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[Pau]

well, i cant really understand that mentality. it's bizarre to me that someone doesn't feel entitled to stand up for themselves.

Because standing up for ourselves can make things worse and we just want to get on with our day.

I've do the "say no" thing with random guys who are being creepy. Sometimes they just ignore me and try to pull shit anyway. What do I do then? Try to punch a guy who's a lot bigger than me? Who's with his friends?

As far as the giving compliments thing, I don't mind compliments on my clothing depending on context. I tend to assume that "I like your dress!" is a nice compliment on my amazing fashion sense. "Those shorts make your ass look great!" not so much.

 

[finowns]

I appreciate the topic but the choice of writing style is bizarre. Felt like fiction.

 

[Mumei]

in the OP a man pressed up against a mother in a McDonalds and all three women were fearful to tell the guy to fuck off, what is hard about telling a man to fuck off in that position? if i was in line observing that happen to a woman, i wouldve punched the guy no hesitation for being inappropriate with a woman like that. for me nothing about confronting the man is challenging. i realize im a man, but to me its bizarre that the mother didnt react quickly to the mans advances. im not understanding how verbally confronting him on the woman's part is even a challenge? most men i know dont go around pressing themselves against women, so this seems pretty odd to me that this woman just accepted it like its the usual thing to happen at a McDonalds.

Well, that's just it, isn't it? I mean, the fact that you feel physically secure enough in your ability to defend yourself and others that you'd say you'd punch him (... not that this is what I'd recommend). This actually starts at a really young age, too:

Another study of third to fifth grade students found that the majority of both boys and girls had equally experienced sexual harassment. After viewing twelve different vignettes, the girls were more likely to perceive some of the sexual harassment in the vignettes as frightening, yet fewer than 20 percent of the boys indicated they felt the victim in the vignette would be afraid. Girls' self-esteem lowered in response to watching the vignettes - but boys' did not. Though none of the vignettes included explicit verbal or physical threats, the girls tacitly understood that the boys in the vignette were more powerful and might harm the girls. Even at this young age, girls recognized the power differential due to gender.

So, she may have been intimidated by the experience in a way that you weren't, and its your forgetting to think about her experience from her perspective that makes her actions seem opaque. That book also talks about the ways that girls are socialized through school experiences to deal with sexual harassment in more or less the ways that a lot of women are describing in this thread.

 

[Valhelm]

I've probably given just as many men complements as women on the street. I haven't kept a tally, but generally I'll complement a guy if he is wearing cool shoes. In my case, if I never complemented a woman on the street, I WOULD be treating women differently than anyone else. I guess its a catch 22 unless I keep my mouth shut to avoid any type of interaction while walking to my destination.

That's cool, but most guys don't compliment other guys on the street. The only time a stranger has approached me in public is when homeless people have asked to borrow my cell phone. I've never really been complimented or commented by anybody in public, and I'm guessing my experiences are similar to those of other boys and men.

The closest thing to being complimented is when two people (a middle-aged woman and a girl about my age) started talking to me because the liked the band/TV show on my shirt. That kind of thing is okay, because it's different from a compliment like "I love your hair", which many women would construe as a flirt.

 

[Inquisitive_Ghost]

It's generally a power dynamic thing. You aren't trying to actually get a date, you're trying to show how awesome you are.

It's why they normally turn around and scream at women who tell them off bc the power dynamic they were trying to create is flipped.

This is exactly it. It's not complimentary behaviour. It's bullying behaviour.

 

[Allez Phill]

As a Black Dude, Men can be some huge assholes

What are you intending to even say with that?

My sister has to deal with this shit, though I'm am extremely happy about her and the ability to speak up and deal with this shit head on, she has told me some stories of things like this... Infuriating is the least I could say.

To also add.

It's interesting people watching and seeing things like this happen. I'm a stocky, 260lb black guy and I've experienced it so many times. People crossing the street on me, clenching purses, bad looks, all of it. It's seen with all women (high amounts of white women for some odd reason) I'm glad my sister told me the things she has experienced honestly, I wouldn't be able to keep myself from beating the shit out of the type of people who do the shit like I've read and heard.

 

[Devolution]

Oh boy a thread that has regressed to people being unable to scrounge up the least bit of empathy or self-awareness about how to treat women. What a surprise.

 

[The Smoking Bun]

If women don't want you and you don't get much interaction with the opposite sex, a one-sided sexual remark is more gratifying than nothing.

