Here I sit... 30 yrs old, happily married, great 2 yr old daughter who's the best thing in my life... and yet I feel so.... blah.
I have a steady job, as does my wife. We make decent money, have a fairly respectable amount left over every month. And for some reason... it never feels like enough.
I look at my bank account, the bills are all up to date. Never late, always accounted for and have a couple hundred spending to last for a whopping 4 days (I get paid every week)... and yet I'm freaking out. Feeling depressed and contemplating a second job which would take me away from my little girl even more than I am now.
I don't get it, life is pretty good. I know I'm incredibly blessed compared to most of the city I live in and yet still doesn't feel like enough. Only recently has this irrational pani set in occasionally.
I'm sort of having the opposite, and yet the same crisis at the same time. I just turned 24, I'm currently attending the graduate school I've been wanting to go to in a field that I absolutely love, yet I feel like I'm missing out on other aspects of life. There are a ton of goals that I set for my self (get in shape, start my own company, become one of the best at what I do, get better with women, etc.) yet I'm finding out that I just don't know if I have the drive to do all that. I hear about all of those successful people who put a seemingly superhuman effort to become the best at what they do and all I can do is just sit there in awe. I mean, I work hard as hell (8 hours a day at school + add at least 4 more hours at home) yet...I dunno, I never feel like its enough. Maybe I'm just putting too much pressure on myself to succeed.
...on a side note to my 31yr old 'blahs'...Im pretty sure my department at work is going to face cutbacks..I think Im safe, but despite have a newborn, Im kinda hoping I get the ax to force me to do something new..perhaps even struggle with it, work nights stocking shelves for a couple months...down time.
That, and Im getting a pair of Vibram Five Finger KSO's to wear when I go to the gym...Im kinda excited about these!
Volunteering is the answer, at home or abroad. Get involved in something political, satisfaction in personal, familial and social lives is all we're generally taught to go looking for but I believe that getting involved in a goal for society at large is needed. Maybe get involved in a political party you support or some such.
george_us said:
I'm sort of having the opposite, and yet the same crisis at the same time. I just turned 24, I'm currently attending the graduate school I've been wanting to go to in a field that I absolutely love, yet I feel like I'm missing out on other aspects of life. There are a ton of goals that I set for my self (get in shape, start my own company, become one of the best at what I do, get better with women, etc.) yet I'm finding out that I just don't know if I have the drive to do all that. I hear about all of those successful people who put a seemingly superhuman effort to become the best at what they do and all I can do is just sit there in awe. I mean, I work hard as hell (8 hours a day at school + add at least 4 more hours at home) yet...I dunno, I never feel like its enough. Maybe I'm just putting too much pressure on myself to succeed.
8 hours + 4 hours? Sounds like you work hard and should be more proud of yourself than anyone whose riches/renown has come easier than that, ie. a freaking lot of people.
Part of it is being married. I'm not married yet, but in a long term relationship that often feels like marriage. All your youth you are basically making yourself more appealing/attractive to women. Get nicer clothes, cars, better jobs, more income, increase your game, date a lot, etc. Once you find that someone, though, these goals change and shift. You know longer feel the same need to advance as fast, and while you probably can, there isnt anything really urging you to.
The kid doesnt help. While kids are amazing, they keep you at home, stop you from buying big screen tvs, and take away your sleep
The important thing, as people said, is to get new goals. People slip back to their 20s because they spent all there life behaving that way and know nothing else. Fuck that. Even though the 20s is fun, you are basically still just a kid that isnt quite sure whats gonna happen in the future and still doesnt know shit. Now that your financially stable and have confidence through the roof, its time to do shit that you could have never done before. Travel, get a vacation house, and fuck around just like you did in your 20s....just now with money and a wife
Also find the time to make friends to give you that needed variety week to week. School forces you to meet people, like it or not, so when you're older you need to find ways to keep doing that. Take some classes and learn some new shit. Join some social groups and hang out
Remember, most people in their 20s want to BE you. They dont want to be homeless with no money. They want to have their shit under control so they can do what they want to do
... and yet these jobs are so few and far between, and often are very insecure/low paying positions. I've been told that "you have to love what you do" often, but I've also been told "your job is just there to support your real passions". While the former is much more ideal, I think the latter is a more realistic idea of where your career will take you. For instance, my brother who graduated last year with a degree in Computer Science who really loved computers (likes to talk about the latest tech/build his own rig's) got a nice job at Northrup Grumman starting at over 50k working on the computer components of their various government projects. However, despite his aptitude and interest in his career field, he still describes his job as "tedious" and "restrictive". However, his new found income has allowed him much more money to devote to other activities like snowboarding, hiking, going on cruises/trips etc. Plus he works less than he did part time during the summers while in college, affording him more time to spend with his friends/girlfriend.
