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Biphobia in the Gay Community

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One of my close friends is bisexual with a stronger preference for women and she rants at me all the time about this very issue with some people in the community dismissing her orientation or some women apparently refusing to date her because she's been sexual with guys before.

You'd think that there would be more tolerance and inclusiveness from people like that, but it's a real shame.
 
A lot of it stems from gay men claiming bisexuality as a crutch to "soften the blow" before they come fully out as gay. It's bad and only hurts the bisexual community by using them like that.
 
I think it's hot.

At the end of the day, it's just a label. Human sexuality is very fluid. Hell, even your own taste and preferences change over the years. Sometimes, day to day.
 
Juicy Bob said:
One of my close friends is bisexual with a stronger preference for women and she rants at me all the time about this very issue with some people in the community dismissing her orientation or some women apparently refusing to date her because she's been sexual with guys before.

You'd think that there would be more tolerance and inclusiveness from people like that, but it's a real shame.
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I don't see how it is ridiculous for women to refuse to date her. There's very real feelings of inadequacy that could be generated from such a relationship. "I can't get her pregnant", "We can't hold hands in public without people staring", "A toy can't compare to a real dick", etc...

Bisexual persons perhaps are not more likely to cheat, but those fears can and do crop up. I wouldn't expect people to set aside their irrational fears for a single person they don't even know very well, when they can instead find a mate where they don't have to worry about that particular set of fears and insecurities on top of the normal ones that can enter a relationship.

titiklabingapat said:
I think it's hot.

At the end of the day, it's just a label. Human sexuality is very fluid. Hell, even your own taste and preferences change over the years. Sometimes, day to day.
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Most evidence I've read suggests that only female sexuality is this fluid. Male sexuality not so much. And typically "sexual fluidity" in men doesn't include just magically changing which gender they find attractive.
 
Ugh, thats awful.

Really, Bisexuality is cool, you dont have much trouble to find a partner !
i know many bisexuals suffer discrimination from both straight and gay people sorry about the above.

also not surprised how the LGBT community can be against each other, in the end all humans have an ego and sometimes need to be above others to feel good,, bashing someone because they are not "true" gay is just discrimination, no matter if they are questioning or are really Bisexuals, i think there are enough people to not label them as Homosexual or Heterosexual. Human Brain and sexuality has to be more complex than that.
 
CornBurrito said:
I don't see how it is ridiculous for women to refuse to date her. There's very real feelings of inadequacy that could be generated from such a relationship. "I can't get her pregnant", "We can't hold hands in public without people staring", "A toy can't compare to a real dick", etc...

Bisexual persons perhaps are not more likely to cheat, but those fears can and do crop up. I wouldn't expect people to set aside their irrational fears for a single person they don't even know very well, when they can instead find a mate where they don't have to worry about that particular set of fears and insecurities on top of the normal ones that can enter a relationship.
.
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Edit: 1.) Plenty of men and women are sterile. Not a big problem. 2.) Why can't they hold hands? This has nothing to do with a lesbian dating a bi woman versus a gay woman. 3.) If your partner is so shallow that your reduced to a vagina or a dick, you have bigger problems.


None of this makes it any less frustrating for a bisexual women, hence the ranting. And there's more to it than getting shut down... there is actual biophobia from the gay community. I know this from personal experience. Lesbians can be very unfriendly towards bisexual women. Defending ones orientation is a difficult thing to do, especially when it's in response to your own supposed community, i.e. LGBTQ.

CornBurrito said:
Most evidence I've read suggests that only female sexuality is this fluid. Male sexuality not so much. And typically "sexual fluidity" in men doesn't include just magically changing which gender they find attractive.
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Where have you read this? Do you think it's intrinsic or influenced by societal norms? It's a leading question for a reason...

I have no idea what your last sentence means. No one magically changes which gender they find attractive?
 
its why as a bisexual it is just easier to never come out and talk about it (well besides with S.O's and sexual partners). honestly. even my roommate who is a counselor for LGBTQ teens and adults has said that the backlash and what he has seen as hatred towards anyone that calls themselves bisexual within the gay community is scary. He finds it fascinating as a gay man himself, but he has a better sense of the community than most.

its hard to take a lot of this acceptance and preaching seriously (from the gay community) when there is still so much ostracizing and stigmatization of the bisexual community coming from them.
 
This is pretty common. I'm more of a Kinsey kind of guy, so the vast majority of humans fall into that 2-6 spectrum that is bisexual to varying degrees.