Some men feel angry about not being in relationships with attractive or young women and (probably because they're taught to feel entitled to sex with hot women) take this anger out by catcalling.

Other men who feel lacking (by not being handsome enough, rich enough, or social enough) shout at women who they envy, to "put them in their place". Misogynists have the attitude that, "I'm a man, so how come I don't deserve to be happy or successful but that woman does?"

Other guys get a thrill out of making women uncomfortable, and "asserting their dominance" that way.

So we know the cause. What's the solution? How do we teach our children not to be this way and in a manner that it goes forward?
What about the media we consume? Say I am a popular blogger and reviewer. Should I discourage people from movies and TV that promotes misogyny?

Serious question. I apologize if I sound naive.

Woman wearing a go pro in NYC:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3VvW78-iHI

Interview with (different) men who cat call:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZiaTDxJ-rQ

I appreciate the honesty from the men. Yes I'm a super-villain, I want to kill Superman because I'm a bad guy. That's just life man.

 

[The Librarian]

Woman wearing a go pro in NYC:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3VvW78-iHI

Interview with (different) men who cat call:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZiaTDxJ-rQ

What's depressing to me is that they know it has the potential to intimidate, but they keep doing it!

 

[andymcc]

I don't get this. What makes you think a conversation couldn't flow from a person complimenting another person's article of clothing? that's also a lot different from running up to a stranger and complimenting them on their beauty because besides for a "thanks," I don't know what else a person could realistically hope to hear in return.

what does that say other than "i think you are a good looking person"?

 

[andymcc]

To be fair, the problem isn't that they think you're good looking.

Her main issue was that it made her feel objectified based on physical appearance alone. We were all in the crowd after a show, if he felt compelled to get to know her on a personal level, why not just ask her thoughts about the show?

 

[CyanideFuse]

Because standing up for ourselves can make things worse and we just want to get on with our day.

I've do the "say no" thing with random guys who are being creepy. Sometimes they just ignore me and try to pull shit anyway. What do I do then? Try to punch a guy who's a lot bigger than me? Who's with his friends?

As far as the giving compliments thing, I don't mind compliments on my clothing depending on context. I tend to assume that "I like your dress!" is a nice compliment on my amazing fashion sense. "Those shorts make your ass look great!" not so much.

When I was younger I would let things go but now I cannot do it. It is an impossibility and something kicks in like reflex action. If these ****s continue to get away with it it just massages their over inflated sense of self importance even more so.

 

[Devolution]

When I was younger I would let things go but now I cannot do it. It is an impossibility and something kicks in like reflex action. If these ****s continue to get away with it it just massages their over inflated sense of self importance even more so.

Some of us don't have time to get into this kind of stuff when we're just trying to go to work or we're at work.

 

[The Smoking Bun]

You know in India we have this belief that rapists and these catcall types are generally low income groups who never really went to school. Guys from out in the boonies come to the big city looking for work and amazed by all the "loose women" i.e. women wearing relatively modest or modern clothes.

Does that hold up anywhere else? Surely not in America right?

 

[Allez Phill]

I remember when I was in San Mateo (a small county south of San Francisco) and some douchebags shouted out to some woman "Damn, you got a fatass" from their car. I stared a hole through their faces as I walked by while they gave me a look of regret. Fucking hate this shit. What surprised me was that it was at a grocery store with all sorts of people walking by and taking care of their business.

 

[Rembrandt]

what does that say other than "i think you are a good looking person"?

If I compliment your clothes? You have good taste in clothes and are stylish. depending on however the original compliment was received, there are several different ways you can take that convo besides for "you're gorgeous and that dress makes your ass look right."

 

[Devolution]

If I compliment your clothes? You have good taste in clothes and are stylish. depending on however the original compliment was received, there are several different ways you can take that convo besides for "you're gorgeous and that dress makes your ass look right."

You're making this harder than it needs to be for some reason.

 

[CyanideFuse]

Some of us don't have time to get into this kind of stuff when we're just trying to go to work or we're at work.

It only takes a minute I can assure you... ;p

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Secondly, I imagine a very small % of women think along the same lines as you are. Most women will take the innocent complement as a neutral or positive statement and then move on with their day.

If you're actually trying to understand things, why are you telling women how they feel?

 

[Devolution]

It only takes a minute I can assure you,,,

Nope. It doesn't. It takes more time than I'm willing to give, especially if he doesn't want to respond by shutting up but by escalating the situation.

