Very Berry Sunday
Member
How much free time do you get?
Did you plan on having kids in the first place?
Did you plan on having kids in the first place?
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Parents, how is your life different now compared to your life without kids?
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highrider
Banned
I did not plan to become a parent, there is never a ‘ right time ‘ really, although ideally you would have some assemblance of financial security. You don’t get a lot of free time during infancy and toddler years except in the evening when they turn in. My son is 15 now, a lot of sports activities.
Honestly, having a kid can be such a wide breadth of experiences. Kids are different just like adults, some are pretty easy, some aren’t. On a forum predominantly composed of young males I would doubt there’s much enthusiasm about children lol, and that’s a shame because it’s an amazing and humbling experience. Would recommend.
Honestly, having a kid can be such a wide breadth of experiences. Kids are different just like adults, some are pretty easy, some aren’t. On a forum predominantly composed of young males I would doubt there’s much enthusiasm about children lol, and that’s a shame because it’s an amazing and humbling experience. Would recommend.
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
I'm a bonus dad. My bonus daughter is a fantastic, strong willed individual. Some days are better than others.
I was use to gaming until 1-2 AM every night. I still finish games and my wife plays too, but you have to have a schedule or you'll burn yourself out.
There's a parenting agreement, so the kid has to be with her dad every other weekend and then one day each week.
Kids go to bed at 7:30-8 PM because they need their rest, so it's not like the whole night is gone.
My bonus daughter and I are about to beat Super Mario 3D World together and she's 3 and a half years old. She loves Princess Peach and Mario. I have had her play the Switch, but it's supervised and it's with the controller and not the device itself.
At times it's super busy and others it's spending time with a little person who looks up to you. They care about things that no one else does and they'll listen to you. It also includes a lot of growing up and responsibility. I always have her monitor beside me if I'm gaming when she's asleep or if I'm doing work around the house.
It's healthy to take time for yourself. Kids need to learn how to play by themselves without attention 24/7.
I know nothing about babies, but I understand its easier when they're a little older.
I didn't plan on being a dad. I was actually set on not marrying someone with a kid, but I met my wife. My bonus daughter is a very smart intelligent young girl. Even if we have had our share of disagreements.
Edit: I also took a parenting class. It was 7 weeks long, one day a week. That helped me learn a lot of useful skills about raising a toddler.
I was use to gaming until 1-2 AM every night. I still finish games and my wife plays too, but you have to have a schedule or you'll burn yourself out.
There's a parenting agreement, so the kid has to be with her dad every other weekend and then one day each week.
Kids go to bed at 7:30-8 PM because they need their rest, so it's not like the whole night is gone.
My bonus daughter and I are about to beat Super Mario 3D World together and she's 3 and a half years old. She loves Princess Peach and Mario. I have had her play the Switch, but it's supervised and it's with the controller and not the device itself.
At times it's super busy and others it's spending time with a little person who looks up to you. They care about things that no one else does and they'll listen to you. It also includes a lot of growing up and responsibility. I always have her monitor beside me if I'm gaming when she's asleep or if I'm doing work around the house.
It's healthy to take time for yourself. Kids need to learn how to play by themselves without attention 24/7.
I know nothing about babies, but I understand its easier when they're a little older.
I didn't plan on being a dad. I was actually set on not marrying someone with a kid, but I met my wife. My bonus daughter is a very smart intelligent young girl. Even if we have had our share of disagreements.
Edit: I also took a parenting class. It was 7 weeks long, one day a week. That helped me learn a lot of useful skills about raising a toddler.
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TBiddy
Member
We absolutely planned our first kid (6 months old today!) and I wouldn't change it for anything. But it's ridiculously hard work in the beginning. They are helpless, and you haven't much free time on your own, since you need to watch them, feed them, nurse them, get them to sleep etc.
Make sure you agree with your SO, that you are both allowed to be alone, get out or have some "me-time" (whichever you need) a few times a week, otherwise you're going to go insane.
100% planned. Before I had kids I had all the time in the world. I never had much to do after work or weekends. When the kids were younger, they didn't have sports or anything. I had more time at night because they went to bed at 8:00. On the flip side I had no time during the day because I had to watch them.
