That works if you are in an area where you are visible to a number of people that you can identify with. If you have requirements for someone who is extraordinary, you sometimes need to look outside your daily life (and maybe city).
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Dating Websites Advice GAF
- Thread starter Stephen Colbert
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That works if you are in an area where you are visible to a number of people that you can identify with. If you have requirements for someone who is extraordinary, you sometimes need to look outside your daily life (and maybe city).
GillianSeed79
Member
One of my sisters met her husband on Eharmony. Granted she was into dating websites for years before she met him though. She also lives in D.C, so I'm sure the caliber of candidates was higher.
I've always been curious about dating websites, but the area where I live is so non-metropolitan that I'm kind of scared to try.
I've always been curious about dating websites, but the area where I live is so non-metropolitan that I'm kind of scared to try.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Trigger Warning
Member
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Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Yeah I'm gonna need to see pics too because I'm having a real hard time believing she is a real 10. That's like 1% of the female population.
Laughing Banana
Weeping Pickle
From the title, I thought Dating Websites give advice to GAF, like some owners from those sites giving lecture to Evilore or something, hahaha.
Sanky Panky
Banned
I've tried eharmony and OkCupid with much success from both (my current gf is from OKCupid)
Eharmony is easy because it guides the communication. A girl responds to your initial message, and you are basically in if you ask fun/deep questions.
With OKcupid, girls do get a lot of clutter, so some basic things to remember is to NEVER compliment a girl on her looks (like 100 other idiots), and don't make it sexual. Try to read into her profile to see what she is most passionate about, and ask her about it. Don't do it from the angle of "omg we have so much in common!!", but that you are genuinely interested in her, while providing only limited info on yourself.
I usually get a lot of responses. I maybe send out 10 messages, 5 girls look at my profile, 3 answer back.
Eharmony is easy because it guides the communication. A girl responds to your initial message, and you are basically in if you ask fun/deep questions.
With OKcupid, girls do get a lot of clutter, so some basic things to remember is to NEVER compliment a girl on her looks (like 100 other idiots), and don't make it sexual. Try to read into her profile to see what she is most passionate about, and ask her about it. Don't do it from the angle of "omg we have so much in common!!", but that you are genuinely interested in her, while providing only limited info on yourself.
I usually get a lot of responses. I maybe send out 10 messages, 5 girls look at my profile, 3 answer back.
From someone who met his wife through a dating site -- and she contacted me -- I have just one piece of advice that worked for me.
When possible, don't just go on and on telling who you are. Be who you are.
For example, I always saw this as the kiss of death in a profile: "My friends say I'm funny." If you're funny, be funny.
When possible, don't just go on and on telling who you are. Be who you are.
For example, I always saw this as the kiss of death in a profile: "My friends say I'm funny." If you're funny, be funny.
BrLvgThrChmstry
Banned
I'm ashamed to say that I have tried this. I usually delete my profile within 2-3 hrs of creating it. Don't get me wrong, there is no shame in this whatsoever. None. It's just how I feel about myself... partaking in online dating. It is the nature of it and a fear that prevents me from not only taking it seriously; I almost intentionally apply all the "don't"s to my profile out of laziness. Can't really explain it. I'm not going to say it isn't for me as I haven't even really... taken a serious approach to it but I don't know. Ugh. But this thread has prompt me to give it another shot. More than likely, I'll probably delete my profiles in the next hour or so... Lol.
okcupid = hipsters or generally odd people
craigslist is likely going to get you nowhere
eharmony was kinda difficult to do anything with
lavalife... that has been mainly hits so far for me
but the one problem that plagues almost all sites is what i call shining knight syndrome
a lot of people are out for their "perfection"
ive been turned down because i didnt make 6 figures or other random petty shit like that
craigslist is likely going to get you nowhere
eharmony was kinda difficult to do anything with
lavalife... that has been mainly hits so far for me
but the one problem that plagues almost all sites is what i call shining knight syndrome
a lot of people are out for their "perfection"
ive been turned down because i didnt make 6 figures or other random petty shit like that
Yeah, most people don't realize that your -- and their -- standards go up exponentially when you're online. My "batting average" in person is much higher simply because the both of us aren't given the luxury of window shopping online.
I tried OKC and didn't have a whole lot of success, but I started having way more when I started following this simple rule:
Ask her out in the third message you send her.
That said, while I remember seeing a lot of appealing women, and even got a few first dates out of it, I never got a single second date out of it after trying for a year or two. And the way I see it, if someone like me had better luck IRL than on the internets, that's gotta be a bad sign, amirite?
Ask her out in the third message you send her.