 

[andymcc]

If I compliment your clothes? You have good taste in clothes and are stylish. depending on however the original compliment was received, there are several different ways you can take that convo besides for "you're gorgeous and that dress makes your ass look right."

you are not owed a response nor is it the onus of the recipient of the compliment to interpret such an empty compliment.

 

[Pau]

It only takes a minute I can assure you... ;p

And I can assure you it doesn't and leads to guys just laughing me off and trying to touch me anyways. Or following me. Sorry, I don't got time for that shit.

 

[The Smoking Bun]

If I compliment your clothes? You have good taste in clothes and are stylish. depending on however the original compliment was received, there are several different ways you can take that convo besides for "you're gorgeous and that dress makes your ass look right."

In depends on how you say it and to an extent how you yourself look.
Smart guy in a suit going, "Hey, nice color ma'am" probably will get you a strange look at best

But even that works best in a perfect world. Don't go around complimenting strangers.

 

[Valhelm]

You know in India we have this belief that rapists and these catcall types are generally low income groups who never really went to school. Guys from out in the boonies come to the big city looking for work and amazed by all the "loose women" i.e. women wearing relatively modest or modern clothes.

Does that hold up anywhere else? Surely not in America right?

I've heard many women say that the men who harass them are almost always lower-class. I don't know if that's universal, though.

 

[CyanideFuse]

And I can assure you it doesn't and leads to guys just laughing me off and trying to touch me anyways. Or following me. Sorry, I don't got time for that shit.

Nope. It doesn't. It takes more time than I'm willing to give, especially if he doesn't want to respond by shutting up but by escalating the situation.

Well, that is how I choose to handle things like you choose yours.

 

[Rembrandt]

You're making this harder than it needs to be for some reason.

lol, i'm just saying. a lot of people compliment each others' clothing without having an overt sexual agenda. I can understand why some women might not be the biggest fans of it, but I don't think an actual casual compliment is a bad thing at all.

you are not owed a response nor is it the onus of the recipient of the compliment to interpret such an empty compliment.

nowhere in my post did I say I was owed a response, though. I just don't understand how in your example, complimenting her band shirt isn't an empty compliment because you can make topic about the band but on the other hand, the same compliment to a woman not wearing a band tee is suddenly empty like the basis of my compliment stemmed only from sexual desire. you're acting like it's impossible to drum up a conversation about clothing unless that person is wearing something with a big identifiable symbol on there.

In depends on how you say it and to an extent how you yourself look.
Smart guy in a suit going, "Hey, nice color ma'am" probably will get you a strange look at best

But even that works best in a perfect world. Don't go around complimenting strangers.

lmao, that's so weird to me. I never knew compliments had such a negative aura around them.

 

[perfectchaos007]

If you're actually trying to understand things, why are you telling women how they feel?

Why did you intentionally cut off the rest of my post where I open it up for women in this topic to truly express how they feel without the pressure of it occurring in a real life scenario where they may be resigned to giving a "thanks" in order to avoid confrontation? So far, the few women in this topic that have addressed how they truly feel when being given a "I like your dress" type compliment have been neutral to positive which is just how I imagined it would be. I'll change my opinion when I'm led to believe otherwise, or if you have a link to research study on this very issue I'll read the material.

Well, I, for one, am glad that this nice male is telling me what I feel / what I should do, because I would never have any thoughts otherwise and would be incapable of doing anything.

I am a woman, after all. /titters

Spoiler

/s

If a compliment grants approval, then silence must mean disapproval which is obviously not the case. I never knew how controversial a compliment could be until this thread

 

[The Librarian]

Nope. It doesn't. It takes more time than I'm willing to give, especially if he doesn't want to respond by shutting up but by escalating the situation.

You shouldn't be so dismissive here. I've encountered several situations where it DOES take less than a minute to speak up. I did it to a boy who was blatantly staring at me in a parking lot.

 

[andymcc]

l
nowhere in my post did I say I was owed a response, though. I just don't understand how in your example, complimenting her band shirt isn't an empty compliment because you can make topic about the band but on the other hand, the same compliment to a woman not wearing a band tee is suddenly empty like the basis of my compliment stemmed only from sexual desire. you're acting like it's impossible to drum up a conversation about clothing unless that person is wearing something with a big identifiable symbol on there.

because one is specific and one is unspecific. though both aren't really the best thing to do to strangers, saying "i like that band/whatever" isn't probably going to send up warning flags for a woman as an unspecific "I LIKE YOUR CLOTHES" is going to.