Right now my kids are a little older. 12 and 10 so I don't really have to watch them as much anymore. On the flip side I may have an hour or two at night to myself. My daughter does dance 5 days (my wife is a nurse so she works a few nights a week and when she doesn't she takes our daughter to dance) a week so I am usually driving to and from there. I coach my sons basketball team (and a girls team and my daughter doesn't even play) and he also plays travel basketball so I'd say about 6 hours every Saturday is tied up in basketball.
Right now my kids are a little older. 12 and 10 so I don't really have to watch them as much anymore. On the flip side I may have an hour or two at night to myself. My daughter does dance 5 days (my wife is a nurse so she works a few nights a week and when she doesn't she takes our daughter to dance) a week so I am usually driving to and from there. I coach my sons basketball team (and a girls team and my daughter doesn't even play) and he also plays travel basketball so I'd say about 6 hours every Saturday is tied up in basketball.
WinterIsComing
Member
First of all, congrats! Enjoy these moments as they will never happen again (at least with this child
)Secondly, couldn't agree more with your post. My kid is now 13 months old, but the first months were really tiring. Usually my wife took 1 hour after breakfast and i took another hour after lunch, and it made a big difference. Even if it was only one hour, it helped a lot in keeping our mental sanity.
And i'm sorry to tell you, but the times that come will be even more tiring, on a different note of course. He won't be helpless like in the first months, but will start rolling, walking, etc
TBiddy
Member
First of all, congrats! Enjoy these moments as they will never happen again (at least with this child
Secondly, couldn't agree more with your post. My kid is now 13 months old, but the first months were really tiring. Usually my wife took 1 hour after breakfast and i took another hour after lunch, and it made a big difference. Even if it was only one hour, it helped a lot in keeping our mental sanity.
And i'm sorry to tell you, but the times that come will be even more tiring, on a different note of course. He won't be helpless like in the first months, but will start rolling, walking, etc
Thanks! And yes, having some "me-time" is vital. Also, it's important to remember that you're still a couple and not just parents
Sounds like you have it under control. I guess we can look forward to the teenage years. Should be plenty of time to game then!
WinterIsComing
Member
Yep, can't wait till he's old enough to buy a Nintendo and play Mario with him lol.
Plenty of time to game, to catch up with movies, tv series, nights out, dinners, vacations...
To someone who isn't a parent, yes, it's true that you have to give up a LOT of stuff you used to do before he/she was born... but only living through it you'll be able to know that it's more than worth it
Turnip Truck
Member
Life with kids (planned) is wonderful. My youngest is will be heading off to college in the fall so my free (AKA gaming) time has slowly trickled back over the years. It's nice to get back to relaxing.
Free time is clearly in the shortest supply when they are youngest and need the most help and guidance. But playing with your little ones on the floor is way more fulfilling than sitting on the couch gaming so it is well worth it. As they get a little bit older, you can start to sneak a little time back in. I bought a GBA SP when mine were pre-school age and would play games like Riviera while they were tumbling in gymnastics class. It didn't take them long to want their own GBA so we'd play Pokemon LG/FR/Emerald alongside each other and go to events as a family. So we integrated video gaming as family activities, along with board games and other activities. I skipped having any FPS games around the house for those younger years of course.
I also made sure to be a good example and demonstrate that gaming was only one aspect of life. We'd take long nature walks, bike rides, long boarding, roller blading and all kinds of stuff. As a result, I have two young adult children who are very physically active and in good shape. We also strongly emphasized academics above game time, hence one is already a sophomore in college and the other planning to start in the fall.
So yeah, I've got a huge backlog of stuff I collected over the years for GBA, DS, 3DS, PS2/3/4, GameCube/Wii and now Switch on my backloggery. Do I wish I'd had less parental/husband/homeowner/career responsibilities so I'd have finished more games? No way! I love being a gamer, but love being a father and family man far more. Besides, my backlog will keep me from being bored as an empty nester. At least for a few years until the grandchildren start to come along!
Free time is clearly in the shortest supply when they are youngest and need the most help and guidance. But playing with your little ones on the floor is way more fulfilling than sitting on the couch gaming so it is well worth it. As they get a little bit older, you can start to sneak a little time back in. I bought a GBA SP when mine were pre-school age and would play games like Riviera while they were tumbling in gymnastics class. It didn't take them long to want their own GBA so we'd play Pokemon LG/FR/Emerald alongside each other and go to events as a family. So we integrated video gaming as family activities, along with board games and other activities. I skipped having any FPS games around the house for those younger years of course.