That said, while I remember seeing a lot of appealing women, and even got a few first dates out of it, I never got a single second date out of it after trying for a year or two. And the way I see it, if someone like me had better luck IRL than on the internets, that's gotta be a bad sign, amirite?
For requests of pics, I'll see. I really don't want her to feel like I'm parading her looks around, because she has so much more to offer. If she finds it flattering, I'll consider it.
Why not write something down outside of the online site, so that you can look at it occasionally and edit it. And you could post it here too.
Why not write something down outside of the online site, so that you can look at it occasionally and edit it. And you could post it here too.
BrLvgThrChmstry
Banned
Thanks. I sat down and did this a few moments ago. I think it came out alright. Keep it short and.. yeah, it looks good. Posted to my profile aaaaand I guess I'll see where this goes.
Your luck kind of depends on where you live; I live in a Canadian city of about 300k+ and have been using okcupid and plenty of fish for about a year and a half and while I've met a fair share of people, I haven't formed any kind of lasting relationship anyone except for my now really great friend. I seem to connect better with people who live further away, which is a pain.
I've used Okcupid and POF. I think Okcupid has far and away the best matching tools of any dating site, if you're willing to answer 100+ questions with your honest opinion. Of course, I'm looking for a relationship, not something casual, so I find that that's the best environment for me. In my time looking at Datehookup, it's half way between adult friend finder and POF.
And POF isn't that good. Too many girls barely fill out their profiles. Or throw out cliches ("I haate talking about myself, down to earth, work hard play hard, laid back, chill, drama free, looking for a real man, etc") and top off with "if you want to know more message me." Well, I practically know nothing about them, so no, I don't want to spend my time crafting a message for someone that doesn't even care enough about finding someone to properly describe themselves. It's also kind of bad about giving you girls to look at that are within close proximity. Unless you want to sort by distance and go through 70 pages or more, just to see what's out there. You'll get little to no matching help with POF. Yet, I use it because there isn't much crossover between POF and Okcupid.
So far for me:
Okcupid: 1 date that was nice enough, a few random messages from some girls that I didn't find too attractive, messages sent and left unresponded to by 8+ girls.
POF: 0 dates, though lots of chatting with one girl who has no plans to ever meet up. Another 6+ messages sent with no response. Some girls that were slightly crazy or unattractive messaged me. When the 6th obese girl messaged me I finally had to include a polite "no fatties" cliche at the end of my profile.
That's my experience. If I sound slightly downtrodden, it's because I'm the guy that actually writes personalized messages for girls and still gets no responses. To the point where I don't know what I'm doing wrong, besides that I should go put on some muscle or something at the gym.
All the same, I wish you and others good luck.
And POF isn't that good. Too many girls barely fill out their profiles. Or throw out cliches ("I haate talking about myself, down to earth, work hard play hard, laid back, chill, drama free, looking for a real man, etc") and top off with "if you want to know more message me." Well, I practically know nothing about them, so no, I don't want to spend my time crafting a message for someone that doesn't even care enough about finding someone to properly describe themselves. It's also kind of bad about giving you girls to look at that are within close proximity. Unless you want to sort by distance and go through 70 pages or more, just to see what's out there. You'll get little to no matching help with POF. Yet, I use it because there isn't much crossover between POF and Okcupid.
So far for me:
Okcupid: 1 date that was nice enough, a few random messages from some girls that I didn't find too attractive, messages sent and left unresponded to by 8+ girls.
POF: 0 dates, though lots of chatting with one girl who has no plans to ever meet up. Another 6+ messages sent with no response. Some girls that were slightly crazy or unattractive messaged me. When the 6th obese girl messaged me I finally had to include a polite "no fatties" cliche at the end of my profile.
That's my experience. If I sound slightly downtrodden, it's because I'm the guy that actually writes personalized messages for girls and still gets no responses. To the point where I don't know what I'm doing wrong, besides that I should go put on some muscle or something at the gym.
All the same, I wish you and others good luck.
Dabookerman
Member
There's always someone "better" sending these girls messages.
I barely even bother now. Plus in my case I think most girls seem to prefer white people, and the ok Cupid survey has kind of validated that point.
I'm just going to try to visit more places outside of work. Medieval martial arts and life drawing is the plan..
JORMBO
Darkness no more
I've had a few relationships from OKC. That's probably the best site and it's free. I just send short messages to start out. Maybe 2-3 sentences. Something funny that plays off what they wrote in their profile. Girls are usually amazed I read the profile. I've had female friends show me their inbox and yeah, most of the messages they get are complete trash.
