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Break Up Age: Friends or Not?
- Thread starter Relix
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beelzebozo
Jealous Bastard
my experience:
if it's a mutual "we're just not really meant for one another" thing, you're good to go being friends; if there's still a lot of emotional heat, i think you may have trouble not slipping back into the relationship if you're trying to be friends, or--even worse--you may find yourself (or she may find herself) getting jealous over really silly things that friends shouldn't be concerned with.
it's rocky terrain, but play it by ear and use your common sense and you'll be fine.
if it's a mutual "we're just not really meant for one another" thing, you're good to go being friends; if there's still a lot of emotional heat, i think you may have trouble not slipping back into the relationship if you're trying to be friends, or--even worse--you may find yourself (or she may find herself) getting jealous over really silly things that friends shouldn't be concerned with.
it's rocky terrain, but play it by ear and use your common sense and you'll be fine.
oxrock
Gravity is a myth, the Earth SUCKS!
Have a discussion with her about how you feel, a lot of relationships fail simply because the other person had no clue what they were doing wrong. Give her the opportunity to change something that's bothering you. IF this doesn't work or you feel it's passed that point, call her up, try to smooth things over to be on good terms, but leave it at that. It's better for both of you to let your life reset and to not really come in contact with each other for a while. You need time to grow apart, find your routine apart and not be tempted to slip into how things were when you were together. I wish you luck
You broke up with her for a reason. She could put forth the extra effort and give more of herself to the relationship, but you also have to realize that SHE was being aloof for her own reasons. If there's one thing I've learned from life, it's that the majority of the people you meet do not change. It may be good for awhile, but things will eventually fall into the same old trap and you'll be forced to go through with the break-up again.
Just cut your losses, take away something good from the situation, and let it go.
If you really want to be friends with her, do what most of the people in this thread have told you to do, which is give it some time, then see where it goes. I'm friends with one of my exes and even though it's been four years, there are times when I see her that I still feel the pang that I got when I'd look at her while we were dating. It's just going to be so much worse if you jump right into a friendship with her.
Just cut your losses, take away something good from the situation, and let it go.
If you really want to be friends with her, do what most of the people in this thread have told you to do, which is give it some time, then see where it goes. I'm friends with one of my exes and even though it's been four years, there are times when I see her that I still feel the pang that I got when I'd look at her while we were dating. It's just going to be so much worse if you jump right into a friendship with her.
I will go out with her tonight. I am really taking some of the tips here, most say NO, but I'll see how stuff goes on today. She called me last night but I ignored the call, kinda not ready to talk with her... but its ironic since I will be out with her tonight :lol I'll try and have a good conversation with her.
I do wanna end on better terms, maybe not as friends, but at least not without the heavy crying and stuff. This stuff sucks.... but I guess that's how one will grow.
I do wanna end on better terms, maybe not as friends, but at least not without the heavy crying and stuff. This stuff sucks.... but I guess that's how one will grow.
fatigues_gasolini
Member
My ex was a therapist and stated that exes should never be friends. Thats what helped break us up was me being friends with a previous girlfriend. She was more therapist than girlfriend though.
Relaxed Muscle
Member
Relix said:
Obviously, you treated her very nice, loved her much more than any other man. That's seems the only reason, she want's to stay with you. IMO.
If she loved you that much, she would have cared about you in all that year of relationship, she should have seen that you was giving to her too much, and she wasn't doing the same, you give too much and received too less, of course your feelings were gradually decreasing. And now she saw what he lost, and want to recover it, but no for love.
I don't think you will feel confortable and either she, you should give some time before starting again from a friendship.
So, yes, you should be friends with her, but not now, it's not gonna work.
AndrewG009
Member
zesty said:
This.
I've seen it work, seen it not work at all. Hasn't worked for me, though I'm not on horrible terms with anyone. It comes down to the circumstances surrounding the break up and the emotions involved, as well as the restraint you guys can show. Friends should be friends and not "when we get drunk, we talk about how things used to be and screw, only to regret it in the morning." :lol
fatigues_gasolini
Member
Llyranor said:
Nope, she never was. She had an extreme view on nudity in movies and television, due to her ex boyfriends porn addiction and attempted assult of her. The straw that broke the camels back was me going to see The Wrestler with my roommate. She said if I went, she would see me in a totally different way, like I was a pedophile or something. I wouldnt budge on not seeing it, so we parted ways.
fatigues_gasolini
Member
Ceres said:
I told her this, many times. She said she say some but didnt help her, or didnt understand her, so she stopped going. She was appalled at Bedtime Stories because the hotel owners daughter was in a bikini for lengths of time. We were also watching a documentary on bootlegging, and she found the flappers dancing disgusting.
It seems I always get attention from the crazy ones. Im trying to change that, but now girls I talk to just ignore me.
I need to snap this 4 month dry streak.
fatigues_gasolini
Member
Ceres said:
Nope, mental therapist. She worked with mostly at risk teenagers for the county next door.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
I'm friends with most of my exes, but that's only because I went years without seeing or talking to them first.
It doesn't sound like you want to be friends as much as you're devastated by the loss and don't know what the fuck to do with yourself. Break ups have the same emotional effect as the death of a loved one. You're just going to have to man up and get through this without her.
Also: Don't fucking contact her. No woman wants to be friends with a clingy bitch. Be a man.
It doesn't sound like you want to be friends as much as you're devastated by the loss and don't know what the fuck to do with yourself. Break ups have the same emotional effect as the death of a loved one. You're just going to have to man up and get through this without her.
Also: Don't fucking contact her. No woman wants to be friends with a clingy bitch. Be a man.
gnarkill bill
Member
I say NO
but if you decided to, wait a few months. I talk to an old ex of mine every once in a long while over myspace when she decides to contact me but thats it. I couldnt really imagine even wanting to be friends with some of my exes.
but if you decided to, wait a few months. I talk to an old ex of mine every once in a long while over myspace when she decides to contact me but thats it. I couldnt really imagine even wanting to be friends with some of my exes.
Same as Liu Kang here. I'm friends with all of my exes to varying degrees, but it always takes some time. It took 3 years before my ex-fiancee and I started really talking again.
However do realise that if it was a particularly impactful relationship, you may always have to deal with some residual feelings. Some things never truly go away.
However do realise that if it was a particularly impactful relationship, you may always have to deal with some residual feelings. Some things never truly go away.
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