I also made sure to be a good example and demonstrate that gaming was only one aspect of life. We'd take long nature walks, bike rides, long boarding, roller blading and all kinds of stuff. As a result, I have two young adult children who are very physically active and in good shape. We also strongly emphasized academics above game time, hence one is already a sophomore in college and the other planning to start in the fall.
So yeah, I've got a huge backlog of stuff I collected over the years for GBA, DS, 3DS, PS2/3/4, GameCube/Wii and now Switch on my backloggery. Do I wish I'd had less parental/husband/homeowner/career responsibilities so I'd have finished more games? No way! I love being a gamer, but love being a father and family man far more. Besides, my backlog will keep me from being bored as an empty nester. At least for a few years until the grandchildren start to come along!
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lachesis
Member
I have a lot of fun with my child - that I'm the super nerd/otaku who can show a thing or two over my child' interest - manga, zelda, and star wars. It's a really a difficult job, especially being a single parent - but during my ex's turn to take care of my child, sometimes I feel like I have so much free time, it's almost unnerving.
When I was still in marriage, my free time became shorter and shorter - and to be honest, later in my 15 yr marriage, I had no free time at all. I would be lucky if I could just sit down for 30 min to watch TV. I lost a lot of interest and hobbies during that time - to be honest I don't know if I would be able to pick it up again. Too tired, too jaded etc.... but I think I really should be picking up on a hobby that I can focus my mind on, especially on those days when my child's staying at ex's place.
When I was still in marriage, my free time became shorter and shorter - and to be honest, later in my 15 yr marriage, I had no free time at all. I would be lucky if I could just sit down for 30 min to watch TV. I lost a lot of interest and hobbies during that time - to be honest I don't know if I would be able to pick it up again. Too tired, too jaded etc.... but I think I really should be picking up on a hobby that I can focus my mind on, especially on those days when my child's staying at ex's place.
ThatStupidLion
Member
Planned on it. Had first child 7 weeks ago, its draining as shit. No free time for you or the spouse. Havent been to gym since hes been born. Unexplainable feeling of love for the little man though. Its good stuff
DJ Incompetent
Member
ex-competitive player.
I have kids at the same time my skills are diminishing from age and carpal tunnel is setting in on my hands.
I miss the media I revolved my life around; the people, events, and culture that surrounded it. However, I also know it would hurt me to slowly decline in skill at those scenes had I stuck around. I've consumed so much media, I spot so much sameness in the new hotness.
Being forced to be away from your interests for so long is a decent way to appreciate them more during the rare nights you can return to them.
Video games, TV, film, music, and books will not love you back. Family loves you sometimes, or all the time if you're smart.
I have kids at the same time my skills are diminishing from age and carpal tunnel is setting in on my hands.
I miss the media I revolved my life around; the people, events, and culture that surrounded it. However, I also know it would hurt me to slowly decline in skill at those scenes had I stuck around. I've consumed so much media, I spot so much sameness in the new hotness.
Being forced to be away from your interests for so long is a decent way to appreciate them more during the rare nights you can return to them.
Video games, TV, film, music, and books will not love you back. Family loves you sometimes, or all the time if you're smart.
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
My bonus daughter and I got enough stars in Super Mario 3D World tonight. She was complaining how she never won a crown in co-op. But there was a moment where we were getting to a real important part or the finale and her mom says she needs to go bathe. Her reaction was to hide behind the couch with the controller and she screamed at the top of her lungs, "NOOOO!".
Those moments can be touching when the moment is right. But I also have to remember that she needs to know why it's important to do what her mom says.
But I feel that same way as her sometimes.
Those moments can be touching when the moment is right. But I also have to remember that she needs to know why it's important to do what her mom says.
But I feel that same way as her sometimes.
Kotzen Ducha
Banned
I'm a father of a very bright and active 2 year old boy (27mos).
I work from home. My wife works part time.
Now that our son is going to school 2 day a week we are finding ourselves again and reconnecting as a couple.
I'm back in the martial arts gym 3 times a week. My wife is making more time for friends. We have a dedicated date night once a week.
We still make a lot of time for our son and have the luxury of being able to raise him and challenge him and not rely on day care 40 hours a week.
