• Hey Guest. Check out your NeoGAF Wrapped 2025 results here!

Chimp Attacks Woman, Friend Stabs It

Status
Not open for further replies.
Orin GA said:
http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00521/man-with-no-nose_68_521494a.jpg

AN animal lover whose nose was bitten off and his testicles mauled by two chimps has made an appeal for his missing pet monkey.
Horrifically disfigured St. James Davis was attacked in 2005 after going to see his house-trained chimp in an animal sanctuary.

Two other monkeys escaped their cage and set upon him.

The chimps nearly killed Mr Davis, from West Govina, in eastern California, chewing off his nose, testicles and foot.

They also bit off chunks of his buttocks and legs before the sanctuary owner shot the animals dead
Click to expand...
He looks like a muppet or puppet.
 
Stamford police shot the chimp multiple times when he ripped off a side mirror and tried to enter a police cruiser, Conklin said.
Click to expand...

normal_chimp_in_Police-car.jpg
 
Ninja Scooter said:
"You know how long it took me to teach this monkey to suck my dick...without peeling it first?!"
Click to expand...

"that big bright red booty..."

Damn it, now I'm going to be chuckling for the next ten minutes or so...
 
^
Also a good idea of what a chimp can do to a person (youtube)

Not graphic really, guy got away with bruises and broken fingers but these little guys are strong for their size. The bigger apes, like orangutans are even more lethal when it comes to strength. Much stronger than us but most people don't realize it by their size.
 
B!TCH said:
I seriously never knew a chimp could grow to be 200lbs.

From Wiki,



Shiiiiiieeet.
Click to expand...

What is left unsaid in that wiki entry is that they almost killed him by tearing off his fucking balls and dick. Chimps don't fight fair, for obvious reasons. And I believe it was a group attack.
He was there (at a Chimp "zoo") delivering a cake for the birthday of a chimp he had lived with for a long time but had outgrown his ability to keep in his home.

They have serious upper body strength.
 
This entire story is all-around preposterous. I can't help trying to imagine the scenario going down and how awkward/scary/funny it would have been.
 
tri_willy said:
OP should have added to the title, "then cops for the overkill"
Click to expand...
The chimp reportedly bit the woman's hands off and "kept eating her".
I'd hardly call it overkill, the damn thing went crazy.
 
Bowflex said:
This entire story is all-around preposterous. I can't help trying to imagine the scenario going down and how awkward/scary/funny it would have been.
Click to expand...

I'm not exactly sure how seeing your friend get their face ripped off could be construed as funny.

The real funny? The fact that this chimpanzee could have had a great rap career if he had survived. He would certainly be a better lyricist than 50 Cent.
 
She pampered the chimp that had once starred in TV commercials, teaching him to use the toilet, brush his teeth and dress himself. He drank wine from a long-stemmed glass, browsed the Internet to look at pictures, and used the remote control to channel-surf the television.

“He was able to open doors by himself,” she told NBC. “He could drive. He took off with the car a couple of times.”
Click to expand...

Terrible story, but that chimp was pretty awesome.
 
Report said:
Police said that the chimp was agitated earlier Monday and that Herold had given him the anti-anxiety drug Xanax in some tea. Police said the drug had not been prescribed for the 14-year-old chimp.

Investigators said they were also told that Travis had Lyme disease, a tick-borne illness with flu-like symptoms that can lead to arthritis and meningitis in humans.
Click to expand...

drugs.com said:
What are the possible side effects of Xanax?
Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat. Call your doctor at once if you have any of these serious side effects:

*unusual risk-taking behavior, decreased inhibitions, no fear of danger;
*depressed mood, thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself;
*hyperactivity, agitation, hostility, hallucinations;
*feeling light-headed, fainting;
*seizure (convulsions);
*urinating less than usual or not at all;
*muscle twitching, tremor; or
*jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes).
Click to expand...

Not that having a chimp as a pet is a good idea in the first place, but wtf?
 
Haven't these people seen Planet Earth or any nature show candidly featuring chimps???

A co-worker told me this story today and I cringed and immediately recalled the incident from '05 with the guy from the UK who got mangled. Seriously, what is with all these idiots who think chimps are safe pets let alone safe to be around (not to mention the few idiots here who think the cops crossed the line, what if it had gotten away and mauled someone else in the neighborhood or killed a kid)?

The woman should be ashamed of herself for helping ruin her friend's life. The law is obviously not strong enough, they should be banned from all ownership other than well maintained zoo environments. It also makes my head spin that she'd give such an erratic species of animal a flippin' antidepressant.

So yeah. I'll tell you one thing though. Every time I thought I was having a bad day or would deal with a rude customer today, all I had to do was think "Well, at least I my face, hands, feet and goods haven't been ripped off by a chimp." Things were so much easier to deal with after that. :p

Oh, on a lighter note, the bit about him driving reminds of the Simpsons ep when Maggie takes the car for a spin (thereby getting Bart banned from seeing the Itchy and Scratchy movie):

Chief Wiggum (as she drives by): "Hahaha! Isn't that cute? A baby driving a car. Oh, look. There's a dog driving a bus."
 
