ThisWreckage said:That reinforces what I just said. In the past, society didn't deem divorce socially acceptable. Now, people do not give a shit so people divorce whenever they want to and frequently.
xelios said:People joke about it like it's all about changing tires and wearing skinny jeans, but there are certainly areas where the whole "real man" issue is very real and damaging and we should all push for change. Looking at my own country (USA), at the foundation of the serious issues lie stigmas, humility and how often it is confused with humiliation, and how this results in self-destructive behavior and/or a lack of social responsibility. That's very basic and for the above to make complete sense it needs to be put into context and one needs to think on what being socially responsible means and what doors humility opens for us.
e.g. Real men are overrepresented in prison whereas in mental health facilities (in or outpatient) and literature underrepresented. Spin the wheel of mental illnesses and for every one there lies a footnote, "...is more common in women than men." Except for? Substance abuse.
It's misleading; real men deal with their own shit, don't cry and don't seek help. Real men self-medicate. Real men don't have PTSD, experience or acknowledge fear or embarrassing emotional pain; they walk it out and down the road it most often manifests itself as physical, emotional or sexual abuse or neglect of others. Real men do not monopolize on desperation in a positive manner; this is usually the point where humility is misunderstood and instead pride and intense fear of humiliation force things south.
The children of real men internalize all this of course (if their fathers are there at all or not in prison) and that's why so many of the resulting issues are multi-generational. That's why so many are trapped in this loop, and in certain communities you are absolutely fighting to keep your head above water the second you are born. You will be punished or shunned for not being man enough, not being black enough, not being enough. Self-medicating is encouraged and to rub salt in the wounds the law punishes real men who do this instead of helping them.
kamspy said:You know. Countries?
I'd give more of an explanation if I thought you didn't already know the answer.
Though it's still high, the divorce rate has been slowly dropping since the late eighties. Not that I dispute your claim, but I found that interesting.ThisWreckage said:The divorce rate, for one. In the past, people would stay married because it looked good. Now people don't work for anything and divorce rates are through the roof. Are you disputing this?
Cringe Humor said:Read a few pages of this thread and wanted to vomit.
Masculinity has become politically incorrect? Really?
Cringe Humor said:Read a few pages of this thread and wanted to vomit.
Masculinity has become politically incorrect? Really?
This. Fucking THIS!xelios said:People joke about it like it's all about changing tires and wearing skinny jeans, but there are certainly areas where the whole "real man" issue is very real and damaging and we should all push for change. Looking at my own country (USA), at the foundation of the serious issues lie stigmas, humility and how often it is confused with humiliation, and how this results in self-destructive behavior and/or a lack of social responsibility. That's very basic and for the above to make complete sense it needs to be put into context and one needs to think on what being socially responsible means and what doors humility opens for us.
e.g. Real men are overrepresented in prison whereas in mental health facilities (in or outpatient) and literature underrepresented. Spin the wheel of mental illnesses and for every one there lies a footnote, "...is more common in women than men." Except for? Substance abuse.
It's misleading; real men deal with their own shit, don't cry and don't seek help. Real men self-medicate. Real men don't have PTSD, experience or acknowledge fear or embarrassing emotional pain; they walk it out and down the road it most often manifests itself as physical, emotional or sexual abuse or neglect of others. Real men do not monopolize on desperation in a positive manner; this is usually the point where humility is misunderstood and instead pride and intense fear of humiliation force things south.
The children of real men internalize all this of course (if their fathers are there at all or not in prison) and that's why so many of the resulting issues are multi-generational. That's why so many are trapped in this loop, and in certain communities you are absolutely fighting to keep your head above water the second you are born. You will be punished or shunned for not being man enough, not being black enough, not being enough. Self-medicating is encouraged and to rub salt in the wounds the law punishes real men who do this instead of helping them.
travisbickle said:So this is why a load of GAFers got pissy when I said I didn't like toys that pushed gender role stereotypes. You're all worried about "manly men" dying out!
Cringe Humor said:Read a few pages of this thread and wanted to vomit.
Masculinity has become politically incorrect? Really?
