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[Jea Song]

I'm not sure why I am resorting here for this type of question or help, but strangly i find some of the things people here to make alot of sense. Here's the scoop.

Iv taken those tests online about depression, and bi polar disorders, and its clear I may have something of that nature. These past 2 years have been to worst of my life, and I just haven't the will, or motivation to get back on my feet. I have lost my girlfriend, my best friends, all my personal belongings. I live with my brother, I feel like such a bum, leeching off of his hard work.

I wasnt always this way. I had a decent life. I was going to school, had a girlfriend of 3 years that loved me, had a car, had an ok job. I was liking life...

But it got taken away, when I lost my job. My girlfriend also lefted me. She got married within 3 months and had a child. I live now in a dumphole, with barely access to internet.

I am a needy person, who has been bothering this one woman to the point where she wished me dead. ( we have this strange relationship, that continues like this)

Now, I feel like ending myself yet again. But too much a pussy to do it. I think I might be crazy, I dont exclude it. But I can sense it.


SO my question is.

Is there anyone out there, that have had similar experiences, that discovered with medication, things can change? Or anyone that has gone trough this type of depression, maybe even worse off, yet managed to completely turn themselves around? Im 24 years old and Im starting for the first time in my life, think how suicide would end this daily thing i go through.

 

[heliosRAzi]

Seek professional help

 

[UltimaPooh]

I'm going through the same shit right now, my man. Except I never really had a job.

I'm 24 and graduated college back in May (when I had a lab assistant job, but it was only 13 hours a week.) So not having any money or any job and a degree that won't get me a job, I have moved back in with my parents and have had three interviews, one of which I went through three steps (a phone interview, an interview, and a group interview) and I haven't been given a call back on ANY of them even though I am fully capable of doing all of those jobs.

I have a credit card I need to pay off and student loans to pay for starting in November, and my car (which I miss) broke down last September. I'm in the middle of suburbia where you NEED a car to get to work. Life is just in the shitter for me all around.

I don't know what to tell you because I don't have any answers, I thought I would just let you know there are others going through very similar things as you.

 

[john010117]

Seek professional help

Agreed.

The best thing to do is seek professional help and try to change things around in your life. It must be hard as it is right now in your life, but putting in an effort will eventually turn your life around for the better.

 

[-COOLIO-]

ya, i guess seek professional help if you can afford it and play your favorite anti depression song. i recommend:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5Vzrfkg-HY

 

[Jill Sandwich]

First of all, suicide is not a problem-solver. You will not exist anymore.

Second, anti-depressants and counseling do give you the crutches you need to heal, but the strength to get out of your pit comes from within you. You know it's there, you just need a helping hand. You will overcome it, it'll take a while but life will gradually get better. Seek help, talk to the Samaritans.

 

[Scribble]

Will probably be more detailed later...but here are a few ideas:

1. Medication isn't the ultimate solution. Medication + Willpower with more of the latter. You have to want to get better

2. You're only 24. Your life has just begun, more or less. Don't throw it away over a dodgy girlfriend. You said you live in a dumphole -- to what extent? Is it detrimental to your health? Is having no internet really a bad thing?

3. I'm not an expert with relationship issues, but I don't think being with this woman will help your self esteem/your condition. End it?

4. Where do you live? Consider getting therapy, probably of the Cognitive Behaviour variety, as it'll help you change your mind completely if you work hard enough at it.

5. Try to take care of yourself, as in exercise/eating healthily. Eating junk/drinking alcohol actually makes things worse. Really.

6. Oh, do what you enjoy. Don't take this lightly. If I've ever felt depressed in the past, listening to the right music made my mood skyrocket baby

 

[Jea Song]

seems i could use professional help. But where do i begin? I have no money. If i had the money, id set up with someone tomorrow, but no health insurance or money = no help?

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Is there something that is causing your depression or is it just a general blahness? If it's a certain thing that is causing your depression it's usually harder since sometimes you can't get away from what's bothering you. I hope everything works out for you, I'm still trying to figure a way to get over my own depression.

 

[SpacLock]

Leave your ex alone. Things won't get any better if you don't.

 

[heliosRAzi]

seems i could use professional help. But where do i begin? I have no money. If i had the money, id set up with someone tomorrow, but no health insurance or money = no help?

You can look up a suicide counselor. They'll help you with your suicidal thoughts.

 

[red shoe paul]

Vacation by yourself somewhere. Also read that GAF topic.