But even though we spent a lot of time with him, I think it's very important to establish ourselves as individuals and as a couple outside of the context of being parents.
I work from home. My wife works part time.
Now that our son is going to school 2 day a week we are finding ourselves again and reconnecting as a couple.
I'm back in the martial arts gym 3 times a week. My wife is making more time for friends. We have a dedicated date night once a week.
We still make a lot of time for our son and have the luxury of being able to raise him and challenge him and not rely on day care 40 hours a week.
But even though we spent a lot of time with him, I think it's very important to establish ourselves as individuals and as a couple outside of the context of being parents.
Kotzen Ducha
Banned
As an aside, we don't do phones or iPads.
And we are just now introducing him to 30-minutes of Mr. Rogers per day.
I think screens are incredibly detrimental to young and developing children and it's evident by how his age peers struggle with focus, fine motor skills, and the ability to learn new things.
Obviously parents are free to parent as they see fit, but looking back I really do think it's one of the best decisions we made.
And we are just now introducing him to 30-minutes of Mr. Rogers per day.
I think screens are incredibly detrimental to young and developing children and it's evident by how his age peers struggle with focus, fine motor skills, and the ability to learn new things.
Obviously parents are free to parent as they see fit, but looking back I really do think it's one of the best decisions we made.
highrider
Banned
The funniest thing about parenting to me is the speed of the transformation to young adult. I remember vividly my son as a baby and toddler, and now he has just turned 15, he’s 6’2 with a size 14 shoe and a deeper voice than me, towering over relatives at holidays. Even though the early years are a lot of work, I wish I had relaxed and enjoyed them more now.
Harlock
Member
No matter how hard is, your life is in level easy before kids. And you going to feel guilty every time you do something for yourself, rather than with the kids. But you can't win every battle.
Youtube is a deal with the devil. Give to you moments of tranquility, while your kid watch some trash toys videos. But not every toy video is bad. The really awful are the one with kids opening toys, just begging to consume. Literally toy loot boxes. The videos with little history are not that bad. Those are what kids do with toy, create histories with a lot of different toys together.
But I also proudly used Youtube to make my daughter like He-Man and She-Ra.
I don't have a problem with tablets and cellphones. At least for now. My daughter keep alternating by herself between tv, tablet and real toys and other things. Maybe when get older this become a problem.
What I most like is be at playground with her. Is very relaxing just keeping pushing the swing or building sand castles.
Youtube is a deal with the devil. Give to you moments of tranquility, while your kid watch some trash toys videos. But not every toy video is bad. The really awful are the one with kids opening toys, just begging to consume. Literally toy loot boxes. The videos with little history are not that bad. Those are what kids do with toy, create histories with a lot of different toys together.
But I also proudly used Youtube to make my daughter like He-Man and She-Ra.
I don't have a problem with tablets and cellphones. At least for now. My daughter keep alternating by herself between tv, tablet and real toys and other things. Maybe when get older this become a problem.
What I most like is be at playground with her. Is very relaxing just keeping pushing the swing or building sand castles.
Two kids here.
Kids grow up fast and reach major milestones sooner than you know (or are ready for it lol).
When they reach these milesones you et accustomed to any new routine simply because you have no choice and have to. When you do, you occasionally look back to before and it feels like another life.
And it kind of is.
So the time before kids? Yeah absolutely like a distant memory. Several lifetimes it feels like.
I sometimes ponder that life. Being able to wake up when I want (on a weekend), and just wonder what I will do on those days I have a free form day.
No longer. Every day now I wake and see the day's plan unfurl in my head. Some deviation, but largely it's laid out. Every. Single. Day.
In many ways it's worse than a 9-5 week day grind, because it's more like a 7am- 8pm grind. And on weekends.
Those early years will chip away at your sanity.
But you know what?
It's so hard to explain to non-parents because while this side sounds like hell, the good actually outweigh some the bad. The rewards from the hard work are ... unexplainable.
The bad is tangible and easy to express. The good is not so easy.
Kids are a gift. You see in them yourselves. They are little impressionable versions of you and reflects your own personality while developing their own.
You'll see our own faults and strengths laid before you from them. In that way, you actually grow as a person as much as they do.
It's amazing to be witness to but even more amazing to know you have a power and responsibility to shape them.