Flying_Phoenix said:"Manly men" remind people of the ye olde "glory days" of the 50's and 40's where men dominated social status. Since the women rights movement things have been getting more equal between the sexes and many men are afraid of losing their influence and power. Kind of reminds me of another certain battle of equality.
In todays world, men are allowed to be more passive and women are allowed to be more aggressive, and as time goes on the leashes become longer and looser as you'll see Clint Eastwoods and Oprahs of all sexes. Most guys want to "fight the good fight", but I find this amusing as I imagine that this is a site dominated by overweight whimpy nerds who couldn't even do a pullup.
dream said:I think it's more of a reaction to ridiculous things like "if a 14 year old boy wants to wear a dress to school solely for attention then he should be allowed to do so because not allowing him to reinforces gender stereotypes."
dream said:I think it's more of a reaction to ridiculous things like "if a 14 year old boy wants to wear a dress to school solely for attention then he should be allowed to do so because not allowing him to reinforces gender stereotypes."
Wrong, there were a number of staunch defenders of the kid.Obsessed said:I think everyone in that thread with the exception of Gaborn felt the kid was in the wrong since he was doing it not because he was transgendered, but because he wanted attention and wanted to distract the class.
I don't see how this counters my post.dream said:I think it's more of a reaction to ridiculous things like "if a 14 year old boy wants to wear a dress to school solely for attention then he should be allowed to do so because not allowing him to reinforces gender stereotypes."
Nonsense most people on this site seem generally active and healthy, at least OT side: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=418911Flying_Phoenix said:Most guys want to "fight the good fight", but I find this amusing as I imagine that this is a site dominated by overweight whimpy nerds who couldn't even do a pullup.
I think it's worth pointing out that the only thing that made that wrong was the fact that he only did it for attention.dream said:I think it's more of a reaction to ridiculous things like "if a 14 year old boy wants to wear a dress to school solely for attention then he should be allowed to do so because not allowing him to reinforces gender stereotypes."
Obsessed said:I think everyone in that thread with the exception of Gaborn felt the kid was in the wrong since he was doing it not because he was transgendered, but because he wanted attention and wanted to distract the class.
xelios said:People joke about it like it's all about changing tires and wearing skinny jeans, but there are certainly areas where the whole "real man" issue is very real and damaging and we should all push for change. Looking at my own country (USA), at the foundation of the serious issues lie stigmas, humility and how often it is confused with humiliation, and how this results in self-destructive behavior and/or a lack of social responsibility. That's very basic and for the above to make complete sense it needs to be put into context and one needs to think on what being socially responsible means and what doors humility opens for us.
e.g. Real men are overrepresented in prison whereas in mental health facilities (in or outpatient) and literature underrepresented. Spin the wheel of mental illnesses and for every one there lies a footnote, "...is more common in women than men." Except for? Substance abuse.
It's misleading; real men deal with their own shit, don't cry and don't seek help. Real men self-medicate. Real men don't have PTSD, experience or acknowledge fear or embarrassing emotional pain; they walk it out and down the road it most often manifests itself as physical, emotional or sexual abuse or neglect of others. Real men do not monopolize on desperation in a positive manner; this is usually the point where humility is misunderstood and instead pride and intense fear of humiliation force things south.
The children of real men internalize all this of course (if their fathers are there at all or not in prison) and that's why so many of the resulting issues are multi-generational. That's why so many are trapped in this loop, and in certain communities you are absolutely fighting to keep your head above water the second you are born. You will be punished or shunned for not being man enough, not being black enough, not being enough. Self-medicating is encouraged and to rub salt in the wounds the law punishes real men who do this instead of helping them.
Which is what everyone was saying.tiff said:I think it's worth pointing out that the only thing that made that wrong was the fact that he only did it for attention.
Masculinity as it has been defined in the past always has been politically incorrect. Defining a person's actions/persona based on gender isn't good for society.Cringe Humor said:Read a few pages of this thread and wanted to vomit.
Masculinity has become politically incorrect? Really?
