Support NeoGAF

[FloatOn]

at what point does poking fun in a circle of friends go too far?

is there one friend in your circle of friends that gets the majority of it? Do you feel empathy for this person or do you feel that it is deserved?

I feel as though some people in my life have been excessively exposed to this phenomenon. I'm not a sociology major but it seems that this is some kind of method to establish order in a friend group.

I know that there is humor to be had in sarcasm and lighthearted teasing to some degree. I'm just trying to determine if there is a line that shouldn't be crossed and what exactly that is.

I'm curious about the gaf concensus because it seems like this takes place here to some degree as well (although the moderators do an excellent job of keeping it in check).

 

[MC Safety]

If the group dynamic consists of mocking someone to gain some sort of real or perceived advantage, then the dynamic isn't working.

If it's standard operating procedure to make fun, you can exclude the idea that it's good-natured.

 

[Omegasquash]

"Ball busting" is only appropriate if everyone is getting it, and it can't be about anything serious. When it hurts feelings, it's inappropriate, and you should say something.

Edit: I'll give an example. I catch a little shit when I grill because I once blurted out that if there's meat in front of me, it's gotta go in my mouth. Doesn't bother me, but it always comes up, so I laugh and tell them to sit the fuck down and enjoy my meat in their mouths (because I'm the goddamn grill guy and they're usually eating wings, burgers and dogs that I cook).

I dunno. I figure if the person getting it isn't laughing too, you apologize and don't do it anymore.

 

[FriedConsole]

I am usually the focus of jokes. I don't care. Nothing a friend says bothers me. People make jokes about my nose being big, no muscles, and never have sex and I don't care.

Just gotta know everyone's sensitivity on certain things. You gotta learn to take a joke but I understand some people have sensitive points.

Some people will be sensitive about things you may say just inadvertently and I can't deal with that. And worse won't say anything to you directly. Sorry we are not going to be friends.

 

[John Kowalski]

i think you should ask someone before you bust their balls, common sm courtesy

 

[SonnyBoy]

There's nothing wrong with it, if it works for your group of friends. However, you should definitely be aware of new/other people who may be exposed to it.

 

[Bread]

I bust balls all day long but if somebody tries to bust my balls I say hey that's going too far don't bust my balls

 

[DopeToast]

My entire group of friends survives on this sort of thing, and I'd like to think we usually keep it in check. Certain people pick on others too much, I'm certainly sometimes guilty of this, but I try to call people out when they are being genuine dicks and I hope they do the same to me when I cross the line.

 

[studyguy]

Part of what makes the whole dynamic work in groups I've been in is dudes will at least own up to going too far. If a dude is going to end up catching feelings over a joke then either they just make a quick apology of it and it's dropped right there or someone makes an equally bad joke in their defense.

Honestly I can't recall the last time I had someone get genuinely angry over a topic within my circle of friends.

 

[XT Vengeance]

My entire group of friends participates in this. It is generally all in good fun. One of my friends gets the most of it, but he has done more stupid shit than the rest. Not to mention shitting his pants on an almost regular basis.

 

[Omegasquash]

I am usually the focus of jokes. I don't care. Nothing a friend says bothers me. People make jokes about my nose being big, no muscles, and never have sex and I don't care.

See that seems too personal to me. If someone were saying that I figure it's pecking order BS. Probably overreacting a little, but still...there's wittier ways to have fun at someone's expense than by making it personal.

 

[Dabanton]

There has to be an understanding that it's all in good fun. Me and my friends love ball busting each other we have known each other for a long time so while it may get personal it's always pretty funny.

 

[Tesseract]

it keeps you sharp, imobbq it's an important socioevopasta phenomena that lead to the permanent settlement of sumer and thus the eventuality of space travel

draw a line, cum chumps

 

[tirminyl]

I am the subject to race jokes because I am the only black guy in my circle of friends but I have a brown friend (Indian) who I team up with. We all make fun of eachother (I make fun of myself) and give one another crap but it never goes too far.

 

[kirblar]

Part of what makes the whole dynamic work in groups I've been in is dudes will at least own up to going too far. If a dude is going to end up catching feelings over a joke then either they just make a quick apology of it and it's dropped right there or someone makes an equally bad joke in their defense.

Honestly I can't recall the last time I had someone get genuinely angry over a topic within my circle of friends.

Yeah, if a guy doesn't understand to back off/apologize when that happens, it's a massive red flag.

 

[Adam_Roman]

There's only one person in my group of friends who really does this, and he's awesome to hang out with one-on-one, but when there's even just one more person around, he just starts bashing me nonstop. I have a hard time even getting one sentence out and it's just gotten to the point where I tend to not hang out with him in groups anymore.