There's nothing more humbling than that. Like a sense of ultimate purpose.
Kids grow up fast and reach major milestones sooner than you know (or are ready for it lol).
When they reach these milesones you et accustomed to any new routine simply because you have no choice and have to. When you do, you occasionally look back to before and it feels like another life.
And it kind of is.
So the time before kids? Yeah absolutely like a distant memory. Several lifetimes it feels like.
I sometimes ponder that life. Being able to wake up when I want (on a weekend), and just wonder what I will do on those days I have a free form day.
No longer. Every day now I wake and see the day's plan unfurl in my head. Some deviation, but largely it's laid out. Every. Single. Day.
In many ways it's worse than a 9-5 week day grind, because it's more like a 7am- 8pm grind. And on weekends.
Those early years will chip away at your sanity.
But you know what?
It's so hard to explain to non-parents because while this side sounds like hell, the good actually outweigh some the bad. The rewards from the hard work are ... unexplainable.
The bad is tangible and easy to express. The good is not so easy.
Kids are a gift. You see in them yourselves. They are little impressionable versions of you and reflects your own personality while developing their own.
You'll see our own faults and strengths laid before you from them. In that way, you actually grow as a person as much as they do.
It's amazing to be witness to but even more amazing to know you have a power and responsibility to shape them.
There's nothing more humbling than that. Like a sense of ultimate purpose.
Marky Mark
Member
I can't remember my life before. Basically now I think 'what the hell did I do with all of my time without him?'
Less sleep, less free time, but it's like he has filled a hole in who I am, that I didn't know was there until he arrived. It's as though I'm finally who I was meant to be all along.
Cliché, I know, but that's just how I feel.
Got to love those deep-rooted evolutionary biological directives.
Cliché, I know, but that's just how I feel.
Got to love those deep-rooted evolutionary biological directives.
Gavin Stevens
Formerly 'o'dium'
How different is my life? It’s better. My little girl brings me so much joy. She’s amazing, far ahead of her age in mental and physical ability, and just so good at being a 19 month old. She acts in all ways like a 2 and a half year old, and constantly surprises everybody. It’s no surprise then her mum is an ASL teacher and I myself was a special needs teacher...
How much free time do we get? Loads. Work in the day, playtime and tea in the evening, then she’s in bed and we get a good 5 hours a night. How will that change later on? Likely will get lower, but as she gets older she will also require us being there at every little thing as well, so it will balance out.
In short... it’s amazing, and there’s no feeling like being a parent.
How much free time do we get? Loads. Work in the day, playtime and tea in the evening, then she’s in bed and we get a good 5 hours a night. How will that change later on? Likely will get lower, but as she gets older she will also require us being there at every little thing as well, so it will balance out.
In short... it’s amazing, and there’s no feeling like being a parent.
Vicetrailia
Member
I'm pretty fascinated by parents, but I'll probably never be one. Even at my old age I feel like I'll never be ready or responsible enough.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
I have a little stinker on the way in September so I'm gonna be participating in this thread a lot
I was always the guy that said he'd never have kids up until I was about 30. I enjoyed going out for dinner and traveling too much to give it up, moving to another country 5 times. A year after getting married my son arrived. He's a couple months short of two now.
He has made me a better person, without question. I'm far more compassionate and patient than I ever was before he arrived. I certainly enjoy the little things in life a lot more, watching him develop brings me far more joy than anything else in my life has. I get out a lot more, have gotten into camping and hiking. Bought a house on a lake. I always thought I'd need to be in a big city, close to bars and restaurants. Now that stuff doesn't interest me in the least.
He has made me a better person, without question. I'm far more compassionate and patient than I ever was before he arrived. I certainly enjoy the little things in life a lot more, watching him develop brings me far more joy than anything else in my life has. I get out a lot more, have gotten into camping and hiking. Bought a house on a lake. I always thought I'd need to be in a big city, close to bars and restaurants. Now that stuff doesn't interest me in the least.
mckmas8808
Mckmaster uses MasterCard to buy Slave drives
First of all, congrats! Enjoy these moments as they will never happen again (at least with this child
Secondly, couldn't agree more with your post. My kid is now 13 months old, but the first months were really tiring. Usually my wife took 1 hour after breakfast and i took another hour after lunch, and it made a big difference. Even if it was only one hour, it helped a lot in keeping our mental sanity.
