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Dad-Age: Advice for soon-to-be dads

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Carnby

Carnby

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Hello Gaf Dads. My wife and I are expecting our first child this summer. We are doing our best to be prepared for our baby's arrival.

While I am doing all that I can to be prepared, I'm sure there are some things that I can't be prepared for. I'd like to hear the advice we're not going to find in a self help book or on instructional videos.

So Please share your advice about all of the joys, hard work, and sacrifice that come with the territory of being a dad.
 
Oh, gawd. At first glance, I read the thread title as "Dark-age: Advice for soon to be dads" and fucking lol'd.

Don't have any advice, but I will say congrats!
 
From babysitting my friend's kid from ages 0 - 3 I can tell you they are a nightmare before they learn to speak :(
 
The mother will continue to frolic on the memories of what was. -"Do you remember when he/she said blarghl?" You will continue to dream about what happens next, and the new toys you will be able to buy "for your kid". :D

Get ready for a period with very little sleep, happens to most people. Just help each other and get sleep when you can, and the period will pass quickly.

Being a parent is awesome. Being a gaming parent wit ha gaming kid is awesome-er.
 
Ah yes... all the sleepless nights, no sex, tiredness, no money, slim to none "own" time...

Ahhh...

All worth it (have two kids 2 and 4 years old).

And besides, if it wasn't worth it, people wouldn't get another kid would they?
 
One more thing, play games that give you a quick fix. Fast online FPS games etc. Don't try to play MMOs or long RPGs etc. You will get interrupted. :D
 
Well I just had my last kid a few weeks ago so I've got plenty of advice.

Before the baby comes:
- Take a vacation with the wife it will be the last time you guys get time alone for a very long time.
- Amazon Prime is free for moms so long as they spend $230 in the first 3 months. You will spend this easily.
- Stock up on diapers. Buy in boxes. Buy them from Amazon prime. You will need more than you think. Example: I bought 200 newborn diapers they will end up lasting me 3 weeks.
- Buy Mylicon. It's a baby gas reliever and a god send.
- Make sure you have a swing. It's more important than a stroller or a playpen or any other baby supply other than the crib.
- Buy a nice calm RPG or some game with calming music and stuff to play when you have the baby late at night. It must be able to SAVE ANYWHERE.
- Learn to swaddle, if you can't learn to swaddle a baby buy a few of those baby swaddle sacks.
- It will cost more than you think. Make sure you have enough saved up.
- Make a few dinners and freeze them to use when you get home.
- Backrubs and footrubs go a long way with the wife.

After the baby comes:
- If your wife is going to breastfeed be prepared for "cluster feedings" until her milk comes in, this means the baby will be getting up every hour for half the day and usually starts at night. Not fun.
- When you get your baby home do a routine every night before you put the baby to bed. For us we give the baby a bath, swaddle him and turn off all the lights. Doing this every night will help the baby know its night time.
- During the day time if you're not napping with the baby have all the lights on and make sure there's noise, like the TV or radio at all times.
- If you're breast feeding make sure not to introduce a bottle until the baby is really well established in breast feeding. Otherwise the baby can get nipple confusion and the whole thing will suck.
- Give up on sleep and sex for a while especially the sex
- Your wife will get the baby blues from her hormones doing backflips. Just be supportive. If it looks serious or she says she wants help get help.
 
be there to witness the birth, don't make it a group thing with other relatives or in-laws, they'll ruin the moment.
 
As ronito said, Amazon is the only place to buy diapers. You will save a lot of money compared to retailers. If she is solely breastfeeding, don't bother with mylicon, you won't need it.
Avoid Graco products, they sell well because they are the cheapest but have more recalls than anyone.

Oh and get a Baby Bjorn carrier, strollers are for suckers.
 
Being a dad rules. Best thing I've ever done.

It's tough but awesome

And be careful with baby bjorn type stuff. You want them facing in toward you, not out, especially when they are really small.

If you play video games, be prepared to become mostly handheld player for a while.

As for personal time, you'll still have some. Not as much as before, sure, but still. Just make sure to get a babysitter once in a while and go out to dinner or something with the wife (although you probably will freak out the first time). But even with less just you time, you get a lot of just you and the baby time, which is awesome.
 
Show up. Spend time with them and be home. Do this with love and patience and you should raise some quality kids.
 
ronito said:
Well I just had my last kid a few weeks ago so I've got plenty of advice.

After the baby comes:
- If your wife is going to breastfeed be prepared for "cluster feedings" until her milk comes in, this means the baby will be getting up every hour for half the day and usually starts at night. Not fun.
- If you're breast feeding make sure not to introduce a bottle until the baby is really well established in breast feeding. Otherwise the baby can get nipple confusion and the whole thing will suck.
- Your wife will get the baby blues from her hormones doing backflips. Just be supportive. If it
looks serious or she says she wants help get help.
Click to expand...

