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Bad movie ideas of my very own huh ?

Okay here's one my friends made me come up with-

ALIEN V: ARMAGEDDON - Basically I got made fun of ceaselessly for thinking resurection was a better movie then alien 3 simply because it didn't bore me to sleep like alien 3 did. So the idea was thrown out that my perfect alien movie would be a million aliens and a million machine guns. That's exactly what AVA would be, it'd be the final movie in the alien series and take place a couple hundred years after the 4th one. Sigourney weaver would recieve a cameo but this time she'd be the robot ! HAH ! and other then that the story would be more starship troopers then alien, you'd have a squad that's basically a clone of the aliens marines and the whole point would be that atleast 1 million aliens would be shown getting killed in the film by atleast 1 million different guns. The only way to accomplish this goal would be to have earth discover the homeworld of the aliens and decide to vape it out of existence so it would start off with a ground assault and a gears of war style substory involving the aforementioned marines. They'd be in charge of deploying the super weapon to kill off an entire species.
 
Pachinko said:
Bad movie ideas of my very own huh ?

Okay here's one my friends made me come up with-

ALIEN V: ARMAGEDDON - Basically I got made fun of ceaselessly for thinking resurection was a better movie then alien 3 simply because it didn't bore me to sleep like alien 3 did. So the idea was thrown out that my perfect alien movie would be a million aliens and a million machine guns. That's exactly what AVA would be, it'd be the final movie in the alien series and take place a couple hundred years after the 4th one. Sigourney weaver would recieve a cameo but this time she'd be the robot ! HAH ! and other then that the story would be more starship troopers then alien, you'd have a squad that's basically a clone of the aliens marines and the whole point would be that atleast 1 million aliens would be shown getting killed in the film by atleast 1 million different guns. The only way to accomplish this goal would be to have earth discover the homeworld of the aliens and decide to vape it out of existence so it would start off with a ground assault and a gears of war style substory involving the aforementioned marines. They'd be in charge of deploying the super weapon to kill off an entire species.
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So, Doom 2 the movie?
 
Here's my idea. A live-action Soulcalibur movie. Directed and written by Judd Apatow. With Seth Rogen as Kilik. I love Judd Apatow, and I love Soulcalibur, but yeah...
Day one, bitches.
 
JzeroT1437 said:
Wasn't there a thread about Madonna remaking Casablanca and setting it in Iraq? I imagine that's got to be pretty atrocious.
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Well, I guess that tops mine. God, that would be horrible. Worse than horrible.

I hate people that have the money to fund something awesome, but choose to do things like this instead.
 
A suspense-thriller where our protagonist must win a nuclear bomb on eBay by sniping the auction in the last nanosecond to outwit various colorful terrorist organisations only to get into an argument over shipment.

I call it 'Sniping a nuclear bomb in 13 languages'
 
Is this thread sponsored by Pauli Shore (did I spell that right?)?




edit; Timedog, that plot seems eeeerily familiar.
 
"Maximum Tough Guys"
By Eric Crudup. Copyright 2002.

The President of the United States John Marshall (Played by Arnold Schwarzenneger) is doing his normal duties and firing off sweet warheads to Canada and all that. But then all of a sudden terror has striked at home. Those terrorists have explosioned the water tower with massive force. Anthony Matrix (Sylvestor Stallone) was a family man who worked for the construction company. He was doing work at the top of the tower when it exploded. His wife and kids died. They found him under the rubble weeks later. He was the only remaining survivor.

Then when Marshall have stopped bombing Canada for a moment to give Matrix many awards and a thousand dollars, Matrix have been whispering an idea into the President's ear. To team up and get the Terrorists! Just then both men ran past the press and ran out of the building in a sychronized run to get the terrorists. The President John Marshall was wearing a suit jacket and bodybuilding posing briefs, whilst Anthony Matrix was doing an awesome run wearing black cargos, a black tanktop, and a red bandana.

