The other night I flew from Saigon to Bangkok. Met a guy and two girls at the airport and decided to split a cab into town with them. We all got a hotel, then decided to go to Khao San Road.
First of all, Khao San Road is absolutely nuts, with bars and prostitutes everywhere. But as we walked, we kept getting offered rides to some bar where we could see a "ping pong show." I had never heard of this before, but I had an idea of what it would be. One tuk-tuk driver handed me a laminated card with a list of the spectacles we could have the pleasure of seeing. The list went something like this:
Pussy ping pong balls
Pussy razor blades
Pussy smoke cigarettes
Pussy shoot dart gun
Pussy drink coke
Man and woman make love
Etc.
The further we walked down the road, the more tuk-tuk drivers kept on offering to take us there, and the lower the prices got.
Finally we haggled down to an acceptable price. For 200 baht each, we would get taken to the bar, get our admission covered, get one free drink each, and get driven back to where the guy picked us up. We all piled into a tuk-tuk and got taken to a really shady-looking bar about 15 minutes away. Fortunately, there were a lot of cab drivers hanging out, and a bunch of other foreigners were in the parking lot, so we felt fairly safe.
We went into the bar and sat down. Some naked Thai girl was dancing up on a stage with four stripper poles, and some typical club beat was playing. She took some ping pong balls out of a pitcher that was sitting on the stage and started inserting them into her vagina, then shooting them back out into her hand. This went on for a minute or two. Then she upped the ante. She put the pitcher on the other side of the stage from where she was standing, then started shooting the ping pong balls out of her vagina onto the stage and bouncing them into the pitcher, kind of like a bizarre game of beer pong.
We applauded, and the girl left the stage. Another girl took her place. Suddenly, Nights in White Satin by the fucking Moody Blues started playing, and a large Thai man came out, naked and fully erect, with a condom over his rigid phallus. He laid the girl down on the stage and started to fuck her. I figured this must be the "Man and woman make love" part of the show. He started bending her and flipping her into various positions. Eventually the girl was standing on her hands with her feet braced against the poles while the guy held himself up with one hand and one foot on each pole while he fucked her in the air like Spiderman. As this happened, we got to the chorus of the song: "Cuz I love you... Cuz I love you, ohhhhhhhhh, I love youuuuuuuu......" That was my mom's favorite song when I was a kid; needless to say my perception of the song will probably never be the same.
The next performer was a girl who started pulling razor blades out of her vagina. As she pulled the first one out I thought they must be fake, but she used each blade to cut a piece of paper in half. The girls I was with were very disturbed by this one. I figured she must have put a plastic tube or something up in there beforehand; otherwise I can't think of how she would avoid serious injury, especially since she did some dancing before she started the trick.
I was pretty satisfied by this point, but we hadn't seen anything yet. The next girl came out with two glass Coke bottles, one of which was filled with water. She laid on her back on the stage and inserted the bottle into herself. Slowly, her vagina "drank" the water. She showed us that the bottle was now empty, then stood up, somehow managing to hold all that water in. She picked up the other empty bottle, inserted it, then released the water. But instead of coming out clear, the water came out dark. It appeared that she had used her vagina to turn water into Coke! We were all pretty amazed by this one.
The next girl came out with a dart gun. She loaded a dart into it and placed it between her labia. Another girl threw a balloon into the air, and the first girl fired the dart gun and popped the balloon perfectly in midair. With her vagina. My jaw was on the floor. She did it a few more times to thunderous applause.
There were a few other performers as well: a girl who smoked cigarettes with her poon, a girl who held a paintbrush between her labia and drew calligraphy, a girl on girl lesbian act, a girl who pulled a huge amount of glow in the dark streamers out of herself, and one or two others. Eventually we reached the point where the performances started to loop. One of the girls was quite disturbed by this point, so we left.
Up to this point the whole night had gone off without a hitch. Of course, it's Southeast Asia, so we knew it would have to go wrong somehow. As we left the bar, our tuk-tuk driver was nowhere to be found (he had promised to wait outside and take us back). A bunch of other drivers were there, and they all wanted at least triple the price we had agreed upon to get driven back to Khao San Road. We were pretty pissed about this, but finally we found a metered cab and managed to make it back without spending too much more than we would have.
