• Hey Guest. Check out your NeoGAF Wrapped 2025 results here!

Best Man Speech Thread of Nervous Speechwriting

Status
Not open for further replies.
Oh, if you mention 1 Corinthians 13:4 - 7 , you are allowed to get beaten.

Repeatedly.
 
No Chris Brown jokes.
 
Chinner said:
you should have lots of memes in it. you should have a rage comic as well.
Click to expand...

And a "Dat Ass" but ith a twist, use Summer Glau instead,

1237713320429.jpg
 
tell neogaf stories. "this one time right this lad pretended to have a girlfriend who went missing but she was fake anyway long story short he was banned and had to go ly down"
 
Make it short and sweet and classy. Best Man speeches are usually too long. And remember you are not the only person giving a speech that day. Audience gets restless and wants to fucking eat.
 
My best man speech went over really well last year - got a lot of laughs, and my buddy (who was getting married) loved it:

-Part 1: told the crowd that I wanted to see just how easy it would be to get a laugh out of the audience, so I told 3 corny wedding jokes in a row. Example: "Hey guys, don't know if you know this, but I was actually married once before to a contortionist. Didn't really work out they, she'd always get bent out of shape." I'd then wait for the laughs to die + 3 secs and say "thank you" in a deliberate way after each joke.

-Part 2: Segued into a story about my buddy and I - told it with kind of a Garrison Keiler delivery. Made the story sound super touching and very detailed, and then ended with a big punchline.

-Part 3: Told them how much I loved them and was happy to be apart of the wedding. Sentimental stuff, and then closing.

Definitely keep it under 5 minutes - mine was about 4 minutes, which seems to be a good length.
 
My dad's getting remarried and has asked me and my eldest brother (I have three younger brothers) to be his co-best men. He's a widower, my mum died 5 years ago. I'm really happy for him, and the woman he's marrying is nice and everything but I don't feel any sort of connection to her really. I'd already moved out when they met, and now I live in a different city so I rarely spend time with her. It's really strange to think that she's going to be part of my family from now on, although like I said I don't have anything against it. The issue I have is that I have absolutely no idea what to say.

They're not getting married until April next year, so I have time to think about it, but it's just one of those things that you really don't expect to have to do. I'm 27 and my elder brother's 25, the only weddings I've been to have been for cousins who are older, neither my brothers or I are married. I guess I need to talk to my dad about what kind of thing he'd want me to say. I don't know whether to mention my mum as I don't want to make the situation awkward, but at the same time I don't want to act like she's not important. Has anyone here been in a situation like this?
 
Chinner said:
definitely mention 9/11.
Click to expand...

At my sister's wedding a friend of the groom did this. He wasn't even best man nor supposed to give a speech. He was the only US-American there as well. Really awkward.


I did a best man speech last year and it was a success.
  • Definitely keep it short, 5 min max.
  • Be honest, say what you admire about your friend. You can also give away minor/loveable flaws. And dare to be emotional as well.
  • No platitudes except for thanking whoever is paying for the party.
  • Funny anecdotes work. Just stay away from ex-gf, sex and heavy drinking, other disgusting stuff. Nobody wants to hear it.
  • No inside jokes nobody else gets
 
Insult the groom, compliment the bride, and keep it short

Well, maybe not as short as what I did (Think mine was like 30 seconds to a minute), but people seemed to like it. But its much much better to have a shorter speech than one that is too long. No one is there to listen to your speech

Also, get a few drinks in you. Helped me a ton since I am not a good public speaker at all, but managed quite well after i got a nice buzz going.
 
I gotta give one this Friday. I've kind of thought it through and I'm definitely keeping it short as hell. Just talking about how I met the groom, how he's been a good friend in my life, and then the time he met his fiance. There's a really cheap AWWW line at the end which I think will go over well. But who the fuck knows lol.
 
Very useful to catch this thread! I have to give a best man speech soon too and this thread has already proved useful. I was planning on a couple of anecdotes but will trim it down accordingly. Not really too worried about the speech personally as we go way back and there is just so many stories which should go over well and that seems to be the crux of the speech.
 