I think that as long as your career doesn't interfere with your personal life at all (via stress, "homework" etc.), and provides you with enough income to support your true passions, it's a "good job".
Yeah, I understand what you mean. I was speaking more in general. Like, working construction when you would rather be a lawyer? Something that is atleast in your own interest and not "because it pays the bills."
The 30's is that age when you've got all the things you intended to get (family, jobs, houses, etc.) and suddenly discovered that you have to keep going for another forty years or so, with no idea what to do next. You can't suddenly change what you want, because you also have a ton of responsibilities, so you have to try and cheer yourself up with distractions, but you've already probably done all the distractions.
Every guy I've known has gone through some variation of this, other than the guys who still hadn't gotten their shit together by 30 and were living out their 20's a decade late.
Some guys get divorced and slide back into their twenties. Maybe that's fun, I dunno.
Even looking at this post I feel like a fucking loser at the game of Life.
Turning 34 this year, spent the past six god damn years with my head down and nose to the grindstone to make end's meet. Over the past three years I've managed to get back on the career path I stumbled into (IT work) and have a pretty swank job right now.
However I still live in the god damn ghetto. I spend too much money on bullshit, which I'm trying to desperately cut back on. All of my expenditures have been accounted for over the past three years. No savings to speak of.
When I think about making a drastic change, I freak the fuck out because I have no education and while I seem to have demonstrated some desire to survive in harsh times (taking on three jobs at one point) I just fear if I make any drastic changes I'm gonna fall ass first on a 36" concrete dildo.
I dunno.
I really think I should bite the bullet and move out of Cleveland proper to a less hostile part of town, keep my job, make the necessary cuts to my spending, save cash and ultimately get the fuck out of Ohio for warmer climates.
I wanted to be out by 35; but I don't think that's realistic with no money under my belt. No education. Some health issues. Etc.
Then I get to watch all my friends get married and move on with their lives and that's a bit depressing as well. I don't hold anything against them. If I had someone to spend my days with by some miracle I'd be doing the same.
It's even more depressing when I think back and remember that as a kid I wanted to be a great grandfather because I was so enamored with my grandfather, and I never had the opportunity to meet my great grandfather; my tiny child brain calculated - grandfather = awesome, great grandfather = awesome x2?! Well at this age even if I started now I'd have to have my kid married and popping out kids at 18, and then his kid popping them out at 18.
As is I'm stuck in a cycle of useless consumption and seeming oniomania.
Taking the cowards way out has been crossing my mind quite a bit lately. :|
Yay! Failing at life.
I think it's best just not to reflect on what you wanted to accomplish as a child.
pretty normal. try to remind yourself of how good life is, play with your little girl, love your wife and do the things you'd like to do...
maybe there is some deeper dissapointment there... maybe you're not attracted to your wife as much, maybe you're not happy with your physical appearence, maybe you don't have the hobby you always wanted.
money is never the true solution to anything (though i'd like too have a lot more too.. like you said: there is never enough)... it's much better to have a job you really like.
other than that.... we're all gonna die, most of us will have some horrible dissease when we get older, life has no meaning (but you can give meanin to your own life) and as far as we kn ow it's the only time on earth we have...
just grab your little girl and go play with her. man, having a kid is the best thing there is. and i know, that doesn't stop the feeling you have right now, but force yourself to look closely to that special new human being that's depending on you to lead her in to her life. Make pictures of her and share them with your wife.
worst thing you can do: spending too much fucking time talking to people like yourself, staring in to some computer screen.