Napoleonthechimp said:
Shit. I did click that link :(

Chimpanzees are absolutely mental and not in a good way. Aren't they known for violent out bursts and occasionally bouts of cannibalism in the wild?
Click to expand...
That sounds a lot like another animal I know of.
 
Umm...that article is WAY watered down from what they had on the news. They played the 911 call. I swear to god, the owner screamed something like "OH MY GOD HE JUST RIPPED HER FACE OFF!!!! THEY HAVE TO SHOOT IT!!". The article also left out that the chimp actually bit off both of the womans hands and ate them.

What's so ridiculous is that it's their intelligence that makes them so dangerous. When any other animal mauls you, they just kinda wing it. When a chimp mauls you, he intentionally bites off your testicles.
 
Just read a detailed AP article on yahoo news about the woman's twisted relationship with Travois (I'd copy and paste but I'm posting on my Wii browser, if you have Yahoo mail it'll be in the news sidebar right after signing in):

They bathed together (barf), slept together at night AND "cuddled" in bed. Basically there was one heckuva twisted dynamic between the two, he definitely viewed her as his mate and the lady that got mauled "entered into his territory" on the worst possible day. The dumb wench has gone back on saying she gave Travis Xanax (she already told the cops this, oops). Article also says lady friend is at/is being sent to the clinic where the first sucessful face transplant was performed. I'd seriously rather be euthanized myself if I was in her shoes.

Dai Kaiju said:
Umm...that article is WAY watered down from what they had on the news. They played the 911 call. I swear to god, the owner screamed something like "OH MY GOD HE JUST RIPPED HER FACE OFF!!!! THEY HAVE TO SHOOT IT!!". The article also left out that the chimp actually bit off both of the womans hands and ate them.

What's so ridiculous is that it's their intelligence that makes them so dangerous. When any other animal mauls you, they just kinda wing it. When a chimp mauls you, he intentionally bites off your testicles.
Click to expand...

Most of the articles like the one I posted phrase it as "sustained massive injuries to her hands and face." Maybe they're being tactful out of respect for her family, but when three entire parts of your body are ripped off two of which are eaten, "sustained massive injuries" to said parts doesn't quite cut the mustard for the horror involved.

I also find it ironic some think the cops "crossed the line" when even motherly ape love woman was begging them to kill him. "Oh god, he's eating her! They've gotta shoot him until he's dead! Oh, god he's not dead, he's not dead! GAAASP, WHEEZE." Messed up.
 
Orin GA said:
http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00521/man-with-no-nose_68_521494a.jpg

AN animal lover whose nose was bitten off and his testicles mauled by two chimps has made an appeal for his missing pet monkey.
Horrifically disfigured St. James Davis was attacked in 2005 after going to see his house-trained chimp in an animal sanctuary.

Two other monkeys escaped their cage and set upon him.

The chimps nearly killed Mr Davis, from West Govina, in eastern California, chewing off his nose, testicles and foot.

They also bit off chunks of his buttocks and legs before the sanctuary owner shot the animals dead
Click to expand...

West Covina isn't eastern CA.

Also, I think he still has the "BRING BACK MOE" sign or whatever outside his house. I drive by time to time.
 
Jesus I hate it when plebs call chimps monkeys and dophins fish. Get a fucking education.

Chimpanzees look mighty cute trucking around on their roller skates, wearing funny hats, and going "ook, ook," but when roused they are vicious little bastards and not to be trifled with. Blessed with a muscle structure considerably superior to that of Homo sapiens (if not nearly as fetching in a bathing suit), chimpanzees can handle almost anything that comes along. Three drunks at a carnival would be no sweat.

It's a lot easier to get a chimp in roller skates than it is to get him to pump iron — hence, most of the data on chimp strength is anecdotal and decidedly unscientific. In tests at the Bronx Zoo in 1924, a dynamometer — a scale that measures the mechanical force of a pull on a spring — was erected in the monkey house. A 165-pound male chimpanzee named "Boma" registered a pull of 847 pounds, using only his right hand (although he did have his feet braced against the wall, being somewhat hip, in his simian way, to the principles of leverage). A 165-pound man, by comparison, could manage a one-handed pull of about 210 pounds. Even more frightening, a female chimp, weighing a mere 135 pounds and going by the name of Suzette, checked in with a one-handed pull of 1,260 pounds. (She was in a fit of passion at the time; one shudders to think what her boyfriend must have looked like next morning.) In dead lifts, chimps have been known to manage weights of 600 pounds without even breaking into a sweat. A male gorilla could probably heft an 1,800-pound weight and not think twice about it.

