• Hey Guest. Check out your NeoGAF Wrapped 2025 results here!

Breaking up with my Girlfriend, feels bad man :/

Status
Not open for further replies.
low-G said:
This falling out of love stuff is scary to me.
Click to expand...

Change is constant in the universe. Once you truly accept that and decide to just enjoy any one moment you are in, life becomes much more free. You can't worry about change, and you shouldn't let it get you down when it happens. Just accept it and (most importantly) live for yourself, not for anyone or anything else.

Do what you want because it's what you want, not what everyone else wants.
 
So bascially she nursed you through your ugly duckling stage, stroked your ego, gave you confidence, and now you are going to dump her for greener pastures?

Hey man, you have to do what makes you happy in the long run, and if it isn't with her, its not. You don't owe her long term commitment.

That said, don't sugar coat it. Thats what is going on here.
 
Do what makes you happy the most at the end, it is your life and no one else's to dictate. Like others have said here, spend the new free time on making yourself a better person; become more fitter, stronger, smarter, etc. Wish you all the best because there's always the right one out there for you :)
 
TLDR: so basically OP had no swag and was obese and settled. Lost weight and realized he could pull better women. Cold.

Do you have any intention of remaining friends or is this a complete bail out?
 
Yeah it fucking sucks. I literally had to use all my strength to be able to say those words. But do what needs to be done and the longer you wait the more damage you'll do to her.

So dont be selfish on this.
 
She helped you through a tough time in your life and you're dumping her because she didn't give you enough attention when you were sick that one time? Sounds like she is better off without someone like you in her life.
 
Really can't offer any advice that hasn't already been given.

But I will say, it's much better to be honest and upfront, then to drag this out. It's really unfair to her, to stay with her when the feelings aren't there. She deserves to know that you aren't really into her anymore. Just imagine this situation reversed. Would you want your GF staying with you, if she was no longer in love with you?

Also to be frank, if you aren't in love anymore, the odds of you falling in love with someone else is much greater. So if you stick around with her, and find someone else, you are going to hurt her ten folds over. Whereas if you break up with her now, she won't feel it's because someone else was "better". If that makes sense. It will still be hard on her, no doubt. A breakup is hard on anyone. But you can make it much worse. And you obviously still care about her.
 
Tex117 said:
So bascially she nursed you through your ugly duckling stage, stroked your ego, gave you confidence, and now you are going to dump her for greener pastures?

Hey man, you have to do what makes you happy in the long run, and if it isn't with her, its not. You don't owe her long term commitment.

That said, don't sugar coat it. Thats what is going on here.
Click to expand...

lol

I actually hear about this a lot.
 
Doctor West said:
She helped you through a tough time in your life and you're dumping her because she didn't give you enough attention when you were sick that one time? Sounds like she is better off without someone like you in her life.
Click to expand...

He was using it as an example.

I don't know, it's pretty cold but it sounds like they're in different 'leagues' now. Mental problems can be extremely hard to deal with in a relationship as well.

Regardless of the situation, if you really aren't into her anymore then it's time to move on. Long-term relationships often go from full flame to a simmer, but if it's gone out, it's gone out.
 
From everyone attacking the OP for his supposed ungrateful response to his girlfriend nursing him through a difficult time, I'm pretty sure there's more to it than just the incident the OP mentioned. From my experience, mentally unstable girls can be a huge strain on your life. In my case, my ex was not even willing/able to change. Does the OP just need to stick with it and take the shit that's thrown at him?

In any case, have you considered talking to her about it? You say you still care for her greatly and are not sure if you want to lose her. Rather than making the decision entirely by yourself you could be honest and present the situation to her. Although this could swing either way, communication is key in every relationship, as others have also mentioned.
 
Tex117 said:
So bascially she nursed you through your ugly duckling stage, stroked your ego, gave you confidence, and now you are going to dump her for greener pastures?

Hey man, you have to do what makes you happy in the long run, and if it isn't with her, its not. You don't owe her long term commitment.

That said, don't sugar coat it. Thats what is going on here.
Click to expand...

pretty much this, cold thing to do OP, ice fucking cold :(

at least try to help her out, or let her help herself.. she may be giving so much of her self to you as she wants the same in return.