I'm sort of having the opposite, and yet the same crisis at the same time. I just turned 24, I'm currently attending the graduate school I've been wanting to go to in a field that I absolutely love, yet I feel like I'm missing out on other aspects of life. There are a ton of goals that I set for my self (get in shape, start my own company, become one of the best at what I do, get better with women, etc.) yet I'm finding out that I just don't know if I have the drive to do all that. I hear about all of those successful people who put a seemingly superhuman effort to become the best at what they do and all I can do is just sit there in awe. I mean, I work hard as hell (8 hours a day at school + add at least 4 more hours at home) yet...I dunno, I never feel like its enough. Maybe I'm just putting too much pressure on myself to succeed.
Wow. You've been caught in some trap there. You do realise that worrying about that shit is completely pointless? Why work yourself to the bone to prove something to yourself? You'll find that nobody else really cares. And 'succeed'? Mate, if you carry on like this you've already lost. You can do all of that stuff without shortening your life due to blood pressure problems. Calm down, man!
This time it's the "not getting any support on the home front" freak out.
I've taken it upon ourselves to start really tightening our belts. I mean REALLY tightening things. No more going out to dinner just because we're lazy or indecisive. Focusing more on the essential things and less on the trivial and in most cases... selling off the trivial.
But, as I do this.. I feel as though I'm being undermined by my signifigant other. I love her, but dammit I wish she would back me up sometimes. She knows I want to save our money... and yet suggests "hey, let's go out to dinner". I tell her to "keep it cheap"... then all hell breaks loose.
I'm stewing and pissed now because I feel as though I'm going this alone and getting really embittered by all of this. I see the bigger picture.... to be debt free within 2 1/2-3 years (basically by the time my child is in the 1st grade.) I've even am considering getting a SECOND job AGAIN just to reach the goal faster.
I know butting heads happens in a marriage, doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.
And this is my blog post of the week. ARGH. Yes.... being an adult SUCKS.
Start training, like seriously working out. Gives you a lot to do, plus all kinds of benefits open up, its up to you to take them or not. Plus even if you are not strong working out make you feel strong :lol
Another reason is it keeps you from doing drugs? If you are anti drug... You wont make progress smoking and drinking.
Or go on more vacations? I do the above cause it can be virtually free, depending on how you attack it.
This time it's the "not getting any support on the home front" freak out.
I've taken it upon ourselves to start really tightening our belts. I mean REALLY tightening things. No more going out to dinner just because we're lazy or indecisive. Focusing more on the essential things and less on the trivial and in most cases... selling off the trivial.
But, as I do this.. I feel as though I'm being undermined by my signifigant other. I love her, but dammit I wish she would back me up sometimes. She knows I want to save our money... and yet suggests "hey, let's go out to dinner". I tell her to "keep it cheap"... then all hell breaks loose.
I'm stewing and pissed now because I feel as though I'm going this alone and getting really embittered by all of this. I see the bigger picture.... to be debt free within 2 1/2-3 years (basically by the time my child is in the 1st grade.) I've even am considering getting a SECOND job AGAIN just to reach the goal faster.
I know butting heads happens in a marriage, doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.
And this is my blog post of the week. ARGH. Yes.... being an adult SUCKS.
I just think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. You want to be debt free ASAP. You're too focus on that goal. That's good but you're losing focus on other stuff, your loved ones, enjoying life, etc.
I say relax, enjoy life more, if you're not debt free in 2-3 years, so what? as long as you're making progress, that's what counts.