"Toughness" always sounds like a positive trait, but why only men?Cringe Humor said:But I refuse to believe that emotional toughness shouldn't be encouraged and admired in men.
So the reaction to a 14 year-old attention whore is to uphold rigid gender roles?Plywood said:Which is what everyone was saying.
Flying_Phoenix said:"Manly men" remind people of the ye olde "glory days" of the 50's and 40's where men dominated social status. Since the women rights movement things have been getting more equal between the sexes and many men are afraid of losing their influence and power. Kind of reminds me of another certain battle of equality.
In todays world, men are allowed to be more passive and women are allowed to be more aggressive, and as time goes on the leashes become longer and looser as you'll see Clint Eastwoods and Oprahs of all sexes. Most guys want to "fight the good fight", but I find this amusing as I imagine that this is a site dominated by overweight whimpy nerds who couldn't even do a pullup.
Cringe Humor said:Despite the chorus of "yeah!!!"s following this post, I'm going to call a bit of hyperbole on this.
First of all, your assertion that manhood = drinking your problems away is one hell of a stretch. And then you go on some incoherent tangent about sexual abuse and neglect. I don't really get what you're saying, to be honest. It just seems waaay hyperbolic.
Men value a little stoicism and some degree of emotional toughness. As politically incorrect as this may be, sometimes rigorous therapy and depression medication isn't the best way to deal with your problems. I know this is hard to believe, but sometimes confronting your problems head-on and dealing with them personally builds strength and wisdom. To be clear, in some cases treatment and medication ARE the necessary measures, especially with those involving real PTSD. But I refuse to believe that emotional toughness shouldn't be encouraged and admired in men.
I think there was something lost in our communication here, I am agreeing with you that the reason there was a problem there was because the kid is an attention whore. You felt this way too, yes?tiff said:So the reaction to a 14 year-old attention whore is to uphold rigid gender roles?
travisbickle said:Masculinity as it has been defined in the past always has been politically incorrect. Defining a person's actions/persona based on gender isn't good for society.
I didn't like that he just did it for attention, yeah, I'm just trying to figure out where it enters this discussion.Plywood said:I think there was something lost in our communication here, I am agreeing with you that the reason there was a problem there was because the kid is an attention whore. You felt this way too, yes?
Plywood said:Which is what everyone was saying.
Cringe Humor said:This post seems to be saturated with feminist angst. I think it's quite a bit silly to think that men valuing and encouraging masculinity is all part of some devious, subversive plot to keep women down or something. And then you make an allusion to the civil rights movement. Uhh.. what?
Lay off of the Mad Men episodes, perhaps.
AlimNassor said:It's the way it's always been. People like to pretend men were always badass, that couldn't be further from the truth. Most men were never badass alpha males. it's why i hate it when guy men have to pretend to be badasses to impress others. Face it you will never be Rambo, you will never be a true badass. It annoys me so much when men my age have to pretend they're tough, when deep down they're miserable. Still we need badass alphas in hollywood. Nobody wants to come home and watch a grown man cry for 2 hours, we want Rambo or Arnold kicking ass.
Sounds pretty narrow-minded to me.dream said:And, of course, it became a platform for people to show how amazingly tolerant they are.
That's what I think people react to. There's an overwhelming sentiment that reinforcing gender stereotypes means you're narrow-minded at best and implicitly bigoted at worse. It doesn't. It just means you are from a culture with defined norms.
It's like...I think women should be paid exactly as much as men are paid for the same job. I think men should be able to cook. I get mani/pedis because I am very vain and take pride in my appearance.
But when you start talking about how parents that enforce a genderless upbringing on their children (rather than conforming to whatever gender roles they'd otherwise conform to), that's retarded. When you watch My Little Pony, that's fucking retarded. When you say a teenage boy should be allowed to go to school in drag just to be an attention whore because sending him home infringes on some nebulous idea of gender identity, that's retarded. When you talk about how men with some degree of emotional toughness do it by self-medicating and internalizing their anguish, that's retarded.
Flying_Phoenix said:Or perhaps you can use some common sense?