There's lots of baggage for the bi-label, however. As mentioned, most people assume it's a stepping stone. A lot of the time it is. I know I certainly used it when I was younger. I'd still classify myself as bisexual if I had to be part of a scientific study looking into human sexuality, though I'm more on the homosexual side than not. I feel this concept that a bisexual person must be 50/50 split in their attraction to both genders makes it seem like it is a fairy tale. It probably leads to some anxiety for the partner as well, worried that they can't provide everything their partner would want.

I think as homosexuality becomes more accepted, the biphobia will disappear. A big issue was the concern that you wouldn't find a committed partner in a bisexual, especially since prior it was so much easier living a heteronormative lifestyle. As same sex partnerships are normalization, there's less risk for a bisexual person to settle with the non-standard lifestyle.

Honestly, I'd be all for dating a bisexual guy. The propensity for cheating is based on a person's moral character and not their sexuality. It's pretty easy to find unfaithful people in homosexual and heterosexual relationships. Plus, I wouldn't be against some odd experimentation either as that seems common especially amongst people who are already pursuing a non-traditional relationship.

Also, the gay dating pool is so limited as it is that I could never understand those who arbitrarily made it worse by cutting out sexualities, races, personalities (people are never as "straight acting" as they think they are), transgender and whatnot. Life's way too short.
 
CornBurrito said:
I don't see how it is ridiculous for women to refuse to date her. There's very real feelings of inadequacy that could be generated from such a relationship. "I can't get her pregnant", "We can't hold hands in public without people staring", "A toy can't compare to a real dick", etc...

Bisexual persons perhaps are not more likely to cheat, but those fears can and do crop up. I wouldn't expect people to set aside their irrational fears for a single person they don't even know very well, when they can instead find a mate where they don't have to worry about that particular set of fears and insecurities on top of the normal ones that can enter a relationship.
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But that's it. It must be so exasperating to be rejected not because of anything to do with you as a person, but because of that other person's own misguided insecurities.

Especially when, romantically, she has a heavy preference for women than men to begin with, which makes a lot of those examples almost non-issues.
 
You'd think people who are discriminated because of their sexual preferences would try and be more understanding of other peoples sexual preferences.
 
Bisexual women get skepticism that they aren't actually attracted to women at all.

Bisexual men also get skepticism that they.. aren't actually attracted to women at all.

Hell, lesbian women get skepticism that they... aren't actually attracted to women at all (accused of just being man haters.)

Not sure why people are skeptical of people's attraction to women, they are hot!
 
I always figured it stemmed from people not understanding their own feelings and wants, fooling around with both genders til they realized they were "definitely gay" or "definitely a lesbian".

They see someone who has already come to the conclusion that they're bi, but think that person is still in the confused stage, if that makes sense.

My lesbian friend used to make jabs at me all the time for liking both sexes, explaining to me in great detail that I was really a lesbian, and just hadn't learned to let go yet.

Straight friends told me I was just A) a slut, B) straight but experimenting, or C) both.

Lots o'fun :')
 
AudioNoir said:
I always figured it stemmed from people not understanding their own feelings and wants, fooling around with both genders til they realized they were "definitely gay" or "definitely a lesbian".

They see someone who has already come to the conclusion that they're bi, but think that person is still in the confused stage, if that makes sense.

My lesbian friend used to make jabs at me all the time for liking both sexes, explaining to me in great detail that I was really a lesbian, and just hadn't learned to let go yet.

Straight friends told me I was just A) a slut, B) straight but experimenting, or C) both.

Lots o'fun :')
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mmmmhmmm

SuperEpicMan said:
I am bisexual and find the whole "oh you're just greedy" thing really annoying.
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sums it up:
image.php
 
The oppressed become the oppressor, it's very sad to see. A bi friend of mine mentioned this before but I always thought he was hyperbolizing it a bit.
 
Aurongel said:
The oppressed become the oppressor, it's very sad to see. A bi friend of mine mentioned this before but I always thought he was hyperbolizing it a bit.
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It's hard concept to grasp but the gist is that people think bisexuals are more loose, tend to be poly and can't be trustworthy. Or they say they're bisexuals instead of just saying their gay. (to make it easier)
 
Well, as a purely bisexual man, I know I'm not "stepping-stone" gay as I'm not biromantic. I just enjoy a bit of cock-fun now and then, but have never had feelings of wanting to have an actual relationship with another man.

Maybe I'm actually a stepping-stone lesbian, makes about as much sense anyway.
 
Dany said:
It's hard concept to grasp but the gist is that people think bisexuals are more loose, tend to be poly and can't be trustworthy. Or they say they're bisexuals instead of just saying their gay. (to make it easier)
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The worst part about that is that if you're told that at an early age, then you just think, "Oh, I must be lying to myself then." Its very troubling, but I'm all set now.
 
esms said:
I don't wanna make any rash generalizations, but this is my experience as well. I'm a straight dude, for the record.
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I highly, highly doubt this. There is just a huge stigma that you do anything with a guy once=gay forever. This has always been funny to me because I've had sex with a girl but literally no one ever has questioned my sexuality.