POF kind of sucks because girls only write a line or two for their profile most of the time. There's just not enough to make me interested in messaging a girl if she didn't write anything at all. I like OKC structured profiles. Most people fill out most (if not all) of the sections.
Match is a waste. I did a free 3 month trial with some coupon code before. 90% of the profiles there are free profiles. These profiles can be sent messages, but they cannot actually read or reply to them if they do not pay. And you don't know who is a member and who is a free profile. So if you send out a message there's a 90% chance it's just getting lost in some dark void and never gets read.
Overall it's easier to meet people in person since a large amount of the people on dating sites suck. But it's nice to keep a profile up to have the option available if someone comes along.
POF kind of sucks because girls only write a line or two for their profile most of the time. There's just not enough to make me interested in messaging a girl if she didn't write anything at all. I like OKC structured profiles. Most people fill out most (if not all) of the sections.
Match is a waste. I did a free 3 month trial with some coupon code before. 90% of the profiles there are free profiles. These profiles can be sent messages, but they cannot actually read or reply to them if they do not pay. And you don't know who is a member and who is a free profile. So if you send out a message there's a 90% chance it's just getting lost in some dark void and never gets read.
Overall it's easier to meet people in person since a large amount of the people on dating sites suck. But it's nice to keep a profile up to have the option available if someone comes along.
BrLvgThrChmstry
Banned
I've promptly deleted 2 of 3 profiles on different sites mentioned in this thread this morning. Waiting on a 24hr grace period to pass on the 3rd before I can get rid of it. I'm sorry but it really is something about it that seems completely unnatural and.. it simply isn't for me. I'm not much of a window shopper I guess. I prefer the ole' fashion method. Nothing beats it (IMO). I just need to get out more.
At the moment you're force feeding yourself negative thoughts and you only see consequences that reaffirm your current beliefs, as in, you think you're too short and when nobody responds, that reinforces your belief as the only truth. Change this belief into you having the perfect height for all women, and sooner or later, you'll start to see results that point towards that belief instead. You're effectively holding yourself back from success with these thoughts. Perhaps all those women are too tall for YOUR tastes? Ever thought of that?
Dabookerman
Member
At the moment you're force feeding yourself negative thoughts and you only see consequences that reaffirm your current beliefs, as in, you think you're too short and when nobody responds, that reinforces your belief as the only truth. Change this belief into you having the perfect height for all women, and sooner or later, you'll start to see results that point towards that belief instead. You're effectively holding yourself back from success with these thoughts. Perhaps all those women are too tall for YOUR tastes? Ever thought of that?
This is correct. Look at it this way. If your erect penis stood 6inches. It would proportionally look bigger than that of a 6 foot dude who had the same length.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Man you guys are going to some weird lengths to give this guy some positive reinforcement. It's not that big of a deal, yeah there are women out there who won't be into a guy that is shorter than them but there are still a lot of girls who would be with you. I mean I know some girls who are below 5'4'' and they wouldn't wanna be with me because I'm 6'4'' and that just doesn't work. Generally speaking girls probably prefer being on even ground with their partner so you're not completely out of it. Just less likely to get chicks that are like 5'11''. Also remember I said less likely not impossible, there are plenty of times when a chick is with a shorter guy, I see it everyday.
I used OKCupid for about four months. I thought it wasn't going great, but then I sent a very well-crafted message to a gorgeous girl and she wanted to set up a date three hours after she got it. Our first date was amazing (and it was my first date on OKCupid), and while we're going to have another couple of dates before we formally state it, it looks like we're going to be in a relationship
.
This sound exactly like me and how i found my current gf on okc. I never would of thought i would of found anything after so many unsuccessful attempts on the site, but it happened.
Stephen Colbert
Banned
I agree that match.com sucks due to all the inactive profiles. It's seems pretty much strictly inferior to okcupid in terms of features as well.
After trying a couple out, I think okcupid is the best site overall, and eharmony is the best amongst the paysites since the girls aren't bombared with messages, and you don't waste time messaging people who are nothing like you, or who don't have an active profile.
After trying a couple out, I think okcupid is the best site overall, and eharmony is the best amongst the paysites since the girls aren't bombared with messages, and you don't waste time messaging people who are nothing like you, or who don't have an active profile.
Dabookerman
Member
Haha. I decided to go on a message spree, and thus far two replies..however, one from someone who simply wants lesbian sex, and the other lives thousands of miles away. They're like the only two non serious ones. Blah
Hot Coldman
Banned
Just go into the middle of your nearest mall and shout 'BATMAN' over and over. Works a charm.