 

[Do Better]

I don't understand catcalling. I imagine it has a 0% success rate, so why guys bother with it I don't know.

Because it's not a dating or hook up tactic to begin with.

I treated girls or women poorly at times because I knew I would get away with it, and I got a thrill out of it.

 

[Valhelm]

lol, i'm just saying. a lot of people compliment each others' clothing without having an overt sexual agenda. I can understand why some women might not be the biggest fans of it, but I don't think an actual casual compliment is a bad thing at all.



nowhere in my post did I say I was owed a response, though. I just don't understand how in your example, complimenting her band shirt isn't an empty compliment because you can make topic about the band but on the other hand, the same compliment to a woman not wearing a band tee is suddenly empty like the basis of my compliment stemmed only from sexual desire. you're acting like it's impossible to drum up a conversation about clothing unless that person is wearing something with a big identifiable symbol on there.



lmao, that's so weird to me. I never knew compliments had such a negative aura around them.

How often have you been complimented by strangers?

 

[crowphoenix]

You have just stated that you would react immediately with violence to someone doing something you disliked or disapproved of. This is exactly why so many women don't speak up. What if someone with your mentality disapproved of being told to back off? Would they react with violence? Would they follow them? Would they come back latter? Is it worth the risk?

in the OP a man pressed up against a mother in a McDonalds and all three women were fearful to tell the guy to fuck off, what is hard about telling a man to fuck off in that position? if i was in line observing that happen to a woman, i wouldve punched the guy no hesitation for being inappropriate with a woman like that. for me nothing about confronting the man is challenging. i realize im a man, but to me its bizarre that the mother didnt react quickly to the mans advances. im not understanding how verbally confronting him on the woman's part is even a challenge? most men i know dont go around pressing themselves against women, so this seems pretty odd to me that this woman just accepted it like its the usual thing to happen at a McDonalds.

 

[Devolution]

You shouldn't be so dismissive here. I've encountered several situations where it DOES take less than a minute to speak up. I did it to a boy who was blatantly staring at me in a parking lot.

That's great but the types I'm routinely dealing with aren't young punks at the mall or whatever. People have to gauge the situations they're in and prioritize.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Why did you intentionally cut off the rest of my post where I open it up for women in this topic to truly express how they feel without the pressure of it occurring in a real life scenario where they may be resigned to giving a "thanks" in order to avoid confrontation?

Saying "correct me if I'm wrong" still doesn't change that you told us how women feel according to you.

If a compliment grants approval, then silence must mean disapproval which is obviously not the case. I never knew how controversial a compliment could be until this thread

You're doing what was called out on the very first page:

The problem I see in a lot of harassment threads online is that some people dont understand how innocuous words like 'hello' can be used in courteous, friendly greetings as well as in creepy, run-for-your-life situations; but the complaint gets misconstrued anyway as "omg you can't even say 'hello' anymore without offending someone!".

 

[Mononoke]

I can only speak for myself. But I personally find complimenting someone I don't know to be problematic. First off, every single person is unique and different. As such, they are going to have different reactions and personal boundaries that are unique to them. I suppose that is my problem with complimenting someone you don't know, as it puts someone in a position where they are forced to react to something (and they really had no choice or say in the matter). It's an external force, now entering their space and, is forcing them to have to deal with it. And because you don't know them personally, you don't know what they are like as a person (so you don't know how they would react, or what their personal boundaries are).

That said, I think we can all agree there is a difference between complimenting someone, and sexually harassing them. There is a debate I suppose, on whether the former can be objectifying, but we can all at least agree that there is a line. Telling someone you think their dress is nice etc. is a far cry from "nice tits/ass" or "i would like to see what is under that dress". The obvious is that, these words are aimed at sexualizing someone without their consent.

I don't think it's that hard for someone, to NOT sexually come on to someone when it's not consensual or wanted. And why anyone thinks that it's okay to do so, is well..crazy. Even on a social level, it's bizarre that someone would think this kind of thing is acceptable. I guess my stance is, these people are either completely socially inept, or they have no respect for women, and don't see anything wrong with sexually advancing on them. Either way, I think it's terrible.