And i'm sorry to tell you, but the times that come will be even more tiring, on a different note of course. He won't be helpless like in the first months, but will start rolling, walking, etc
Thanks for all the information guys. Me and the wife are trying to have a baby too so this was all great to read.
WinterIsComing
Member
mckmas8808
Mckmaster uses MasterCard to buy Slave drives
Being a parent is great, but still nothing beats the bolded part!
LOL! Yeah. Hey not to sound weird but how many times per month did you guys "try" before you two were successful?
Dad of 2. Son is 9, daughter is 5. I still very very distinctly remember the day they were born. I remember my son's eyes wide open looking at me the very minute he was born. We didn't find out the sex either time so that was fun too.
Definitely a lot of work, definitely worth it. Biggest thing about having kids is who you have them with. If you get that right everything else is relatively easy.
Definitely a lot of work, definitely worth it. Biggest thing about having kids is who you have them with. If you get that right everything else is relatively easy.
Phoenix RISING
Banned
It's a strange question to answer because I can't really say that having kids changed how much free time I have. After all, our first kid was a honeymoon baby, so we've never really known what it was like to be married without being pregnant/with kids.
Work, and quality time with the wife, though, eat into my free time.
Work, and quality time with the wife, though, eat into my free time.
PhendranaMama
Banned
I get to play games with my son. I'm incredibly lucky.
prag16
Banned
First one was 100% planned. The second one was a case of slipping one past the goalie, but we did plan a second (just not quite at that point).
Your free time absolutely goes in the pisser. Once you get past the first couple months, it's actually pretty easy going for a while... the kid just kind of lays around, and sleeps a lot.
But now, I have a 2 1/2 year old, with the older one turning 6 in April. Forget it. Can't do jack shit unless everybody (including my wife) is sleeping. I guess I look forward to them being somewhat lower maintenance in a few years, but then there'll be the massive litany of sports/activities/etc to deal with.
But in the broad strokes, I wouldn't have done ANY of it differently. Totally worth it. And my older one really likes playing games with me (Rocket League, Fifa, various Mario games, MLB The Show, a few others) so that's really cool. At least I can do that even if my time allotted for "mature" games has deteriorated.
Your free time absolutely goes in the pisser. Once you get past the first couple months, it's actually pretty easy going for a while... the kid just kind of lays around, and sleeps a lot.
But now, I have a 2 1/2 year old, with the older one turning 6 in April. Forget it. Can't do jack shit unless everybody (including my wife) is sleeping. I guess I look forward to them being somewhat lower maintenance in a few years, but then there'll be the massive litany of sports/activities/etc to deal with.
But in the broad strokes, I wouldn't have done ANY of it differently. Totally worth it. And my older one really likes playing games with me (Rocket League, Fifa, various Mario games, MLB The Show, a few others) so that's really cool. At least I can do that even if my time allotted for "mature" games has deteriorated.
waxer
Member
Having kids is great. Got 3 spread from 8months to 7years.
But yeah it is definitely alot of hard work. Although for me I guess I mean that more in the sense of the pressure I put on myself. Changing feeding etc are just routines you become accustomed to.
Same with the lack of free time socializing etc. You adapt pretty quick.
At the moment I have been taking a serious look at how we interact with our kids and trying to be better parents. My wife and I always make sure we are on the same page and try to have regular discussions not just about dealing with various behaviours from them but also our own. We also arnt afraid to point out each other's flaws in this regard.
An example would be something I'm still working on is just my attention to the kids after long shifts. I do sleepover care work. So by the time I'm home 24hrs later and mentally drained having watched my back, always try face client or be aware of their position so don't get hit over head. Plus hear same few sentences repeated constantly. I have trouble getting out of work mode some days.
I found I was so used to blocking repetitive talk which kids do frequently I automatically ignore them without even realizing.
Now when I get home I do my best always to smile hug and take time to check on them and ask a about their days before excusing myself for a chance to take shower and throw off my work persona.
It's really great that my wife gives me that time even though she must be ready to pass kids off to me the minute I step in door as well
Its a small change but that routine has made a huge difference to my sanity and that passes on to the kids. Now they are used to it as well so I get to look forward to kids running up to front door when I get home excited to see me.
Every kid is different every human on planet is different and it doesn't take long before individual personalities start to show. What works for one may not the next.