Congrats! This advice is really good. We had our second daughter a few months ago and I'd recommend two more things:

1) Take the baby from your wife as often as you can. She will need to feel like she isn't a nursing robot, and having you (proactively) ask to take the child will go a long way toward helping that.

2) Spend as much time with the baby as you can. This may fall on deaf ears (as it did for me with our first child) but you will regret it if you don't. A year from now you won't believe they were ever this small.
 
Ryuukan said:
As ronito said, Amazon is the only place to buy diapers. You will save a lot of money compared to retailers. If she is solely breastfeeding, don't bother with mylicon, you won't need it. .
Click to expand...
really? my baby has enough gas to power bartertown
 
Cooter said:
Show up. Spend time with them and be home. Do this with love and patience and you should raise some quality kids.
Click to expand...
This.


Also, no matter what advice you receive or get from a book, you will not be ready.
 
My first child is coming this spring also. This thread is relevant to my interests.

Did a 4 hour baby care class and I have 1 more lamaze class tonight. I feel like this is not enough training. I have been watching Super Nanny like a sucker trying to figure out how kids work.

Amazon Mom is clutch though, we learned about that quickly.
 
I hear some unholy, necromancer poo comes out the other end.
 
Also, I do not think I am going to make it through the birth. I almost passed out during the first lamaze class, I had to leave the room and get some water and walk around. For the other videos I close my eyes and do the breathing techniques to get through it lol.
 
For the first time dads, spend the extra $$$ and stick to pampers. You might think 'Why am I paying more? The baby is just crapping in them' Huggies are cut shorter and will lead to more accidents. (poop shooting up the back or side)

The ones with the pH strip to know if they soiled the diaper are nice as well, since early on, the baby poop will have very little odor at all.
 
Hari Seldon said:
Also, I do not think I am going to make it through the birth. I almost passed out during the first lamaze class, I had to leave the room and get some water and walk around. For the other videos I close my eyes and do the breathing techniques to get through it lol.
Click to expand...


do your best, you'll be glad you did.
 
Hari Seldon said:
My first child is coming this spring also. This thread is relevant to my interests.

Did a 4 hour baby care class and I have 1 more lamaze class tonight. I feel like this is not enough training. I have been watching Super Nanny like a sucker trying to figure out how kids work.

Amazon Mom is clutch though, we learned about that quickly.
Click to expand...
Yeah I took baby care classes before our first and frankly it didn't help much. It's sorta a learn on the job kinda thing. As was stated no matter what advice you get you will not be ready. The main thing that I'd stress is picking how the baby will be fed (breast or bottle) before the baby comes and if it's breast stick to it. I made the mistake once of thinking "My wife's asleep I'll just give the baby a bottle..." and screwed everything up. It's an honest mistake that a lot of people make. Oh and one more tip. When you change the baby have the new diaper already under the old one so as soon as your done wiping pull out the old one and slap on the new. Otherwise you'll get pissed and shat upon.
 
Another thing that is more applicable as they get older. Make sure they know you have expectations and you will hold them accountable. Probably the most common theme I see ignored with crappy parents who raise those little brats who don't listen.
 
ronito said:
<great advice>
Click to expand...

Since Ronito hit on nearly everything I would've suggested, I'll just add that I highly recommend that your wife breastfeeds. You'll not only save a TON of money (by not buying formula), but your kid will also be healthy compared to most formula-fed babies. Plus, it's major bondage time for the mom & baby.

Also, don't go crazy buying toys. You'll be lucky if your kid plays with them for more than 2 months. And yes, be prepared to spend a ton on diapers.

Learn the swaddle technique and Reverse Breastfeed position. Helped me calm down my kid numerous times.
 
mj1108 said:
Bad news: You'll never sleep again (or so I hear)
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Not true, the first few weeks are pretty rough. My son will be 3 months on Friday, and he eats around 9, 2 and then around 6. He is on a bottle now, so taking turns, we both get a pretty decent amount of sleep.


Momo said:
From babysitting my friend's kid from ages 0 - 3 I can tell you they are a nightmare before they learn to speak :(
Click to expand...

Also not true. They get personalities pretty quickly, and although they can't communicate with words, you learn quickly what they want, when they want.

Baby Bjorn is great, but strollers are better for "longer" trips out.

You will get peed on, pooped on, spit up on, etc. and you won't care.

It is A LOT of work, both physically and emotionally, but it is great.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about anything.

edit: no matter how many books you read and videos you watch, when the big day comes, you will feel absolutely clueless about things, and I think that is normal.
 
Ryuukan said:
For the first time dads, spend the extra $$$ and stick to pampers. You might think 'Why am I paying more? The baby is just crapping in them' Huggies are cut shorter and will lead to more accidents. (poop shooting up the back or side)

The ones with the pH strip to know if they soiled the diaper are nice as well, since early on, the baby poop will have very little odor at all.
Click to expand...
Yes, huggies are POS.