Chinner said:
be topical. mention the finale episode of lost and how much you disliked it.
Click to expand...
"You know, marriages are a lot like LOST. It starts out with an explosion of emotion, ends in a church where you don't know what the fuck is going on, and has a lot of ups and downs in between. But what makes it special is the journey. So enjoy your journey together. And hopefully there'll be more Desmond episodes than (insert your hated character here) episodes."
 
"I would like to thank the parents for all the booze and meal, so let's have a wonderful day that nobody will remember. Also, you look stunning in that dress Kathrin. Best of luck, Barry."

Someone should made the best gaf speech of all time from all the suggestions mentioned.

"Broseph selected me to make this speech, challenge accepted I said. First of all, dat ass, Lucy - hope u not mad Mike...."

"Life is like a pokeball, when you are not needed you are resting, but its fight when you are outside."

Plus dont be this guy..
himym-season-7-premiere-3.jpg
 
lol I remember putting my best friend through this for my wedding. poor guy was so nervous.

It helps if you're a naturally funny guy. People at weddings tend not to be tough crowds and will laugh at your jokes unless they're wildly inappropriate. Oh and don' get drunk.
 
I did a best man speech a few momths ago, and luckily it was fantastic. I spent hours getting it right, and making it as funny as I could.

Bear in mind, most people will be just about half-cut enough to laugh at ANYTHING. I got laughs I wasn't even expecting, so don't worry about that too much. Just be sincere.

Highlights included a recreation of the proposal as a wrestling promo and my final joke that recolved around a honeymoon in Bangor. :)
 
I work best when I wing it so I wrote mine 1 hr before the wedding.

I absolutely slayed it.

My friend had two best men. The other guy said fuck it I'll go first then after I went he said nobody could've topped that. I had people throughout the wedding and the picnic the next day still coming up to me about how awesome it was. I had people on the floor laughing and then had people crying later.

Couple of things to include:
Make sure to congratulate/thank the parents
A joke or two
A story you share which shows how good a character your friend is
Comment on how beautiful the bride is
Make sure to end it on a high note
 
Skiptastic said:
"You know, marriages are a lot like LOST. It starts out with an explosion of emotion, ends in a church where you don't know what the fuck is going on, and has a lot of ups and downs in between. But what makes it special is the journey. So enjoy your journey together. And hopefully there'll be more Desmond episodes than (insert your hated character here) episodes."
Click to expand...

Lol
 
red731 said:
"I would like to thank the parents for all the booze and meal, so let's have a wonderful day that nobody will remember. Also, you look stunning in that dress Kathrin. Best of luck, Barry."

Someone should made the best gaf speech of all time from all the suggestions mentioned.

"Broseph selected me to make this speech, challenge accepted I said. First of all, dat ass, Lucy - hope u not mad Mike...."

"Life is like a pokeball, when you are not needed you are resting, but its fight when you are outside."
Click to expand...
I really want to see a video of some ass orating a meme speech.
 
Hey GAF, my brother has asked me to be his best man (well quite a while ago he did) so I wanted to get your advice on my speech. With regards to the stories, I've been told to keep it clean, a lot of old people will be there and a couple of kids. I just wrote down what I could think of, but I'm ok with removing some stories in favour of others. For example, another story I had in mind, was my brothers insistence on greeting people by saying "Han Solo". He thought it was a greeting, he had no idea it was a character from Star Wars. lol. Also, thoughts on the poem? I'm confident with the actual speaking, but it's the content I'm unsure of.



Hello everyone, I'm Al's brother, John. I'd like to say how honoured I am to be standing here as Al's best man, hopefully he doesn't regret his decision by the time I'm done. Before I get too far, I'd like to give a big thank you to everyone who has helped to make this celebration possible. The wedding was amazing, I think we can all agree that Alison looked absolutely unbelievable, Al is still recovering.

Growing up, Al and I were all but inseparable. Many an afternoon was spent in the backyard, playing cricket, football and basically every other sport imaginable. (We even dabbled in foot races against our dog.) We were both fussy eaters, we even devised a genius plan together to avoid eating our vegetables; We would request to go the toilet, take a mouthful of vegetables with us then spit them out when we got there. This didn't happen just the one time, there were a lot of vegetables, so we made several bathroom trips every meal. Our Mum didn't have the heart to say how completely obvious it was.