(cuts to shots of them doing the synchronized run from 5 different directions. repeats twice)

Then when they were done running they came to a warzone maybe in South America or The Middle East. They saw like one hundred tanks and a million terrorists. Then they looked at each other and high fived and said, "it's party time". They were outnumbered 25 to 1 but luckily Marshall had like 4 machine guns and 10 grenades in each hand and Matrix had a large hunting knife the size of a sword and 18 pistols. They were in the wide open getting shot at and killing about 100 terrorists per second and Marshall kept yelling "I'm the party-pooper".. But then Marshall pulled out 7 more machine guns and was doing backflips and killing 19 guys with each bullet. The terrorist leader was getting so mad at the Tough Guys' awesome killing power. He was almost shitting his pants but then he decided to take matters into his own hands. He have gotten inside of a huge jet airliner and took off. Then Marshall and Matrix had killed the entire army of 1 million guys with there bare hands, and they were doing it with all the hot Asian or South American babes. Then Matrix saw the Jet Airliner heading towards them and he started running towards it. They were about to head on collision.

(sylvestor stallone running from 19 different angles. repeat 40 times)

Then Matrix was screaming and the terrorist leader have crashed a plane down right into Matrix's body. Then Matrix was ok and he continued doing the hot European babes. Then Marshall and Matrix have returned to thier lives and Matrix's family was alive again. Then its showing Marshall and Matrix laughing at high fiving. Then the screen freezes and early nineties rap is playing.

Credits.
 
Here's a terrible idea:

Firefighter Gordon Brewer is plunged into the complex and dangerous world of international terrorism after he loses his wife and child in a bombing credited to Claudio "The Wolf" Perrini. Frustrated with the official investigation and haunted by the thought that the man responsible for murdering his family might never be brought to justice, Brewer takes matters into his own hands and tracks his quarry ultimately to Colombia.

Imagine that, a firefighter with no formal military training takes on international terrorism... and wins! Crazy right?

EDIT: It is actually a real movie.
 
Pair of ex-convicts creates a religion based around a celebrity as a get-rich-quick scheme. Titled "Godblum".
 
AmishNazi said:
In your fucking opinion. Jesus people I just thought it was trite and way below Scorsese's standards. When you haven't seen the movie it's based on and you figure out who's going to die 10-20 minutes in.
smiley_shrug.gif


It's a god damn opinion. If you don't like it take note of it and ignore my opinion on movies no need to continuously attack me one after another.
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I don't understand people who say they don't like a movie because they "figured out" who was going to die within the first 10 minutes. Most of the time, especially with The Departed, you "wildly guessed" who was going to die based on their two minutes on screen and, as luck would have it, you turned out to be correct.

In this particular movie, when 4 of the 5 lead characters die by the end, it doesn't take much figuring out.
 
hancock.jpg


THE DUMBEST FUCKING IDEA TO ANYTHING SO FAR IN HISTORY OF ANYTHING.

I can't stress how fucking stupid this looks, at first I was WTF at the trailer thinking it was about a hobo with super powers then I learned it's just a lazy guy with superpowers that is in love. FUCK ME IN THE GOAT ASS.
 
I'll just steal one of my posts from a previous thread about the movie Volcano...

During the great disaster movie boom of the mid-to-late '90s, I envisioned sequels filled with epic crossovers.

The first movie would have been Volcano vs. Twister, where the two powerful disasters clash when they attempt to destroy the same city. The two would battle it out, with the Volcano bursting up from beneath the ground all over the city while the Twister attempted to track it down.

The next movie would involve another confrontation between the Volcano and the Twister. This time, however, the two realize that they have a common foe--man. They decide to work together to defeat humanity. The Twister hovers over the Volcano, sucking up all of the Volcano's lava to become the deadly Twistcano, a spinning column of molten lava.

Mankind's only hope is to create the Mechatwister--essentially a giant, bladed top that rotates with the same force and speed as the Twistcano, BUT IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. The hope would be that when the two forces collided, the Mechatwister's opposing spin would neutralize the Twistcano.

I totally think those movies would work.
 
i wrote this on my blog:

Elvis' Return
My imagination was sparked in 1992 when I learnt of Elvis Stojko, a world champion figure skater AND martial artist. "Shit," my 12-year old self told himself, "he's be unbeatable in a fight on the ice". This thought resurfaced the other day when my coworkers spoke about the Clint Malarchuk throat slitting. Here, then, is a plot-outline I came up with for an Elvis Stojko action film.

