This so much. Since so many ignore my messages, I have a personal response guarantee because I don't want to be like those women, but I can't say I don't do exactly what you describe
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Bay Maximus
Banned
This so much. Since so many ignore my messages, I have a personal response guarantee because I don't want to be like those women, but I can't say I don't do exactly what you describe
I don't know. I think the rejection stings more when you send a "not interested" note. I personally only respond when I see some kind of potential. I'd like to think the rest are grateful for me not wasting their time.
This so much. Since so many ignore my messages, I have a personal response guarantee because I don't want to be like those women, but I can't say I don't do exactly what you describe
You don't owe every random person on the website anything. I'd say I ignored at least half the messages I received from people. You also shouldn't feel bad for skipping over almost everyone based upon a thumbnail. The reason I said "prototype" males get the best results is because women use greater search criteria than men tend to use. They will filter by height, they will filter by employment, they will filter by hair color. They tend to be far more picky than men on the sites. So if you don't meet the cut of being 5'10"+, white, employed, college educated chances are you're getting far, far less hits back from the search results than someone who meets those criterion.
The only thing I ever searched for was Zip code (+/- 25 miles), age and body type. My girlfriend said she routinely searched by all those, plus height, plus employment, plus degree. From talking to other females that seems fairly common.
NihonTiger90
Member
Yep, though each site seems to definitely have different audiences. I see a lot of "please use grammar properly and no shots of your abs in the bathroom mirror, please" on OKC, lol.
And even then, it's tough when you meet those requirements.
I think the correct grammar is mutual for both sides. I am immediately turned off by a person who can't form complete sentences or spell words correctly in their profile they are trying to use to make an impression on people.
I'm not a bro douche but I'm in really good shape. Just for the sake of it I posted a picture of myself at the beach and I was getting ton of messages from women in that week I had the picture up. Yes even girls who said "Don't have shirtless pictures of your abs" in their profile. Granted it wasn't infront of a bathroom mirror it was out with my friends but it was fairly close-up. In fact I'd say almost a quarter of profiles seem to have that statement :/
Overall I don't put much weight in a girl's profile, tbh. I maybe fully read 10% of them before deciding to reply back/send a message. I'd just skim them for a quick talking point for the message and be done with it. Girls are different. Most will tend to read your entire profile which is why you want to keep it short and to the point. If you lose their interest in your profile they'll never want to meet up with someone that boring.
eternaLightness
Member
One thing I hated on PoF was when I would see someones profile in all caps. Those were instant ignores for me.
Barack Lesnar
Banned
can I see the beach pic? PM if you don't wanna put it in the thread?
I'm really weird about pictures on the internet where I'd prefer to stay anonymous so sorry
From my personal experience, that article is right: paying for dating sites sucks utter bollocks. I have experienced free trials of Zooks and the like, and they are vastly inferior to OKCupid. About my personal experience with the former during the course of 3 years:
- I initiated contact with 7 girls I was interested at, got replies from 5 of them
- One them ended up in one date, but didn't work (we ended in cordial terms with each other)
- 2 of these contacts initiated long, lasting conversations, but they ended up dieing after some months (couldn't get a date due to distance / lack of interest)
- I got contacted by 3 different girls (!), Two of said contacts went nowhere, but the most recent have resulted into a chain of long mails, and a soon - to - be dinner. I would love to see if there's a romantic intention or not behind said approach >_< (fuck "I want to be friends of *insert restricted age and gender of people*" type of profiles). Wish me luck guys.
- I initiated contact with 7 girls I was interested at, got replies from 5 of them
- One them ended up in one date, but didn't work (we ended in cordial terms with each other)
- 2 of these contacts initiated long, lasting conversations, but they ended up dieing after some months (couldn't get a date due to distance / lack of interest)
- I got contacted by 3 different girls (!), Two of said contacts went nowhere, but the most recent have resulted into a chain of long mails, and a soon - to - be dinner. I would love to see if there's a romantic intention or not behind said approach >_< (fuck "I want to be friends of *insert restricted age and gender of people*" type of profiles). Wish me luck guys.
