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Biphobia in the Gay Community

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Goodstyle

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I've learned that bisexuals are generally held in low regard in the LGBT community. With gay men, bisexuals are guys who are really gay but are too afraid to fully come out, and with gay women bisexuals are just ladies looking to experiment. Some gay people I've seen have proudly declared that they will never date bisexuals.

Why do you think that is? Is there truth to their stereotypes on bi's, or does this come from resentment in them identifying with the LGBT movement but without having to face the same hardships?

Very interested in this subject and would love to hear from people in the gay community.

Articles:

http://www.oneequalworld.com/2013/10/07/biphobia-attitude-plagues-lgbtq-community/

http://feministing.com/2013/04/03/eradicating-biphobia-within-gay-communities-and-gay-media/
 
A lot of it stems from skepticism they even exist. A lot of gay men regard bisexual as uncommitted gays who have yet to admit it to themselves and others. Gay training wheels.

To be fair, I have known self-identified bisexuals who have never shown interest in the opposite sex over years at a time.. And don't even check out the opposite sex or show appreciation for them... (Ie they probably are mainly gay) So Id say the word has been used in a way that people became skeptical of it.

But oh yes bisexuals exist.
 
For me I've found it's more people believe bi sexuals, they're just worried they can't give them what they truly want (Women can't give them penis, Men can't birth them a child and give them "normality" whatever that is).

I'm dating one now and find it no more difficult than dating gay guys.
 
Is this like some sort of weird reverse-racism? If a man loves a warm vagina and hard dick, who's to judge? By the mere fact that someone identifies themselves as someone who is attracted to the same sex, they're "different" than the general populations
 
Yeah, it's weird. Although it doesn't help that a lot of male celebrities, when coming out, will announce themselves as bisexual and then further down the line as gay, as it's almost like "softening the blow" and it further adds to the myth that "bisexuals don't exist". It's not just in the LGBT community as a lot of heterosexuals also have that opinion, but it is weird seeing as they should be accepted by members of it.
 
As a straight male for some reason I prefer the idea of dating a straight female.

Not a rational stance and it is certainly not a rule or anything. I think it stems from insecurity. You now have a whole other gender to worry about. Feelings of inadequacy and whatnot get amplified.

Probably something similar for gays and lesbians
 
I feel like this thread would be a lot better if you had included some sources or articles or whatever to back your claim that there's a segment of the gay community that resent or dislike bisexuals.

Not being skeptical, I just wish we had a better starting point.
 
I think it's hard to say honestly, OP, because I question if any of those gay guys have actually ever met a real bisexual person. Of course they exist (I case anyone thinks I'm suggesting otherwise), but they have the added shiftiness of being lumped together with a heap of closet cases, sadly.

I can't say I have met a guy who's bisexual, given every guy that claimed to be ended up coming out, examples of "bi now, gay later" :P I think there is a real fear they're dealing with someone who is too scared to come out or someone who will run back to the relative safety and normalcy of straight life, like you say.
 
GregLombardi said:
I have met true bisexuals, and I find it hilarious that gays and straights many times believe they can't exist.
Click to expand...

Yep. Same with asexuals. Once a gay guy told me that people who think they are asexual need to seek help because humans were designed for sex. My brain was about to explode. People think anybody not like themselves is wrong.
 
klein-sexuality-grid


You need straight 7's to be accepted in the Gay Community? That's tough. Anything between 1 and 7 is technically bisexual
 
Id also add that bisexuals have the option of living "heteronormative" lives (which is obviously easier considering our society is more accepting of that), and so many of them do, and they therefore appear more rare than they are.
 
Once I read the science paper that measured how bisexuals have genital arousal to both women and men, I was convinced it wasn't just a choice thing. Before, I probably had the same stereotypes in my head.
 
Fireblend said:
I feel like this thread would be a lot better if you had included some sources or articles or whatever to back your claim that there's a segment of the gay community that resent or dislike bisexuals.

Not being skeptical, I just wish we had a better starting point.
Click to expand...

