Support NeoGAF

[FyreWulff]

Well, this was interesting. I get back home from PAX and find this in my Facebook inbox.

I've mentioned before elsewhere that school was not a fun time for me. Especially middle school, which was like an unholy hell from the moment I stepped off the bus to the time I got back into the door of my own house. It was not fun times, but I like to think I survived and have moved on.

Then this shows up. At first, I didn't even remember who she was. According to her FB she's a Muslim with two kids. I didn't even remember a Muslim girl at the school, let alone one with her name, until I realized she was going both by her 'public' name and I'm guessing her Muslim name. I vaguely recollect who she was now.

I was thinking at first to say "Don't worry about it, I forgive you", but I've held off on responding for now. I like to think I don't care anymore but now that I've had a bit to think about it, I realize that I probably still care a bit. She was a voice in a crowd of voices, but the thought crossed my mind of how to even reply to this. Someone suddenly deciding to do this 14 years after the fact. I've never had this happen before. She supplied super accurate information down to the years I was there and the fact that I had a younger brother, and since there were only two grades that would have been a window of one year to even find that out.

I also guess that feeling that you forgot who someone was specifically, but knowing that someone did what they did and it bothered them so much after the fact that they remembered detailed information about you to contact you later. Just feels weird.

I have a fairly good idea of how I'm going to respond, but even I surprised myself from going "i'll just reply with "You're forgiven" to considering multiple options.

So my question that I ask you, and partly why I started this thread: for those of you that were bullied, how would you think you'd respond to a situation like this? Would you just say "whatever, it's fine", would you say "why the fuck do you care", would you never respond at all? Would you believe it's even sincere?

 

[Salvor.Hardin]

Can we get some details about how she treated you, if you can remember that is.

I was bullied quite a bit when I was in school. I've never had anyone contact me to apologize, but I'm pretty sure I'd just send a short message telling the person I forgive him, and if he has kids, hoping he raises them knowing better than he did when he was young. Kids often act the way they do because of group mentality. It becomes easier to be mean to a kid when other kids are mean to him.

In this lady's particular case, it could be that her kids are being bullied in school, and she now sees the error of her ways when she was that age.

 

[Chun-Li On A Bike]

She was just a kid being a kid being stupid, just saying "your forgiven" why be this way. She is obviously much more mature and has a good side to her. You should actually talk to her instead of being a baby about it. Which is all I see you doing, and yes.... no one should bully anyone... but come on. You have to learn to forgive, and she is obviously a different person now. She was just following the crowd, many kids would do it if certain kids accept them, even you as well possibly.

I really feel saying anything mean to anyone is stupid... but I won't be mean to anyone or stiff them out for anything they say to me.

With all that said, everyone should be good to everyone no matter what.

 

[giggas]

If the person is thinking about this event 15 years after the fact and went out of their way to track you down to apologize, it is sincere.

You should probably just accept the apology and say "It's okay, thank you for reaching out to me. I appreciate it." You don't need to become this person's friend.

As someone who has been on both sides of the fence here (both the bully when I was much younger, and the bullied in high school) I actually understand both sides of the situation here. In fact, I once too tried to find someone I didn't get along with on FB and send a similar note.

It sucks. Kid are just fucking shit heads and I certainly wasn't much better. High school sort of put me in my place though. I needed that.

 

[Ultima_5]

Don't respond. Let it eat away at them

then you can lick the sweet tears of revenge

 

[devildog820]

Just say thank you and agree that kids, especially in middle school, suck. It's most likely sincere, as people think back and feel that surge of shame for how they treated someone a long time ago.

I was never bullied (I'm fairly tall and strong), but I was made fun of in middle school and early high school. I know I also did the same to other kids. It sucks when it happens, but when I look back I realized how idiotic we all were and being mean just get a leg up or whatever.

Plus everyone (EVERYONE) in middle school is greasy, ugly, and awkward. Puberty blows. None of us had a right to talk shit.

 

[amrihua]

I had a bully from Elementary and Jr. High get in contact with me and apologize to me, only to start cyber bullying me not too far afterwards. Some people never change.

 

[Psychotext]

I did a lot of stupid shit when I was a kid, and had a lot of shit done to me. As long as they didn't kill your pet or something I'd say forgiving them is probably the right thing to do.

