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Annoying friend is getting creepy

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Kitschkraft said:
If you don't want to outright confront him, I see nothing wrong with nudging him a bit. Especially if he wants to keep the bike (Which is what I'm assuming).

Sorry I'm not all "OMG, pussified American males! Kill the bugger!"

I understand the OP's situation.
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Making fun of someone is socially condemnable. I don't see how that constitutes a method of resolution. Your logic is that of a kindergarten bully, mature before you post next.
 
wormstrangler said:
Easier to say it on a msg board than real life.
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This. There's no way to really know how this guy will react when you give him the bad news. Although it's not your roommates' problem, maybe ask one or two of them to sit down with you and let this kid know he's not welcome anymore. Chances are he won't try anything dumb when you and couple of your buddies are together, and I'm thinking worst-case scenario he asks for his bike back (how bad could walking/public transport be?).
 
If you have trouble saying "Get out of my house" you don't really deserve a house.

Forget punishing the audience for their sadism, that's the true lesson of FUNNY GAMES, imo.
 
How have you allowed it this long? If one of my former roommates pulled this nonsense on me with their creepy friend I'd be asking for $$$ after the second night or make it clear he's not welcome.
 
Gentlemen Demon said:
This. There's no way to really know how this guy will react when you give him the bad news. Although it's not your roommates' problem, maybe ask one or two of them to sit down with you and let this kid know he's not welcome anymore. Chances are he won't try anything dumb when you and couple of your buddies are together, and I'm thinking worst-case scenario he asks for his bike back (how bad could walking/public transport be?).
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There is no way to know how many people you run across in life will act. Does that mean we should all go around talking behind everyone's back and not simply talk to them like a human being? There is no need to tell the guy to "fuck off" or "I hate your guys you annoying prick." Simply just speaking to him like a normal person should be easy and commonplace.
 
3N16MA said:
There is no way to know how many people you run across in life will act. Does that mean we should all go around talking behind everyone;s back and not simply talking to them like a human being? There is no need to tall the guy to "fuck off" or "I hate your guys you annoying prick." Simply just speaking to him like a normal person should be easy and commonplace.
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It can not be stressed how good this advice is versus almost everything else in this thread.
 
Sounds like that episode of Seinfeld when Bania gave Jerry the Armani suit.

bania.jpg


"Hey, I give you a brand-new Armani suit, and you won't even buy me a meal?"
 
Kitschkraft said:
If you don't want to outright confront him, I see nothing wrong with nudging him a bit. Especially if he wants to keep the bike (Which is what I'm assuming).

Sorry I'm not all "OMG, pussified American males! Kill the bugger!"

I understand the OP's situation.
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No one's saying that the OP should "kill the bugger," but your suggestion, and all of the other passive aggressive suggestions in this thread, place the onus upon the other guy to figure out the OP's intentions himself. The OP doesn't even have to be rude. All he has to do is talk to the guy, explain that there was a misunderstanding regarding how often he was going to stay with the OP, and tell him that he's no longer welcome to spend the night in his apartment. It's not that hard, and the OP has already demonstrated the ability to stand up for himself regarding his Xbox, so why can't he stand up for himself when it comes to his apartment?
 
Use the situation to learn some valuable and clearly lacking communication skills. Explain the situation, how you feel, why you feel that way and allow for reasonable adult dialog between the two of you.

Or you could just beat his ass in with a tire iron and say, "get out of my place bitch."
 
Really the best thing is to be straight up with him and say that he does all these things to get involved without being invited and expects acquaintances to act like their his best friend even though they barely interacted with him. That you just want him to give you some extra space and not hang on so much.

And offer to give the bike back if he feels like that would be fair.
 
Aselith said:
The problem is you're being a gigantic asshole and literally doing it the most hurtful way that anyone could possibly devise to the person by doing that. Are you some kind of sociopath that you see nothing wrong with that description of how to deal with the person? You're making him figure out that he's not wanted by treating him like a loser and constantly talking shit about him to his face under the guise of joking. Imagine how the person will feel when it hits him what you're doing if you have actual feelings that is and not just your mask of humanity.
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I wasn't really assuming that the OP would be "mean" about it. Most friends joke in this way all the time, and every now and again, I think that something does slip through into your consciousness. I think there is a good bit of nuance between some occasional friendly jabs, and an all out assault every time someone is in your presence. Maybe I can't type it out, but I feel like I've seen the situation played out plenty of times in real life.
 
Yup, the OP is in the wrong. The guy doesn't have friends, and asks party host if he could attend said party? OH SHIT CREEPER.