As you might deduce, therefore, the word on keeping chimps as pets is a big negatory. Chimpanzees can never be fully domesticated; they're aggressive by nature and sooner or later they'll start to threaten their keepers in subtle ape ways that the untrained eye won't recognize, until one day — blammo.

But maybe you're thinking, I'll just keep the little beast until it starts to act tough, and then toss it back into the jungle. Wrong. A chimpanzee brought up in captivity won't be accepted by its brothers in the wild. Shunned, the citified chimp will either starve to death or be set upon by a simian hit squad. No matter how you look at it, keeping a chimp as a pet is dangerous and inhumane.
Click to expand...

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2/can-a-90-lb-chimp-clobber-a-full-grown-man
 
Chimpanzees are evil, evil bastards. All the cute little chimps you see on TV are babies. Putting an adult chimp on a movie or TV set is just asking for violence. That's why they have the caged "retirement" communities (like the one in Covina where the gentleman was gelded), because they become adults, and turn absolutely psycho.

In the wild, they set up hunting parties to hunt down other chimp family groups. They'll take the babies and eat them. Rip em apart. Gorillas are fucking Mother Terese compared to chimpanzees.

I wouldn't want me, my wife, or especially my daughter within 50 feet of one of those fuckers. I'm surprised there hasn't been an incident where one grabs a baby and rips it apart in front of it's parents.

Yes, I'm afraid of chimps. You should be too.
 
We can't even control ourselves as human beings. Who the fuck are we to say "Hey, let's put a semi-wild animal that's significantly stronger than I am in my home and let my guard down around it. That sounds cool, eh?"

Stupid fuckers.
 
Mutanthands said:
Chimpanzees are evil, evil bastards. All the cute little chimps you see on TV are babies. Putting an adult chimp on a movie or TV set is just asking for violence. That's why they have the caged "retirement" communities (like the one in Covina where the gentleman was gelded), because they become adults, and turn absolutely psycho.

In the wild, they set up hunting parties to hunt down other chimp family groups. They'll take the babies and eat them. Rip em apart. Gorillas are fucking Mother Terese compared to chimpanzees.

I wouldn't want me, my wife, or especially my daughter within 50 feet of one of those fuckers. I'm surprised there hasn't been an incident where one grabs a baby and rips it apart in front of it's parents.

Yes, I'm afraid of chimps. You should be too.
Click to expand...
Yep. They're definitely the most sadistic primate IMO. Any kind of stereotypical savage tribe you can think of probably doesn't match a chimp group in ferocity. They're absolutely barbaric.
 
braimuge said:
So true.

For all the lurkers that don't understand this: 1. A monkey has a tail, otherwise it's an APE. 2. Dolphins are mammals, because DEY HAVE BABIEZ ( and no eggs).
Click to expand...
What does that make sea snakes? :-P

Arguably it's more accurate to say "she had a pet human" than "she had a pet monkey." I won't say that the police crossed the line (it seems that by that time it was the only option) but I still feel bad for the chimp.
 
braimuge said:
So true.

For all the lurkers that don't understand this: 1. A monkey has a tail, otherwise it's an APE. 2. Dolphins are mammals, because DEY HAVE BABIEZ ( and no eggs).
Click to expand...

Eggs vs no eggs is not a good definition of what makes a mammal as some mammals lay eggs and many reptiles/fish give birth to live young (instead of laying eggs. Dolphins are mammals because they lactate. Only mammals produce milk. Explaining why breasts are called mammary glands.

Also, a few monkeys have no tail. Basically, gibbons, chimps, gorillas, orangutans, and humans are apes. Everything else is a monkey.
 
I still can't listen to the 911 call. Getting my face ripped off by a crazed animal is my nightmare.

I had a professor that was a primatologist in college, and she HATED chimps. She said they were nasty, mean, and aggressive, and easily the villains of the primate family and working with them was always frightening because they were so violent. She said gorillas and orangutans were comparatively gentle and good natured.
 
On a side note, I was once pummeled for what seemed like 15 minutes by a guy who had taken Xanax with alcohol. Fuck that drug.

Also, I know of a guy who kicked his girlfriend in the face after taking Xanax. Neither of these people had a prescription.
 
Stabbed, motherfucker attacks the police. Shot, motherfucker strolls back inside the house.

Apes are the shit. They should be trained in warfare and deployed into actual wars.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Bear attacks in Japan
23
1K
poodaddy replied
Japanese woman marries her AI boyfriend
2
64
3K
Zacfoldor replied
Irish woman awarded £23,000 after English boss calls her a potato
2
52
502
Solarstrike replied
  • Poll
Does it count as cheating if it's another woman? ♀️
2 3
102
3K
E-Cat replied
USA and Japan Twitter cross-pollinate, discover best friend status
2 3
103
1K
P:axMagellanic replied
Top Bottom