 

[Jill Sandwich]

Medication + Willpower with more of the latter. You have to want to get better

Seriously this. Once it clicked that I was the key to my own recovery, I wasn't in the hospital much longer. It just took a long time to sink in!

 

[mrkgoo]

Suicide doesn't solve nor end problems.

It's hard to know what help you need. That can range from medication, to professional counselling, to just plain ol' 'snap out of it'.

First thing's first, I think getting healthy is always a first step. You'd be surprised at what it means to actually be healthy. Changes your mood. AT the very least, having a goal is important, and getting healthy is a nice small one you can start straight away and reap the benefits for in every way.

 

[UltimaPooh]

seems i could use professional help. But where do i begin? I have no money. If i had the money, id set up with someone tomorrow, but no health insurance or money = no help?

Just remind yourself that suicide is not the answer. How would that accomplish anything?

You just have to fight through it, daily. The things we want won't come easy to you or me. Struggle and strife is just part of the human condition. It's what all of us goes through.

You're not alone.

 

[-COOLIO-]

seems i could use professional help. But where do i begin? I have no money. If i had the money, id set up with someone tomorrow, but no health insurance or money = no help?

ya you could talk to a suicide counselor for free like that other guy said but now that i think of it. why do you want to kill yourself?

the op wasnt all that clear. i mean you lost a job in a recession, so that's kind of typical, and you also lost your girlfriend but it least it was an awesome meaningful 3 year relationship, and it also sounds like you've been to college which gives you decent leg up on a lot of people for a fresh start.

also, youre 24 which is the shit, and there's probably billionaire old people who wish they could be you again.

 

[taylor910]

Medicine should make a world of difference. Not always, but the drugs out now are amazing in getting you on the right track; make you feel well enough to get back on your feet.

But you need to go see a doctor, even just a primary doctor. They can prescribe you what you need, and also tell if you need it.

Also, talk to somebody. It really helps.

 

[industrian]

Start working out. Even if it's just a short walk or something. Stress makes you more prone to gaining weight, and gaining weight can make you even more stressed, etc.

Talk to someone. Anyone. Bottling up your shit with internal dialogue will just fuck you up. And GAF doesn't count. Sit down with someone, whether it be a councillor or a friend and tell them your worries. Getting problems off your chest like that is incredibly theraputic.

 

[StormyTheRabbit]

As I always put it:

Living miserably is still marginally better than dying miserably.

 

[mrkgoo]

also, your 24 which is the shit, and there's probably billionaire old people who wish they could be you again.

Heh, I like this.

 

[Scribble]

seems i could use professional help. But where do i begin? I have no money. If i had the money, id set up with someone tomorrow, but no health insurance or money = no help?

I'm not sure what's available to you in your country, but buying a CBT book may help. No harm in trying, right? AFAIK, they're different from your usual junky trashy self-help book because therapists actually use those methods. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Dummies by Rob Wilson has gotten good reviews.

It does help to talk to someone, though...

 

[-COOLIO-]

Heh, I like this.

thanks

 

[Jill Sandwich]

Helplines in partnership with The Samaritans

 

[PowderedToast]

It all depends on the severity of your depression. If it's mild then advice like willpower are accurate and helpful, if it's severe then you'll likely view them as condescending and naive. In severe cases advice like that is irrelevant because it's occurring due to a strong chemical imbalance you can't control. If this is the case it usually starts occurring during adolescence, though it's still possible at your age. If you're having constant suicidal thoughts then it sounds like this is what you might be experiencing.

Firstly, get diagnosed by a proper doctor, not the online stuff. Even though diagnosing depression is and always has been notoriously difficult, it should be somewhat comforting to know that what you're experiencing is at least recognised.

Secondly, find comfort in those around you. Counsellors are fine but in my experience they'll always be strangers. Nothing comes close to being comforted by someone you know and love. There is no need to tell everybody, but confiding in 1 or 2 people can do the world of good. It's very easy to lose perspective on things, especially if what you're experiencing is due to a deficiency in your brain. Talking to people will keep you grounded and is vital if you want to beat this.

I suffer from a myriad of mental disorders that are all somewhat linked to each other, and have been frighteningly close to ending my life more than once. Though I still have down periods, they're nowhere near as severe as they once where because I'm no longer alien to what I have and there are always people I can turn to. Whatever it is you're experiencing, it has been seen before and there is treatment.

Good luck with it.