 

[FriedConsole]

See that seems too personal to me. If someone were saying that I figure it's pecking order BS. Probably overreacting a little, but still...there's wittier ways to have fun at someone's expense than by making it personal.

Maybe for you but not me and that is fine. I understand not everybody takes those jokes that is why I don't do those type of jokes with everyone. Grew up in a big family. We were raised on that crap. I find it fun.

"Pecking Order" sounds like some crap that happens among kids. No I am an adult.

 

[Raiden]

I'm one of those guys that will hapilly bust other peoples balls but when they do mine i up the level and usually go too far and end up apologizing.

I'm not perfect.

 

[DonasaurusRex]

My issue with the jokes is theres always someone who has ...just no comedic sense they go too far with something that just isn't funny and its like see...now we have to stop telling jokes for a minute. LOL

 

[-PXG-]

There is unspoken etiquette to ball busting. It should be a two way street. You gotta learn how to take it and dish it out

 

[FriedConsole]

My issue with the jokes is theres always someone who has ...just no comedic sense they go too far with something that just isn't funny and its like see...now we have to stop telling jokes for a minute. LOL

Yep jokes from unfunny people just come off as insults. Some people should just accept not being funny.

 

[Anura]

When playing games on rotation (like in fighters the loser gives up his/her spot) the people playing instantly become the worst players ever and are just cheesing. At least according to the rest of the group not playing, lol

 

[dragonelite]

There is unspoken etiquette to ball busting. It should be a two way street. You gotta learn how to take it and dish it out

this..

 

[kehs]

"Hey remember that time you caught your wife in bed with me, good times"

 

[Rayis]

I've always hated this kind of socialization, and it's almost always among predominately male groups (in b4 my female friends also participate) needless to say, I don't like it, I can take a joke but when someone is trying to assert a hierarchy in a group of friends and it ends up with someone taking the brunt of the jokes, it serves nothing but to increase the ego of the person or people dishing out the jokes at the expense of someone else.

 

[Marc13]

I always felt that people who constantly knock others are insecure with themselves. A joke here and there is fine but always downing someone else to seem "cool" is over compensation.

If you're being picked on within a group, ignore/don't react to any insults the next couple people make.

 

[Omegasquash]

"Hey remember that time you caught your wife in bed with me, good times"

"Hold up man, I need to take this call, it's your mom."

 

[Tesseract]

"Hold up man, I need to take this call, it's your mom."

my mom's dead ... sexy

 

[GifGafIsTheBestGaf]

if you bust balls you gotta be fine in the receiving end too

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I get mocked the most and I don't particularly care cause I still like my friends.

So I guess that's that.

 

[John Kowalski]

cum chumps

this makes me very uncomfortable

 

[Uncle_Classy]

In a group of close friends who are all aware of each other's limits and tolerances, ragging on each other is fine, so long as it's not malicious and everyone gets their fair share of it.

The whole phenomenon of getting shit on and singled out by some person in a group who is usually fine in one-on-one situations is really annoying, though.

 

[Tesseract]

this makes me very uncomfortable

i apologize, jk.

get it ?!

gawt dayum, busting yer bawls

 

[Choomp]

If the group dynamic consists of mocking someone to gain some sort of real or perceived advantage, then the dynamic isn't working.

If it's standard operating procedure to make fun, you can exclude the idea that it's good-natured.

Yeah, if it's all in good fun then it should be fine. If you just want to make fun of one guy and he's not in your group of friends for any reason besides that, you probably should rethink the whole group thing.

 

[FUBAR McDangles]

Funny coincidence, I just watched a few episodes of Rescue Me where ball busting went a bit too far and they ended up getting in trouble.

Personally, between my friends and I there is really nothing going too far. We have been friends for almost 15 years and at this point it's like fuck it. It's all a joke and we all know it. Just trying to have fun.

 

[blame space]

really getting sick of people busting my balls

 

[John Kowalski]

i apologize, jk.

get it ?!

gawt dayum, busting yer bawls

feynman rollin on his grave

 

[shuri]

OP, Imagine what they say about you when you aren't there.

t first this kind of situation is interesting, but with time it will become super toxic and is going to cause a breakdown. Every group of friend has that cycle.

My current group of friends is starting to become toxic because of this. They would always crack jokes about this one guy who is super nice but lives a very quiet life, he lives with his dogs and take care of his mom who is now very old (80yo+), anyhow the jokes started about how he's living the bachelor's life, then with time it started about how cheap he was, how come he never has a girlfriend or never bring girls to our happening, and then two weeks ago; the conversation started being about kids and how parenting is nowadays, and the guy gave his opinion about it and he was right away blasted by his 'best friend' who made fun of the fact that he was 40yo, single with no kids and that he should stfu about giving advice about family life because of that.