Uh, no. He's trying to make friends, and he has no obligation to ask you. Girls know how to say no, they've learned that from age 3. The Xbox thing was douchey on the OPs part if it really was for electricity costs (oh shit 50cents bro!wherefindmoney), and OP needs to learn to communicate like a civil human being.
 
Ugh... I wonder why this guy would want to be around you and your friends. He must be pretty lonely, because I fucking hate people who talk shit and bitch about me (or anyone) behind my back. It's childish and annoying as fuck. Sac up, be an adult.
 
Kitschkraft said:
I wasn't really assuming that the OP would be "mean" about it. Most friends joke in this way all the time, and every now and again, I think that something does slip through into your consciousness. I think there is a good bit of nuance between some occasional friendly jabs, and an all out assault every time someone is in your presence. Maybe I can't type it out, but I feel like I've seen the situation played out plenty of times in real life.
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What type of friends do you have?
Strange, if you've seen this many a times, could you have been the victim?

It is sad for you to think that way Kitschkraft, however, defending a flawed train of thought on a message board will have you eaten alive. Especially when the majority of the readers think it is silly to begin with.
 
I don't get why people don't think its weird about him basically inviting himself to a stranger's birthday. He heard his friends talk about a party. He did some research on facebook and discovered who was hosting the party. He then asked the stranger if he could come to the party where he doesn't know anyone except the couple of guys. He should have asked if he could come as a +1 or something. But if I knew someone at uni, and they invited themselves to a party one of my friends was holding, I would find that to be ridiculously creepy. The girl probably only let him come because he said "hey I'm X's friend. He told me about your party". I don't generally let randoms come to my parties...



Change the locks/ don't let him in when he comes knocking that late. Tell him you were asleep because he came so late and couldn't answer the door. Maybe he'll get that it isn't appropriate.

What do your housemates think of this??
 
The FB invite thing was a major warning sign. If the dude was normal, he would have asked OP if he could come along, rather than weasel into an invite from a stranger. Such behavior is not the mark of a good friend. He should be cut-out.
 
Figure out when he's coming over next. Buy a box of saltine crackers and a bottle of hand lotion. Pour the crackers out on the floor and then pour the hand lotion on them. When he shows up have you and your roomates tell him you were just about to finish up one of your favorite games and ask if he wants to join in, telling him he'll probably lose.

Or just give him back the bike and tell he's not welcome at the house anymore.
 
shanshan310 said:
I don't get why people don't think its weird about him basically inviting himself to a stranger's birthday. He heard his friends talk about a party. He did some research on facebook and discovered who was hosting the party. He then asked the stranger if he could come to the party where he doesn't know anyone except the couple of guys. He should have asked if he could come as a +1 or something. But if I knew someone at uni, and they invited themselves to a party one of my friends was holding, I would find that to be ridiculously creepy. The girl probably only let him come because he said "hey I'm X's friend. He told me about your party". I don't generally let randoms come to my parties...



Change the locks/ don't let him in when he comes knocking that late. Tell him you were asleep because he came so late and couldn't answer the door. Maybe he'll get that it isn't appropriate.

What do your housemates think of this??
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what the hell man? this is how you deal with problems? i fucking hate people who aren't straight up with me.
 
I meant get that it isn't appropriate to show up whenever he feels like. I wouldn't answer the door that late, unless it was my boyfriend who does shift work. If he keeps banging on the door or calling open up and tell him "sorry dude I was sleeping. What are you doing here so late? I'm not really cool with you showing up like this".

The Xbox thing was douchey on the OPs part if it really was for electricity costs (oh shit 50cents bro!wherefindmoney), and OP needs to learn to communicate like a civil human being.
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Why's that? I'm not cool with people using my stuff all the time. And if he's share housing he's probably doing it pretty tough. Next it will be "aww, he's eating your food? Come on man that like 50 cents worth of toast! Get over it".
 
SMT said:
What type of friends do you have?
Strange, if you've seen this many a times, could you have been the victim?

It is sad for you to think this way Kitschkraft, however, defending a flawed train of thought on a message board will have you eaten alive. Especially when the majority of the readers think it is silly.
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I think that the Freudian stuff is a bit much.
 
shanshan310 said:
I meant get that it isn't appropriate to show up whenever he feels like. I wouldn't answer the door that late, unless it was my boyfriend who does shift work. If he keeps banging on the door or calling open up and tell him "sorry dude I was sleeping. What are you doing here so late? I'm not really cool with you showing up like this".