 

[Steelrain]

I would forgive and forget. I wasn't bullied too often but there was one dude in high school that always had me on his shit list for some reason. I went back home to visit my mom and ran into him at a gas station. We met up for some beers later that night, he apologized, I accepted we left it there. He's a good friend now.

It's just to much work for me to hold onto grudges or focus on the negative events of my past. If I do, I would never be happy.

 

[CharlieDigital]

Don't respond. Let it eat away at them

then you can lick the sweet tears of revenge

Don't listen to this.

Be the bigger, more open-minded person and accept the apology and thank them for their time.

This individual took the effort to reach out and I think a lot of times, these people bully out of their own insecurities and feelings of weakness.

That this individual reached out to you means that she had to examine and overcome her own insecurities and perhaps suffered through some level of personal shame to be able to come to this end.

 

[8bit]

Ask for naked pics.

Spoiler

Clearly it means a lot to them, and it's probably taken some effort to find you. Accept the apology and let them know you appreciate the action.

 

[Zampano]

You should enact a complicated revenge plot. That somehow ends up with her falling pregnant with her brother or father's child.

Just spitballing here.

 

[Tom_Cody]

I think that she has made an extremely gracious gesture and I would respond to with your honest thoughts on her and your past, whatever those thoughts may be.

 

[SLV]

I was bullied for 5 years, from grade 5 to 9, i still remember those years from time to time, i think that you should just forgive and forget. It is hard, i know, but dwelling on it only fucks you up. It did fuck up me. But i got past that, mostly.

 

[giggas]

I had a bully from Elementary and Jr. High get in contact with me and apologize to me, only to start cyber bullying me not too far afterwards. Some people never change.

What an asshole. Hopefully you called him out on his shit.

 

[Messypandas]

To err is human; to forgive, divine.

 

[Darklord]

Be the better person. Accept it if can, if you can't then say thank you but tell her you can't forgive her.

 

[Schattenjäger]

I think most of us have been bullied in life one way or another..

I think there is more important stuff in life to
worry now

Kids do stupid things because they are kids

 

[ElectricBlanketFire]

I wouldn't feel obligated to respond, but I agree that the apology appears to be sincere.

 

[Kinyou]

Be the better man and make fun of her haircut

 

[Kitsunebaby]

I had people who were giant bitches to me in middle school but by late high school they were acting like they were old friends with me. I honestly didn't care enough to hold a grudge. I'm "friends" with a good number`of them on facebook, I think.

 

[Cipherr]

Don't listen to this.

Be the bigger, more open-minded person and accept the apology and thank them for their time.

This individual took the effort to reach out and I think a lot of times, these people bully out of their own insecurities and feelings of weakness.

That this individual reached out to you means that she had to overcome her own insecurities and perhaps suffered through some level of shame to be able to come to this end.

This. On the outside it appears this person grew up. And so have you, so thank them for the apology man.

 

[Chun-Li On A Bike]

I had a bully from Elementary and Jr. High get in contact with me and apologize to me, only to start cyber bullying me not too far afterwards. Some people never change.

what did they say to you online and what were you using to talk? Curious as to what they said

 

[-Pyromaniac-]

This. On the outside it appears this person grew up. And so have you, so thank them for the apology man.

it's one thing to accept an apology but to thank them? That's a stretch imo.

 

[Dmented]

I'd forgive her man, you've got to know people fuck up. Especially kids. And for her to "man up" and apologize to you randomly like that, I think it should show a lot about her character now. Sorry you had to deal with bullying though and I'm sure it's still a bit of a pain in the ass thinking about it. Time seems to heal some wounds though and I'd hope this apology helps you some.

 

[gdt]

I wasn't bullied or anything, so I can't relate too well to your specific feelings, but I'd just forgive and forget. Kids are shitheads.

 

[CrankyJay]

So my question that I ask you, and partly why I started this thread: for those of you that were bullied, how would you think you'd respond to a situation like this?

"Go fuck yourself"

 

[Dark Octave]

Everyone who has attempted to bully me either got laughed at or challenged back, even the ones who towered over me.