The film begins as an intimate, intense character study of Stojko. It is the year 2010, Stojko, now an ageing athlete, is unsure of what is left to him after having conquered the world of figure skating. He's left it all behind to younger, faster, nimbler, men to raise a family. But somehow, he still feels a little unsatisfied. The life of a suburban dad just isn't for him. Through his connections, he has been able to get a spot on the Canadian Olympic team. Vancouver 2010 will be his last chance to pull off the one move that has haunted him all his life - the quintuple axle.

But the world of figure skating is not what it once was. Skaters will now sell their routines to the latest pop hit for millions of dollars, a champion figure skater's endorsement means millions of skates sold a year. Souless capitalism has made it's way into the last refuge of artistic sports. The worst of this new breed of skaters is a product of the West's two greatest enemies - hardened from the arid deserts of the middle east to the frigid isolation of the Siberian mountains, he does not know doubt, does not feel the cold, and can perfectly execute a quadruple/quadruple on demand. His name is Vladimir Bin Laden, and he is the figure skater to end all figure skaters.

Bin Laden has just signed a tentative agreement with a skate manufacturer that could be worth up to 300 Million$ should he be victorious in the Vancouver games, but news of Stojko's return threatens to overshadow his own popularity and diminish his powers of endorsement. To ensure the value of his star power, Vladimir has hired the Italian mafia to capture and detain Stojko's family, forcing him to withdraw from the competition.

Act 3 is when the promise of this movie's premise is fullfilled. The final showdown between Stojko and Bin Laden on the ice in front of judges, a live audience, and televised to the world. They will stare each other down knowing that this will be a battle to the death with the very future of figure skating in the balance! At which point the best fight music western society has ever produced comes over the arena sound system: MORTAL KOMBAT!! And thus begins the most epic figure skating/martial arts extravaganza the world will ever see. The fight will be choreographed by Yuen Woo-ping and capped off with Stojko finally pulling off a quintuple axle but with 1 leg extended, thus slashing his opponent 5 times! Tatsumakisempukiaku!!

And then the ending sort of writes itself, Stojko wins the gold, everyone is safe, all the details of the plot is revealed to the media, Bin Laden is disgraced, loses his endorsements, and Elvis begins a Martial Arts on Ice show that appeals to both men and women!
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So nobody liked my Alien vs Sex and the City? Really?

Just imagine it!

INT. CAFE - DAY

MIRANDA
So he wouldn't go down on you?

SAMANTHA
I don't know what his problem was. He was drooling when he realised I wasn't wearing any underwear, then he stopped before he even so much as had a taste.

CARRIE
(Squealing)
HEEEE-OOOOOR!

WIDE on their table as CHARLOTTE calls the waitress to refill Carrie's trough.

MIRANDA
Great. Carrie's over-eating while Samantha's being under-eaten.

The girls laugh.

SAMANTHA
So I'm supposed to meet him tonight. I'll give him one more ch--

Samantha stops mid-sentence as her eyes start bugging out.

CHARLOTTE
Honey? What's wrong?

Samantha pushes herself back away from the table - cutlery clattering to the ground.

MIRANDA
Oh my g-d!

Samantha starts convulsing - her spine arches backward as she reaches toward her abdomen.

CARRIE
EE-EE-EE!

TIGHT on SAMANTHA'S TORSO - the hundreds of diamond beads that line her Versace dress begin to VIBRATE as if a bass drum were pounding away within and her dress were echoing the reverberations.

Suddenly a hole TEARS OPEN the dress and a Xenomorph BURSTS through, blood erupting from the wound and spattering over the other girls and their handbags.

The other girls are frozen in shock as their meals are set down infront of them.
TIGHT on CHARLOTTE's EYES as she looks up toward the waiter and realises its --

PAUL RISER smiles and goes back to the kitchen.