Jyester said:
In any case, have you considered talking to her about it? You say you still care for her greatly and are not sure if you want to lose her. Rather than making the decision entirely by yourself you could be honest and present the situation to her. Although this could swing either way, communication is key in every relationship, as others have also mentioned.
Click to expand...

pretty much this, jsut if she means so much to you, dont end it like this.
 
I just had jaw surgery and I'm all bloated and ugly -- my girlfriend still comes visits me, but she tells me it upsets her to see me. And that's okay, because I can understand how hard it is to see your significant other in physical pain and discomfort, so we just do activities that she can spend more time listening to me instead of looking at me, like cuddling and watching movies.

My girlfriend also suffers from bipolar disorder. She can become severely depressed for months. I love her enough to endure her sadness when the time comes, and I know that my support helps her get through each day.

You're a dick OP. If you don't love her, fine, but honestly you don't sound like you deserve better. Stop pussyfooting around and break up with her so she can find someone who will love and treat her right.
 
She doesn't mean so much to him, people are being too dramatic. People here have figured out what really happened.

I was going to write why didn't OP dump her a while ago instead of waiting for himself to look finer but realized they've only been dating a year, which can go by fast. All is fair in love and war though, the GF should use this opportunity to work on herself as she was not worth keeping for one reason or another. OP is entitled to be happy in life and isn't obligated to stick around.
 
I understand where you're coming from, and there is nothing wrong with it.

Just do it man. Break it off clean. Don't wait. No contact afterwards. The longer you drag it out, the worse it'll be. It is not your fault that your feelings changed, nor is it her's.
 
It's fine if OP doesn't love her, but if you truly love her, OP, you wouldn't abandon her because she has mental issues.
They're not the easiest thing to deal with in a relationship, but if you really love someone enough, you're going to be there for her through thick and thin.

I'm going to assume there are other issues going on that caused you to break up, but no person likes to see their partner in a state like that.
You shouldn't have been annoyed because she couldn't stay long when she came to visit you, be happy that she even came.
I'm not going to deny, I have major depression as well. It's not the easiest of illnesses to handle, especially in a relationship. Getting out of bed can be even a huge ordeal and sometimes even impossible. Getting up to even see you in your state and considering her state, props to her really. I do hope she gets the help she needs some day or at least goes down that path.

My condolences for your break up though, it isn't easy but you will move on some day. Make sure to surround yourself with your friends.
 
Something similar happen to me a few years ago, the relationship was really good but she became very unstable and things got worse when she was trying to made me decide between her and my friends (considering I spend a lot more time with her than my friends). She had a heart condition and she the first time I tried to ended up things she collapsed. I was afraid so I tried to work things out again. It didn't work out.

I talked to her, I was completely honest, showing that there was no possibility to fix things at this point, I wasn't in love anymore. She cried, hold her chest and I felt so bad, because even if I didn't love her I knew she was suffering. I just said good bye and left. She went to my place, called me every single day, went to wait for me outside my university, so I had to get out of town for a week. After a few years I talked to her, she was ok.. I'm happy she is ok now.
 
I guess this is for the better? Kinda sucks for her but I mean its your life I guess. Just don't hate if she finds someone better then you down the line and makes a point of letting you know. Just let it be lol
 
Honestly I would have bailed at the first sign of mental issues. Got with a girl that had severe depression/anxiety issues once before, and I have no intention of ever doing it again. Life is way too short for that.
 
FourMyle said:
Honestly I would have bailed at the first sign of mental issues. Got with a girl that had severe depression/anxiety issues once before, and I have no intention of ever doing it again. Life is way too short for that.
Click to expand...

Indeed. It's beyond draining. I was stunned meeting new girls who weren't completely out of their mind. Like walking into Jurassic Park or something.

Tex117 said:
So bascially she nursed you through your ugly duckling stage, stroked your ego, gave you confidence, and now you are going to dump her for greener pastures?

Hey man, you have to do what makes you happy in the long run, and if it isn't with her, its not. You don't owe her long term commitment.

That said, don't sugar coat it. Thats what is going on here.
Click to expand...

Shots fired lol
 
FrankCaron said:
The only way to really cope with and get over a break up is to become 100% self involved. Start working out hardcore or running or playing sports or whatever physical activity you enjoy doing, start eating better, play some games and enjoy being able to spend your time doing whatever you please solely for yourself, and focus on making yourself a better person.

Nothing else works.
Click to expand...