The one time I didn't do anything was in third grade when a kid clocked me in the jaw out of the blue. I was more confused than hurt or angry. I sat at my desk for a few minutes like WTF and then went back to my school work.

I would accept the apology and maybe even add them as a friend. I was never a bully, but I know I've said some insensitive things to a few people over the years that I wish I could take back or tell them that I am sorry.

 

[fluffydelusions]

I did a lot of stupid shit when I was a kid, and had a lot of shit done to me. As long as they didn't kill your pet or something I'd say forgiving them is probably the right thing to do.

++

 

[H3xum]

This is very big of them to apologize, so don't be petty.

What someone does in their youth can't be held against them now that you're both older.

It clearly has bothered them so it shows that they're a good person and they were doing things back then just as kids do, it's not like they did it out of hate, they did it because they're kids and kids are dicks and don't consider things.

Accept their apology and express that it was mature of them and move on

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

There was a kid whose last interaction with me was a fight in 8th grade. He was an arrogant jerk bully at the time, always tripping or pushing or grabbing people's book bags. One day after a softball game in gym class, he slapped me in the face for celebrating a win against his team. I proceeded to put him in a head lock and punch him until our gym teacher pulled us apart. I didn't even get in trouble, and I got a ton of props from people for finally knocking some sense into him. He never bothered me after that, and we hadn't spoken since, even though we went to the same HS.

More than 10 years after HS graduation, he tried adding me on facebook. I've added tons of people from elementary, middle, and HS school that I haven't talked to in ages, but with him, I thought, "Why? We never liked each other, we were never friends, and I don't know anything about you." So I have declined/ignored him at least 3x, yet he still persists.

 

[victreeb3l]

honestly dude just accept her apology and move on with your life. the longer you dwell on this the more it will just make you bitter and petty. its been 14 years, i dont think theres any reason to hold a grudge anymore.

 

[OpinionatedCyborg]

Reply with this video http://www.metacafe.com/watch/an-VB...logizes_to_people_he_picked_on_in_highschool/

 

[FyreWulff]

honestly dude just accept her apology and move on with your life. the longer you dwell on this the more it will just make you bitter and petty. its been 14 years, i dont think theres any reason to hold a grudge anymore.

I'm going to tell her I forgive her. I'm just asking the questions in the interest of a conversation on how other people would react, because I'm interested in seeing how other people would react.

Can we get some details about how she treated you, if you can remember that is.

I was bullied quite a bit when I was in school. I've never had anyone contact me to apologize, but I'm pretty sure I'd just send a short message telling the person I forgive him, and if he has kids, hoping he raises them knowing better than he did when he was young. Kids often act the way they do because of group mentality. It becomes easier to be mean to a kid when other kids are mean to him.

In this lady's particular case, it could be that her kids are being bullied in school, and she now sees the error of her ways when she was that age.

If she's the Jennifer I think she was, then it was probably the girl that sniped at me with shit in science class because I didn't want to play along with one her friends' antics.

I had people who were giant bitches to me in middle school but by late high school they were acting like they were old friends with me. I honestly didn't care enough to hold a grudge. I'm "friends" with a good number`of them on facebook, I think.

Not Facebook but there's quite a few of my friends that I either basically met them via argument first or didn't like each other at first. Via GAF and IRL. Sometimes I think it's because you've seen both sides of the person, so it's easier to understand them and get along since you're not afraid of pissing them off anymore

 

[Tunin]

Uow, this is new for me. Forgive, doesn't matter her intentions afterwards, it's just the best thing you can do right now.
And make sure she'll educate her kids properly, that's all.

 

[CrankyJay]

I'm going to tell her I forgive her. I'm just asking the questions in the interest of a conversation on how other people would react, because I'm interested in seeing how other people would react.

Forgive her with a stipulation...tell her to teach her children that bullying sucks and to avoid taking the same path she did.

 

[Willectro]

This. On the outside it appears this person grew up. And so have you, so thank them for the apology man.

Don't do this OP. They are just trying to wash their hands of the guilt they feel. The apology is selfish. I wouldn't even respond. Silence speaks volumes.

 

[FairyD]

You say that this person has kids?

The bitter person inside me says that she only feels this way now because her kids are getting bullied and that she is reminded of what she did as a kid.

