Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Maybe she collects them. 🤔
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Dating Age |OT7| Tough Love
- Thread starter Advocatus Diaboli
- Start date
Maybe she collects them. 🤔
LookAtMeGo
Member
Hahaha oh god. I should have checked for the used one in the garbage. I will when I get home. She left the empty wrapper though.
Megalosaro
Banned
We are pretty similar in terms of our attitudes towards religion. As a teenager I used to be the stereotypical euphoric atheist, but I realized I was the same sort of person I hated. In any case, i grew out of that in college and now have a pretty open attitude towards religion.
I have a history of dating pretty religious girls. Truthfully, it usually doesnt work that well. I've never had a problem on my part. It's Always been a hang up on their end.
My current girlfriend hasn't had a problem with it. She knows my stance and hasn't tried to convert me. The only tbing it really affects is penning around her bible study group, but it hasn't been an issue because we don't let it be an issue. Could that change later? Definitely. If we were to get married or have kids or something that could be an issue I don't know. But for the time being, she has been VERY cool with me being an atheist and accepting me.
Ultimately the ball is in their court though. All you can be is open about your own beliefs and accepting of hers. We definitely talk about religion in my relationship, because it's important to her, but to her, it's about her own relationship with God. Be respectful of her beliefs and don't try to change her.
Hopefully she be the same. It's tough though. I've been broken up with more than once bease I'm not christian. It always sucks
Everything else is pretty much a ghost town here in Switzerland. Forget about using OkCupid or Bumble.
LordKasual
Banned
i have no advice for this, but ho my god this shit is fucking hilarious
Truth is, it almost doesn't even matter what your first message is (considering it isn't offensive)
If she's interested she will respond or message you first.
Joelstinton14
Member
People work differently. It just maybe , at the moment dating isn't for you and a relationship may come out of the blue with someone you work with , or in social circles. It could be that you are putting too much pressure on yourself. As they say, often relationships come out of the blue.
But take the pressure of yourself, focus on yourself academically or in other ways - a hobby or exercise and perhaps something will come out that confidence you exert in those fields.
Perhaps you need an emotion connection to click with someone now. I probably mostly identify with being demi sexual, in that, in general, it is only months or even a year down the line that i will suddenly really like someone sexually or emotionally and i start to become close to someone. I think i need that emotional connection before i become properly attracted to someone. I guess it is like dating in slow motion. It is rare that you meet someone you click with, the problem with tinder it that it just focuses on physical aspects. Which i am learning really probably don't matter too me. For example the last two girls i have been sexually attracted to have come from not pursuing them, although there was an initial physical attraction, i wasn't actively looking for a relationship or sex with them. We naturally just grew close over time. Relationships are built upon on something you need, and she needs (or he), proper personal qualities, not just looks. There is a subtle change in what you look for as you get older. Sure when you are young, physical looks dominate most people thoughts or actions, but i think that changes as you get older. Also, Tinder, Facebook, the internet, tv shows, the dating scene in general etc, is that it fools you into thinking you should like everyone or you need to get with someone. There is a lot of pressure on failure. You shouldn't feel like that. Think when you were back at school, you may have fancied one or two girls at most a year? The same applies when you are adult, it is just the pressures skew things. So when you date people you have to remember that you only been fishing in a very small section of a very big sea.
Good luck though.
toadsworth
Banned
Ghosted. And no new leads. Oh well, back to swiping
PixelatedBookake
Junior Member
Damn getting stood up last week lowkey shot my dating drive down. I know it happens to everyone, but I was at the location and 15 minutes before out date she said "I can't make it today. I'm sorry." I'd rather girls just ghost then cancel at the last second tbh. I get ghosted/not going excused somewhat regularly, so I just deleted her number and moved on, but I'd be lying if my not the best self-confidence wasn't shot to some extent.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
She did a shitty thing and is probably a shitty person. You dodged a bullet there. Dont let it get you down.
Pretty solid little article from Cracked on how movies/TV condition us to want the wrong things in relationships:
And because of these movies, many people in real life will ignore those balanced, stable people as "boring", and, just like in movies, get caught up in never ending cycles of drama and heartache.