Absolutely. I cannot advocate this post enough.

^Holy shit lol
 
Relationships only work when there's harmony between your respective self-interest. They don't work based on paying someone back for their investment of time and effort, or not wanting to hurt the other's feelings in spite of what you want from life.

Do you. It doesn't help anyone to stay in a a relationship you're not satisfied with.
 
bjb said:
Man this thread is brutal lol
Click to expand...

It's harsh, and I'm by no means advocating staying with her.. that'd be even worse for her. I do suggest that your next pick should be based on what you actually want in a girlfriend.. and not just what you're able to settle for at that time.
 
Tex117 said:
So bascially she nursed you through your ugly duckling stage, stroked your ego, gave you confidence, and now you are going to dump her for greener pastures?

Hey man, you have to do what makes you happy in the long run, and if it isn't with her, its not. You don't owe her long term commitment.

That said, don't sugar coat it. Thats what is going on here.
Click to expand...

wow these were exactly my thoughts when i read the OP lol

"I don't think either of us want it to end"

Give me a break. Seems more like she doesn't want to break up with you but you want to break up with her. And I don't think your a bad person for this, if you don't feel the same way about her then it is what it is. It's happened to me before and I've struggled with these same decisions too but you got to own up to it and not twist things and make a sob story where you feel sorry for yourself or something.
 
Even if you just hold on until after Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day is just around the corner.
 
Tex117 said:
So bascially she nursed you through your ugly duckling stage, stroked your ego, gave you confidence, and now you are going to dump her for greener pastures?

Hey man, you have to do what makes you happy in the long run, and if it isn't with her, its not. You don't owe her long term commitment.

That said, don't sugar coat it. Thats what is going on here.
Click to expand...


Pretty much this. You were fat and sad, now you realize you can do better eh?
 
Sounds a lot like my situation. My girlfriend is a borderline hypochondriac, super sensitive (not receptive to any sort of criticism), depressed, anxiety, daddy issues, divorced parent issues, always sick, sometimes seems kinda bipolar, needy like an infant, etc. At first all those things were kinda endearing... well... some of them. Some just didn't bother me. Fast forward a year and its like I just want to yell at her, "You're 28 years old! Your parents are divorced and your dad is remarrying and spending more time with his fiance's kids... so what? Grow the fuck up!" Sometimes I feel she's just a dark cloud in my life. She's rarely happy. She never just sucks it up. She's always compaining about how bad she feels... but claims she is sucking it up and dealing with it. Complaining every hour of every day isn't sucking it up. It seems like there's absolutely nothing happy and positive coming from her at all. I feel like I'm dating Eeyore.
 
I know that feel, bro.

I had to look for your username in case it was me writing this thread.

Whatever you do, don't go back to her after the break-up. You'll feel sorry for her, miss her, and remember the good times. Eventually you'll believe you fucked up dumping her, and will ask for another chance. She'll accept.

And thus the story repeats...

I wasn't fat at the beginning though.
 
Dali said:
Sounds a lot like my situation. My girlfriend is a borderline hypochondriac, super sensitive (not receptive to any sort of criticism), depressed, anxiety, daddy issues, divorced parent issues, always sick, sometimes seems kinda bipolar, needy like an infant, etc. At first all those things were kinda endearing... well... some of them. Some just didn't bother me. Fast forward a year and its like I just want to yell at her, "You're 28 years old! Your parents are divorced and your dad is remarrying and spending more time with his fiance's kids... so what? Grow the fuck up!" Sometimes I feel she's just a dark cloud in my life. She's rarely happy. She never just sucks it up. She's always compaining about how bad she feels... but claims she is sucking it up and dealing with it. Complaining every hour of every day isn't sucking it up. It seems like there's absolutely nothing happy and positive coming from her at all. I feel like I'm dating Eeyore.
Click to expand...

Dude discuss this seriously with her and fix it or break up.
 
I've been through this exact same thing last August. It's really one of the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but for both of you, do it.
 
Nyx said:
So she helped you out when you were down with your weight-problems, but now that she has an anxiety/depression-problem you jump ship?
Click to expand...
She's always had these depression issues, I looked at some of her Facebook posts the other week from before we met, she was at a real dark place. She's worlds better now then she was when we started going out. I wouldn't be leaving her cause of that but more the uncertainty of what I will get out of life if I stay I guess. Her depression makes things hard true but it's not the only thing.
Kyoufu said:
Misleading thread title.