Why on Earth would you maintain a conversation for months? Ideally you should be exchanging contact information or arranging a casual date by like 3 messages. Or about 5 days. You're not trying to figure out if this chick will be the mother of your children via email exchanges. You're just trying to figure out if you'd actually be interested in meeting her in real life.
I have experience on both pay and free sites. I prefer free only because it has a larger audience. However I've had success on both. Pay sites tend to reward humor less (hence I'm worse) and prefer a more serious tone and prefer to talk about hopes, dreams and aspirations earlier. Free sites tend to value entertainment and "living in the moment" as the topics of conversation. I'd agree, however, it is easier to find and get dates on free sites.
IMHO online dating is a science and not an art. I'd almost argue face-to-face dating is somewhat a science initially then later morphs into an art. If you're having problems getting women to meet you for dates online chances are you need to change up your method.
Wow you hit the nail on the head. It's kind of depressing how predictable and formulaic profiles and "wants" are for people on the free vs pay sites. I think online dating brings out the extremes in people because they want to stand out and are looking for their ideal situation, when most people fall in the middle. But no one wants an "average guy/girl". But that is what most of us are and who most of us will end up with.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
I registered for OKC just for the hell of it to see some of the women around my vicinity, and ugh at the women who only post face pics. Then when you click on the second and third pics, you see their body.
Seriously, start posting full body shots for your profile. It's like finding out there is no Santa Claus.
Seriously, start posting full body shots for your profile. It's like finding out there is no Santa Claus.
Agent Cooper
Member
This combined with your avatar made me laugh. xD
Dabookerman
Member
Oh god yeah...
Over the years I've become a wizard at figuring out if a girl is ugly in real life based upon her pictures. However it took me showing up for like 10 dates with super ugly chicks to finally get the hang of it.
That's not exactly what I mean though. I mean, out of common courtesy, I won't ignore anyone simply because I can't really know whether or not I'm interested in them based on a photograph or two. If somebody asks me a question, I'm gonna answer it, that's just how I was raised I guess. To me it comes down to feeling that not answering is rude and bad sport. Of course, this is not a problem since I never get messages from randoms anyway :lol As for search criteria, seems like we're the same.
Edit: Not getting random messages is what makes me think that my profile and pictures are bad, but I dunno. GAF has approved my profile before
(and it's in Swedish so posting it here again would do nothing)Like the hat?
Banned
I met my wife on hotornot.com
Bay Maximus
Banned
Edit: Not getting random messages is what makes me think that my profile and pictures are bad, but I dunno. GAF has approved my profile before
Is PoF popular in Sweden? And if it is, would it be trite to put in some kind of Swedish Fish joke? I would think every profile should have one.
We're not allowed to join for some reason. I don't think Swedes find that very funny xD Swedish Fish is not that popular here. It's mostly found as random candy in stores where there are 50 kinds of candy you can mix your own bag from (probably the most common way we buy candy here).
I suggest tossing out any 'rules' that you see people talking about in this thread. I've broken most of the "You have to be this..." that people have mentioned. I'm not incredibly handsome, rather short, not white, don't have a shirtless pic or an animal, I have a picture where I'm smiling right at the camera, don't have a 6 digit income, and used a pay site (Match.com) to meet my present girlfriend of 2 years and an ex who I was in a relationship for 3 years with as well.
Suggestions for those new to online dating:
I don't know if LA is more progressive than other places, but there is no stigma to online dating here. All of my female friends have done it at some point with varying degrees of success. Some are really attractive and have no problem getting approached in bars. Do they do both? Yes. There's no reason to limit your options of meeting people.
As for pay vs free, my experience was people were more serious about meeting up on a paid dating site. The girls on match were more inclined to meet for drinks, whereas most of the people I contacted on POF were interested in online talking/getting attention. I had more success with match and never got out of the 'question-answering' portion of OKCupid. That's what I found, others have different experiences. Don't take anything as gospel.