Anyways, I'm only making this post to reply to those saying "can't I compliment someone anymore". Well, it really depends on context, the person, and the overall situation. What you say and how you say it. This goes beyond just complimenting someone you find attractive, this kind of rule applies to any kind of social interaction. Apart of being a social creature (as humans are), is learning how to adapt and read situations. Because believe it or not, socializing is complex. But I would say, at the very least you should be able to tell the difference between "nice tits/ass" and "nice dress". I would still say even with the latter, you should be aware that saying such a thing could make someone uncomfortable or be semi-objectifying based on the person.

EDIT: I agree that it's about how you say things too. Posts below me pointed out that even "i like your dress" can come off as harassment based on tone and context. That is 100% true. So I didn't mean for my post to say: this is 100% no harassment whereas THIS IS. I was just giving a general difference between two things that clearly are different. But that said, I agree that even what people assume are non-sexual compliments, can become harassment depending on how they are said. Absolutely.

 

[Rembrandt]

because one is specific and one is unspecific. though both aren't really the best thing to do to strangers, saying "i like that band/whatever" isn't probably going to send up warning flags for a woman as an unspecific "I LIKE YOUR CLOTHES" is going to.

What warning flags would a woman get if a regular guy she didn't know told her that her dress was pretty? I'm honestly curious. It's literally just a simple compliment on an article of clothing. and I don't know why you're acting like people cannot strike up a conversation about clothing, though, lol.

How often have you been complimented by strangers?

Used to happen pretty often when I was working retail in the mall. Older women, younger teenagers, women my age, older guys (because of my hair) and some guy just complimented my shoes yesterday. 98% of the time a stranger complimenting my clothes would be cool.

 

[kirblar]

You know in India we have this belief that rapists and these catcall types are generally low income groups who never really went to school. Guys from out in the boonies come to the big city looking for work and amazed by all the "loose women" i.e. women wearing relatively modest or modern clothes.

Does that hold up anywhere else? Surely not in America right?

The same types of perceptions/misguided beliefs are here too. It's a reason people are in disbelief about the issues on college campuses- the students are supposed to be "the best/smart ones", and people have the low income=criminality fallacy in their heads.

 

[Devolution]

You can compliment everyone, problem is a bunch of people don't have the social graces or self-awareness to understand the difference an inflection, body language and tone can make or they're so wrapped up in their devil's advocacy they want to come across as obtuse as possible about how humans communicate.

 

[TheHollowNight]

I don't want to go into full on soliloquy mode here, but, threads like these for me - as a guy - bring to the forefront my own history of complicated & negative associations I've built up about my own gender. I sometimes genuinely feel like an alien when I observe such widespread obliviousness in male behavior towards women and total lack of empathy or perspective. It's sort of terrifying.

 

[The Librarian]

lol, i'm just saying. a lot of people compliment each others' clothing without having an overt sexual agenda. I can understand why some women might not be the biggest fans of it, but I don't think an actual casual compliment is a bad thing at all.



nowhere in my post did I say I was owed a response, though. I just don't understand how in your example, complimenting her band shirt isn't an empty compliment because you can make topic about the band but on the other hand, the same compliment to a woman not wearing a band tee is suddenly empty like the basis of my compliment stemmed only from sexual desire. you're acting like it's impossible to drum up a conversation about clothing unless that person is wearing something with a big identifiable symbol on there.



lmao, that's so weird to me. I never knew compliments had such a negative aura around them.

Devo's right, you're making this a lot harder than it is.

That's great but the types I'm routinely dealing with aren't young punks at the mall or whatever. People have to gauge the situations they're in and prioritize.

I agree, but you said, "Nope. It doesn't," discounting all situations. That's what I took issue with.

 

[Blood Red Sky]

Generally, if the first interaction you have with a woman is a comment on her appearance, it's likely to be off-putting. You don't have to know her life story, but some kind of other communication first can go a very long way. Talking about something - anything - else first shows that you see her as a human being.

 

[Mononoke]

I don't want to go into full on soliloquy mode here, but, threads like these for me - as a guy - bring to the forefront my own history of complicated & negative associations I've built up about my own gender. I sometimes genuinely feel like an alien when I observe such widespread obliviousness in male behavior towards women and total lack of empathy or perspective. It's sort of terrifying.

Yeah, I know that feeling. There are also gender issues men face, that I find absolutely frustrating, because I feel our own gender is causing the problem (or play a major role in it). I know it's not fair to say it's 100% the fault of the gender, when you have to consider social pressures (and other various things that can cause behaviors). But frustrating nonetheless.