The girls look down at their plates, while the Xenomorph continues it's struggle to escape from the hole, being impeded by Samantha's saggy mammaries. The meal each of them has been served looks like some sort of seafood. The girls take their forks and slowly turn the piece of meat over to reveal --

WIDE SHOT of the table:
The pieces of meat are actually EMBRYO FORMS aka FACEHUGGERS who leap up and affix themselves to the botoxed faces of our ladies of the evening.

-------------------------------------------------------------------


And that's only the first scene!
 
Scullibundo said:
So nobody liked my Alien vs Sex and the City? Really?

Just imagine it!

Epic shit
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But where oh where would you go from there? Our ladies can't possibly survive an attack like that, unless-

Oh, no.

You wouldn't dare...

Ripley joins the SatC squad.
 
Here's a few of mine from a thread I made a while back. These are some of my, uh, interesting "game to movie" ideas I thought might be appropriate here.


Mega Man
SillyMega.jpg


Director: Paul Verhoeven
Starring: Peter Weller as Mega
th-PeterWelle_Kambo_7000129_400-1.jpg


Synopsis: The long awaited reunion between Weller and Verhoeven has arrived. Inspired by the cover art of the original 1980’s game Mega Man, Verhoeven attempts to reclaim his Robocop throne with another tale of science fiction mixed with dark, political satire. Shot in 9 chapters, Mega Man will attempt to be the Pulp Fiction of the Sci-fi genre.

Also starring:
John Rhys-Davies as Dr. Light
John Astin as Dr. Wily
Sharon Stone as Roll

Rated G for good fun

Running time: 89 min.





Super Mario
crazymario.jpg


Director: David Cronenberg
Starring: Phil Fondacaro as Mario
PhilFondacaroSmall.jpg

Synopsis: Cronenberg is back with another reality bending film. Mario’s Boston plumbing service is enjoying success for the wrong reasons. Instead of being hired for his superb skills Mario is often hired because of his size. Life outside of work isn’t so great either. His brother Luigi has shunned him for being neglected and his love life is next to nothing. With the stress getting to his head, the manic depressive Mario attempts suicide only to be suck down the toilet into the twisted fantasy world of the Mushroom Kingdom. There he finds the land enslaved by the evil Koopas and the only way to stop it is to seek the help of the Princess who is held captive in one of the kingdom’s many castles. But the real problem is, is the Mushroom Kingdom real or is Mario actually dead?

With Mario growth effects by Rick Baker, a pulse pounding score by James Horner, and a special guest appearance by Shigeru Miyamoto as new character Mr. Happy Man Smiley Face, Super Mario is bound to be super fun for the whole family!

Also starring:
Jennifer Jason Leigh as Alleg…er…Peach
Randy Savage as Super Mario
Viggo Mortensenas Toad the bodyguard
James Woods as the voice of Bowser

Rated Hard R for intense violence/gore, horrific fantasy images, drug use, strong sexual situations, drug use, full frontal nudity, strong language, and drug use

Running Time: 2hrs and 23 min.




Amagon
AmagonSmall2.jpg


Director: Sylvester Stallone

Starring:
DJ Qualls as Amagon
David Paul as Megagon
DJSmalls.jpg
barbarianstwins.jpg



Synopsis: Hot off the success of the gorefest Rambo, Sly Stallone decided his next film is going to be a video game adaptation. When searching for the right source material Stallone came across a little known game called Amagon. The game dealt with a weakling marine who can grow to super human size and strength to fight the invasion of spiders, birds, bees, mushrooms, lionmen, and aliens. When asked “why” Stallone responded “Well I believe the boy represents the common man, the aliens are representive of the oppression the common man receives from random outside factors, and Megagon is the symbol of the fight within all of us to battle this oppression. I chose the game because it’s the underdog we all root for”. When asked “what” he answered “DJ Qualls blowing the shit out of lionmen with an AK47 is badass”.

Also Starring:
Peter Paul as The Lionmen

Rated R for scenes of rape.

Running Time: 2hrs and 23 min.