And because of these movies, many people in real life will ignore those balanced, stable people as "boring", and, just like in movies, get caught up in never ending cycles of drama and heartache.
Thanks for the support and advice guys! I appreciate it very much. Update time: She finally show up to chat for a bit during the weekend. Briefly and pretty late at night but at least we finally talked longer than past conversations on the last month.
Basically, she has been going through so much pressure on every single part of her life lately. Feeling so stressed that at one point she stopped giving a damn about everything and that included unconsciously ignoring everyone -me included-. She felt very sorry for putting me through so much uncertainty, that it wasn't her intention. She bolded that she still loves me and wants to be with me so we can support each other and that will do her best to don't recluse herself next time saying it was a mistake to have done that and Thanked me for all the patience I have shown with her. I felt a big relief because I honestly thought this was going to be the end and she was gonna break-up with me but it seems she insisted on being very commited to this relationship so I just decided to hop in on the ride once again because well, I love her too, even if this past situation was a clear indicator that this should had ended for the good, I feel like if she still wants me to be with her, then I must be with her and offer all my love and support <3 I have hope things will improve as long as she puts her part too and doesn't close herself like she did this time. So far is off to a good start.
We were planning to go out today... but now I actually had to cancel because I got a flu just yesterday and I'm very weak at the moment. Damn you freaking flu!!
Basically, she has been going through so much pressure on every single part of her life lately. Feeling so stressed that at one point she stopped giving a damn about everything and that included unconsciously ignoring everyone -me included-. She felt very sorry for putting me through so much uncertainty, that it wasn't her intention. She bolded that she still loves me and wants to be with me so we can support each other and that will do her best to don't recluse herself next time saying it was a mistake to have done that and Thanked me for all the patience I have shown with her. I felt a big relief because I honestly thought this was going to be the end and she was gonna break-up with me but it seems she insisted on being very commited to this relationship so I just decided to hop in on the ride once again because well, I love her too, even if this past situation was a clear indicator that this should had ended for the good, I feel like if she still wants me to be with her, then I must be with her and offer all my love and support <3 I have hope things will improve as long as she puts her part too and doesn't close herself like she did this time. So far is off to a good start.
We were planning to go out today... but now I actually had to cancel because I got a flu just yesterday and I'm very weak at the moment. Damn you freaking flu!!
Eh... the "I feel like no one gets me" thing is a harmful mentality. Your problems, hopes, and dreams are not unique. If you think they are, then that's maybe what is making you seem unattractive or preventing you from clicking with people.
What do you want girls to do? Should they say: omg I get you! You're a unique special guy!
Because that doesn't happen on a first date. If it ever genuinely happens, it takes a very long time of getting to know someone on a deep level and seeing how they deal with all aspects of life.
family_guy
Member
I mean most of us aren't getting the happy ending that is portrayed in movies and realize that's not what life is like. I'd say social media and stuff like Tinder has been far more damaging to relationships than anything Hollywood has done.
Bullshit. Hollywood is way worse.
I'm sorry to hear that dude.
As AD said you've dodged a bullet, so try not to take it personally (even if it's hard).
I remember my mate got stood up when the girl saw him and then ran off, so it could be worse! He's a good looking dude, but it fucked up his confidence.
I'm still surprised it's yet to happen to me, but I'm sure it'll happen one of these days... 🤔
That's just fucked up. Horrible person.
LucidMomentum
Member
There's a whole lotta stuff making for very toxic belief systems in modern society, TBH. Hard to blame it on one single aspect.
Religion, social media one-upping, the patriarchial nature of a lot of cultures, toxic masculinity, female chastity, media reinforcing negative tropes / stereotypes, porn fetishising race and other negative aspects of sex, etc.
Hey friends, recently got into Tind/CMC/and OK and was wondering if anyone would be willing to give me pointers for the profiles/pictures. I'd prefer to keep it through PM for the sake of privacy. Posted this originally in Online Dating and was recommended to post it here as well.