I feel like I could go on forever describing everything I feel I have learnt so far being a parent and at the same time feel like I know nothing as our relationships and personalities are forever evolving.
But yeah it is definitely alot of hard work. Although for me I guess I mean that more in the sense of the pressure I put on myself. Changing feeding etc are just routines you become accustomed to.
Same with the lack of free time socializing etc. You adapt pretty quick.
At the moment I have been taking a serious look at how we interact with our kids and trying to be better parents. My wife and I always make sure we are on the same page and try to have regular discussions not just about dealing with various behaviours from them but also our own. We also arnt afraid to point out each other's flaws in this regard.
An example would be something I'm still working on is just my attention to the kids after long shifts. I do sleepover care work. So by the time I'm home 24hrs later and mentally drained having watched my back, always try face client or be aware of their position so don't get hit over head. Plus hear same few sentences repeated constantly. I have trouble getting out of work mode some days.
I found I was so used to blocking repetitive talk which kids do frequently I automatically ignore them without even realizing.
Now when I get home I do my best always to smile hug and take time to check on them and ask a about their days before excusing myself for a chance to take shower and throw off my work persona.
It's really great that my wife gives me that time even though she must be ready to pass kids off to me the minute I step in door as well
Its a small change but that routine has made a huge difference to my sanity and that passes on to the kids. Now they are used to it as well so I get to look forward to kids running up to front door when I get home excited to see me.
Every kid is different every human on planet is different and it doesn't take long before individual personalities start to show. What works for one may not the next.
I feel like I could go on forever describing everything I feel I have learnt so far being a parent and at the same time feel like I know nothing as our relationships and personalities are forever evolving.
DasPenguin
Member
Your personal time also depends on the support system around you. Me and my wife had twins almost four years ago, and our closest relatives live almost 500 kilometers away. Basically we haven’t had much help during this time and both of my parents are already gone, so that limits the help from relatives quite a bit.
During the first two years we had moments where three minutes alone together in the kitchen felt like a reason to party, but mostly we just laugh at the situation. Personal time has been few and far between, but slowly finding more time to do things. Having super energetic twins who compete in everything (like putting on clothes, who is first at the door when going out etc) sure keeps us busy, but really wouldn’t want to go back to life before kids. Being a parent is a awesome.
During the first two years we had moments where three minutes alone together in the kitchen felt like a reason to party, but mostly we just laugh at the situation. Personal time has been few and far between, but slowly finding more time to do things. Having super energetic twins who compete in everything (like putting on clothes, who is first at the door when going out etc) sure keeps us busy, but really wouldn’t want to go back to life before kids. Being a parent is a awesome.
Blood Borne
Member
Less time for myself but more happiness
matt360
Member
My son will be 3 on Wednesday! The wife and I had him stay at grandma's over the weekend so we could redo his room and make it more his own. Bookshelves, organized toy shelves, and we put together a new bed for him. It's a pretty sweet little room. My wife and I had a blast putting it together, and doing stuff like that for our little guy is 1000x better than the very best video game out there. It's hard at times for sure, but becoming a parent is easily the best thing I've ever done.
WinterIsComing
Member
We started trying late October/early November, and we think it happened in the first days of March. We tried harder during her fertile period, and kept practicing the rest of the month lol
TBiddy
Member
Sounds like a good time, to be honest. And you're goddamn right. There's no better thing in the world than becoming a parent!
mckmas8808
Mckmaster uses MasterCard to buy Slave drives
Thanks for the reply. Looks like I need to not get super sad every month it doesn't happen then. We started in November.
prag16
Banned
It's funny how it works. Our first one was took absolute max effort. And the second one boom, weren't even trying.
highrider
Banned
It’s funny, early life with my son was almost a similar level of shock to my system as basic training. There were times where I felt utterly overwhelmed, emotional and scared. But much like basic training, I only remember the good things now. My son is a young man now and I always feel like telling new parents to enjoy it as much as you can, it goes by really fast.
I have a theory that we somewhat repress the hardships of early infant childcare, lest we never have any more kids and die out as a species, like an evolutionary failsafe.
DarkestHour
Banned
I no longer have a social life. I'm much more stressed out. Can't have nice things. All decisions of my choosing by having kids (2) and not living near any family. Oh well.
This.