Splatterhouse
SplatCover2.jpg


Director: Takashi Miike and Shinya Tsukamoto
Starring: Riki Takeuchi as Rick
RikiMothereffinT.jpg


Coming off a bet (in which the details will remain undisclosed) Miike and Tsukamoto team up to create what they call “a career defining moment”. Choosing Splatterhouse as the film’s backbone and a budget that is considered to be a milestone in Japanese cinema., the directors state this will be “a gore film for the ages”. Riki Takeuchi stars as Rick, a man who must save his love from a haunted mansion only to get cursed by a skull shaped mask. Tsukamoto will direct the psychotically bizarre parts of the film and Takashi Miike will direct the really, really f***ed up moments. Miike claims “This film will make grown men weep like wittle babies. Why? Because it isn’t real”.

Also Starring:
Who the f*** cares, its got Riki “Motherf***ing” Takeuchi!

This film is rated BANNED for obvious reasons

Running Time: 3hrs 23min 7secs




Metroid: The Motion Picture Film Movie
TromaMetroid2.jpg


Director: Lloyd Kaufman
Starring: This chick
Thatchick.jpg



“Uwe Boll pathetically apes our style so let’s show him how it’s really done” boasts Troma founder Lloyd Kaufman. After much trouble getting the film off the ground and constant switching of hands, Troma stepped in and bought the movie rights to make Metroid: The Motion Picture Film Movie. Details remain scarce but Kaufman stated that the film will stick as close to the source material as budgetly possible. Shot on location in New Jersey the film will contain guest appearances by Troma mascot Toxie, Sgt. Kabuki Man NYPD, Dolphin Boy and many more. Kaufman teases the fans to watch for “an intimate moment with Samus and Mother Brain”.

Also Starrring:
Ron Jeremy as Kraid
Trey Parker and Matt Stone as The Chozos

Rated T for Troma

Running Time: 93 min.
 
adg1034 said:
But where oh where would you go from there? Our ladies can't possibly survive an attack like that, unless-

Oh, no.

You wouldn't dare...

Ripley joins the SatC squad.
Click to expand...

Well to give you a brief glimpse into the second act. The government realises that they're all impregnated with the derelict life-forms, puts the remaining three into Hyper-sleep and sets their ship en route to a black hole. They wake up mid-voyage and discover what's happened early enough to steer clear of the hole, but too late to find their way back to New York City. Fearing they may miss the Spring fashion summit, they devise a scheme to make it back before they suffer the same fate as Samantha, neglecting the danger they may pose to others.
 
Scullibundo said:
Well to give you a brief glimpse into the second act. The government realises that they're all impregnated with the derelict life-forms, puts the remaining three into Hyper-sleep and sets their ship en route to a black hole. They wake up mid-voyage and discover what's happened early enough to steer clear of the hole, but too late to find their way back to New York City. Fearing they may miss the Spring fashion summit, they devise a scheme to make it back before they suffer the same fate as Samantha, neglecting the danger they may pose to others.
Click to expand...

I'll take eight!
 
Crushed said:
I think you mean the best and the best.


I'm so disappointed that they scrapped that idea. It would have easily have been the pinnacle of human art. At least until actual human-raptor soldiers are created in eleven years.
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Besides, it's miles better than the "Dinosaurs with guns!!" plot they're working with now.
 
adg1034 said:
Besides, it's miles better than the "Dinosaurs with guns!!" plot they're working with now.
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That's still cool too.

Dinosaurs and guns are always cool. Dinoriders was fucking awesome.


Maybe not as awesome as raptor mercenaries with human intelligence, but still reasonably awesome until humanity stops being stupid and realizes that what they deem "ridiculous" is in fact "holy fuck amazing."
 
Ok here goes, an evil genius has taken over the world, only with the help of six men can the world be free. Those men, Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Van Damme, Norris, Seagal, and Lundgren. The title of the movie, The Undefeatables.
 
Gig said:
Ok here goes, an evil genius has taken over the world, only with the help of six men can the world be free. Those men, Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Van Damme, Norris, Seagal, and Lundgren. The title of the movie, The Undefeatables.
Click to expand...

Cut out the last three and you have a green light to proceed.
 
Rapping Granny said:
hancock.jpg


THE DUMBEST FUCKING IDEA TO ANYTHING SO FAR IN HISTORY OF ANYTHING.

