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Am I an asshole or I just lack some empathy?
- Thread starter Karl Hawk
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DragonSworne
Banned
Did you mourn Bin Laden's death?
I would ask how his family was expressing their condolences, and how the discussion of the facts of war came about. I assume they probably just expressed general remorse to what happened, while the OP stood, arms crossed, and stoically explained to his foolish family what war costs. I imagine a guy who not only couldn't express the most common and effortless signs of respect, but wanted attention for it as well.
But I have no clue how it all went down. So that's all an assumption on my part.
SonicMegaDrive
Member
That is generally what an asshole is. Someone who lacks empathy. Someone who doesn't give a shit or is simply unable to.
Orbis Tabula
Member
I wouldn't really say I mourn the deaths of anyone I don't know. But I did wish that it had been possible to bring him back alive and have him stand trial instead. And if that happened, I wouldn't have wanted him to get the death penalty, either.
Has death and tragedy ever made you mourn or feel somber? Because not everything gets to me. We live in a world where it's easy to become desensitized. Where it doesn't always make sense for us to stop our lives for something that is too far removed. Or sometimes we are going through our own emotional struggles that overpower how external events may affect us. Unless this is an ongoing trend I wouldn't say you lack empathy. You might be an asshole to voice a lack of caring. Even if you aren't particularly feeling it yourself hopefully you can understand that others do feel it, and aren't wrong to do so.
outunderthestars
Banned
I understand the OP. The most I can muster for people I don't know is a moment of "that is unfortunate" before moving on and putting it out of my head.
150,000+ people die every day. It's just a part of life. Not sure why people seem to go out of their way to feel sad about the death of a stranger.
150,000+ people die every day. It's just a part of life. Not sure why people seem to go out of their way to feel sad about the death of a stranger.
Top kek. I haven't been playing CoD since Black Ops 2, pal.
I dunno, maybe reading a lot of depressing news on OT GAF made me desensitized.
no
con·do·lence
an expression of sympathy, especially on the occasion of a death.
"we offer our sincere condolences to his widow"
synonyms: sympathy, commiseration(s), compassion, pity, support, comfort, consolation, understanding
what youre describing is more like North Korea
Not being emotionally affected by people you didn't know makes you neither, OP. There's a bunch of liars up in this thread; if they cared that much about random strangers, they wouldn't be able to function and would just be crying all day. A lot of people we don't know die every day. It's sad, but we're not sociopaths because we don't mourn them.
OP mentions the UAE, Yemen and Shiekh Mohamed bin Zayed, but americans still manage to make themselves believe that everyone on the internet is american. That's pretty amazing.
Admiral Woofington
Member
OP you're being tactless which in this situation can be perceived as being an asshole. You might also lack empathy but in these situations most folks are sad OVER the realities of war and mourning is shown as a sign of respect. It's doubtful many are genuinely sad outside of the realization that a life was lost so needlessly.
I'm not a saint either. My grandpa recently died. My whole family was in mourning, largely the adults/children of him and family members. All of these people knew him before his mental issues developed. Most of the grandchildren never got to see him healthy or have a conversation with him. So for me it was hard to be anything but happy that a man who had been suffering for so long can finally rest in peace. I was sad for my aunts, uncles, grandma and my mom who were utterly destroyed by it but I wasn't sad for my grandpa. I didn't have many memories of him.
In this situation I still mourned alongside them but I never cried. I can't fake the tears
I'm not a saint either. My grandpa recently died. My whole family was in mourning, largely the adults/children of him and family members. All of these people knew him before his mental issues developed. Most of the grandchildren never got to see him healthy or have a conversation with him. So for me it was hard to be anything but happy that a man who had been suffering for so long can finally rest in peace. I was sad for my aunts, uncles, grandma and my mom who were utterly destroyed by it but I wasn't sad for my grandpa. I didn't have many memories of him.
In this situation I still mourned alongside them but I never cried. I can't fake the tears
It sounds like you may just be Solid Snake. The "why should I mourn for them" part is the asshole part, while the "reality of war" part is lack of empathy.
I'm guessing you're a teenager based on your profile saying you're a student?
If so you'll probably become more empathetic as you get older. Personally I was a nearly a sociopath when I was a teenager and would be unmoved by thousands dying but at some point the floodgates opened and far less tragic news effects me as well as the bigger stuff.
However until then try to hide those thoughts better, you don't have to go into full mourning mode but just remain respectful.
If so you'll probably become more empathetic as you get older. Personally I was a nearly a sociopath when I was a teenager and would be unmoved by thousands dying but at some point the floodgates opened and far less tragic news effects me as well as the bigger stuff.
However until then try to hide those thoughts better, you don't have to go into full mourning mode but just remain respectful.