As some of you may know, Al partakes in a bit of weight lifting. Well, many years ago, when we were living at Ashtonfield things went a bit awry. Al decided to test his strength on the bench press, he placed a lot of weights on the bar and went about lifting it. It went fine until he decided to pack up the weights; by taking them all off one end at a time, while they were on the bench press. As you can imagine, once he finished doing one end, the other end tipped. The bar literally did a flip, bounced and smashed into the window. So that's what happened to the lounge room window Mum.

One last embarrassing story, sorry Al. So, in his younger days, Al would often wonder "Why don't I have facial hair?" He noticed that most of the people playing football had beards...So, that was the conclusion he came to. To grow a beard, you need to play football.

Being serious, Al, you are the best brother I could ask for. Every time I look back on something we've done, I find myself smiling. You're a genuinely great person and you deserve everything good that comes your way.

To Alison, thanks for making my brother so happy. When Al first told me about you, I thought he may have been embellishing a little, "No-one could be that wonderful" I thought. Then I met you and I can honestly say, I was wrong. You're everything and more that I hoped for Al, I'm glad he has someone like you to share the rest of his life with.

I'd like to end with a short poem.

They met at the academy,
They were in a separate class,
When Al first saw Alison,
He couldn't stop looking at her as...astounding beauty

Graduation came,
The two were officially a part of the force,
Love blossomed (and)
they moved in together, of course.

Every time Al visited me,
His heart was always at home,
Without Alison beside him,
He was constantly on his phone.

I've never seen a greater couple,
Of this I have no doubt,
It's clear to me and to everyone here,
That this is what love is all about

Married today,
You have both come so far,
I wish you all the best,
Now it's time to head for the bar



Many thanks GAF for any input.
 
Figure out the major points you want to touch on before hand but don't write and memorize a whole speech, it's your best friend so just speak from the heart.


OH and get your buzz level right, figure out how many drinks you should limit yourself to leading up to whenever the speeches are taking place.
 
No one cares a nice "speech." They want stories and they want you to embarrass the groom, and only the groom, if possible. Stories about how the couple met are always good, since most people at the wedding won't know and it's the first question they'll ask.
 
Chinner said:
tell neogaf stories. "this one time right this lad pretended to have a girlfriend who went missing but she was fake anyway long story short he was banned and had to go ly down"
Click to expand...

Also be sure to mention that time the groom had to have consensual sex with a dolphin's blowhole to save his family.
 
Argh, one month until the wedding and I still haven't got a clue what to say in my speech! This thread isn't helping either, with lots of people coming up with witty/funny speeches, great anecdotes and even poems!

It's so hard to pick a good anecdote you know? Almost every thing I can think of is a complete in joke. I'm so screwed :(
 
Gaaraz said:
Argh, one month until the wedding and I still haven't got a clue what to say in my speech! This thread isn't helping either, with lots of people coming up with witty/funny speeches, great anecdotes and even poems!

It's so hard to pick a good anecdote you know? Almost every thing I can think of is a complete in joke. I'm so screwed :(
Click to expand...
Don't worry man, I had like a year to write my speech and I was stressed to the max the whole time. I tend to procrastinate with everything, so while I had thought about what I wanted to write, I didn't actually put pen to paper until a couple of days before. I wouldn't recommend it, but at least you're in a better position than I was. I suggest you start working on it now. Even if it's just dot points, things that you and your mate have done/been through. Once you've done that, select the most interesting/funny ones and tell the story.

Also, when you're doing the speech, try to simply recount the story, rather than read it. I had cards for back up and to begin with, I was relying on them too heavily, which tripped me up. I lost my spot, then said "fuck it" (to myself) and did the rest of the speech from memory. Went really well in the end, people were coming up to me through the night saying how good it was.

Best of luck, throw some examples of the anecdotes you're thinking of in here if you like, we might be able to say whether they suck or not. lol.