Another Tip.

The first week the baby's crap looks Like tar, don't freak out.
 
Cooter said:
Another thing that is more applicable as they get older. Make sure they know you have expectations and you will hold them accountable. Probably the most common theme I see ignored with crappy parents who raise those little brats who don't listen.
Click to expand...
oh yeah this absolutely this. But at the same time pick your battles. Stick to your guns on important stuff and let them have their freedom for the rest. Your kids should feel that your rules are damn important and absolutely not arbitrary. You drown them in rules and they'll just feel they can't live up to everything and so why try?

edit: And yes Huggies suck!
 
For baby clothes, look for a carter's store near you. They have periodic sales and printable coupons online from time to time. (Gerber brand baby clothes are poorly made and barely last a few washes)
Also a great source is Gymboree. Ignore the entire front of the shop and go straight to the back where the clearance racks are, most of the outfits are under $5 a piece.
 
Good tips in this thread, especially about Huggies lol. I didn't know they made diapers with PH strips, that sounds very useful.
 
Speaking of clothes, check out Target if you have one near. They have a rack with pants/onesies for $4, and usually have some pretty rocking stuff. Don't buy expensive clothes because it will fit one day, and the next it will be way too small.
 
This is one of the carseats I use, the Combi Zeus

Aside from the cool name, it's more expensive but the swivel feature makes loading and unloading so much easier. Yes, the seat does not pop out like most carseats but I prefer that. Those things are bulky and heavy to carry around. Also, I find it absolutely vile when someone puts a baby on the ground or floor in a carseat.
 
Advance_Alarm said:
i had one of those robot babies for a week, was pretty easy
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I fucking hated those things. First day I'm driving home from school (25 minute drive or so) it starts crying in the car. Right when I get on the highway. So I had to go to a rest area for 45 goddamn minutes just feeding it fake baby crap and changing its fake diaper. Meanwhile some old guy just sat in his car staring at me suspiciously the whole time.
 
Driving the baby back from the hospital can be a white-knuckle experience. Suddenly everyone seems like a reckless driver! Stay calm. And get ready for your driving habits to change...drastically.
 
As a new dad myself, I can tell you nothing can prepare you to be a father.

Everyone is going to give you advice on what to do. Just remember, its your baby and you will find your ways to sooth your son/daughter. You and your wife will figure out a routine. Once this is established life is good.

As you get closer to the due date, pack your pantry! Stuff your fridge and freezer with food. Most preferably food that is easy to prep (like spaghetti, sandwiches, etc.) or pre-cooked food that you have frozen. The first few weeks with the baby home will make it difficult to go out for food.

Get sleep when the baby sleeps! If you are a neat freak, try to relax during these times. You'll get your house in order once the baby starts napping longer.

Learn to swaddle! Once you master the art of snuggly bundling your baby, life is good. When my daughter was in a tight swaddle she napped good which meant I napped good.

Most importantly, cherish the moment. Holding your baby for the first time is a real life changing experience as is watching them grow up in front of your eyes. I can tell you right now they develop fast. Take as many pictures/videos as possible.

Lastly, let me be the first one to welcome you to the club!
 
I'll echo the Huggies distaste - I haven't had as many problems as others but they're still the most poorly made of the diapers.

Oddly enough I've found the Costco brand (Kirkland) ones to be the best in terms of containing explosive shit.

If you walk a lot, a nice stroller is pretty much a must - but at the same time keep in mind that the bigger walking/jogging strollers are not particularly portable unless you have a massive vehicle. Our Baby Jogger takes up nearly half the trunk if we choose to take it anywhere, which is why we actually have two strollers - and the second didn't cost much more than the bloody bar adapter for the Jogger.

For those strollers you're pretty much limited to Baby Jogger or Bob. There are a few other brands, but they quickly go into insanely expensive territory or ridiculously cheap - and the cheap ones wiggle and creak when you push them. I don't regret any of the money we spent on our stroller. Bobs seem to be the most popular, although I didn't get one because I'm fairly tall and whoever designed the brake lever on the Bob only accounted for the legs of those 5'6" and below, as my feet kicked against it constantly when I tested one.

And don't buy any special outfits for the baby - they outgrow clothes so fast at the beginning that it's a waste to have anything other than sleepers or diaper shirts. I like the sleepers with zippers instead of snaps because they're a lot easier to do up after changes...some of the snapped ones have two dozen of the bloody things.
 
JaY P. said:
Get sleep when the baby sleeps! If you are a neat freak, try to relax during these times. You'll get your house in order once the baby starts napping longer.