You don't sound like you feel bad about it at all.
Click to expand...
Oh I feel bad, tears flow pretty badly on my end when I even think about hurting her
marrec said:
Maybe her anxiety/depression stems from being in a relationship where her affections are not mutual?
Click to expand...
See above, it's a issue she's had her whole life

Macmanus said:
He's not happy and questions if he even loves her still. That will eat away at you, then eventually your partner. Its poison.
Click to expand...
Yup, and I love her as a person and honestly think if we do make it past this we could be really good friends
Skeyser said:
Just curious, how old are you, OP?
Click to expand...
30, so is she, we are both really shy quiet people, very similar personalities, it's just I've grown and changed alot over the last year
YoungHav said:
TLDR: so basically OP had no swag and was obese and settled. Lost weight and realized he could pull better women. Cold.

Do you have any intention of remaining friends or is this a complete bail out?
Click to expand...
its got nothing to do with finding a better goal, there are just things I want out of life that she doesn't really want (kids is the big one) I don't think I could meet a girl as amazing as her ever again but the small problems sort of snowball.

MDSLKTR said:
What's op gonna do when he becomes fat again lol
Click to expand...
You know I'd be impressed if I put on 45 kilos again, having gastric banding makes putting the weight back on kinda hard :p me losing all the weight has nothing to do with her, I had the op a few months prior to meeting her

SuperÑ;47684059 said:
I know that feel, bro.

I had to look for your username in case it was me writing this thread.

Whatever you do, don't go back to her after the break-up. You'll feel sorry for her, miss her, and remember the good times. Eventually you'll believe you fucked up dumping her, and will ask for another chance. She'll accept.

And thus the story repeats...

I wasn't fat at the beginning though.
Click to expand...
We sort of broke up for a week mid last year but I felt soo bad about it and we got back together to try and work everything out, it was fine for a while but there have been many ups and down.

The hardest thing about dating someone with depression and anxiety issues is I feel stressed that something will set her off and my personality is that is people are not happy I work my hardest to cheer them up, and it gets really draining. It gets to the point that I don't look forward to seeing her just cause I worry something will happen and she'll have a panic attack.
 
You think that's bad? I was in a relationship with my ex for three years. I loved her deeply and the sex was great. I was the first one to make her orgasm, ever. We connected in many ways. It just seemed so natural.

Then she broke up with me.

Breakups are rough but at least you had the advantage of being the one who wanted to move on.
 
The Abominable Snowman said:
I base my breakups on their relationships with their father.

If she's close with her father, I take 'em out to a nice restaurant where they cant cause a scene, and get them a cab home

If not, then I just block their calls. They're used to abandonment anyway.

Best of luck, OP.
Click to expand...

So good.

Rash said:
You think that's bad? I was in a relationship with my ex for three years. I loved her deeply and the sex was great. I was the first one to make her orgasm, ever. We connected in many ways. It just seemed so natural.

Then she broke up with me.

Breakups are rough but at least you had the advantage of being the one who wanted to move on.
Click to expand...

there is obviously more to this story.
 
Which is the proper way to end a relationship with someone you love and care about, someone that has never harmed you in any way, without making her suffer, knowing this person will insist and ask for another chance and beg me to 'fight for our love' when i already know i can not be completely happy and that she is not 'the one'.

:'(
 
Worthintendo said:
its got nothing to do with finding a better goal, there are just things I want out of life that she doesn't really want (kids is the big one) I don't think I could meet a girl as amazing as her ever again but the small problems sort of snowball
Click to expand...
alright Worth, you've successfully defended my assumptions. Kids truly are a deal breaker. YOLO, so you are entitled to being happy in this life.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Feels Bad, Man
2
56
2K
Redneckerz replied
LTTP - Breaking Bad
Opinion Spoilers Drama 
42
573
lughnasadh123 replied
I think my girlfriend is cheating on me , should i just break up with her ?
2 3 4 5 6
270
4K
ConkerTheSquirrel. replied
Dinged up my car GAF. Few feelings are worse 😭
Drama  2
56
454
BennyBlanco replied
UK is bad with their surveillance, Meanwhile in S.Korea
Opinion 
1
189
YCoCg replied
Top Bottom