You don't need a devious, subversive, master conspiracy to common sense biology. People do not like it when their power and influence is being redistributed, this is basic human biology. Many whites do not like seeing minorities receiving programs or opportunities they have. This is also why a share of white conservatives see the 1950's as the American glory days, because well thats when whites had much more (well more than now) influence in the country. Same with women, they are gaining power and a share of men are getting uncomfortable. This imbalance of power has been a running theme since the dawn of human history.
AlimNassor said:It's the way it's always been. People like to pretend men were always badass, that couldn't be further from the truth. Most men were never badass alpha males. it's why i hate it when guy men have to pretend to be badasses to impress others. Face it you will never be Rambo, you will never be a true badass. It annoys me so much when men my age have to pretend they're tough, when deep down they're miserable. Still we need badass alphas in hollywood. Nobody wants to come home and watch a grown man cry for 2 hours, we want Rambo or Arnold kicking ass.
Cringe Humor said:As politically incorrect as this may be, sometimes rigorous therapy and depression medication aren't the best ways to deal with your problems.
Cringe Humor said:Evolutionary psychology and common sense makes this position untenable for me.
Cringe Humor said:Masculinity isn't a "persona" or a set of actions. It's more of a set of values and attributes.
Why should men only be allowed to be emotionally tough? And why is it frowned upon if a man is not? That's why it's bullshit. Masculinity is FAR from some set of static attributes.Cringe Humor said:Despite the chorus of "yeah!!!"s following this post, I'm going to call a bit of hyperbole on this.
First of all, your assertion that manhood = drinking your problems away is one hell of a stretch. And then you go on some incoherent tangent about sexual abuse and neglect. I don't really get what you're saying, to be honest. It just seems waaay hyperbolic.
Men value a little stoicism and some degree of emotional toughness. As politically incorrect as this may be, sometimes rigorous therapy and depression medication aren't the best ways to deal with your problems. I know this is hard to believe, but sometimes confronting your problems head-on and dealing with them personally builds strength and wisdom. To be clear, in some cases treatment and medication ARE the necessary measures, especially with those involving real PTSD. But I refuse to believe that emotional toughness shouldn't be encouraged and admired in men.
And what of men who don't have some or even most of these attributes?Obsessed said:Is there a chance you could explain masculinity?
What values, and what attributes?
Why are these inherently manly?
Cringe Humor said:Somehow you've managed to bring political conservatism and racism into a discussion on masculinity. This is infantile and predictable, so I won't even address it.
Cringe Humor said:I will, however, point out the extreme irony of someone using "common sense biology" as an argument against masculinity.
ZephyrFate said:Why should men only be allowed to be emotionally tough? And why is it frowned upon if a man is not? That's why it's bullshit. Masculinity is FAR from some set of static attributes.
And it never has been.
Plywood said:Nonsense most people on this site seem generally active and healthy, at least OT side: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=418911
Teh Hamburglar said:changing your oil because you think it makes you a man? It makes you an idiot is what it does. Pay the 20 bucks and take it somewhere. Its not worth the time and hassle of changing it and disposing of the dirty oil.
dream said:I think it's more of a reaction to ridiculous things like "if a 14 year old boy wants to wear a dress to school solely for attention then he should be allowed to do so because not allowing him to reinforces gender stereotypes."
Koburb said:Second you are a pussy plain and simple. Time and hassle? lol I guess when you are a pussy you don't have the strength to pull a drain plug or slip a bucket under your car. It takes 20 minutes to do it and saves a tonne of money. It takes less time than the time it takes you to brush your mothers hair before bedtime. And the possible thousands of dollars you can save cause you can use a wrench is a bonus.
This is the problem with gender roles. Right here.Koburb said:Can you point out the magic land where an oil change is $20? Second you are a pussy plain and simple. Time and hassle? lol I guess when you are a pussy you don't have the strength to pull a drain plug or slip a bucket under your car. It takes 20 minutes to do it and saves a tonne of money. It takes less time than the time it takes you to brush your mothers hair before bedtime. And the possible thousands of dollars you can save cause you can use a wrench is a bonus.
tiff said:And what of men who don't have some or even most of these attributes?