Suggestions for those new to online dating:
- Don't be discouraged by a low response rate. I average 2-3 responses for every 10 messages sent out. Each message is generally based on something I see in the girl's profile to let her know I read it.
- Have no expectations. People don't owe you anything, especially when you're a faceless stranger on the Internet. Think of it like fishing. If you send out 12 messages in an hour, if two write back, you can probably set up a date with one of them. Do that a few times, and suddenly your weekend is booked. If you had spent an hour at a bar approaching strangers, do you think you could get more dates set up in the same amount of time? If so, then maybe you don't need/want online dating.
- Always press to meet in person as soon as possible. Don't waste time building up an online penpal. If the girl doesn't want to meet, you're wasting your time. I generally ask to meet up within the first two messages, three at the most.
- On Match in particular, I had a process where I did a search for those nearest me who had high compatibility with what we both wanted. I filtered it to within 15 miles and then sorted by those who were active recently. This way, I wasn't messaging any 'dead' accounts. Usually they were either online when I wrote them or had been active within the last 24 hours. I live in a big city (Los Angeles), so there were plenty of people in my pool to choose from. If you are in a small town, YMMV.
- If you're a catch, it will all work out eventually.
I don't know if LA is more progressive than other places, but there is no stigma to online dating here. All of my female friends have done it at some point with varying degrees of success. Some are really attractive and have no problem getting approached in bars. Do they do both? Yes. There's no reason to limit your options of meeting people.
As for pay vs free, my experience was people were more serious about meeting up on a paid dating site. The girls on match were more inclined to meet for drinks, whereas most of the people I contacted on POF were interested in online talking/getting attention. I had more success with match and never got out of the 'question-answering' portion of OKCupid. That's what I found, others have different experiences. Don't take anything as gospel.
TheKaeptain
Banned
For some reason I can meet girls anywhere but online.
I know that feeling. I just got a date next week from a girl at a party last night.
It's more than a little depressing when I can get dates in person, but have to fight for them online.
hahahaha.....
Now you know why they post face pics...or as they're also called "MySpace shots".
I remember going through that when I tried a couple of dating sites after moving a number of years ago. At one point I just figured if there's ever a group shot with friends, it's likely the fattest one. In fact, you can bet money that it's the fattest one.
I made another okcupid account on a whim when i was bored a few nights ago. I'm pleasantly surprised at the amount of cute girls in the area, but I guess I shouldn't be since there are a few all girls colleges close by. Sent out one kind of lame message to no response yet, but two people randomly messaged me today. Solid amount of visitors too, but I guess I should make my profile a bit more interesting.
I guess it's all a crapshoot.
I guess it's all a crapshoot.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Great, I finally fill out the questionnaire on OKC, and I get a message from a bisexual guy (tborg1987) .
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EDIT-And is it really important to answer the questions? Haven't done so yet.
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EDIT-And is it really important to answer the questions? Haven't done so yet.
Bearded Dudebro
Member
It wasn't intentional. Some of the girls that I was interested on, lived in different cities, and when I decided to discard that modus operandi and focus only in girls living next to me, the girl in question forgot to modify her profile to reflect that right now she's studying at Paris instead of Madrid. Argh >_<
Thanks for the advice, and yes, I've changed my method already. I am quite conscious that the problem can't lie in the +3000 million females that inhabit this planet.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Did you answer every question? There seems to be a fucking lot. I'm sticking to 100 and that's it.
Bearded Dudebro
Member
It seems to be endless. I think the more you answer, the better it's able to match you with people that have answered those questions.
dskillzhtown
keep your strippers out of my American football
I am married now, but on POF, I used to hook up regularly. It becomes a freaking job though in searching for profiles, messaging, responding, etc. You have to spray and pray so much. You know the good looking women are getting about 10 messages a day, so I actually stopped putting a ton of effort into the messages, just threw in the basics and then the success rate got much higher.