How foolish of me, updated the thread with a couple of ones I've read earlier. Hope that helps.
 
Part of skepticism, I'd guess, comes from gay men who say that they used bisexual status as a stepping stone while coming out. So they wrongly project their own experiences onto others.

I do have one friend from college who was burned by a bi guy. The guy left him for a woman, and he swore afterward that he'd never again date bi men. He'd be open to hooking-up with them, but he was convinced that they weren't for him as far as long term committment was concerned.
Sucky thing for him.. he was eliminating a huge portion of an already-limited dating pool. I'd argue with him all the time on this topic, but he'd swear that the idea a man fantasizing about women was a turn-off. I think it was a cheap rationalization.
That, and he was a bit of a mysogynist. He'd reduce women to their body part(s).

My college roommate, meanwhile, was a self-described "gold star lesbian," having never slept with a man. She had no problem dating bisexual women, although she tells me that there was a very fierce divide among her friends on this topic. Some of her friends were convinced that they couldn't compete with dick, and that as far as bisexuals of both genders go, "dick always wins.." She'd insist to me that womens' sexuality was much more fluid than men's.

(context: this was in college during the mid-90s. I have no idea how these folks are doing or thinking these days)

What'll be really interesting as society continues to evolve and liberalize on these topics: will "Kinsey 6" folks eventually realize that heterosexual advantage is no longer the huge plus that it used to be? If you can have a spouse and family life with a person of either gender, heterosexual advantage isn't something to be feared to such a crazy extent anymore.
 
I was introduced to a distinction in a collegehumor shared video about real lesbians reacting to lesbian porn and one lady brought up gold star lesbians. Which kinda made think there were a group of lower class lesbians.
 
HylianTom said:
Part of skepticism, I'd guess, comes from gay men who say that they used bisexual status as a stepping stone while coming out. So they wrongly project their own experiences onto others.

I do have one friend from college who was burned by a bi guy. The guy left him for a woman, and he swore afterward that he'd never again date bi men. He'd be open to hooking-up with them, but he was convinced that they weren't for him as far as long term committment was concerned.
Click to expand...
This is exactly what it is. The "bi closeted guy who isn't actually bi but won't just admit it to himself" is an incredibly annoying thing to have to deal with in a partner. Self-confident bi guy? Not so much. That then becomes an issue of insecurity, since you can't have kids.
 
There's a bi dude in my area that runs parties for a living. All he and his girlfriend do are host raves and engage in massive bisexual orgies in these bass amp tube things he built that people crawl into.

So I'm assuming he's actually bi and not just pretend bi.
 
FriedConsole said:
Yep. Same with asexuals. Once a gay guy told me that people who think they are asexual need to seek help because humans were designed for sex. My brain was about to explode. People think anybody not like themselves is wrong.
Click to expand...

I had a gay friend once tell me that he believed either most or all gay men (he kept changing his mind on this point) had been molested by older men as children.

I was like, "I might be the outsider here, but even I know that's complete bullshit."

Human beings believe all kinds of silly things, regardless of their sexual preferences.
 
I've read the opinions of enough gay and straight people that think bisexuality does not even exist. Along the lines of "there's gay, straight - and no shades of grey" - and that all bisexual people are incredible attention whores.

Little do they realize that puts them on the same general level as the people that think homosexuality is a choice. Just incredibly absurd and toxic.

Sure, there's some closeted gays that use bisexuality as a "more socially acceptable" cover up for their true sexual identity.. but that certainly does not mean everyone is like that.
 
I am a bisexual Dude who doesn't really fit the stereotypes that people have of Bisexuals. I'm not an actively sexual person, nor does the idea of hooking up with every human body interest me or is attractive to me. If I'm committed to a single person, then it's just like another heterosexual or homosexual relationship, what gender I'm attracted to doesn't really matter, I'm going to be committed to that one person. If a bisexual person cheats, its not because they're bisexual nor does it have anything to do with their sexual orientation, its for the same reasons a homosexual or heterosexual person would cheat.
 
lol theres also transphobia, minorityphobia, etc in the gay community so this isn't too shocking

"being bi is just an excuse"

lol
 
there's plenty of Bi-porn that involves plenty of people (both men and women) doing straight and gay stuff.

pretty sure bisexuality is real.
 