 

[alterno69]

Anyone have a good reliable online test i can take? I've been having a lot of problems lately and come to think about it i think i have several depression symptoms. I'm currently seeing an specialist to help me deal with other crap in my life( just separated from my wife, my own decision) and i'd like to know if i should bring this up to him.

 

[Scribble]

It all depends on the severity of your depression. If it's mild then advice like willpower are accurate and helpful, if it's severe then you'll likely view them as condescending and naive. In severe cases advice like that is irrelevant because it's occurring due to a strong chemical imbalance you can't control. If this is the case it usually starts occurring during adolescence, though it's still possible at your age. If you're having constant suicidal thoughts then it sounds like this is what you might be experiencing.

Yeah, that's true.

And yeah, try to avoid diagnosing yourself on the internet. According to the web, EVERYTHING is a symptom for a life-threatening disease or mental illness.

 

[taylor910]

Anyone have a good reliable online test i can take? I've been having a lot of problems lately and come to think about it i think i have several depression symptoms. I'm currently seeing an specialist to help me deal with other crap in my life( just separated from my wife, my own decision) and i'd like to know if i should bring this up to him.

I think you should always be completely honest with your doctor. If you don't feel comfortable with them, you should find another.

It is important they know everything that is going on. Misdiagnosis is possible in all forms of sickness, even depression.

 

[Cosmic Bus]

I'm almost 31, Jea, and can speak from roughly 15 years of living with depression, but I've never had any professional help or taken medication for it, so I'll just say:

Exercise can help, but it is not the "all natural" answer that some people will proclaim it to be. You still have to find purpose or you may just give up on the activity like anything else. I did many, many times before finding my reason for wanting to better myself.

Suicide is most likely not the answer it might seem to be when you're in a certain frame of mind. It may sound strange for me to say, but I do believe this act can actually be what some people genuinely want and it's unfortunate that it is often interpreted as a cowardly, selfish choice. Still, as someone who has contemplated it numerous times during extremely dark periods of my life (to the point of having the belt around my neck and a chair under my feet), I can sincerely tell you that a lot of shit goes through your head around that time and you might come to realize that maybe it isn't such a good escape plan after all. I stop myself because I wonder about the "what if"s... what if it doesn't work? What if something great happens tomorrow? What if I forgot to clean the bathroom? It's not always sensible or even serious what appears at that moment, but the fact that it does is the thing that tells me I'm not ready to disappear just yet. Like what I mentioned about exercising, it's all about discovering purpose, and I don't necessarily mean the perfect career, the "right" person or whatever -- although it certainly could be one of those things -- it can often be the littlest thing you stumble onto and suddenly you decide that maybe, just maybe getting out of bed tomorrow won't be such a bad thing.

Just coming here to talk about what you're going through is important and shows that you aren't ready to give in. Keep pushing forward, man, and know that no matter how many times it feels like trying isn't worth the trouble, you're a better person for every kick in the teeth you can dole out to this illness.

 

[Relix]

A friend of mine was in this deep problem... nearly as bad as you. The thing is, he didn't want to be helped. He finally stood up and joined the Army. Now he's doing pretty fine. What you need to do is move on with life... it's good, you are just going through the rough patch everyone goes through at a point.

Stand up. May I honestly recommend joining the army? If you are going to throw your life away, why not give it a last chance? And yes, this is an honest answer.

 

[Prez]

Suicide is most likely not the answer it might seem to be when you're in a certain frame of mind. It may sound strange for me to say, but I do believe this act can actually be what some people genuinely want and it's unfortunate that it is often interpreted as a cowardly, selfish choice.

It's not what they really want, they just wanna be happy.

 

[Az]

I am feeling like that too OP, for the past couple of months and it's not getting any better.

:/

 

[Borgnine]

seems i could use professional help. But where do i begin? I have no money. If i had the money, id set up with someone tomorrow, but no health insurance or money = no help?

When I went through a major depressive episode about 10 years ago I finally got help through the county mental health service. The fee is scaled based on your income, at the time I made so little it was free. I was able to see a doctor and he prescribed some anti-depressants (which again, were free) that cleared it right up for me in a couple weeks. I don't know where you live but maybe check to see if your county has a similar program.

The depression will always be with you (like it's always with me) but as you get older you should be able to find ways to deal with it without medication. But for the first time, I would highly recommend medication, just to get you back to a state where you can take care of yourself.

