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Corny jokes are sooo good.

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A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
 
Dad said:
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.
Click to expand...

Dad
Member
(Today, 07:37 PM)
 
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What's a pirates favorite letter?

RRR? Thought you'd say that matey but it's the C!

What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? DAM!
 
A guy walks into a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but saran wrap.

The Psychiatrist looks at him and says "well I can clearly see your nuts"
 
Dad said:
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
Click to expand...

This is beautiful
 
Dad said:
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
Click to expand...

Hhu1TOZ.jpg
 
I need to spend more time in this thread and less time in the depressing threads. Is there a funny image thread still going? I remember those were a great way to improve my mood quickly.
 
Dad said:
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
Click to expand...
I am so stealing that joke.
 
Yeah I can't lie, I really love groan-worthy puns and dad jokes.
The corniness is honestly what makes them so charming.
I have a super charismatic and upbeat buddy who always knows when to perfectly sneak in a corny joke or pun into a convo, and it's great- it makes my day.
I think it's one of the things that makes him so fun to be around.
Plus seeing the -_- reactions coming from folks is one of the best parts.

Also in the cartoon "The Loud House" one of the sister characters is nothing but a corny joke machine. Some of her lame humor really catches me off guard. Lol
 
MisterGrey3000 said:
Yeah I can't lie, I really love groan-worthy puns and dad jokes.
The corniness is honestly what makes them so charming.
I have a super charismatic and upbeat buddy who always knows when to sneak in a corny joke or pun into a convo, and it's great- it makes my day.
I think it's one of the things that makes him so fun to be around.

Also in the cartoon "The Loud House" one of the sister characters is nothing but a corny joke machine. Some of her lame humor really catches me off guard. Lol
Click to expand...

Yeah my son watches the loud house and she has some great zingers.
 
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of
Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that
a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he
would conduct the interviews personally and went up into
the belfry to begin the screening process. After
observing several applicants demonstrate their skills,
he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man
approached him and announced that he was there to apply
for the bellringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.
"You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man, "Observe!"

He then began striking the bells with his face, producing
a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened
in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a
suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing
forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and
plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death
in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around
the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had
heard only moments before. As they silently parted to
let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop replied, sadly,
"but his face rings a bell."

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily
on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless
campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for
the bellringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach
him said,
"Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless
wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.
I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in
this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the
armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike
the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died
on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief
at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop,
"But he's a dead ringer for his brother."
Click to expand...

http://alumnus.caltech.edu/~chamness/jokes/religion/NotreDame.txt

Screw it- I quoted the whole thing. One of my favorite jokes. A friend of mine who passed away recently used to tell it all the time. I dedicate this post to Tony.
 
Once global warming hit you, don't expect Canada to save you and take you in...

You all be saying 'Why Canada? You used to be so cool.'
 
If there is a hammerhead shark, where is the nailhead shark?


Spell "icup"

I-C-U-P

Ew, that's an invasion of privacy!


It smells like "up dog" in here.

What's up dog?

I'm fine, how are you?


"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity."

And that's why the vet couldn't save my cat.
 
So a priest, a rabbi, and an imam walk into a bar. Bartender looks up and says "what is this, a joke?"

---

Gandhi traveled everywhere by foot. The great distances walked often left his feet covered with sores. Adding to that, his hunger strikes left his body frail and his otherwise unusual diet resulted in some pretty famously bad breath.

You might say he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

---

And the worst joke I know:

What's red and looks like a bucket?
A red bucket.

----

Edit: Guess I got space for one more.

Three brick layers (that's not the joke) are standing around on their lunch break looking for something to do. They decide to have a contest to see who can throw a brick the furthest.

The first man picks up a yellow brick, winds up, and heaves it with all his might. The brick soars through the air, almost out of sight. They measure the distance and see that the brick was thrown 200 yards. The man thought the contest was already over, because surely no one could throw a brick further than that.

But the second man picks up his red brick, does a few stretches, winds up, knuckles almost touching the ground and HURLS the brick with the force of 10 men, sending it flying far beyond the first brick. The three men had to look for a few minutes to find it, it was thrown so far. When they finally located the red brick, they again got out the measuring tape and found that it was thrown an astonishing 400 yards.

By now, the rest of the crew of brick layers were watching this spectacle and even the foreman decided to give everyone a break to watch the feat of strength. Everyone cheered when the three men got back and the proud owner of the red brick announced how far he had thrown his brick.

Finally, it was time for the third man to throw. He picks his blue brick out of the pile, does some quick breathing exercises, stretches, and even made a few practice throws with no brick, just to get his technique right. The crowd started to get impatient and demanded he throw the brick already, since the other two men didn't get such preparation time.

The third man picks his blue brick up, spins, twirls, and launches the brick into the atmosphere. You'd think it was shot out of a cannon. It was simply gone. The entire crew looked for hours, but could not find the brick anywhere. Frustrated and tired, the first two men eventually conceded that the third was indeed the winner. Even though they couldn't find the brick, they thought surely it had gone the furthest.

The third man went home proud and told his wife the brick story.
 
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