Where as women experimenting with other women is encouraged and fetishized and there for more acceptable.
 
Goodstyle said:
I've learned that bisexuals are generally held in low regard in the LGBT community.
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So having an attraction in the opposite sex (as we have evolved to have over billions of years) in addition to being homosexual is worse than being completely homosexual? What kind of logic is that?
 
Captcha said:
I highly, highly doubt this. There is just a huge stigma that you do anything with a guy once=gay forever. This has always been funny to me because I've had sex with a girl but literally no one ever has questioned my sexuality.

Where as women experimenting with other women is encouraged and fetishized and there for more acceptable.
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A misunderstanding, my apologies.

I meant, in my experience, womens' sexuality is more fluid. I couldn't agree more with the rest of your post.
 
to be fair, judgmental assholes are part of every community. Some people must believe they are the winning team...ignoring the fact that there shouldn't be any team in the first place
 
SuperEpicGuy said:
So having an attraction in the opposite sex (as we have evolved to have over billions of years) in addition to being homosexual is worse than being completely homosexual? What kind of logic is that?
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I suppose mostly due to envy. Bi's don't have to come out to have a committed, public relationship with someone of the opposite sex, whereas an exclusively homosexual person doesn't get that flexibility.

Not to mention the whole "letting down the team" aspect. The last thing someone in the gay community wants to see is someone who is also in the gay community in a straight relationship.
 
A part of me is a little jealous of bisexual people.

My boyfriend was bi and we live in a small town. When we broke up he was able to date another girl, and I have no options. So I've sat here for years alone.

But it's not fair to hate someone for that.
 
I'm definitely bi-sexual. I've actually had more female sex partners than males (penetration >_>), yet I'm married to a man.

I just say I'm gay, because it's easier, and people are less snarky about it.
 
Yeah, a lot of Bi people don't think the LGBT movement is doing enough for the B part of the acronym. I think the stigma around bisexuality goes away as people get older and realize sexuality is fluid and you can't box people into one category.

Frankly, I'm more worried about trans people that bi people. Bi folks can usually pass within heteronormative culture, whereas our trans and genderqueer brothers & sisters may not have that luxury.
 
I have a gay (male) friend who despises lesbians and thinks they are disgusting.

Intolerance is universal.

Know a few bi people too, always thought it was cool they have so much options.
 
Well this shouldn't be surprising. I've known multiple guys that initially come out as bi only to say they are actually just gay later on. That's anecdotal, but you don't have to look far to find similar stories.

Likewise, you have girls that kiss other girls in school/bars/etc., purely for the attention of men. And there's of course all of the "lesbian" porn on the internet featuring straight women lickin' snatch for cash.

That's not to say these things are proof of a huge trend in the LGBT community, but gay people are influenced by media and peers just like straight people are.
 
jorgeton said:
Frankly, I'm more worried about trans people that bi people. Bi folks can usually pass within heteronormative culture, whereas our trans and genderqueer brothers & sisters may not have that luxury.
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I think that's part of the anger. Like we don't have to share in all the terrible parts of not being straight. Which in a sense is true, it is easier to hide that part of yourself if you want to, but we shouldn't be hated.
 
jorgeton said:
Frankly, I'm more worried about trans people that bi people. Bi folks can usually pass within heteronormative culture, whereas our trans and genderqueer brothers & sisters may not have that luxury.
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It's not a comparison. I feel like the LGBTQ community could be doing more for BTQ in general. The problem is that the bi community is often overlooked, which is nicely illustrated by your comment. Just because you can *potentially* pass in a heteronormative community doesn't mean you don't have real struggles. Being ignored and undermined is deeply hurtful, especially when it comes from your community.
 
I don't have an issue with bi guys. I just cannot give them a family the way a woman can, and that will always be in the back of my mind, so I try to avoid them.
 
Reeks said:
It's not a comparison. I feel like the LGBTQ community could be doing more for BTQ in general. The problem is that the bi community is often overlooked, which is nicely illustrated by your comment. Just because you can *potentially* pass in a heteronormative community doesn't mean you don't have real struggles. Being ignored and undermined is deeply hurtful, especially when it comes from your community.
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I'm curious what you mean by this. What do you think the LGBT movement can do or is not doing to help the bi community?

I've wondered about this before but, unfortunately, I'm not super involved in it. Outside of getting same-sex relations normalized, pushing for better education regarding gender and sexuality in school and promoting an atmosphere of acceptance, is there other needs that aren't addressed?
 
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