*Definitely take it easy on the drinks too. I limited myself to two beforehand, then after it I had probably 20. XD.
 
me: "So one of my jobs tonight is to make my brothers evening as embarrassing as possible"
brother: "Yeah, good luck!"
me: "...
My sister in-law's night will become uncomfortable later this evening after the reception."

Thats all I really remember from the only best man speech I've ever given :S
 
ConfusingJazz said:
For some reason, I think winging it after having 4 drinks can potentially lead to problems.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I might be entering the dangerzone with that. The funniest stories I have with the guy I'll be the best man for in a few months are... well, not for a wide audience. I imagine those would sneak out and weird everyone out.
 
thanks dudes, I have to do this in 2 months as well. nervous as shit. I'm going the brevity with some 'light jokes'. hopefully that's working out. FUK speeches.
 
Here's all you need to do

1. start with congratulating the bride and groom, say it was a great wedding and bs like that.
2. talk about (or make up something) about how you first met your buddy and why you thought they would never get married/were an idiot. (or if its your brother/relative, you can talk about when he first told you about this girl or the first time that you met her/the two of them together).
3. funny story or two about the guy (or if you are good friends with both, story that includes both of them)
4. Serious ending saying that people spend their whole lives looking for the perfect match and that there isn't a doubt that these are two of the lucky ones that have and that you wish them all the best. Wish them all the best and days as happy as today for the rest of their lives.
5. glasses clink
6. you're finished.

Don't overthink it, its just one short speech in front of drunk friends and family who won't remember it the next day (unless its caught on tape, anyway...but you can just tell people you were drunk too).
 
Do I need anecdotes? I can't think of any, I have an absolutely awful memory, and those I can remember aren't really suitable (not that they're inappropriate, just that they're all in jokes)
 
I killed it at my brothers wedding.

I enjoy public speaking so I tend to be naturally energic in front of an audience. Basically, try not to be stiff.

Be funny. My brother told me he once got three standing ovations as a best man. I told this story first and told the crowd it doesn't matter how terrible this speech is, I need more than 3 standing ovations. They ate it up.

Talk about the groom and only insult yourself. But not to the point where you sound pathetic.

Thank whoever is paying for the wedding. Say it's one of the most beautiful you've ever seen.

DO NOT BRING UP PAST RELATIONSHIPS or anything that makes the groom look irresponsible.
 
Every single damn video I see, the line that gets the best reaction by far is the "so, I heard the best mans speech should only last as long as it takes for the groom to make love" gag - sigh.
 
Just make it up on the spot. I wrote one out and it was a disaster.
 
I have been subscribed to this thread for 6 months or so, and just want to say thanks to everyone who has posted advice.

Last weekend was my brother's wedding, and I was the best man. The speech went off perfectly, and I got compliments on it all night, into the next day. For the record, here are the tips that I utilized that I think really made it work:


1. Do *not* memorize it. I grabbed a Post-It pad and wrote down some key points I wanted to touch on, and kept it in my pocket to glance at throughout the day, and put things together in my head. The speech could change due to things going on before/during the time you have to give it, so be prepared to change things up.

2. Thank the people involved. I've never really been to a wedding before, but wow, there is so much stress to pull off the perfect this and that, it's quite extraordinary. They deserve mention, and do appreciate it.

3. Keep it short. Mine was about two and a half minutes long, and it seemed an appropriate length. Just make sure you say everything you wanted to say.

4. At the end of my speech, I put the sincere sentiment, and as I gave it, was looking at the bride and groom, because that's who this speech is ultimately for. Gave them both a hug, and that was that.


I spent two days panicking because I didn't know how I'd do in front of a huge room full of people, and it turned out that it was almost the easiest thing I did that day. When you really mean what you put into this speech, it comes very natural. The bride thanked me, my brother thanked me, and my mom cried.

Mission accomplished.

Thanks again, GAF.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Irate Black Man
11
361
RSLAEV replied
Best phones of 2025
28
1K
Heimdall_Xtreme replied
Harrison Ford's Life Achievement Award acceptance speech at the 32nd Annual Actor Awards
2
51
704
jason10mm replied
Half Man | Official Trailer | HBO Max
25
340
clarky replied
Unhinged Bios Official Thread
10
133
SJRB replied
Top Bottom