As I said in my post, I don't even understand how on a basic social level, people don't feel ashamed about sexually harassing someone. I mean, don't people have any sense of common decency? Don't they feel bad doing it? I guess not.

 

[SigmasonicX]

Why is the ability of men to tell random women on the street that they look attractive something so important that it has to be argued so fervently for? Doing it makes women uncomfortable in several cases, when the intention is to make them feel better, and that alone should be enough to not do it.

 

[Valhelm]

Used to happen pretty often when I was working retail in the mall. Older women, younger teenagers, women my age, older guys (because of my hair) and some guy just complimented my shoes yesterday. 98% of the time a stranger complimenting my clothes would be cool.

Keep in mind that a compliment about shoes is very different from a compliment about a shirt. When a guy says to a woman, "I love that crop top", she might construe that as "I love what's under that crop top" or "I love how revealing that crop top is".

 

[Mumei]

You can compliment everyone, problem is a bunch of people don't have the social graces or self-awareness to understand the difference an inflection, body language and tone can make or they're so wrapped up in their devil's advocacy they want to come across as obtuse as possible about how humans communicate.

Indeed. You can say, "Nice dress," in many different ways, some of which communicate an intent to harass or intimidate, and some of which communicate an intent to compliment your dress. And similarly, it should not be that hard for someone to stop, ask themselves, "Does this person look like they would be bothered by my imposing on them? Is this a good place and time to say this?" before saying something.

Truthfully, I don't think compliments are axiomatically bad, but then I've also never understood the rationale of telling a perfect stranger whether you approve of their sartorial choices.

 

[Valhelm]

Why is the ability of men to tell random women on the street that they look attractive something so important that it has to be argued so fervently for? Doing it makes women uncomfortable in several cases, when the intention is to make them feel better, and that alone should be enough to not do it.

A lot of guys think it's a good way to meet women. A compliment lets her know that he's interested, and if she's interested in him, she might strike up a conversation, which could lead to dates, sex, and a relationship.

(I'm not condoning that behavior, just speculating)

 

[Jeronimo Jones]

Why is the ability of men to tell random women on the street that they look attractive something so important that it has to be argued so fervently for? Doing it makes women uncomfortable in several cases, when the intention is to make them feel better, and that alone should be enough to not do it.

While I agree with this generally, this is a discussion board. Discussing/trying to understand the whys and hows from different perspectives can be useful for both similar and different situations.

 

[Rembrandt]

Devo's right, you're making this a lot harder than it is.

make it easy for me.

Keep in mind that a compliment about shoes is very different from a compliment about a shirt. When a guy says to a woman, "I love that crop top", she might construe that as "I love what's under that crop top" or "I love how revealing that crop top is".

Which is why I've said that context is probably the most important thing concerning this. I'm just not going to agree with you guys saying you should never compliment a stranger or anything like that. It's a rarity and always will be, but the times I've done it, it hasn't gone bad. The worst I've gotten is a "Thanks." and that's not even bad. I've been complimented by guys and girls about my shirts/jackets/etc. I've never seen it as a big deal and I've acknowledged that some women will feel different about it because of the frequency they get hit on.

 

[Kano on the Phone]

make it easy for me.



Which is why I've said that context is probably the most important thing concerning this. I'm just not going to agree with you guys saying you should never compliment a stranger or anything like that. It's a rarity and always will be, but the times I've done it, it hasn't gone bad. The worst I've gotten is a "Thanks." and that's not even bad. I've been complimented by guys and girls about my shirts/jackets/etc. I've never seen it as a big deal and I've acknowledged that some women will feel different about it because of the frequency they get hit on.

Do you seriously not understand that someone that said "thanks" might have felt off or felt a little gross for a while because of what you said or how you said it?

 

[Devolution]

Indeed. You can say, "Nice dress," in many different ways, some of which communicate an intent to harass or intimidate, and some of which communicate an intent to compliment your dress. And similarly, it should not be that hard for someone to stop, ask themselves, "Does this person look like they would be bothered by my imposing on them? Is this a good place and time to say this?" before saying something.

Truthfully, I don't think compliments are axiomatically bad, but then I've also never understood the rationale of telling a perfect stranger whether you approve of their sartorial choices.

Hell you can say something as short and simple as hey and communicate enthusiasm, annoyance, glee, anger, shyness, sadness, attraction, I could go on. But every time we have these threads people act like words alone exist in some vacuum. It leads to believe they're either really socially stunted or just devil's advocating for the hell of it.