I'll be honest though, I wasn't exactly meeting quality women. I was meeting smash partners mostly. Though at first I wasn't aware of it. I caught on pretty quickly though and took advantage of the situation. I possibly could have excluded those chicks and met someone quality, but I never knew until I met the girl. I rememebr one girl who seemed so sweet and nice, then we went out a couple of times and she ended up being a superfreak.
I'll be honest though, I wasn't exactly meeting quality women. I was meeting smash partners mostly. Though at first I wasn't aware of it. I caught on pretty quickly though and took advantage of the situation. I possibly could have excluded those chicks and met someone quality, but I never knew until I met the girl. I rememebr one girl who seemed so sweet and nice, then we went out a couple of times and she ended up being a superfreak.
The Interrobanger
Member
Met my GF on Craigslist. She responded to my thinly veiled hookup post and here we are 2.5 years later.
Can you give tips as to how to increase message response rate on pof. The only thing i can think of is:
1) Do not message people looking for intimate encounters. Waste of time and limits the number of people you message
2)Try to message people who are new to the site
3) If they do not have a picture still message them, they may be hot
cooljeanius
Member
Man how did I miss that thread the first time around...
la flama blanca
Banned
Honest question, can I meet some hot freaky sluts on those sites?
I don't want to call women who like casual sex sluts. But i can think of at least 3 girls who i have fucked within 5 minutes of meeting them from pof.
la flama blanca
Banned
Yeah, I was just being dumb, but would you say they were attractive?
Hmm, they ranged in hotness there was one that was on the rebound that i kinda fucked up my chances with that was smoking. Actually make that three. The ones i smashed were ok to not so hot. Some of the ones i could have smashed were fucking smoking.
la flama blanca
Banned
And what site did you use?
I'm interested because im lazy as shit after being in a relationship for 9 years and just would like to find some tail without having to do any of what I should be doing lol
pof. But it requires so much fucking work, like 20 messages a day to get like 1 response type shit.
is POF not some kind of kidney stealing fishing site? I always assumed it was because it brings back 50+ pages of results every time i search.
Edit: Ahh, makes sense.
I've met a a lot of nice people through OKCupid, none of it worked out romantically but it is really good at putting you in touch with like minded people, which is mostly what I wanted anyway
Edit: Ahh, makes sense.
I've met a a lot of nice people through OKCupid, none of it worked out romantically but it is really good at putting you in touch with like minded people, which is mostly what I wanted anyway
There are a lot of women, but don't expect to get more than 1 message a month without messaging someone. Also women can get 100+ messages a day if they are hot. No joke. You'd be lucky to get 1 a month. No joke. if you get like 5 responses a week from a few hours of messaging count yourself lucky.
electroshockwave
Member
Would any of the guys who are more successful be willing to show their first few messages back and forth with a girl up to the point where you arrange to meet or exchange contact details?
I seem to have a lower than average success rate with getting replies to my first message and when I do I'm a bit lost about where to take the conversation. I don't think it's my profile because a lot of the time it seems that isn't even viewed. My profile pic might be an issue, I just grabbed the first one of me tagged on facebook where I'm not completely drunk with my eyes half closed.
I seem to have a lower than average success rate with getting replies to my first message and when I do I'm a bit lost about where to take the conversation. I don't think it's my profile because a lot of the time it seems that isn't even viewed. My profile pic might be an issue, I just grabbed the first one of me tagged on facebook where I'm not completely drunk with my eyes half closed.
Dabookerman
Member
Getting a message back isn't THAT hard.
It's getting a message back when they actually pose a question to you.
Normally you leave at least one question in each message, so they have something to go on. But almost every girl I've spoken to just answers them and leaves it at that.
The ones who do seem interested.. well they message me first really, and i'm not interested in them.
It's getting a message back when they actually pose a question to you.
Normally you leave at least one question in each message, so they have something to go on. But almost every girl I've spoken to just answers them and leaves it at that.
The ones who do seem interested.. well they message me first really, and i'm not interested in them.
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