 

[alterno69]

I've been feeling pretty empty for the last 10 years, but for the last 2 it's been worse, nothing motivates me, the only reason i wake up every morning is fear of losing my job and not having money to support my son. Recently separated from my wife after 6 years of marriage. I feel really really tired most of the time but i can never sleep as much as i'd like to. I get bored or just don't feel like doing stuff i used to love like playing videogames.

Good thing i'm already seeing a doctor to help me deal with my childhood crap as well as my current situation so i can just ask him on my next date next week, i'm sure it'd explain a lot of crap that has been going on in my life the past couple of years.

 

[Cosmic Bus]

It's not what they really want, they just wanna be happy.

Yeah, in a roundabout way, I agree. Happiness, comfort, escaping the pain... there are a number of justifications (feel free to add your own air quotes), and I don't think a person, whether in or after their life, should be criticized for making that choice.

 

[Jea Song]

A friend of mine was in this deep problem... nearly as bad as you. The thing is, he didn't want to be helped. He finally stood up and joined the Army. Now he's doing pretty fine. What you need to do is move on with life... it's good, you are just going through the rough patch everyone goes through at a point.

Stand up. May I honestly recommend joining the army? If you are going to throw your life away, why not give it a last chance? And yes, this is an honest answer.

iv thought about the service. The navy to be more specific. Even though many people told me, no, you dont have to do it. You can still go to school, ect, and think of it as THE last resort. That doesnt really effect me either, as I don't view it as really the "last" resort.


one of my friends just wrote this to me that made a lot of sense:

"you have to ask yourself are things really that bad.

the way i always see it is
even if you feel like they are,
and you feel trapped or whatever by the events in your every day life,
you should just as well go and live with complete abandon if you were thinking of killing yourself anyway.

because if that's what you were thinking in the first place
then what do you have to lose by just dropping everything and doing whatever you want
because the other scenario is that you'd be dead"

 

[PowderedToast]

Stand up. May I honestly recommend joining the army? If you are going to throw your life away, why not give it a last chance? And yes, this is an honest answer.

Because being in a suicidal position is abnormal and not a place where someone should make life-changing decisions. Doing so would only confirm to himself that he will always feel that way and that there are no other alternatives.

I understand your intentions with this post, but judging from my experiences it's misguided. I certainly wasn't in any shape to make decisions when I was suicidal.

 

[Jea Song]

question to the people that have taken medication.

Can it really make me go from a state where I am literately laying on the floor, rotting away, thinking life sucks, self pitting myself, feeling that im worthless, to all of a sudden, Waking up, loving life, thinking today is going to be great, I have alot to live for, I can get that job, get that car, get that girl..and even if i didnt get it right away, it still doesnt doesnt get me down? Is there such thing as these magical pills that are spoken off? in all honestlty

 

[LQX]

NeoGAF is like a clinic.

 

[Prez]

question to the people that have taken medication.

Can it really make me go from a state where I am literately laying on the floor, rotting away, thinking life sucks, self pitting myself, feeling that im worthless, to all of a sudden, Waking up, loving life, thinking today is going to be great, I have alot to live for, I can get that job, get that car, get that girl..and even if i didnt get it right away, it still doesnt doesnt get me down? Is there such thing as these magical pills that are spoken off? in all honestlty

No. But your mindset will be more positive and make life worth living. Also I've heard a lot of people becoming zombies after a few months: the bad feelings are gone, but so are the good. Luckily I don't share that experience. Been on Zoloft for a year and I'm doing pretty good.

Gotta watch out though. I once tried medication that caused a lot of suicide thoughts after two weeks.

 

[Oreoleo]

Where are your parents?

 

[Borgnine]

question to the people that have taken medication.

Can it really make me go from a state where I am literately laying on the floor, rotting away, thinking life sucks, self pitting myself, feeling that im worthless, to all of a sudden, Waking up, loving life, thinking today is going to be great, I have alot to live for, I can get that job, get that car, get that girl..and even if i didnt get it right away, it still doesnt doesnt get me down? Is there such thing as these magical pills that are spoken off? in all honestlty

Kinda. Maybe medication has changed since I took them, but what it actually does is just kind of dull everything. It dulls the bad feelings, but also the good. But, in contrast to what you've been experiencing, everything will suddenly appear to not be so bad. You can use this time to sort things out, and hopefully eventually move away from the medication.

 

[Pakkidis]

question to the people that have taken medication.