University student, to be more precise. I'm 21 years old (Though I don't like to consider myself as an adult since I'm introverted)
My problem is having empathy with people whom I have no personal connection to. Their deaths are tragic, true, but I can't feel myself wanting to mourn to them.
Well, when you think about it, America = the World.
Dice//
Banned
I don't know, I feel I'd be much the same as much as I'd hate to admit. I only really REALLY mourn for the close relatives.
umop_3pisdn
Member
How are these thoughts connected by reason? Isn't the reality of war itself sad?
To me it seems like you're self-imposing a barrier for empathy. I can't make assumptions as to why, your thought process just seems artificial to me.
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
Both, but more of a lack of empathy (which isn't a good thing, either).
You're right, you don't know them. You're right, it is war. But it is still sad.
You didn't give specifics about what your parents said, but it sounds like they meant that we mourn death.
You'd be more of an asshole if you thought you were better than your parents for not mourning.
birthday-suit
Banned
You like attention because you posted on GAF about it.
Necromanti
Member
I don't think you have to force yourself to feel loss or mourn people that you do not know personally, but it would probably be helpful to be able to understand why people may feel that way and rather remain silent than voice the fact that you personally were not moved by that specific loss of life. It's probably more a matter of tact in your case.
Raonak
Banned
I've never been able to genuinely mourn over people who I don't know.
countless people I don't know die every day, and yes, it is sad. But their deaths have absolutely no effect on me. I can't find myself naturally becoming sad over things like that And forcing myself to become sad sounds counterproductive.
What does get me sad, is people I know dying, or other people that are grieving over the death.
So I would be exactly like you, except I wouldn't verbalize it like that. That's the part which was assholish.
say something like "Their death is tragic, but it is the reality of war. People will die, families will suffer and hate will grow. Sacrifice this many human lives, to eliminate the lives of your enemy. For what? Land? Resources? Faith? In a world with borders, needless death is routine. I feel your pain, but I also feel the frustration"
countless people I don't know die every day, and yes, it is sad. But their deaths have absolutely no effect on me. I can't find myself naturally becoming sad over things like that And forcing myself to become sad sounds counterproductive.
What does get me sad, is people I know dying, or other people that are grieving over the death.
So I would be exactly like you, except I wouldn't verbalize it like that. That's the part which was assholish.
say something like "Their death is tragic, but it is the reality of war. People will die, families will suffer and hate will grow. Sacrifice this many human lives, to eliminate the lives of your enemy. For what? Land? Resources? Faith? In a world with borders, needless death is routine. I feel your pain, but I also feel the frustration"
Spladam
Member
And this is what empathy is in practice.
ScatheZombie
Member
The expression of empathy and condolence is a social convention. It's meant to be a sign of respect to the families of those that died.
But, in reality, 99.99% of people don't actually give a fuck. People die every damn day. About 6,400 people died in the last hour. 150,000 people will die today. 56 million will die this year. If you stopped to feel sad about every single one of them, you'd just be depressed as hell.
So, yeah, when someone brings it up, you're supposed to follow social conventions and reflect on someone dying. If you don't, you are kinda being an asshole. But it's not abnormal to have difficulty mourning someone you didn't know.
But, in reality, 99.99% of people don't actually give a fuck. People die every damn day. About 6,400 people died in the last hour. 150,000 people will die today. 56 million will die this year. If you stopped to feel sad about every single one of them, you'd just be depressed as hell.
So, yeah, when someone brings it up, you're supposed to follow social conventions and reflect on someone dying. If you don't, you are kinda being an asshole. But it's not abnormal to have difficulty mourning someone you didn't know.
OrlanisWorks
Banned
It's hard to have hardcore emotional moment for the loss of people outside your monkeysphere.
I don't even like mourning for people I know. A few of my friends have died and I couldn't go to their funeral. I just pretend in my mind that they're fine and went live in another country. It's insane watching people that were alive and well and then seeing their lifeless corpse. People tell me I'm an asshole but I can't go, it's nightmare fuel for me. I don't know what I am going to do when my parents die. I can't see myself going.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
Neither.
I mean, presumably, if asked, "Would you rather those people be alive or dead?", you'd say, "Alive", but you shouldn't be expected to mourn random people.
I mean, presumably, if asked, "Would you rather those people be alive or dead?", you'd say, "Alive", but you shouldn't be expected to mourn random people.
I definitely understand the feeling. There's terrible, unspeakable things happening somewhere on Earth every minute of every day. I reserve most of my empathy for my family, friends, community, and the occasional worst of the worst news story. Any more than that and I really couldn't function.
I don't act like a dick about it mind you, I generally don't comment on sad stories at all (obviously this thread is an exception). Every day I see people talking or posting on social media like "Look at this bad thing that happened somewhere! This is so awful! I feel awful!" and I feel like they can't actually feel that awful about it? Unless you're literally crippled with grief 24/7. It always comes off to me like people are trying to out-grieve each other. Whoever feels the worst is the best person. I get that that's how lots of people deal with stuff though, so I just keep quiet and move on. You can't actually question someone else's expression of emotion without being an ass.