I've never had a problem with bisexual people, I've always thought life would be so much better if everyone was bisexual tbh but alas, the world isn't so perfect. I would definitely date a bisexual man, seems foolish not to if they're into me.
 
I mean even in the gamer community we hate casual gamers, mobile gamers, f2p gamers,
women (ulp)

Tribalism!
 
I feel like visibility is a huge problem for bisexual people because at any given point we could be adopting either a "straight" lifestyle or a "gay" lifestyle. Being taken seriously is definitely a huge problem and this isn't limited to the gay community.

From personal experience, a lack of education on the subject at a young age can lead to suppressing your bisexual identity, denying it and deciding you must be binary (haha) gay or straight with the refusal to believe that there is a very broad spectrum to sexuality. It's especially difficult when being attracted to boys and girls feels normal to you and all you're told is that Experimenting is okay and Being Confused is okay, so long as you make your mind up eventually when you grow up. So it's easy to think, well this is normal so I must be straight and all other straight people go through this!

I really hope younger generations don't have to deal with this kind of thing as it can really set you back in terms of self-acceptance.
 
My cousin has had long term relationships with women and men her entire adult life. Just recently married a great guy. If anyone tried telling her she was just a bashful lesbian who lies to herself she'd probably deck them.
 
UGGGGHHHH. THIS. I am bisexual. I get so much shit from people about it, especially from the gay community. This is always an issue when I've dated lesbians in the past. They either find it repulsive or try to tell me that I'm actually straight and that I am just "experimenting." It's so fucking patronizing. It was the cause of a breakup several years ago- her gay friends always looked at me sideways.

A lot straight men find it "cool" mostly because they think that means I'm DTF (ugh) or that I'll put on a show for them with another women, *eye roll*. So annoying.

Now I'm in a committed relationship with a wonderful man. People like to tell me I'm straight because I'm living a "striaght lifestyle," which also doesn't make any sense to me....

It seems like a lot of people know more about my sexual orientation than I do. How special.
 
BocoDragon said:
Ah, the flipside!.. Gay and straight people don't exist!
Click to expand...

Ties said:
i think you're wrong
Click to expand...

I mean it in the sense that even if you're straight, you can recognize a sexually attractive guy. You may not personally want to have sexual relations with that person, but you can recognize their sex appeal. I can only speak for straight people, so perhaps someone who is gay could provide input from that side.
 
The queer world is a mess just like the world at large. Racism, classism, bi and transphobia ,and even a weird elitism based on how "straight acting" (a term I find hilarious) you are are all things that happen pretty frequently.

As far as bi people go, I think (and can speak from experience) that it's an insecurity thing. Like a couple people have touched on, bi people have the option to go the heteronormative route and live an over all easier life relationship wise. That keeps a lot of gay people shook.

I have no problem dating anyone that identifies as a man (and I find attractive). In the case of bi men it'd be the only time I'd consider having an open relationship purely because I can't give them what a woman can. It makes me feel guilty like I'm keeping them from a huge part of themselves; again, a pretty huge insecurity thing.
 
BPoole said:
I mean it in the sense that even if you're straight, you can recognize a sexually attractive guy. You may not personally want to have sexual relations with that person, but you can recognize their sex appeal. I can only speak for straight people, so perhaps someone who is gay could provide input from that side.
Click to expand...

Yes considering I have eyesight and don't have a social learning disability I have learned what people consider attractive in both genders and thus can point out an attractive woman. Kind of like how I find iPhones to be good looking phones because of social cues. I guess I must be sexually attracted to phones though by your logic.
 
Intolerance is everywhere it seems. Sad.

Sexuality can be a complex thing and ones preference shouldn't assume they're afraid of "fully committing" or are "experimenting". Maybe they just swing both ways.
 
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