People say 30s is the time when it's the most difficult to save money, marriage, kids, college debt, etc. Most people do not grow their wealth until in the late 40s.
here's a good article about age and wealth, it's from Canadian magazine. But it's as valid in the U.S, since our dollar is almost equal. And after the crisis, the numbers in the article should even be lower
Start training, like seriously working out. Gives you a lot to do, plus all kinds of benefits open up, its up to you to take them or not. Plus even if you are not strong working out make you feel strong :lol
Another reason is it keeps you from doing drugs? If you are anti drug... You wont make progress smoking and drinking.
Or go on more vacations? I do the above cause it can be virtually free, depending on how you attack it.
Yeah, I train. I go 3 or 4 times a week and do so intensly. As does my wife.
I don't drink or smoke... I guess you could say I'm straight edge, just without the douchebaggery that comes along with it.
I really think my biggest crutch is I'm SO focused on it that I'm snapping at my loved ones and basically flatlining ANY spending. I guess that kind of leads to a real dull life real quick.
Im about to turn 26 and a majority of my time is spent alone at home. All my friends have wives or girlfriends and are occupied spending time with family. I was sorta going out with a girl, but the last time we went out was 3 weeks ago, and anytime I try to do something with her, shes always busy.
Im moving into my own place at the end of next month, and im kinda worried its gonna put me into a depression.
26, single, going to vegas/LA next week, and loving life. I'm planning a trip to tokyo, tahiti, and europe. I get to be a man whore again and screw random chicks and I don't have to worry about someone interrupting my gaf/sfiv sessions.
life is good.
if u don't like your life change it. only live once man, there ain't shit after this. you better make this mahfucka count.
26, single, going to vegas/LA next week, and loving life. I'm planning a trip to tokyo, tahiti, and europe. I get to be a man whore again and screw random chicks and I don't have to worry about someone interrupting my gaf/sfiv sessions.
life is good.
if u don't like your life change it. only live once man, there ain't shit after this. you better make this mahfucka count.
I'm 23, live in a great town, have a beautiful wife and work a part time job (best I could manage in this economy) that I enjoy for the most part. I'm exactly where I want to be in my life and yet there are some days that are just unbearable. No rhyme or reason; just an overall feeling of lethargy, and apathy. Always has been that way for me. But as many GAFers have mentioned, living a healthy life style does help. Exercise at least 3-4 times a week. Those endorphins do wonders for bad moods. In addition, reading is a great distraction and can also be very fulfilling. If video games aren't doing it for you anymore, find another hobby. Just do something. Do not let yourself get stuck in a rut.
People often get so wrapped up in what the meaning of life is that they miss the point entirely. Find your own meaning, and what makes you happy. I cannot claim that this is an answer to your problems, but it's at least a start. Just keep this in mind. It is easy to become discouraged and give up. It takes courage to live.
But ONLY if you can support them. The last thing you need is another mouth to feed that you can't afford to.
Honestly, I just had a bit of a 20's slump here, but I'm past it. One of the things I think about is how fantastic the world I live in today is. Not thirty years ago my parents didn't have computers, telephones were large and clunky.... nowadays everybody has access to incredibly powerful computers, the ability to talk to others in an instant.... and I'm just wondering... if that was thirty years ago... hell, ten years ago it was a wildly different world.... what's it going to be like when my kids go to college?
I think 1 child families are kinda boring, tension usually builds up between the parents, the child is alone... I don't know, everything feels kinda lonely and boring. Maybe that's also due to both parents working, and the whole "modern" lifestyle. Two children much better, and more... well it's like a party everyday. Big families are so much better and fulfilling IMO. You're right though, it's a serious commitment not to be taken lightly, specially as the head of the family.
Even looking at this post I feel like a fucking loser at the game of Life.
Turning 34 this year, spent the past six god damn years with my head down and nose to the grindstone to make end's meet. Over the past three years I've managed to get back on the career path I stumbled into (IT work) and have a pretty swank job right now.
However I still live in the god damn ghetto. I spend too much money on bullshit, which I'm trying to desperately cut back on. All of my expenditures have been accounted for over the past three years. No savings to speak of.
When I think about making a drastic change, I freak the fuck out because I have no education and while I seem to have demonstrated some desire to survive in harsh times (taking on three jobs at one point) I just fear if I make any drastic changes I'm gonna fall ass first on a 36" concrete dildo.