Edit: I would go with CrankJay's response

 

[Feature]

It's hard for people who were never bullied to know how they would react. Also depends on the severity of the bullying.

 

[Davedough]

Sounds like 12 step. She got herself addicted to meth, whored herself out for cash and her family disowned her. She spent a life on the streets, making money any way she could, contracted several STDs but didn't really let that stop her because that sweet crystal was the only thing that mattered. She got pregnant and lost it due to her dependency on the drug. It wasn't until she woke up naked in an ally in a puddle of her own filth that she realized she needed help, so she entered a program. Now her sponsor is taking her through the steps of apologizing everyone she's hurt in her life.

Or.. she just realized she was an asshole. Either way, I'd thank her and move on.

 

[Esch]

accept it,and then keep it moving. too little forgiveness in this world.it costs you nothing.

 

[AkuMifune]

Don't do this OP. They are just trying to wash their hands of the guilt they feel. The apology is selfish. I wouldn't even respond. Silence speaks volumes.

I dunno. There's something to be said for actually reaching out and saying sorry. Most people continue to be assholes the rest of their lives.

 

[Messypandas]

Don't do this OP. They are just trying to wash their hands of the guilt they feel. The apology is selfish. I wouldn't even respond. Silence speaks volumes.

And perhaps an apology can give a little closure to both parties? Why keep the wound open. It sounds like this person grew up and made a sincere effort to reconcile the horrible shit they did to you. Take it and the both of you can move on

 

[H3xum]

Don't do this OP. They are just trying to wash their hands of the guilt they feel. The apology is selfish. I wouldn't even respond. Silence speaks volumes.

Grow up

 

[CrankyJay]

And perhaps an apology can give a little closure to both parties? Why keep the wound open. It sounds like this person grew up and made a sincere effort to reconcile the horrible shit they did to you. Take it and the both of you can move on

Sounds like it actually dug up fresh memories for the OP. =/

 

[pompidu]

Sounds like 12 step. She got herself addicted to meth, whored herself out for cash and her family disowned her. She spent a life on the streets, making money any way she could, contracted several STDs but didn't really let that stop her because that sweet crystal was the only thing that mattered. She got pregnant and lost it due to her dependency on the drug. It wasn't until she woke up naked in an ally in a puddle of her own filth that she realized she needed help, so she entered a program. Now her sponsor is taking her through the steps of apologizing everyone she's hurt in her life.

Or.. she just realized she was an asshole. Either way, I'd thank her and move on.

Ima go with story 1, just makes sense

 

[Iadien]

It's hard for people who were never bullied to know how they would react. Also depends on the severity of the bullying.

I agree with this.

OP, she finally realizes she treated you like a piece of crap, congrats to her. Though, a bully's apology wouldn't mean much to me, and I certainly wouldn't give two shits about easing their guilt.

 

[-Pyromaniac-]

Forgive her with a stipulation...tell her to teach her children that bullying sucks and to avoid taking the same path she did.

best thing you can do.

 

[victreeb3l]

I'm going to tell her I forgive her. I'm just asking the questions in the interest of a conversation on how other people would react, because I'm interested in seeing how other people would react.

ah, fair enough. funny enough, i found a picture of one of my friends during my 11th birthday last night while cleaning out my basement. same "friend" stole my gameboy color with pokemon blue during my birthday party, which was the only present my mom was able to afford.

i eventually got it back from him but i havent seen or talked to him since. if i got a message from him similar to yours today, i would probably forgive him despite the awful memories he brings up. not exactly the same situation but i guess im just rambling right now

Forgive her with a stipulation...tell her to teach her children that bullying sucks and to avoid taking the same path she did.

yes

Don't do this OP. They are just trying to wash their hands of the guilt they feel. The apology is selfish. I wouldn't even respond. Silence speaks volumes.

no

 

[erpg]

I reconciled with 2 people that I bullied in high school 6-7 years after the fact. I'm glad they accepted my apology, and I felt a little humbled by their kindness.

Forgive her. It seems like a sincere apology, and I'm sure she understand how horribly she acted when she was a dumb teen. Also, I think not forgiving would be some pretty awkward baggage to carry, so just let it go.