English grammar is simplistic. It makes up for it with an utter lack of pronunciation rules.
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Dating someone who doesn't speak your language at your level. How bad an idea is it?
- Thread starter MillionStabs
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English grammar is simplistic. It makes up for it with an utter lack of pronunciation rules.
johancruijff
Banned
Let your bodies do the talking
David Incorporated Esq.
Member
What, is she from the south?
gutter_trash
Banned
It's not an issue if they have a good sense of humor and get the references you are making.
It only becomes an issue when communication is bad and when you cannot relate
You are fine if you can't relate
It only becomes an issue when communication is bad and when you cannot relate
You are fine if you can't relate
Probably the only problem (for you, OP) that'll come from dating a Chinese girl is the cultural difference. Language ain't a thing and learning each others' languages will help with intimacy.
Unless she's got a modern mindset, dating a traditional Chinese girl will mean lots of time with the in-laws (if it gets that serious); random visits from the parents, lunches with relatives who will speak in Mandarin/their ancestral dialect (leaving you out of the convo), holidays to China etc.
A few of my western mates who've married Chinese/Taiwanese girls abhor this part about their partners. Otherwise, it's pretty good - interracial relationships seem to last longer and be stronger than others, at least from what I've seen.
Unless she's got a modern mindset, dating a traditional Chinese girl will mean lots of time with the in-laws (if it gets that serious); random visits from the parents, lunches with relatives who will speak in Mandarin/their ancestral dialect (leaving you out of the convo), holidays to China etc.
A few of my western mates who've married Chinese/Taiwanese girls abhor this part about their partners. Otherwise, it's pretty good - interracial relationships seem to last longer and be stronger than others, at least from what I've seen.
LostCaress
Member
My brother's portuguese, his girlfriend german, their first kid is irish and the second one is french. They get along just fine.
MillionStabs
Banned
It is passable. She can make jokes in English, and she lived in Japan for 12 years and speaks that almost fluently and I'm currently learning it.
Googled that. Thanks for the laughs
Yeah, I worded that weird. It was more like "So, how was our date?" and her laughing and saying it was OK so I guess that means I'm not a weirdo?
Oh it's been hilarious at times. Once at a party we were playing a rhyming game and she tried to say "clock" but said "cock" instead.
I mean, it still works but all the other native English had a good laugh over it
My girlfriend is American-French. She grew up in France, but her mother's American side of the family is much larger than her dad's French side and she spent many summers over in the States. She speaks both languages equally fluently and her English-speaking accent is mostly West Coast American. Since I'm British, we've always communicated in English and there's no barriers or awkwardness or misunderstanding.
I once dated a Polish chick, though, and that was a whole different ball game.
I once dated a Polish chick, though, and that was a whole different ball game.
GarthVaderUK
Banned
I've been dating a girl from Malaysia for a few years now and it's honestly been great. There are of course some English words and phrases she hasn't heard before, but it hasn't been a big issue and she enjoys expanding her knowledge of the English language.
Cultural differences are maybe more of an issue, as many cultural references and things I grew up with are literally completely foreign to her (and vice versa). However, we've found that this can be combated by having plenty of new experiences together, and by introducing each other to stuff from our past as well. This has made life much more interesting IMO!
Cultural differences are maybe more of an issue, as many cultural references and things I grew up with are literally completely foreign to her (and vice versa). However, we've found that this can be combated by having plenty of new experiences together, and by introducing each other to stuff from our past as well. This has made life much more interesting IMO!
Stallion Dan
Member
I once slept with a Spanish girl because I didn't know how to let her down gently in Spanish and 'No' on its own seemed harsh. I don't know if I could date someone under such conditions.
TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared
Member
Have you not seen love actually? It'll be adorable.
Vulcano's assistant
Banned
Some accents are so hot it may be a plus even if the sentences are not quite right.
It's ok at first but the longer the relationship goes, the worse it'll get. You can't freely have conversations with them because they don't understand you and you don't understand them. You'll both be explaining things to each other all the time. Any references either of you make will fly over your heads most of the time. Any jokes told won't be understood and will need to be explained. Not to mention the cultural differences will become more pronounced as time passes.
Not saying it can never work, just that it's more difficult. Also not saying you shouldn't date outside of your own race. Strictly speaking to the language barrier on both sides.