I have to agree. In addition to the 'boring' thing in the article Ernest listed, there's also a consistent portrayal of other romantic standards that are unreasonable in real life.
See:
- Pursuing a romantic love interest for months/years before finally breaking the other person down and this being viewed as a good thing
- Pursuing someone that's already taken (married and not married) to get them away from their "bad" old lovers
- Generally misogynistic views of the role of women in relationships. Lots of "she's my woman!" and things like that that make women lack agency in the plot and their own relationships
- Grand romantic gestures being seen as the norm instead of something that can actually be done in real life. Things like "let me whisk you away to the Bahamas for a month". Who has the money for stuff like that? Who is able to get a month off work out of nowhere?
As I watch way more TV than movies, I think it's even worse on TV. Movies, like the article said, can only be so long and does have to use some shorthand to get by, but when TV is supposed to go on longer than for a season, generally, I find it to be a big problem when they can't have proper romances or romantic development.
I could go on about this for ages if anyone let me haha. Social media is pretty bad for mental health though.
timetokill
Banned
This is a long time thing, not a recent one. Throughout my life I've had no trouble getting along with people, but difficulty making deep connections. It's not just a girl thing. It's an existential issue that I've been wrestling with for my whole life.
I had that kind of connection with my ex-wife. I'm not pining for her in particular; I know it's over, and has been for years at this point. But that feeling of being known and accepted is something I want. I'm not expecting it to happen fast, I just know how rare it is and so late at night when I'm alone with my thoughts I can really struggle with it.
I know it's common on here to complain about girls or whatever but that's not what I'm doing. I've met a lot of really nice people so far, had some really fun dates, with people looking for their own spark and whatever they want. I'm not angry, or annoyed, or whatever. I just feel sad sometimes.
Raptomex
Member
Yeah, I laugh whenever I see a movie about a dude chasing a woman, whose not interested at first, and then one day decides to give him a chance because... reasons? In reality, he's just a stalker and should fuck off.
ElectricBanquet
Member
That doesn't sound good for my chances of finding them for dates, then. I wasn't really looking to ask out girls 10-15 years younger than me but I may have to if women my own age are so unavailable.
Are they at least on dating apps/sites? In addition to trying to meet women organically I did dip my toe in the water by trying Bumble on a co-worker's suggestion (been using it for about a week, only one match and she didn't message me). I'll probably branch out to others from there.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Thats the proper attitude.
Puck Beaverton
Banned
Existential issues are always self-inflicted though.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Getting lost inside your own head sucks. When you're alone and you cant stop thinking a certain way. Thats why I drink. Its also why I play videogames. I need to distract myself when that happens. Sometimes you just get stuck dwelling on the past when you used to have something you lost and want it again but cant find it. Its depressing. Its hard to snap out of it sometimes.
I mean this in the nicest way possible but that's the sort of thing you speak to a therapist about. Escapism isn't really the solution.
When I was younger for sure. And it went in stages. In my 20s, I just didn't notice it, but it was there, and I just assumed it was normal. In my 30s, I noticed it, but was mature enough to avoid it (mostly). Now in my 40s, I've never really run into it, as I'm able to see it from a mile off.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Oh for sure. I have a therapist. I see them sometimes if I need to. Its not the sole reason I drink and play vids but they are a good distraction for when I'm alone and feeling down. I wont sit there and get drunk alone but I'll go out and drink and have fun. Therapy helped me understand my problems. Same with the psychiatrist. I got the meds I needed at the time. But they never cured me. They just helped show me the way to not let those feelings control my life.
I have my days but I am feeling pretty good lately. I am just saying that I understand how that can feel.
Messofanego
Banned
While y'all are worrying about getting dates, LookAtMeGo got girls stealing his condoms.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Fuckin strange thing to do, no?
This girl is nice and everything but I'm getting the feeling this is going to end in a hilarious fashion. Lets just hope she didnt take the used one out of the garbage and mama bird that shit.
Shes coming over tonight. Defintely going to ask her about it.
