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[H.Protagonist]

Yes, this thread is literally about a random appearance of milk.

Some mysterious dairy gifter left these two jugs outside my door sometime this morning before 6AM. As you can see, they are store-type jugs of milk, so unless the milkman abandoned his glassware and made a mistake, this was no innocent delivery mix-up. Neither neighbor made claim to them, either, so now I'm stuck with them. Is this some kind of strange English custom, an assassination attempt, or is someone strongly hinting that I should make cheese?

Theories and/or suggestions on what I should do with this offering would be most welcome.


- They do not appear to be tampered with.
- They are not out of date.
- Whoever it was was thoughtful enough to leave whole AND skim milk.

 

[frontovik]

Drink it.

 

[Toma]

Let it drink you.

 

[zeemumu]

Your wife is cheating on you with the milk man. Break up with her and start going to the gym

 

[PandaShake]

Rip

 

[Busty]

Mysterious Milk was the name of my one man show off Broadway.

 

[soundscream]

Dump it out. Lotta sickos out there.

 

[NandoGip]

Bathe with it.

 

[Princess Viola]

You have been blessed by the milk fairy.

 

[Podge293]

Milkmen in my area drop off cartons like that. Haven't seen a glass bottle in ages.

Could be they got the wrong address and dropped it at yours by mistake

 

[John Kowalski]

It's a conspiracy.

 

[marrec]

It's a curse, you have to pass the milk on before it expires or you will be killed by a cow that crawls out of the TV.

Either that or someone's moving and didn't want the milk to go to waste so they left it for you.

Either way, I wouldn't drink that shit lol.

 

[Stormhammer]

a gift from the divine bovine

 

[Tugatrix]

It's poisoned

 

[SlickShoes]

About once every 6 months or so someone puts one of these in my garden just inside the gate.

I can only assume someone goes shopping and accidentally drops them near my house so someone else just pops them in my gate thinking it was me.

Never drank them because I don't want to die just yet.

EDIT: Get that wreath down off your door as well it's January 10th!

 

[-Plasma Reus-]

I've seen this before.
It's not milk.
It's man juice.

 

[TheGrue]

They're hoping you drink it and then reveal themselves as the producer of the milk (and I don't mean milking a cow).

 

[marrec]

What you should do:

Pick up the milk and say very loudly while looking in multiple directions "thank you very much for the milk I will enjoy it very much"

of course, you're going to pour that shit out and not drink it, but you don't want to be rude and they could be watching.

 

[CrudeDiatribe]

It's probably a tradition left over from the blitz— doorstep milk prevents unexploded ordinance from exploding.

Your wife is cheating on you with the milk man. Break up with her and start going to the gym

That would be quite something.

 

[koji kabuto]

1- Dump the milk.
2- Install a security system with a cam.
3- Enjoy

 

[Media]

I think you should sit at the window with a bottle of wine and have a stake out.

Cause that's creepy.

 

[CrudeDiatribe]

I think you should sit at the window with a bottle of red wine and have a steak stake out.

Cause yum that's creepy.

FTFY

 

[marrec]

FTFY

Milk in inherently creepy something must be done.

 

[Media]

FTFY

Add more wine and sure.

Milk in inherently creepy something must be done.

Sudden milk is creepy, yes.

 

[Princess Viola]

Either that or someone's moving and didn't want the milk to go to waste so they left it for you.

Don't you mean mooving?

Sorry

Spoiler

Not sorry

 

[Rad-]

Nice looking jugs.

 

[Hispanic! At the Disco]

In the middle of the night put the milk cartons by someone else's door, then wait for the gaf thread.

 

[Castef]

(just go buy a third one and put it along with the other two. Then wait)

 

[H.Protagonist]

Drink it.

Let it drink you.

Such a harmonious 1st and 2nd post.

Your wife is cheating on you with the milk man. Break up with her and start going to the gym

You suspect the wife, eh?

Mysterious Milk was the name of my one man show off Broadway.

What was it about? Maybe there's a clue in there somewhere.

Dump it out. Lotta sickos out there.

Sadly, this is a definite possibility.

Bathe with it.

Sounds potentially Lady Bathory-esque. Ew.

 

[The Albatross]

Drink it.

Similarly, once I received mystery fudge in the mail. Had a package with no return address, opened it up to find a nice looking sealed jar of what looked like hot chocolate fudge. I tried really hard to figure out if I had requested that someone send me fudge, and while it kinda/sorta rang a bell, I couldn't place it at all.

Ended up putting the fudge in the cupboard for like 2 years before my wife threw it away cleaning. I don't blame her, I used to tell her I was going to eat the mystery fudge as a threat, sort of like a kid holding his breath when he didn't get what he wanted.

 

[capitalCORN]

Stick your dick in it. If not have dick. Pay $100 for someone to stick their dick in it.

 

[JBourne]

Secret admilkerer.

 

[Media]

You suspect the wife, eh?

You know what must be done. No witnesses.

 

[marrec]

You know what must be done. No witnesses.

