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Asking the father for marriage permission

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Ashhong said:
I might agree with it being a waste of time if the parents didn't care about it. HOWEVER, the OP knows exactly how much it means to her parents and he refuses. Dick.

Why the hell would you pop in when her sister is being yelled at by her parents anyway? Sounds stupid as hell.

"Your husband didn't ask us permission! What a jerk and a terrible man!"
"Oh hey, I know I am not a part of this conversation but just thought I would let you know, I don't want to either. What do you think of that?!"
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Yeah it was probably improper timing to bring that up. They most likely wouldn't of said anything if they were calm, they were probably just blindly speaking on rage.
 
thetrin said:
I fail to see how that's any more meaningful or in any way different from asking permission. That's permission using another word.
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Ah sorry if I missed what you were previously talking about. You're right though, it's just semantics (imo).

edit: I see what you were quoting is in reference to so I should have read that. I suppose where they are coming from is how you value what "permission" means. Or rather, how literal you're taking it.

For example, I don't NEED permission to marry my gf. Screw that noise, no one is going to tell me we can't do that. However, to make sure the family knows our intentions, to show respect, to have them understand she is in good hands, I will get their [psuedo] "permission".
 
TommyT said:
Ah sorry if I missed what you were previously talking about. You're right though, it's just semantics (imo).

edit: I see what you were quoting is in reference to so I should have read that. I suppose where they are coming from is how you value what "permission" means. Or rather, how literal you're taking it.
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Yeah, that's really why I was asking. As far as I understood it before, it was just the same thing.
 
Kusagari said:
I agree with this. If this is something that would actually upset the parents then it sends off warning signs to me about what else could upset them.
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Warning signs? Seriously? How hard is it to keep parents happy. You've done it for X# of years already.
 
Kusagari said:
So it's a completely hollow and fake gesture, because in the end I'm not going to give a shit about whether he gives his blessing or not?

Yeah, not something I would do.
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It's not fake and hollow at all. Like someone mentioned it's like buying flowers, or opening a door for your gf, or paying for the dinner. None of it is necessary, yet it is a nice thing to do.
 
Ashhong said:
Warning signs? Seriously? How hard is it to keep parents happy. You've done it for X# of years already.
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The secret is to avoid them. That's really the only fool proof way.

Hartt951 said:
It's not fake and hollow at all. Like someone mentioned it's like buying flowers, or opening a door for your gf, or paying for the dinner. None of it is necessary, yet it is a nice thing to do.
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I "get" that it's not hollow and fake to others, but I totally get why he thinks that. I don't think any sort of gesture is worth the time if it has no real use except as a formal gesture.

To me, it's all rather hollow and fake.
 
It's 2012. I AIN'T ASKING FOR SHIT. If two people want to get married to one another. That's it. End of discussion. If daddy doesn't like it, he can go fuck himself. I know I`m being a dick but fuck you.
 
thetrin said:
The secret is to avoid them. That's really the only fool proof way.
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I think a big reason to my own opinions about all of this is the way I was raised by my Korean parents. Pretty strict and unavoidable. You should see the way my mom tries to control her children-in-laws. I am lucky I have a gf who accepts it and tries to impress, even though she and I both find her off the charts ridiculous.
 
Depends on the relationship between the person and their parents. For me if the daughter isn't exactly on friendly terms with them then there's no point in doing so, on the other hand, if she's from a tight knit family then it's a nice sign of respect to them.
 
Ashhong said:
Warning signs? Seriously? How hard is it to keep parents happy. You've done it for X# of years already.
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I'd prefer not to marry into a family, like your example about your mom further down the page, where they would try to badger their way into how we raise our kids if I can help it.

Obviously if I think the girl is 'the one' I'll grin and bear it though.
 
Ashhong said:
I think a big reason to my own opinions about all of this is the way I was raised by my Korean parents. Pretty strict and unavoidable. You should see the way my mom tries to control her children-in-laws. I am lucky I have a gf who accepts it and tries to impress, even though she and I both find her off the charts ridiculous.
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I'm Indian. I know what you mean. it's impossible to avoid Indian family.

All the same, I already avoid most of my own family, and it's worked pretty well for the last 20 or so years.

Kusagari said:
I'd prefer not to marry into a family, like your example about your mom further down the page, where they would try to badger their way into how we raise our kids if I can help it.

Obviously if I think the girl is 'the one' I'll grin and bear it though.
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man, that is SOME girl. A girl would have to be pretty god damn amazing to tolerate that.
 