Why's that? I'm not cool with people using my stuff all the time. And if he's share housing he's probably doing it pretty tough. Next it will be "aww, he's eating your food? Come on man that like 50 cents worth of toast! Get over it".
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Man, I hope that inconsiderate bastard didn't have to take a piss while he was over. What about the OP's water bill?!
 
SMT said:
What type of friends do you have?
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I'm assuming he has the same kinds of friends I do. The kind you can joke with. The kind that some times might talk a little shit; you talk shit back and it's all good, because we all know we're joking. Some times we'll talk shit about ourselves. It's what friends do.

As for the OP, you're just going to need to lay down the ground rules on staying at the place. Nothing aggressive or angry or anything like that. Just speak the truth; you were under a different impression about what staying over a few nights meant and the situation needs to change (i.e. he can't stay over any more). If he brings up the bike, offer to give it back. Don't do this in any kind of angry or jerkish way, just be calm.

I would have a roommate or 3 around when you do this; if he does rage like you worry about, then you have some backup to help throw him out of your house. But even if he rages, try to remain calm; there will be no good in you getting angry and out of control, too.

Edit: I want to say that the Xbox thing was kind of a silly excuse. I understand you probably were on the spot to make up a reason without being a total dick (i.e. I don't want you here), but it seems like a petty reason, so that might explain his reaction.
 
mre said:
Man, I hope that inconsiderate bastard didn't have to take a piss while he was over. What about the OP's water bill?!
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oh come on. There is a big difference and you know it. OP didn't feel comfortable with letting the guy use his stuff and he should have respected that. Its a slippery slope.

My friends had a similar problem where their roommate was dating this homeless guy. He spent the whole time there playing xbox, eating their food and making a mess. He didn't have a job so his girlfriend said that the others would cover it. My friend was sharing a room with his girlfriend and this guy asked her to sleep on the couch so that they could have some private time. My friend is usually pretty tough but at the same time was stuck between a rock and a hard place trying not to piss off her friend either. Eventually she kicked them both out.
 
Who the fuck doesnt allow someone to play xbox due to ELECTRICITY costs. You sound like a massive asshole. No wonder why he was pissed.
 
Tunavi said:
I know, I know, but none of us want to do it. lol

Should I text him or tell him in person?
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Either way, just clearly state your boundaries, and tell him to cut the shit. You don't have to be an asshole -- in fact, not being an asshole is preferable (sorry, GAF). If he flips out, no worries. You don't even like him anyways.
 
Count Dookkake said:
The FB invite thing was a major warning sign. If the dude was normal, he would have asked OP if he could come along, rather than weasel into an invite from a stranger. Such behavior is not the mark of a good friend. He should be cut-out.
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He did ask...the person that was having the party. Maybe he felt like he didn't need to ask the people he was friends with but it would be impolite to just show up at a strangers house as a collateral invite. I don't think I'd feel like I need to ask the people I'm staying with regularly and friends with (as far as I know cause this guy is totally in the dark about how the OP feels about him) if I could go to a party that they are going to be at. If it was like a small intimate gathering I'd understand that might be a bit different but this seems more like a proper college party, yeah?
 
Chumly said:
Who the fuck doesnt allow someone to play xbox due to ELECTRICITY costs. You sound like a massive asshole. No wonder why he was pissed.
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Again, it was not actually because of the power. OP didn't want him to use his stuff, which is fair enough. It also set up some ground rules and basically said "you aren't free to live here as you please, eat our food and not contribute to the costs".
 
mre said:
Pretty much. Showing up unannounced at midnight is a dick move, but you could have talked to him about it after he did it the first time.

What is up with people these days being too pussified to actually communicate and work through their problems?
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AMEN
 
Salvor.Hardin said:
And the electricity bill is a terrible reason for not allowing someone to play your Xbox.
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For real, dude gave you a bike and you agreed to let him crash at your apartment on occasion. And you just deny him usage of your xbox to be an asshole? Why don't you stop being a douche and pretending to be somebodies friend so you can use them for their shit?

He has done nothing remotely wrong in your story. While it does not paint yourself in a positive light.
 
shanshan310 said:
oh come on. There is a big difference and you know it. OP didn't feel comfortable with letting the guy use his stuff and he should have respected that. Its a slippery slope.

My friends had a similar problem where their roommate was dating this homeless guy. He spent the whole time there playing xbox, eating their food and making a mess. He didn't have a job so his girlfriend said that the others would cover it. My friend was sharing a room with his girlfriend and this guy asked her to sleep on the couch so that he could have some private time. My friend is usually pretty tough but at the same time was stuck between a rock and a hard place trying not to piss off her friend either. Eventually she kicked them both out.
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The guy gave the OP a bike, which the OP claimed he needed but could not otherwise afford. He didn't ask for anything but a place to crash a couple times. It's not like he's walking in off the street asking to play with the OP's precious Xbox. The OP neglected to establish ground rules, such as when and how often the guy would stay over. However, as I have already said in this thread, the other guy was out of line showing up unannounced at midnight. Asking to play with the OP's Xbox, on the other hand, was a reasonable request.
 
