding it 12 years later..
Holy crap, you have achieved near fruitfly-flesh light status.

Play of the game!
Click to expand...

scared-and-horny.gif
 
I stole pervy Angelina Jolie movies from blockbuster and wanked to them in my parents basement when I was like 13-14. I got caught once and was allowed to leave the store without getting arrested. I'd go back to that same blockbuster with family later on and the manager would give me the stink eye. To his credit he never told my parents. I always appreciated that.
 
CesspoolofHatred said:
[awakes from the dead after 3 days]

[sees absolute horrors]

How dare you wake me for this.

11/28
Absolutely Disgusting Magazine Wankery (Handheld)
Click to expand...
You did this on purpose, didn't you? :P

falcs said:
Wow @ the magazine kid...
Not quite at the same level as fruitflies (close).
And I don't think anyone will ever top Sister Fucker (shame he made no appearance this year).
But damn... I think magazine kid wins this year.
Click to expand...
He's too busy playing Mario Kart.
 
Kittygirl said:
GEEZ, you people are horrible! My dad brought home 2 kittens when I wasn't even 2 years old. My sibs and I fought to hold them. my older brother won, and I have pics of him crooning and caressing the babies.

Even toddlers know when to be gentle.
Click to expand...

I like how essentially rough housing with a pet, no pet getting injured, and feeling like shit about said rough housing makes me a horrible person :/
 
You know you're in a great position when all the advice that people can give you is that they hope you get the help you need and you should buy a pick-up artist book. I'm going back under my rock. So long, thanks for nothing, and I hate you all (not as much as I hate myself, though).



P.S.: All the people who say that getting in shape is the key to having people interested in you are full of shit.
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Later, I guess.

I mean, it's easier to just go and withdraw from the world instead of doing shit about it, but what do I know.
 
I'm leaving my wife in February. She talks trash about me and my daughter online where she thinks I don't see it. I tried so hard to make the marriage work, but she's just a bitter, angry person that I don't want to spend another moment with. I hate that my daughter will continue to be exposed to that, but courts are never friendly to men. I'm not blameless by any means, but leave our daughter out of your bitterness. Regardless, I'm leaving her with a defaulted student loan and a foreclosure when I go. I used to feel guilty about it but now I don't feel bad anymore about doing so after seeing how she "pretends to work overtime because she doesn't want to go home to her husband and kid"
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Jesus, that's messed up. Dude, go. Put her in the rear view of your life and you take care of your daughter.
 
gaiages said:
One time when I was really young, I picked up the family cat and tossed her (she'd usually come running back like it was a game) but I guess I threw her a little too hard and her side hit the nearby wall. It made a large thumping noise but she was completely okay (you know, like when you drop something light on the ground but it makes this loud ass noise for god knows what reason). I cried my eyes out.

Another time I was spinning around and holding my cat (a different one) in a blanket (like a baby), but I think the blanket flap got over his head so when I sat him down, he didn't move immediately. I freaked the fuck out cuz I thought I suffocated him and unwrapped the blanket and he was fine, he was probably just dizzy.

I always felt bad about those, even though nothing actually happened ;-;
Click to expand...
I grew up on a farm with literally dozens of cats, all tame when we were kids. Mostly feral when we were older. But there was one who just wouldn't leave you alone if he saw you outside. Rubbing all up on your legs and whatnot. I got used to just giving him a fairly good chuck when he did. He was a cat. He landed on his feet (literally) every time. He'd take the hint and leave. I never even really thought about it.

At a friends house years later did it to his cat when it jumped up near a pizza though. I was almost never invited back.
 
RionaaM said:
You did this on purpose, didn't you? :P
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if you have to ask, the answer is always yes

11/29

Guy Who Never Had a Girlfriend Is Salty Over Bad Advice (Franchise: Never Had a Girlfriend)

I Am Leaving My Wife Because She Is Bitter And Appreciates Nothing (Mobile)

I'm Disgusted and Terrified of Myself (Mobile)

Terrisus Reveals Himself (Franchise: Man Finally Divorces His Wife)

APC Is a Goddamn Kleptomaniac (Big Budget)

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I Greatly Disdain Pieces of Shit (Mobile)

I Suffer From Depression But Worry That My Problems Are Too Insignificant For Anyone to Care (Console)

Still Anxious, But Now My Girlfriend Does More of the Work (Franchise: Anxious During Sex)

In a Happy, Loving Relationship With an Intersex Female (Indie)
 
I just want to get this all off my chest. So here's a few things.

When I was in middle school, someone told me they wanted to kill themselves. I offered to help him out. So I grabbed him by the throat and held him against the wall.

Once I tried to give my mother a glass full of chlorox. I told her it was diet mountain dew. It touched her lips, and I immediately panicked and told her to stop.

I have a severe dissociative disorder and intermittent explosive disorder and sometimes really bad things happen in certain situations and I don't remember doing it. There was a time maybe six years ago when I was in situations when I was around kittens. I would try playing with them but they would trigger my disorder and I'd end up killing them. I'd just lose control. I've murdered maybe six kittens in total. I've lost track. It all starts to blend together. I mostly got away with it too. I know they say we are responsible for our actions, but it's not me doing it's someone else. I'm disgusted and terrified of myself and it has made my really scared to go live life, cause what if something bad happens? I haven't had any physical outbursts in a long time, but sometimes I randomly scream at people. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't live like this, afraid. I've tried getting help but it doesn't change that I'm a terrible fucking person at the end of the day.
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You're not a terrible person cause you're sick. You have the capability of turning into a terrible person if you don't actively work on being better. You say you've tried to get help? Don't give up.
 
Just a thought, but in retrospect it might make things a bit more meaningful if you revealed I was the one behind the "FINALLY divorces his wife" confession. Since, otherwise a confession of someone divorcing their wife isn't really all that meaningful - goodness knows plenty of people do so quite often. But, given how sick GAF was of hearing me talk about my relationship and everything, it would probably be a good thing to share. Still, your call.

Also, as an addendum, I mentioned that I had sent in confessions in two of the previous confession things. While I'm not going to outright state what they were (again, I went out of the way to make the writing style not particularly like mine), I will say that both of them had to do with "something" with someone who wasn't my wife. I'll just leave it at that. >.>
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Goddamn you, Terrisus.
 
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