You could see that he was really hurt by this comment. He left shortly thereafter and right away people started talking about how the dude was probably rich as fuck because of his lifestyle and people started joking about him hiring escorts and that his life probably was all about his job, his dogs and 'dem hoes'. I quickly left, I couldn't stand any of that shit. They were also starting to start shit about other people that sometime hangs out with us.

I'm considering cutting ties with those people because of this. They are not honorable.

 

[MIMIC]

One guy picking on one guy, or EVERYONE (or the majority) picking on one guy?

If the former, then jump in and bust THEIR balls. If the latter then...well...that sucks, lol. But at some point, you have to unleash that clever, witty retort that'll get everyone off your back.

Happens all the time in my circles of friends. But certainly there's never anything vicious being done.

 

[PeskyToaster]

my friends are some of the funniest people I know and we are, by most standards, horrible people to each other. My sister says we are the meanest people to each other and that it's bizarre, but we've all been friends since like elementary school (in college now) so it's probably solidified our friendship more than anything.

We have tact though so it's not like a really awkward thing for new people.

 

[FriedConsole]

the conversation started being about kids and how parenting is nowadays, and the guy gave his opinion about it and he was right away blasted by his 'best friend' who made fun of the fact that he was 40yo, single with no kids and that he should stfu about giving advice about family life because of that.

Depends on how it was done but "busting balls" can be a more polite way of telling somebody to STFU. I do it all the time among friends when they talk about politics and religion because I find those topics boring. It would be awkward if I just started saying "this conversation is fucking boring". I wish I could use "busting balls" in the work setting to get somebody off of politics and religion but there is really no way out and I get stuck in a one way conversation with somebody ranting to me.

Not to be off topic but as somebody without kids I know my parenting advice is unwanted and am just quiet during that conversation or I just make bad jokes like "you should chain them in the basement".

 

[MIMIC]

my friends are some of the funniest people I know and we are, by most standards, horrible people to each other. My sister says we are the meanest people to each other and that it's bizarre, but we've all been friends since like elementary school (in college now) so it's probably solidified our friendship more than anything.

We have tact though so it's not like a really awkward thing for new people.

Sounds like how my father and mother view the relationship I have with my brother. We talk down to each other on a CONSTANT basis. My mother and father HATE it but between my brother and I, we're just joking. And we always laugh about it later.

I think they hate it because growing up, my mom never got along with her sisters (and it spilled over to my dad after they got married)

 

[iuxion]

But at some point, you have to unleash that clever, witty retort that'll get everyone off your back.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nB2Fc5ZJRds

 

[MrChom]

There's a socially accepted level of mockery, and also a similar level of self deprecation. If I think someone's been picked on too hard then I step in and redirect, usually to either myself or the person taking the mick. I've spent a lot of time getting together a group of friends who all share the same rules...and we're all comfortable enough with each other that if we said "Seriously, please don't joke about that" then that topic is off limits forever (Exception 1. You do not get to choose your nickname, Exception 2. You have to mean it)

Then again I know myself and my friends have a weird dynamic, we're all bound by our common love of sarcasm, awful puns, and DARK humour. Particularly good zingers will always be noted by drawing one more on an imaginary scoreboard....

 

[Ikael]

Frankly, I've got quite used to be on both recieving ends of "ball-busting",ad I find it amusing. Yes, it is a form of "soft dominance", but when it's shifting between various members rather than being one-sided, it's all in good sport and you can get out a good laugh out of it. It's refreshing to be able to "put down your armour" once in a while.

 

[studyguy]

Depends on how it was done but "busting balls" can be a more polite way of telling somebody to STFU.

Honestly I've been told and have told dudes to shut the fuck up outright before when joking around. I don't take it as a slight, hell sometimes it's incredibly funny if the timing is done right. Still, most of this is deeply personal between friends. If I was telling my dude how much of a simp he was over his new girl then he'd laugh it off, if someone else outside the group said the same shit I'm pretty sure things would get heated quick. Everyone gives their friends a pass, for better or worse. How far it goes really just depends on the person. What other people outside the circle think isn't any of my concern.

 

[Sol..]

I tend to be the one dishing it out the most in my circles and it has led to some unfortunate falling outs. Over time i've learned that you should make sure you get back as much as you give, never focus on one person, avoid talking about their kids, and try to make sure it is funny.

 

[Tesseract]

feynman rollin on his grave

feynman was a ball busting, stripper going, drag wearing maniac

surely you're joking

*edit*

on ...

damn you, kowalski !

 

[MoodyFog]

Now go home and get your fuckin' shine box.

 

[number47]

Stopped ball busting.now i just mock general stupidity. "Oh I'll never do that" " that's stupid because..." The golden rule for me is to never bring up whatever was discussed one to one. Private matters should stay that way til the speaker brings it up.