This girl is nice and everything but I'm getting the feeling this is going to end in a hilarious fashion. Lets just hope she didnt take the used one out of the garbage and mama bird that shit.
Shes coming over tonight. Defintely going to ask her about it.
toadsworth
Banned
If she brings them back check for holes
Subpar Scrub
Banned
I personally avoid any profiles I see that say "very devout" or whatever. Growing up in a Christian school just showed me the absolute worst of people who used their religion to justify horrible decisions or opinions, would use aspects of it to guilt others etc.
Whhhyyy would you say this
I'm trying a new thing when it comes to religious women - honesty. I tell them up front my beliefs...I don't go to mass, but I do believe in a little spark of the divine. I think the bible has many good rules for living a fulfilling life, but it's not to be taken literally. I'm okay with any partner being religious, as long as they respect how I express my faith in my own way.
Megalosaro
Banned
Yeah, that's the key there. Mutual respect.
Me too. Though to be honest, my girl had "Follower of Christ" in her profile. I almost swiped left on her profile then. I'm so glad I didnt. Great decision. There are definitely people who weaponize their faith. But not all.
While to me it is a warning flag... I guess it's not a deal breaker lol.
As a Christian myself, I feel the same way.
timetokill
Banned
...obviously?
I don't think you understand how mental issues work, or that saying such issues are "self-inflicted" is just about the least constructive thing you could possibly say.
I'm not here looking for a solution. I was just sharing.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Got stood up today, so I know that feel bro.
Still way better and more respectful on her part than getting ghosted tho, don't be silly. Ever been that guy waiting at a restaurant or bar and realizing it just ain't gonna happen? I have, it blows.
Messofanego
Banned
Going on a date tomorrow. She's a journalist who's been featured in the big outlets, a progressive, and a gamer. This should at least be fun.
PixelatedBookake
Junior Member
But when you get ghosted, it typically isn't when you're at the date location after a week of expecting a date somewhere. It's usually a no text response deal. Being stood up AND ghosted (which I have been before...ouch) hurts like a motherfucker. But what else is there to do but hope it doesn't happen again? ¯_(ツ
_/¯I do that just to be safe and even then I don't get a response until a few minutes before or even after. I'm not trying to come of as a pity case maybe I just have bad taste in girls lol.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Eh, some people just suck. I'm close to 30 and plenty of girls my age still do this IME.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Good news is that the used one was still in the garbage. But the new ones are definitely gone. I fucking put those things on top of my fridge behind everything. Shes not even tall enough to see that high. She had to actually look for them. This has never happened before, I'm definitely wierded out a little by it. It makes no sense.
But she cancelled for tonight and rescheduled for tomorrow which is good because I have shit to do today.
When she comes over Imma be like "where those condoms!?" And then count them and be like "Theres one missing!! What the fuck!?!?"
Pro tip: you can do the whole shrug emoji if you type in 2 backslashes for the left arm.
But she cancelled for tonight and rescheduled for tomorrow which is good because I have shit to do today.
When she comes over Imma be like "where those condoms!?" And then count them and be like "Theres one missing!! What the fuck!?!?"
Pro tip: you can do the whole shrug emoji if you type in 2 backslashes for the left arm.
Pretend to go grab the box, then act surprised that they're missing :0
LookAtMeGo
Member
Could try that. Or buy a new box and hide a few of them so when she goes to steal those ones shes like wtf theres a few missing.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Thats why this is so weird. If she comes back with all of them then why even take them in the first place? I cant think of any good reasons. Its not like its hard to go buy your own. Doesnt she think I might wonder why the condoms are gone?
Oh and another thing. There was 1/2 a bottle of wine left on the table when we went to bed. Gone when I got home but the bottle was still here. Did she just slam a half bottle of wine before she left in the morning?
She had a sex party here after I went to work didnt she?
Oh and another thing. There was 1/2 a bottle of wine left on the table when we went to bed. Gone when I got home but the bottle was still here. Did she just slam a half bottle of wine before she left in the morning?
She had a sex party here after I went to work didnt she?