I dunno.
I really think I should bite the bullet and move out of Cleveland proper to a less hostile part of town, keep my job, make the necessary cuts to my spending, save cash and ultimately get the fuck out of Ohio for warmer climates.
I wanted to be out by 35; but I don't think that's realistic with no money under my belt. No education. Some health issues. Etc.
Then I get to watch all my friends get married and move on with their lives and that's a bit depressing as well. I don't hold anything against them. If I had someone to spend my days with by some miracle I'd be doing the same.
It's even more depressing when I think back and remember that as a kid I wanted to be a great grandfather because I was so enamored with my grandfather, and I never had the opportunity to meet my great grandfather; my tiny child brain calculated - grandfather = awesome, great grandfather = awesome x2?! Well at this age even if I started now I'd have to have my kid married and popping out kids at 18, and then his kid popping them out at 18.
As is I'm stuck in a cycle of useless consumption and seeming oniomania.
Taking the cowards way out has been crossing my mind quite a bit lately. :|
Yay! Failing at life.
I think it's best just not to reflect on what you wanted to accomplish as a child.
Du, I'm almost in the same boat. I'm four years older than you, and sometimes I just don't know what to do. I'm living with my brother and mother because the economy's so bad. I'm unemployed, and it's like a domino effect.
Since I'm not working, I haven't tried to meet someone because since I'm not working, I can't exactly do stuff like go to movies, play pool, etc... In turn my self esteem is in the basement because of it.
What keeps me going is that I have faith things will turn around for me. It'll turn around for you too. Gotta have faith, man.
I've also been thinking of having a family lately. Pretty much all my friends are married/getting married, have or are having kids, and I'm like stuck in my twenties. No direction, no plan, health issues (diabetic).
You know what would make you feel better outcast? An epic Jericho style heel turns, you could call people gelatinous hypocriticial manatees and suchlike.
Eh, it is what it is. Not the first time.
I have a career in a dying industry. I worked for a smaller place and business flat out died the past couple months. It wasn't due to lack of ability or talent.. I',m actually really good at what I do. They just couldn't afford to keep me on.
I got a couple leads and I'll be pursuing them Monday. One's a bit of a drive, but the money potential is great.. just a lot of hours at first. But I have a friend there and he's doing big money. He's tried to get me in before, but I was still (what I thought as) stable.
So I have unemployment to collect, and the bills will be paid while I'm looking. I'm really not THAT worried. Just the inital shock is huge. To put it gently, yesterday fucking sucked.
You know what would make you feel better outcast? An epic Jericho style heel turns, you could call people gelatinous hypocriticial manatees and suchlike.
Eh, it is what it is. Not the first time.
I have a career in a dying industry. I worked for a smaller place and business flat out died the past couple months. It wasn't due to lack of ability or talent.. I',m actually really good at what I do. They just couldn't afford to keep me on.
I got a couple leads and I'll be pursuing them Monday. One's a bit of a drive, but the money potential is great.. just a lot of hours at first. But I have a friend there and he's doing big money. He's tried to get me in before, but I was still (what I thought as) stable.
So I have unemployment to collect, and the bills will be paid while I'm looking. I'm really not THAT worried. Just the inital shock is huge. To put it gently, yesterday fucking sucked.
You know what would make you feel better outcast? An epic Jericho style heel turns, you could call people gelatinous hypocriticial manatees and suchlike.
Yeah, I know what the OP means. I know a CERTAIN 26 year old girl that was just diapered and put in a crib to nap by her boyfriend. Some people just need an outlet I guess.
Yeah, I know what the OP means. I know a CERTAIN 26 year old girl that was just diapered and put in a crib to nap by her boyfriend. Some people just need an outlet I guess.
Out of curiosity (aren't all questions?) what did you do?
Do you have the ability to learn a new profession, perhaps? You say you're in a dying industry... it might be good to expand your abilities. Of course, that's ALWAYS good...