Not saying it can never work, just that it's more difficult. Also not saying you shouldn't date outside of your own race. Strictly speaking to the language barrier on both sides.
johancruijff
Banned
killatopak
Member
love conquers all.
That's for sure. I find that people are very forgiving of poor pronunciation though. At least I am.
shnurgleton
Member
You really need to be certain that you can connect with this person on an interpersonal level. If it's important to you to have a truly fluent relationship it's going to take a lot of work on both parts to make that work. Cultural context is, for better or worse, a huge part of any relationship and you've got to have that mutual understanding.
I was in a similar relationship and it went on far too long without such understanding. Although it drove me to study Korean for 4 years in college, I never really was able to bridge the gap. Nor was I really grown up enough to get over my own insecure self.
I was in a similar relationship and it went on far too long without such understanding. Although it drove me to study Korean for 4 years in college, I never really was able to bridge the gap. Nor was I really grown up enough to get over my own insecure self.
She's in for a real adventure.
Extra Sauce
Member
Love is a universal language.
*soul leaves body to escape cringe*
*soul leaves body to escape cringe*
I'm am American and I dated a girl in college for a year from Western Africa who's first language was French. She spoke pretty much fluent English (she lived in Montreal for 4 years before college), and I speak okay French, so it actually worked out really well. Plus it was super fucking sexy when she spoke French in bed. She graduated a semester before me though, and couldn't stay in the country anymore so she had to move back to Montreal, but it was easily the best of the (admittedly very few) relationships I've had.
My wife is eastern European and while she spoke fairly good english it was a bit halting. After being immersed in it here in the States she has worked out the kinks (I think it is just getting used to thinking in a certain language) and she is always complemented for how well she speaks now. Accent is slowly but surely going away (not that I want it to go, I like that Russian accent of hers!).
Be prepared though for her not to get quick remarks or a lot of sarcasm at first. Figures of speech are another doozy that takes a bit.
dskillzhtown
keep your strippers out of my American football
I dated a neighbor who spoke broken English, I spoke extremely broken Spanish. We communicated okay...but definitely not good enough to have a long-lasting relationship. I remember the first date we went on was the Empire Strikes Back remaster in theaters. I always wonder how much of the story she actually understood, lol. In the end, it became more of a physical thing than anything else. As time went on, she learned better English and I better Spanish, but it was too late for anything serious to develop. We drifted apart big time. The last time I saw her, she told me she turned into a satanist.
ElectricKaibutsu
Member
Ditto for me.
It's not a big deal, OP. Go for it. If it doesn't work out then break up.
Depends on their level. If their English is so bad you can't understand them 70% of the time, don't go. Otherwise, it should be fine if you can get your ideas across. Keep in mind that culture differences will determine some of the humour between each other and if the other person gets it or not.
MillionStabs
Banned
actually there's really no harm in finding out how far this can go. Just maybe tell her in advance this time that you intend this to be a date
moltonasty
Member
My wife is Japanese and her English is not perfect. Sometimes it is very frustrating, but I feel the positives far outweigh the negatives in our relationship, so it's something we both just deal with. Keep in mind that her English will most likely improve if you guys stay together for a while. Obviously I'm biased but I don't see it as a bad idea at all.
Slurpy2k20
Member
My wife and I are both trilingual (English, French, Arabic). Her French and Arabic are the strongest (100% fluent) while her english is weaker, while I'm strongest in english, then arabic, then french- my weakest. Some english expressions/idioms/humor, etc go past her head, but it hasn't been a major issue, and I'm constantly trying to make her improve. Meanwhile, I wish my french was stronger. We mainly speak Arabic and English, but I can also do French when I'm motivated. It's fun to mix it up. We've never really had a communication barrier.
Lasthope106
Member
Best way to learn a language IMO. You'll want to know all those little thing she whispers in your ear at night 
Language is fine. Culture might not be. I'm dating someone that isn't my "race" and arguments do occur when you expect someone that is more traditional to how you were raised and vice versa. If there is love, you can make it work, but just be warned that there will be days you wonder why you are in the relationship.
Language is fine. Culture might not be. I'm dating someone that isn't my "race" and arguments do occur when you expect someone that is more traditional to how you were raised and vice versa. If there is love, you can make it work, but just be warned that there will be days you wonder why you are in the relationship.
Skellig Gra
Member
Just dive in and see how it goes. Your feelings can't get too hurt because you probably won't even understand why she dumped you.
This is so cruel.
