i feel like posting again...
attack happened at about 16:00, i was where it happened at 15:10..
it happened literally mere meters from where i last lived a couple years ago, right next to my old apartment. to think, if i hadnt moved i would have looked at a terror attack happening right outside my window, in Turku where nothing ever happens.. i would have heard all the screams and everything. sickening thought. and i wouldnt have been able to do anything, just watch in horror.. ugh :/
crazily enough the perpetrator is being treated at the hospital i work at, and if he needs more than a day or two of treatment, its about a 50/50 chance that i will be face to face with him at some point next week (my job is to transport patients to CTs, MRIs etc, i go to the trauma ward all the time where he is likely being treated). unreal to think about it. what will i say to him? i cannot believe that im suddenly in a situation where i seriously have to think about how to interact with a goddamn terrorist who perpetrated an attack i missed by minutes! un-fucking-real.
also some of the victims are in the ICU that i am a bit too intimate with, as i was treated there for severe sepsis over 11 days and it was extremely traumatic which left me suffering from some post-traumatic stress (which can often make people more sensitive to shocking stuff, like terror attacks). it's beyond awful to think about the victims lying in the ICU right now knowing exactly how terrifying it is
i am glad knowing the staff are SUPER professional though and are doing their absolute best. i mean they saved my life too, i wouldnt be here posting if it wasnt for them.
so yeah i'm very likely to see some of the victims and possibly the terrorist next week, and lots of my co-workers who were in the ER when the victims came in probably have some stories to tell... next week is going to be something else :O i dont know how prepared i am on monday morning. all i know is that if and when i interact with the victims i will try my best to make their hospital stay bareable. i'm pretty good with patients most of the time, so i'm confident i can do a little bit of good even though i don't take part in actually treating them.
i know this is a selfish post/thread, focusing just on myself basically, but i needed to vent and pour my feelings out... thanks GAF. been a shocking experience, but im alright now. my panic subsided fairly fast and now im mostly just sad and angry which i guess is normal.