Hartt951 said:
It's not fake and hollow at all. Like someone mentioned it's like buying flowers, or opening a door for your gf, or paying for the dinner. None of it is necessary, yet it is a nice thing to do.
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These are all empty gestures as well. Maybe buying flowers isn't.

You should open doors for everyone, especially the elderly, and split dinner.
 
If the father says "no", then what?

Will you say "oops, we're marrying either way"? Then you make yourself, the girl and the dad into bad-guys.

It's a silly tradition regardless of outcome.
 
Captain Tuttle said:
Great post. You have no idea how much of a pain in the ass in laws can be.
Swallow your pride (and get used to it, you're getting married lol) and ask him.
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This is fair. If you're getting married, you've already relinquished most of your freedom and pride.
 
Oh GAF I love you, but always trying so hard to be ultra modern. "Fuck that, my grand parents maybe did that, but my new iPad app tells me I don't have to."
*goes to another thread drooling about how cool men in the 50's were*

It's more of an FYI, letting the parents know beforehand.
 
TheAzRim said:
Oh GAF I love you, but always trying so hard to be ultra modern. "Fuck that, my grand parents maybe did that, but my new iPad app tells me I don't have to."
*goes to another thread drooling about how cool men in the 50's were*

It's more of an FYI, letting the parents know beforehand.
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What I came to say. Letting the parents know you intend to marry the daughter is courtesy.
 
TheAzRim said:
Oh GAF I love you, but always trying so hard to be ultra modern. "Fuck that, my grand parents maybe did that, but my new iPad app tells me I don't have to."
*goes to another thread drooling about how cool men in the 50's were*

It's more of an FYI, letting the parents know beforehand.
Click to expand...

Well it's not like I'm going to covertly schedule a wedding and get married under their nose. I just don't see how getting a blessing/permission is needed.
 
elrechazao said:
What I came to say. Letting the parents know you intend to marry the daughter is courtesy.
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I'd never heard of it being done today until my friend met with his future father in law.

I honestly thought he was the only person in the world still doing that.
 
Another thread where most of GAF has their heads up their asses. It is a simple gesture that shows respect. Not doing it when the family expects it is just a dick move end of story.
 
Outdated tradition that has no place in society now.

To those saying. 'it's tradition, just do it'. No. Traditions aren't some golden rule. If they are no longer relevant, get rid of them. Make new ones, don't be hamstrung by the ideas of previous generations.
 
Kusagari said:
I'd prefer not to marry into a family, like your example about your mom further down the page, where they would try to badger their way into how we raise our kids if I can help it.

Obviously if I think the girl is 'the one' I'll grin and bear it though.
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Date orphans then?
 
ShinAmano said:
Another thread where most of GAF has their heads up their asses. It is a simple gesture that shows respect. Not doing it when the family expects it is just a dick move end of story.
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It's more of a dick move for them to actually expect it though. That they actually need to give leave for an union that does not include them. Lesser of two evils.
 
TheAzRim said:
Oh GAF I love you, but always trying so hard to be ultra modern. "Fuck that, my grand parents maybe did that, but my new iPad app tells me I don't have to."
*goes to another thread drooling about how cool men in the 50's were*

It's more of an FYI, letting the parents know beforehand.
Click to expand...

elrechazao said:
What I came to say. Letting the parents know you intend to marry the daughter is courtesy.
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"I'm going to marry your daughter."

vs.

"May I please have your daughter's hand in marriage?" (or whatever the hell is said)

Two very different statements. Maybe not for you, but for a lot of people.
 
ShinAmano said:
Another thread where most of GAF has their heads up their asses. It is a simple gesture that shows respect. Not doing it when the family expects it is just a dick move end of story.
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They key is never to marry into a family that expects this, because that means there's a whole lot more you're going to have to live up to.
 
Let me be clear on a few things. I honestly think weddings are one big bullshit celebration and 99% of traditions are dumb. Its just the curtosy.
I just see it as, talk to the parents on your intentions. "Hey, I want to marry your daughter sometime in the future. I feel like it's time to take the next step and felt like you should know."
 
I've never thought about it and wouldn't do it. If I know they are traditional like that and are super cool I would probably do it. But my default answer is no.

I thought this was the sort of thing people only do in movies or the 1930s.
 
ConfusingJazz said:
Honestly, I don't plan to bring my spouse to Thanksgivings, Christmases, births, weddings, funerals, or other family functions, nor invite our families to the same thing! WE'RE CUT OFF! Our family!
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I don't even visit my OWN family for any of those anyway, so that wouldn't be hard.

I just visit my mom for Xmas and Thanksgiving.
 
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