Tunavi said:
I know, I know, but none of us want to do it. lol

Should I text him or tell him in person?
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Seriously? I have social anxiety and all the problems that come with it, and even I would never, ever resolve a tense situation by texting. Man the fuck up.
 
OP, stop acting like a bitch and grow some balls and let this dude know whats up. Everybody gotta level up sometimes dude.
 
Tunavi said:
I'm in college and I live with my 3 buddies in our own apartment. I needed a bike to get to school, and a kid from school offered to give me his bike that he never uses. This kid has a girlfriend, but other than that, he doesn't have friends. We all agree that he's pretty annoying.

I was pretty excited and when he gave me the bike he asked if he could spend the night at our place a few times on school nights. I said sure, thinking that it would only be a few times. He lives pretty far from campus with his dad.

Well, for the last 2 weeks since school started, he's shown up right before midnight every monday and wednesday night. One night he asked to use my xbox and I said no. I had homework and we have an energy bill, and frankly I just don't want him using my stuff. He was taken back like he was discusted. "Oh are you just possessive of your xbox?" I ignored him, and when I went into my room, he asked my roommate, "Is he always this selfish about his xbox?" Give me a fucking break, you're treating our place like a god damn hotel.

This Friday, there is a birthday dinner for one of my good friends, and my roommates and I are going. However, the kid who sleeps over doesn't know this person at all, saw the event on Facebook and asked the girl who the party was for if he could go. She's nice and just said yes. HE NEVER ASKED US IF HE COULD GO. He doesn't know the birthday girl.

I feel burdened because he gave me a bike and I said he could stay over a few times, but he annoys me now and he's just getting creepy.

TLDR: So this kid gave me a bike, but my roommates and I do not like him and he stays at our place 2 nights a week. I want to tell him he can't stay over, but he didn't take it well when I told him he couldn't use my xbox and he might have rage issues. I can't imagine how he's going to react when I tell him he can't stay at our place like its a hotel?

Wat do? Or share your annoying/creepy friend stories.

Edit: or just mock me for being a wuss, lol
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You're an ass for that. Part of me feels like your entire story is an overreaction, and if we had the other side it would look even worse.

Man up and tell him he can't stay, with the support of roomates to make it final.
 
OP lacks the manhood to confront the dude, but has no problem being a passive aggressive weasel and refuse access to his video games due to his electricity bill... If anyone attempted to use that excuse in front of me I would probably slap them automatically for being so lame.
 
mre said:
The guy gave the OP a bike, which the OP claimed he needed but could not otherwise afford. He didn't ask for anything but a place to crash a couple times. It's not like he's walking in off the street asking to play with the OP's precious Xbox. The OP neglected to establish ground rules, such as when and how often the guy would stay over. However, as I have already said in this thread, the other guy was out of line showing up unannounced at midnight. Asking to play with the OP's Xbox, on the other hand, was a reasonable request.
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And not being comfortable with him playing it is a reasonable response. Yes, he said he could crash there a couple of times. No, he did not say "sure, make yourself at home. Use all my stuff!" Guy should have respected that OP didn't want him to use it, instead of being a dick. He is already being offered a place to sleep. I would say don't push your luck and abuse of the housemates' hospitality that way. Now he is showing up after midnight. He is asking for trouble and the OP should tell him he's not welcome to use the house as if it's his own.
 
Here you go OP. send this. Take care.

Hey ___________ (the guy in question.)


This is Bill. I'm ___________ (this is you guy.)'s father. Look, I don't know if you know this but my son.. well he's different. Do you have a moment? Good because I'm going to go on some kind of rant here while I tell you my son's story. So grab a soda or something and sit your ass down and read this.


Back in 1995, _____________'s mother and I decided we were going to take this little shit to Yellowstone. That's a forest son. Trees and shit. I know you don't know this because kids these days grow up with the internet and the tv and all this other electronic bullshit. It's a damn shame when a grown man watches the world he lives in being turned into some kind of techno bullshit puss world.

Anyway, like I said before you made me go off on the techno world, I was taking my boy to the woods so he could learn to become a man like his dad. That's right. I'm a logger. Been doing it since 64 and haven't looked back. You know you've lived when you can smell the sap from a big ass tree and tell what kind it is. Knowing the difference between a fir and an oak puts hair on a mans balls. Can you tell me the difference between a fir and an oak boy? I didn't think so. You probably have no idea what a fir even looks like. Well guess what shitbird, it's a Christmas Tree.