I don't usually do the big show of empathy though. It's just not me. I have to close myself off to a certain degree.
I don't act like a dick about it mind you, I generally don't comment on sad stories at all (obviously this thread is an exception). Every day I see people talking or posting on social media like "Look at this bad thing that happened somewhere! This is so awful! I feel awful!" and I feel like they can't actually feel that awful about it? Unless you're literally crippled with grief 24/7. It always comes off to me like people are trying to out-grieve each other. Whoever feels the worst is the best person. I get that that's how lots of people deal with stuff though, so I just keep quiet and move on. You can't actually question someone else's expression of emotion without being an ass.
I don't usually do the big show of empathy though. It's just not me. I have to close myself off to a certain degree.
This is me. Funerals sounds like a way to get depressed to me.
TouchMyBox
Member
You should respect the dead, but at the same time you can't go around feeling bad for every person on the planet who dies, or else you won't have a life and your only emotion will be constant grief.
Magicgamer101
Member
The amount of deaths we hear about in the news and stuff, I don't blame you OP for having a lack of empathy.
But yeah it is kind of heartless to not feel anything I guess plus I don't think you should have told your family your views. That might of been going to far as they were still mourning.
But yeah it is kind of heartless to not feel anything I guess plus I don't think you should have told your family your views. That might of been going to far as they were still mourning.
Yeah, I don't understand why he would say that to people who do care. That plus him not paying his respects = double asshole.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Did you know those people? If not, it doesn't help to be sad over their deaths. That doesn't mean you don't respect their sacrifice though. Their lives were worth just as much as any other person's, not having condolences for their family is the only really bad part of your attitude. You don't have to feel bad, you just have to understand that someone else is suffering a loss.
ZoltanXerxes
Member
People have different points of view on death (more specifically how someone died). There is nothing wrong with your view OP, just be prepared to accept that some people will shun you for it. As for myself, I do respect people who died for others. I think it's a noble act to give your life for other people, whether it's soldiers, police officers or some random dude on the street.
tearsintherain
Member
You can try taking the sociopath test. Generally true sociopaths learn what other people expect as answers and will just lie to make them seem normal. This is one of hundreds of online tests, probably not a very good one but it only takes 3 minutes at least!
http://illnessquiz.com/sociopath-test/
http://illnessquiz.com/sociopath-test/
LookAtMeGo
Member
Looks like we got another culture, folks.
Now that I've read a lot of replies in my thread, I'll admit that I was a huge dick from what I did as said in the OP.
Thing is, you're right GAF, while I shouldn't mourn for every person dying (Elsewise, I'd be miserable as hell), it was wrong for me not to pay respects to my countrymen who died fighting in Yemen and sharing my view publicly to my parents.
Now, I know some of you were expecting the occasional ''OP makes a post, then GAF calls out on his bullshit', then OP backpedals or whatever' thread, but I don't like manipulating people. Its not one of my traits, nor I will do it anytime soon.
All in all, you were right, I was wrong for what I did.
Thing is, you're right GAF, while I shouldn't mourn for every person dying (Elsewise, I'd be miserable as hell), it was wrong for me not to pay respects to my countrymen who died fighting in Yemen and sharing my view publicly to my parents.
Now, I know some of you were expecting the occasional ''OP makes a post, then GAF calls out on his bullshit', then OP backpedals or whatever' thread, but I don't like manipulating people. Its not one of my traits, nor I will do it anytime soon.
All in all, you were right, I was wrong for what I did.
Op its neither. You've just become desensitized.
I'm sure that if the story followed each soldier's death in more detail, the state of loss their family is in etc, you'd feel something.
Now we're so used to things like this that we see people as mere digits on the tv.
Yet, if just ONE of these soldiers were to die in front of your very eyes, you'd most likely care (based on what you said later about yourself).
Try and make sure that your heart isn't hardened like a rock. Try your best to feel empathy and understand.
As for whether you were right or wrong, that's not for us to judge.
One of mentor's used to say, 'you are free in what you think but prisoner to what you say'. Welcome to Gaf Prison!
I'm sure that if the story followed each soldier's death in more detail, the state of loss their family is in etc, you'd feel something.
Now we're so used to things like this that we see people as mere digits on the tv.
Yet, if just ONE of these soldiers were to die in front of your very eyes, you'd most likely care (based on what you said later about yourself).
Try and make sure that your heart isn't hardened like a rock. Try your best to feel empathy and understand.
As for whether you were right or wrong, that's not for us to judge.
One of mentor's used to say, 'you are free in what you think but prisoner to what you say'. Welcome to Gaf Prison!
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