D E L E T E T H I S

 

[friskykillface]

Milk is expensive these days op
You got a gift

Install a security camera to expose the milk fairies , they are real

 

[Seirith]

how odd!

Do you have a local milk delivery company? If so, call them up and see if they left it there by accident and meant to leave it at another number/street.

Did a family member leave it for you for some odd reason?


If your neighbors do not know why it is there I would leave it a while to see if anyone takes it and then throw it away. I wouldn't drink it.

 

[BossDarkseid]

Stick your dick in it. If not have dick. Pay $100 for someone to stick their dick in it.

yeesh

Unless you secretly signed up to a milkman service...what if it's someones attempt at courtship? Throw it away though. Probably someone feeling a bit random.

 

[EstoyBlackWaldo]

That ain't no milk you should drink.

 

[H.Protagonist]

Milkmen in my area drop off cartons like that. Haven't seen a glass bottle in ages.

Could be they got the wrong address and dropped it at yours by mistake

There is a milkman around here, but he definitely uses glass bottles.

It's a curse, you have to pass the milk on before it expires or you will be killed by a cow that crawls out of the TV.

Either that or someone's moving and didn't want the milk to go to waste so they left it for you.

Either way, I wouldn't drink that shit lol.

Yeah. Too dubious. Seems so wasteful, though. I can't even donate it. :/

About once every 6 months or so someone puts one of these in my garden just inside the gate.

I can only assume someone goes shopping and accidentally drops them near my house so someone else just pops them in my gate thinking it was me.

Never drank them because I don't want to die just yet.

EDIT: Get that wreath down off your door as well it's January 10th!

Or someone really, really likes you.

I keep thinking about taking it down, but I've just been too lazy.

I think you should sit at the window with a bottle of wine and have a stake out.

Cause that's creepy.

This is an idea.

Nice looking jugs.

Why, thank you.

In the middle of the night put the milk cartons by someone else's door, then wait for the gaf thread.

This is also an idea. Hmmm...

 

[jufonuk]

https://frinkiac.com/gifmaker/S06E21/320519/320519

 

[sammex]

Your wife is cheating on you with the milk man. Break up with her and start going to the gym

Exclusive footage of the milkman visiting OP's house

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEipG31iAC4

 

[Mawnster]

Some mysterious dairy gifter left these two jugs outside my door sometime this morning before 6AM. As you can see, they are store-type jugs of milk, so unless the milkman abandoned his glassware and made a mistake, this was no innocent delivery mix-up. Neither neighbor made claim to them, either, so now I'm stuck with them. Is this some kind of strange English custom, an assassination attempt, or is someone strongly hinting that I should make cheese?

I don't know why this made me laugh so much, rofl.

But yeah. It's definitely a trap. I've never eaten anything that I hadn't bought, even if the product was closed and appeared to be in perfect condition. Maybe I'm paranoid, but eh.

 

[strafer]

maybe it's just a friendly gaffer who left it for you..those exist.

 

[Pankratous]

I haven't heard of a milkman for a long time

A dying breed

Edit: Good opportunity to post this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtkNLtwnGfI

 

[Castef]

Exclusive footage of the milkman visiting OP's house

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEipG31iAC4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4nSt0q_Jfo

 

[Amalthea]

Mystery milk, what could possibly go wrong?

 

[Croyles]

I don't understand, isn't this just a normal milk delivery? I assume you aren't supposed to get any and it was just delivered wrong.

Milk delivered in glass was only a thing up until like 30 years ago wasn't it?

 

[H.Protagonist]

Drink it.

Similarly, once I received mystery fudge in the mail. Had a package with no return address, opened it up to find a nice looking sealed jar of what looked like hot chocolate fudge. I tried really hard to figure out if I had requested that someone send me fudge, and while it kinda/sorta rang a bell, I couldn't place it at all.

Ended up putting the fudge in the cupboard for like 2 years before my wife threw it away cleaning. I don't blame her, I used to tell her I was going to eat the mystery fudge as a threat, sort of like a kid holding his breath when he didn't get what he wanted.

Not a chance in hell. But, my indecision while trying to think of some way not to watse what might actually be milk without drinking it will probably let it languish for 2 years as well.

Stick your dick in it. If not have dick. Pay $100 for someone to stick their dick in it.

Neogaf.gif

Secret admilkerer.

*slow clap*

I don't know why this made me laugh so much, rofl.

But yeah. It's definitely a trap. I've never eaten anything that I hadn't bought, even if the product was closed and appeared to be in perfect condition. Maybe I'm paranoid, but eh.

Paranoia is a good thing to have when unknown persons leave 'edibles' on your doorstep.

maybe it's just a friendly gaffer who left it for you..those exist.

That sounds really sinister somehow...

 

[Taffer]

If it's not a delivery mistake somebody may be trying to assassinate a local hedgehog. Stay vigilant.

 

[Dali]

I left it. Don't drink it though. I didn't know it was your place. I'd feel bad knowing I gave a fellow gaffer a three day case of violent diarrhea.