So anyway, like I said before you made me go off on trees and being a man, I was taking my son to become a man! We got out to yellowstone and setup our camper. I bought this camper about 15 years before we made this trip. Damn fine camper. I got a damn good deal on it too. That's how you know you're a man son. When you can haggle a sweet deal on a vehicle. Only some pussbag hippie would buy a car or RV at full price.

Anyway, back to my story before you made me go off on buying cars. So we get to the campsite and setup the RV and I told __________ that I was going to teach him how to fish. A boy who don't know how to fish. Can you believe this world? I bet you don't know how to fish either, do you? Boy when I was a kid your age I was catching fish bare handed. I'd go butt naked in the river and catch them with my bare hands. If I didn't? I didn't get to eat son, that's how the world works when you're a man.

Anyway, before you made me go off on fishing, I was telling you how I was taking __________ to become a fisherman. That's when it happened. Boy damn near drowned in the river. Bless my damn soul. I almost lost my breakfast when I saw this. My boy, my flesh, my future.... can't even swim his way out of a god damned river. Do you know how to swim boy? When I was born I was immediatly dropped into a bucket of water. It was do or die. That's how you know you're a man.

Anyway, back to my boy almost dying. I ended up having to go in and save him. Boy's been a damned pussy ever since. So I'm e-mailing you to let you know that he doesn't like you and he doesn't want you around. He can't do it himself so I'm going to once again be the man I wanted him to be and telling you to take a hike. Grow up boy. Be a man. Go out on your own and live.


Damned kids.

Sincerely,

Bill.
 
mre said:
Pretty much. Showing up unannounced at midnight is a dick move, but you could have talked to him about it after he did it the first time.

What is up with people these days being too pussified to actually communicate and work through their problems?
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Doesn't help that he lives with folks who enable this behavior.
 
Just tell him that when he asked to stay over every once and a while, you actually thought it meant every once and a while, not 2 times a week, and that youre not cool with that. Tell him he can have his bike back if he wants, but the 2 times a week needs to turn into once every 3 weeks.
 
The Xbox thing was a dick move. I once also possessed nearly no money, and would occasionally be weird, but he would have raised your bill by 0.30 maximum.

You should apologize, at least in your head.
 
shanshan310 said:
And not being comfortable with him playing it is a reasonable response. Yes, he said he could crash there a couple of times. No, he did not say "sure, make yourself at home. Use all my stuff!" Guy should have respected that OP didn't want him to use it, instead of being a dick.
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I completely agree that the OP telling the guy he couldn't use his Xbox was a reasonable response. However, a response can be both (1) reasonable and (2) dickish, and I think the OP acted like a dick not letting the guy play with his Xbox, ESPECIALLY given the OP's given reason of protecting his power bill. Which is where my comparison to his water bill came into play.
He is asking for trouble and the OP should tell him he's not welcome to use the house as if it's his own.
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This is pretty much what I and others have been saying. But that would require that the OP grow a pair, something he seems to be really adverse to doing.
 
mre said:
I completely agree that the OP telling the guy he couldn't use his Xbox was a reasonable response. However, a response can be both (1) reasonable and (2) dickish, and I think the OP acted like a dick not letting the guy play with his Xbox, ESPECIALLY given the OP's given reason of protecting his power bill. Which is where my comparison to his water bill came into play.

This is pretty much what I and others have been saying. But that would require that the OP grow a pair, something he seems to be really adverse to doing.
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Sure, but I don't think that was his actual reason. He just didn't want to tell the guy that he felt uncomfortable with him using his stuff, and "the cost of power" seemed like a good excuse at the time. It does seem a little weird, but eh.

I think we are in agreement.
 
shanshan310 said:
Sure, but I don't think that was his actual reason. He just didn't want to tell the guy that he felt uncomfortable with him using his stuff, and "the cost of power" seemed like a good excuse at the time. It does seem a little weird, but eh.
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Of course that wasn't his actual reason, but it certainly would have made the OP seem like a dick to the guy. This whole issue could have been resolved through communication.
 
shanshan310 said:
Again, it was not actually because of the power. OP didn't want him to use his stuff, which is fair enough. It also set up some ground rules and basically said "you aren't free to live here as you please, eat our food and not contribute to the costs".
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Please explain how the hell taking someones food and playing xbox are even close to being the same. What did the OP expect? For this guy to sit in a corner and not say anything?
 
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