Can it really make me go from a state where I am literately laying on the floor, rotting away, thinking life sucks, self pitting myself, feeling that im worthless, to all of a sudden, Waking up, loving life, thinking today is going to be great, I have alot to live for, I can get that job, get that car, get that girl..and even if i didnt get it right away, it still doesnt doesnt get me down? Is there such thing as these magical pills that are spoken off? in all honestlty

It takes a while to find the meds that work best for you. Meds will not make you feel like this. It's a combination of meds and therapy. BTW, check your pm.

 

[teh_pwn]

Go to a doctor. You may go on meds, but it could just be a crutch to lift you up until you can get in shape and naturally increase your endorphine levels.

 

[Az]

Mine is more related to the closest people around me, just watching them without any goals in life is what depresses me. My parents, my wife everyone depends on me and my ability to solve problems. My mother in law hates me for some odd reason, my brother in law only calls me when he needs money or a ride.

I am 23 and a manager at a local Mortgage servicing company, so I make decent money for my age. If I could afford I would go back to school in a heartbeat and I am currently working on starting a company related to my current job in the next couple of years.

But everyone else around me is just blaming others for their mistakes and problems, and not doing anything about it. When I tell my wife and parents, they get mad and dismiss it, again blaming everyone else.

I have been employed since I was 15, and since then never without a job, never took a vacation longer than a week. Can't afford a nice vacation since wife has been unemployed for 10+ months.... I could keep on going...

:/

 

[MadFerIt]

I've personally struggled with clinical depression ever since the age of around 12, and I find it very difficult to find pleasure in life. My life is finally getting better yet I still have the same problem.

The reason I say this, is because your depression is temporary. It's the result of going through a really rough patch in your life. It's not going to be permanent, as soon as your life starts going on the upswing you will begin to feel like you are escaping this nightmare. Just remember that, and try to focus on doing anything at all possible to help occupy your mind.

There is nothing, and I repeat, nothing worse for a person going through depression then to have an excessive amount of time alone with their thoughts. Negativity just dominates every single idea and triggers your worst memories when this happens, no matter how much you attempt to control it. Preoccupy yourself, and if you have the strength get outside and do some physical activities.

And finally, definitely find some professional health. I don't know which country you live in or if you are covered by your parents insurance but you absolutely need some guidance. Also remember medication is not always the answer for everyone. Personally I started on medication at an early age and it only made things worse, only a year or so ago did I finally get off anti-depressants and only then did I begin to recover.

 

[Scribble]

question to the people that have taken medication.

Can it really make me go from a state where I am literately laying on the floor, rotting away, thinking life sucks, self pitting myself, feeling that im worthless, to all of a sudden, Waking up, loving life, thinking today is going to be great, I have alot to live for, I can get that job, get that car, get that girl..and even if i didnt get it right away, it still doesnt doesnt get me down? Is there such thing as these magical pills that are spoken off? in all honestlty

They are not magic pills. They won't automatically fix everything. But if your depression is as bad as how you're describing it, it may be able to help you get out of the 'lying on the floor' stage. Especially if you have a chemical imbalance.

You may also find that the medication you start out with doesn't work. In my experience, GPs are (overly) enthusiastic when prescribing medication, mixing and matching different pills, upping dosages, etc.

Despite that, I think you should also get some professional advice about this stuff, because experiences with mental health/medication/therapy vary.

 

[methos75]

I suffered severe depression because of my Mom's death, deploying to Iraq, watching my family crumble, divorce, discovering my Wife cheated on me, almost losing my daughter, etc on in a short period, I am coming out of it now and starting to turn my life around but its been tough as hell. I never did Meds, I disagree with them, but I did seek counseling and it has helped.

 

[Firehead]

iv thought about the service. The navy to be more specific. Even though many people told me, no, you dont have to do it. You can still go to school, ect, and think of it as THE last resort. That doesnt really effect me either, as I don't view it as really the "last" resort.

Please, if you find help, please tell me how and if it worked out. I'm pretty much in the same situation as you. Like you, I also have no medical insurance, nor do I have the money.
I've also been kicking around the idea of joining the Navy for the past year or so now, I just can't get myself to go..
I just really want to get out of this "funk" and do something, I just don't have the mindset, or something..
Edit:
If you would, that is, thanks..
Good luck, man. <3

 

[Scribble]

Also, JeaSong, just how bad is the condition of your home? If you're living in a shithole, then sorting it out can make you feel a lot better. Is it just a case of mess?

 

[whitehawk]

Where are your parents?

.

I wonder this too.