I can't stress how fucking stupid this looks, at first I was WTF at the trailer thinking it was about a hobo with super powers then I learned it's just a lazy guy with superpowers that is in love. FUCK ME IN THE GOAT ASS.
Click to expand...


And yet you think 90s Simpsons and the Rapping Granny are the zenith of human comical achievement.
 
Scullibundo said:
Cut out the last three and you have a green light to proceed.
Click to expand...

No! It has to be six, that's the whole shtick of my movie six men, six continents. And when then after that they all travel to Antarctica to fight the evil genius in his lair.
 
pn18 said:
Title: Männerfreundschaften (Friendship between men)
Tagline: Schwul für's Dritte Reich (Gay for the Third Reich)

It's about Hitler pretenting to be in love with Goebbels and Himmler to avoid a marriage with a Jewess...
Click to expand...

:lol @ English titles
 
An Uwe Boll / Lloyd Kauffman co-produced, co-directed Van Damme vs Steven Seagal vs Aliens with time travel and Chuck Norris fighting a T-Rex. Also, zombie robot satanic nazis.
 
I've always wondered why no-ones made an after the zombies take over humanity movie.

All this drama is just lying there untapped. What will they eat without people? Will they develop speech? Maybe a family unit? If so will they go to school? Maybe set up a government and legal system? How will they settle territory and food disputes? Will Japanese zombies act totally different from a American zombies? Will there finally be peace on Earth?

Here's another bad idea:
It's a movie where mankind has colonized space and setup shop all over including, you guessed it, on an Asteroid. Watch in horror as the crew of Asteroid Research Center 368 find that they are on a collision with Earth and their only means of survival is to hurry into production their secret planet drill and break the Earth in two. This sets a dangerous game into motion where both the citizens living on the Asteroid and the citizens of Earth both devise ways to destroy the other first. Who will be first?

Here's another terrible one:
The Botfly: The Fly III
Mild mannered scientist crosses her DNA with that of a botfly and goes on a rampage in current day LA leaving behind bloody victim after victim to spread her larvae. Like Species but grosser.
 
Paper Mache Dracula: Dracula is involved in a paper mill accident, and arises from the pulp as paper mache. Wooden spikes through the heart only make him stronger.

The sequel is a courtroom drama titled Habeas Corpses, in which Paper Mache Dracula faces a class action case for paper cuts and splinters. He is represented by zombies.
 
Revengeance said:
Paper Mache Dracula: Dracula is involved in a paper mill accident, and arises from the pulp as paper mache. Wooden spikes through the heart only make him stronger.
Click to expand...
holy shit that's fucking brilliant :lol
 
Revengeance said:
Paper Mache Dracula: Dracula is involved in a paper mill accident, and arises from the pulp as paper mache. Wooden spikes through the heart only make him stronger.

The sequel is a courtroom drama titled Habeas Corpses, in which Paper Mache Dracula faces a class action case for paper cuts and splinters. He is represented by zombies.
Click to expand...

... front of the line.
 
Rapping Granny said:
hancock.jpg


THE DUMBEST FUCKING IDEA TO ANYTHING SO FAR IN HISTORY OF ANYTHING.

I can't stress how fucking stupid this looks, at first I was WTF at the trailer thinking it was about a hobo with super powers then I learned it's just a lazy guy with superpowers that is in love. FUCK ME IN THE GOAT ASS.
Click to expand...
Did you just fucking doubt Mr. July? Did you?

Oh, and Enk, your idea of a Splatterhouse movie should be in the "good movie ideas" thread, brah. :D
 
Crushed said:
I think you mean the best and the best.


I'm so disappointed that they scrapped that idea. It would have easily have been the pinnacle of human art. At least until actual human-raptor soldiers are created in eleven years.
Click to expand...

my secret shame is that i don't think it's a dumb idea at all, and i really want to see it made. when you have a series that's ostensibly dead like jurassic park, and has become completely boring and by the numbers, why not try something totally crazy? get michael biehn to do a facsimile of hicks from aliens, and baby, you got a stew goin'!
 
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