Overall it was a really interesting night. I'm not sure I'd do it again, but you only live once, and I'm glad I got to see a show that so vastly expanded my perception of what the human body can do.
First of all, Khao San Road is absolutely nuts, with bars and prostitutes everywhere. But as we walked, we kept getting offered rides to some bar where we could see a "ping pong show." I had never heard of this before, but I had an idea of what it would be. One tuk-tuk driver handed me a laminated card with a list of the spectacles we could have the pleasure of seeing. The list went something like this:
Pussy ping pong balls
Pussy razor blades
Pussy smoke cigarettes
Pussy shoot dart gun
Pussy drink coke
Man and woman make love
Etc.
The further we walked down the road, the more tuk-tuk drivers kept on offering to take us there, and the lower the prices got.
Finally we haggled down to an acceptable price. For 200 baht each, we would get taken to the bar, get our admission covered, get one free drink each, and get driven back to where the guy picked us up. We all piled into a tuk-tuk and got taken to a really shady-looking bar about 15 minutes away. Fortunately, there were a lot of cab drivers hanging out, and a bunch of other foreigners were in the parking lot, so we felt fairly safe.
We went into the bar and sat down. Some naked Thai girl was dancing up on a stage with four stripper poles, and some typical club beat was playing. She took some ping pong balls out of a pitcher that was sitting on the stage and started inserting them into her vagina, then shooting them back out into her hand. This went on for a minute or two. Then she upped the ante. She put the pitcher on the other side of the stage from where she was standing, then started shooting the ping pong balls out of her vagina onto the stage and bouncing them into the pitcher, kind of like a bizarre game of beer pong.
We applauded, and the girl left the stage. Another girl took her place. Suddenly, Nights in White Satin by the fucking Moody Blues started playing, and a large Thai man came out, naked and fully erect, with a condom over his rigid phallus. He laid the girl down on the stage and started to fuck her. I figured this must be the "Man and woman make love" part of the show. He started bending her and flipping her into various positions. Eventually the girl was standing on her hands with her feet braced against the poles while the guy held himself up with one hand and one foot on each pole while he fucked her in the air like Spiderman. As this happened, we got to the chorus of the song: "Cuz I love you... Cuz I love you, ohhhhhhhhh, I love youuuuuuuu......" That was my mom's favorite song when I was a kid; needless to say my perception of the song will probably never be the same.
The next performer was a girl who started pulling razor blades out of her vagina. As she pulled the first one out I thought they must be fake, but she used each blade to cut a piece of paper in half. The girls I was with were very disturbed by this one. I figured she must have put a plastic tube or something up in there beforehand; otherwise I can't think of how she would avoid serious injury, especially since she did some dancing before she started the trick.
I was pretty satisfied by this point, but we hadn't seen anything yet. The next girl came out with two glass Coke bottles, one of which was filled with water. She laid on her back on the stage and inserted the bottle into herself. Slowly, her vagina "drank" the water. She showed us that the bottle was now empty, then stood up, somehow managing to hold all that water in. She picked up the other empty bottle, inserted it, then released the water. But instead of coming out clear, the water came out dark. It appeared that she had used her vagina to turn water into Coke! We were all pretty amazed by this one.
The next girl came out with a dart gun. She loaded a dart into it and placed it between her labia. Another girl threw a balloon into the air, and the first girl fired the dart gun and popped the balloon perfectly in midair. With her vagina. My jaw was on the floor. She did it a few more times to thunderous applause.
There were a few other performers as well: a girl who smoked cigarettes with her poon, a girl who held a paintbrush between her labia and drew calligraphy, a girl on girl lesbian act, a girl who pulled a huge amount of glow in the dark streamers out of herself, and one or two others. Eventually we reached the point where the performances started to loop. One of the girls was quite disturbed by this point, so we left.
Up to this point the whole night had gone off without a hitch. Of course, it's Southeast Asia, so we knew it would have to go wrong somehow. As we left the bar, our tuk-tuk driver was nowhere to be found (he had promised to wait outside and take us back). A bunch of other drivers were there, and they all wanted at least triple the price we had agreed upon to get driven back to Khao San Road. We were pretty pissed about this, but finally we found a metered cab and managed to make it back without spending too much more than we would have.
Overall it was a really interesting night. I'm not sure I'd do it again, but you only live once, and I'm glad I got to see a show that so vastly expanded my perception of what the human body can do.