CeruleanSilver
Member
I once had a relationship with a Chinese girl that lasted about 2 years. She was attending higher education in the US and spoke English well enough, but it wasn't perfect. She understandably missed out on some things that a native speaker wouldn't have trouble with, either due to language or cultural knowledge, and that was sometimes disappointing. When you're in the moment, or maybe making a joke, having to stop and explain everything can drain the energy out of it and create a feeling of distance. At some point later on in our relationship I think I started holding back on saying or sharing certain things because I knew she wouldn't understand in the same way. That was my own failing, and I should have worked harder to keep connecting.
However, I don't think that was the biggest problem for us. There was love between us and we had harmony and communicated at a more fundamental level. You don't have to understand your partner's every reference if your personalities are more generally compatible. I think that's the more important thing, to have a similar approach to life and way of being.
Ultimately I think my relationship with this Chinese girl failed mostly due to differences in what we wanted out of life, which I think was partly cultural. I like to eat healthy and live simply without many extravagances. She liked to stay at fancy hotels and eat rich foods. I love going outdoors, exercising, and enjoying nature- her not so much. Going hiking isn't really a thing in China, at least how she grew up. All those things added up to where we felt pretty out of sync.
Anyways, getting back to your situation, despite what I've said above about my previous failed relationship, I would tell you to pursue this girl and see what happens. If you two have a real connection then you can overcome any language problems. Good luck! And of course enjoy... even if the relationship doesn't last forever, it can still be rewarding.
However, I don't think that was the biggest problem for us. There was love between us and we had harmony and communicated at a more fundamental level. You don't have to understand your partner's every reference if your personalities are more generally compatible. I think that's the more important thing, to have a similar approach to life and way of being.
Ultimately I think my relationship with this Chinese girl failed mostly due to differences in what we wanted out of life, which I think was partly cultural. I like to eat healthy and live simply without many extravagances. She liked to stay at fancy hotels and eat rich foods. I love going outdoors, exercising, and enjoying nature- her not so much. Going hiking isn't really a thing in China, at least how she grew up. All those things added up to where we felt pretty out of sync.
Anyways, getting back to your situation, despite what I've said above about my previous failed relationship, I would tell you to pursue this girl and see what happens. If you two have a real connection then you can overcome any language problems. Good luck! And of course enjoy... even if the relationship doesn't last forever, it can still be rewarding.
One thing I have learnt living here in Sweden is that Swedes, well, it isn't that they are unforgiving it is more they are just not used to hearing their language spoken by foreigners not 100% fluently. English speakers are so used to everyone having at least some kind of degree of ability and so we get used to hearing it spoken well but also absolutely mangled. We work our way through. Basically we can mentally do error correction and work it out.
Swedes can't. Well, most of them anyway.
Chairmanchuck
Member
If you are dating a Chinese girl, the bigger problem will, in the end, be the cultural differences.
I know German/Chinese couples that shortly divorced, because the Chinese women never wanted to integrate and the German man never wanted to take part in Chinese culture.
Also if you are interested in her beyond just a date, learn the language...
I know German/Chinese couples that shortly divorced, because the Chinese women never wanted to integrate and the German man never wanted to take part in Chinese culture.
Also if you are interested in her beyond just a date, learn the language...
Shadowhelper
Banned
Depends on how important being able to uphold great conversation is, and what you're after.
For many people, it's not that important. Sexual attraction, coolness, hierarchy on the social totem pole, stability, seduction of money, can all trump that.
For some people, it's very important, and if you are especially skilled in this area, you have big leg up on most people who cannot provide interesting conversation to save their lives.
I had a french GF who barely spoke English, but the sexual chemistry was so great, it did not matter. But for me that is not the foundation of a long lasting relationship, and I prefer to be with someone whose English is not only good, but someone who I can have some sort of connection meaning some manner of shared culture or pop cultural interests.
For many people, it's not that important. Sexual attraction, coolness, hierarchy on the social totem pole, stability, seduction of money, can all trump that.
For some people, it's very important, and if you are especially skilled in this area, you have big leg up on most people who cannot provide interesting conversation to save their lives.
I had a french GF who barely spoke English, but the sexual chemistry was so great, it did not matter. But for me that is not the foundation of a long lasting relationship, and I prefer to be with someone whose English is not only good, but someone who I can have some sort of connection meaning some manner of shared culture or pop cultural interests.
roosters93
Member
Bravo. Well done.
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