NSFW http://youtu.be/z2bTu9emW4Y?t=2m3s NSFW
I prefer this approach.
By the way, this thread partially inspired me to send out a total of 10 messages to different girls today on Okcupid and POF. We'll see if anything happens...
I tried a couple of dating sites a few years ago after I moved. I only tried it for 3 or 4 months. Had a few dates out of it, but it was all people with 2 or 3 kids and fatties (look out for the "Myspace shots").
People have a tendency to misrepresent themselves in their profile too much...or at least that's what happened in my case.
People have a tendency to misrepresent themselves in their profile too much...or at least that's what happened in my case.
MrToughPants
Brian Burke punched my mom
I met my fiancee on Plenty of Fish. We've been together for over three years now.
I once made a patently offensive and dickish profile that was the very unfiltered core of my being for as a joke with my GF. No pictures, just brutally honest text. Amusingly, I got a plethora of messages from random ladies and then disabled the account because it was weirding me out and I already had a GF. In short, be honest and don't hold back. Be specific and let them know what you like and want. Also choose your picture wisely, don't look at the camera is the common advice. OH AND USE PROPER GRAMMAR!
Ditto.
I feel that know.
johnny_park
Member
I'm only 5'5 and in the last 3 months I've met up with around 12 different girls.
dorkimoe
Member
The only awkward part of online dating is seeing someone in town that has either 1)creeped on your profile, or 2) you messaged them and they didnt respond.
I only get people wanting to meet me who are fat girls. Now I know thats mean and their is nothing wrong with that. But I'm a very skinny guy, i don't think my poor brittle body could support them. And i think I am better looking than some of these whales hitting on me. Maybe not though
I've yet to have a cute girl respond :\
I dont think height has much to do with anything lol ^. I'm 6'3
I only get people wanting to meet me who are fat girls. Now I know thats mean and their is nothing wrong with that. But I'm a very skinny guy, i don't think my poor brittle body could support them. And i think I am better looking than some of these whales hitting on me. Maybe not though
I've yet to have a cute girl respond :\
I dont think height has much to do with anything lol ^. I'm 6'3
Mr.Squirrel
Tom
I watched a couple of his vids and unless I'm missing something, he's saying a whole lot of nothing....
My roommates love Match but they are in it for all the wrong reasons. For any good looking guy who wants to be a player these websites are pure gold. They just want to bang as many girls as possible and when you can search for people to contact and contact at will this enables them to do so with minimal effort and consequences.
Meanwhile a lot of very sincere guys who are looking for legitimate relationships get overlooked because their profile pics aren't attractive enough. My one roommate has now actually taken it on him to see how many chicks who specifically say they aren't interested in one night stands he can sleep with on the first date as some wierd challenge. So far he has been pretty successful at his perverse challenge because a lot of these girls are desperate and that's why thet're on there in the first place.
That's another reason why I think that sites like eHarmony where you cannot search, your matches are picked for you, and you must go through many initial steps of communication before you go on a date are far better for people looking for legitimate relationships.
Meanwhile a lot of very sincere guys who are looking for legitimate relationships get overlooked because their profile pics aren't attractive enough. My one roommate has now actually taken it on him to see how many chicks who specifically say they aren't interested in one night stands he can sleep with on the first date as some wierd challenge. So far he has been pretty successful at his perverse challenge because a lot of these girls are desperate and that's why thet're on there in the first place.
That's another reason why I think that sites like eHarmony where you cannot search, your matches are picked for you, and you must go through many initial steps of communication before you go on a date are far better for people looking for legitimate relationships.
Mr.Squirrel
Tom
Don't hate the player hate the game. If you're room mates are getting results, get advice. They're not making it harder for anyone else, those other dudes just aren't desirable enough to be wanted
5'5" here
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I'm tall and I strike out all the time. The grass is never greener on the other side man, it's all about how you feel and act.
BobsRevenge
I do not avoid women, GAF, but I do deny them my essence.
Yup, 5'5" and I didn't get shit on OKCupid. Well, I got a few girls initiate, but they were all too far away and not that attractive. I didn't get anyone messaging me back.
OKCupid is too competitive for me. It put me down in the dumps after a couple weeks. I was placed into the top 50% for attractiveness, or whatever, but I didn't get shit.
For the guy who said height isn't that big of a deal: a lot of girls won't even consider guys who are under 5'10" on dating websites. There's too many choices for them.
Hey man, I couldn't agree more, I'm just trying to point out that a lot of these sites are not set up in a way that really caters to serious long term relationships. A lot of the time these sites are even more superficial than the bar scene or whatever because people just search by height and income and then judge solely on photos.
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