Learn to swaddle! Once you master the art of snuggly bundling your baby, life is good. When my daughter was in a tight swaddle she napped good which meant I napped good.

Most importantly, cherish the moment. Holding your baby for the first time is a real life changing experience as is watching them grow up in front of your eyes. I can tell you right now they develop fast. Take as many pictures/videos as possible.

Lastly, let me be the first one to welcome you to the club!
Click to expand...


These are all true. Although it is sometimes hard to get sleep when the baby sleeps, as I'm sure you have things you need to do. But do what you can, when you can.

Take a camera to the hospital and shoot everything, before and after.....probably not during, you will be busy.

Go with the nurse when the baby is getting checked out, and while your wife is recovering, and you may get a gem like this

5232797993_24194a6ac5.jpg
 
DJ_Lae said:
If you walk a lot, a nice stroller is pretty much a must - but at the same time keep in mind that the bigger walking/jogging strollers are not particularly portable unless you have a massive vehicle. Our Baby Jogger takes up nearly half the trunk if we choose to take it anywhere, which is why we actually have two strollers - and the second didn't cost much more than the bloody bar adapter for the Jogger.

For those strollers you're pretty much limited to Baby Jogger or Bob. There are a few other brands, but they quickly go into insanely expensive territory or ridiculously cheap - and the cheap ones wiggle and creak when you push them. I don't regret any of the money we spent on our stroller. Bobs seem to be the most popular, although I didn't get one because I'm fairly tall and whoever designed the brake lever on the Bob only accounted for the legs of those 5'6" and below, as my feet kicked against it constantly when I tested one.
Click to expand...

Both Baby Jogger and Bob have had stroller recalls this year. Again, strollers are for suckers.
 
Hari Seldon said:
Good tips in this thread, especially about Huggies lol. I didn't know they made diapers with PH strips, that sounds very useful.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I remember those new born pampers with the PH strips, it was a godsend. We originally, before my daughter was born, decided to go with Huggies. But since my daughter tends to get rashes with Huggies, we went back to Pampers and never looked back. Apparently, I read that some babies have an allergic reaction to Huggies.
 
If the baby is a girl, don't let her out of the house until 30, if it's a boy, give them the boot at 13 and let them fend for themselves.
 
DJ_Lae said:
I'll echo the Huggies distaste - I haven't had as many problems as others but they're still the most poorly made of the diapers.

Oddly enough I've found the Costco brand (Kirkland) ones to be the best in terms of containing explosive shit.
Click to expand...

My 3 kids are out of diapers (thank god), but when we did need them, we started with Pamper's Swaddlers and switched to Kirkland/Costco when they were a bit bigger. We tried about everything, and Kirkland was pretty much the best for both boys and girls.
 
these are also great for putting them to sleep in, especially for changing them at 3am
411UJeCrXML._SL380_.jpg


Also, the best thing we've found for diaper rash, which will happen, is regular ol' petroleum jelly. Clears it up fast and is cheaper than desotin/butt paste/etc.
 
Ryuukan said:
Both Baby Jogger and Bob have had stroller recalls this year. 11 dead infants from Bob strollers. Again, strollers are for suckers.
Click to expand...

There are recalls on pretty much every kind of baby product imaginable, though, all you can do is keep up to date on the products you're buying. There are recalls on infant carriers, too, although obviously there are fewer parts so less to go wrong.

And I thought it was an 11 month old infant who got caught into the string on a Bob stroller - and she didn't die.
 
Maybe creative/DIY-GAF can mod this into some sort of tactical infant retention device.

wooe1L.jpg
 
DJ_Lae said:
There are recalls on pretty much every kind of baby product imaginable, though, all you can do is keep up to date on the products you're buying. There are recalls on infant carriers, too, although obviously there are fewer parts so less to go wrong.

And I thought it was an 11 month old infant who got caught into the string on a Bob stroller - and she didn't die.
Click to expand...

My mistake, I mixed it up. I still think they're unsafe, unless you're breaking your back with one of those ridiculous $500+ tank strollers.
 
Hari Seldon said:
I didn't know they made diapers with PH strips, that sounds very useful.
Click to expand...
You will use the PH strip less than you think. You will know when you need to change the diaper by the feel. It's one of those things you pick up really quickly.
Also, I do not think I am going to make it through the birth. I almost passed out during the first lamaze class, I had to leave the room and get some water and walk around. For the other videos I close my eyes and do the breathing techniques to get through it lol.
Click to expand...
Stay above the equator and try not to look while the baby is coming and you will be fine. (at least that's what I did)

One piece of advice I didn't see touched on, when going out with the baby, make sure you pack an extra shirt for yourself. You may not always need it but if the baby pukes on you, you will be glad you had one.
 
MariusElijah said:
Remember to be their father, not their friend. Show them who is boss early on
Click to expand...

Yeah, rattle their desks.
 
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