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Dinner with your date, who pays the bill?

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I will pay for the first few dates if I initiated them. When it evolves into a real relationship, I expect to split the bill. The only exception is if she is currently working a low-income job and can't afford to go out a lot. In that case I'll cover the bill, but not because of some archaic notion that the man's role is to pay for everything. A girl that feels entitled to your money is a red flag.
 
In my last relationship I was big time push over. I paid for everything. I probably should have broken it off when she said: "Damn, we haven't been in a date in a while." I replied back "Saving money. We've been going out too much. Maybe you can pay?" and she said: "No, that's your job. You have to impress me and my dad." Like I said, I was a big time push over. So if I ever do date again, hopefully I'll have the balls to be man enough and just have the two parties alternate in who pays for what. If not I won't bother dating again until I can fix that about myself.
 
Guy should pay for the first few dates, but if you've been dating for a long time then I think that it should be 50/50.

I don't get women who want men to always pay for dates, kinda goes against the whole equality thing.
 
Men, beware if a woman offers to split the check on a first date, it's a trick!
I've had many woman admit that they offer to help pay but if the guy agrees they won't go out with him again. Evil!
 
JesseZao said:
Like I said, superficial; silly.



Can't defend the position, attack the person.
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It's a legitimate and common practice with plenty of plusses and minuses. It's not for everyone, but neither is pooling it all together. Maintaining separate accounts does not imply you are maintaining separate lives at all.

While I'm sure bro1 can defend himself, I don't believe his question was intended as an "attack", rather it was a legitimate question. If you aren't in the situation or haven't been, you often don't understand it.
 
I do, unless she offers to do so and then I'll say I insist and then she'll say no really let me and then I'll say by all means. Then I get free dinner and she walks away thinking I should have just let him pay.

I love that feeling.
 
JesseZao said:
Like I said, superficial; silly.



Can't defend the position, attack the person.
Click to expand...
I'm not attacking you I am attacking your dumb idea. Also, i want to understand who it is I am arguing with. If you don't have the life experience, nor do accept that many couples don't have joint accounts who are in stable long term relations, I will just give up.
 
Dr.Horrible said:
It's a legitimate and common practice with plenty of plusses [Such as?] and minuses. It's not for everyone, but neither is pooling it all together. Maintaining separate accounts does not imply you are maintaining separate lives at all. [It implies a lack of trust and is a fake progressive situation]

While I'm sure bro1 can defend himself, I don't believe his question was intended as an "attack" [Was being facetious], rather it was a legitimate question. If you aren't in the situation or haven't been, you often don't understand it. [Thought it was funny he didn't ass|u|me the most obvious situation that would align with my POV]
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I'll just leave you guys to your long-term dating with a piece of paper you signed. I was genuinely curious about the reasoning, but nobody else seems to be.

bro1 said:
Forever alone.
Click to expand...

Jelly of the Month Club.
 
Coconut said:
Why is that a sign of the date going poorly to you?
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Because some women are above just taking a free meal from someone they don't have any interest in.

Instead they will go out of the way to split it (and not let u easily get away with not splitting) or they'll pay the whole thing.
 
Everytime I try and pay, the girl insists we split it. I really do try but they won't let me no matter how much I try. Last week my power goes out, I text this girl and we decide to go to a movie. At the ticket booth we both throw down our cash, this girl would not let me pay, I literally threw a 20 dollar bill in her purse and she gave it back.
 
JavyOO7 said:
In my last relationship I was big time push over. I paid for everything. I probably should have broken it off when she said: "Damn, we haven't been in a date in a while." I replied back "Saving money. We've been going out too much. Maybe you can pay?" and she said: "No, that's your job. You have to impress me and my dad." Like I said, I was a big time push over. So if I ever do date again, hopefully I'll have the balls to be man enough and just have the two parties alternate in who pays for what. If not I won't bother dating again until I can fix that about myself.
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Gotdamn at that.
 
First dates and stuff, split it. That way there's no chance anyone feels indebted to anyone or like the other person owes them something. When you're in a committed relationship then you can work out whatever sort of arrangements you want.

I thought this was the way it always goes nowadays?
 
PG2G said:
Because some women are above just taking a free meal from someone they don't have any interest in.

Instead they will go out of the way to split it (and not let u easily get away with not splitting) or they'll pay the whole thing.
Click to expand...

So the problem is some one that doesn't want to be romantically involved with you won't let you pay for them but a person that does want to be romantically involved with you will let you buy them. Is that what you are saying?
 
Depends where the relationship is at, and who's courting who. For actual couples, alternating sounds like the best option.

No one likes a cheap ass OR a leecher.
 
My girlfriend doesn't have a job and is in college so whenever I've had a job (since I'm not in school), I would pay for about half the meals. Every other time we will split, and occasionally she will pay.
 
maomaoIYP said:
I was having a discussion with a female friend and the topic came to paying the bill when you're on a dinner date.

My argument was that if you're both invested in the relationship and if your lady friend is a decent human being, I think they can take turns paying or just pay for their own share.

Her logic was that the man has to always pay for everything.

So which one is relevant in today's society? How do homosexual couples pay the bill?
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Jesus. I'd never date a gal like this. She sounds very entitled which will lead to all sorts of other problems. Good luck to anyone ever getting a BJ from her "for free".

How hot is she?
 
BobTheFork said:
Men, beware if a woman offers to split the check on a first date, it's a trick!
I've had many woman admit that they offer to help pay but if the guy agrees they won't go out with him again. Evil!
Click to expand...
That's fine with me. Helps realizing which girl will try to play mind games and which one is honest and direct.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who has hidden intentions or expectations, and/or expects me to be her living wallet.
 
BobTheFork said:
Men, beware if a woman offers to split the check on a first date, it's a trick!
I've had many woman admit that they offer to help pay but if the guy agrees they won't go out with him again. Evil!
Click to expand...
I should remember to always accept such an offer. I don't really want to date disingenuous jerks.
 
BobTheFork said:
Men, beware if a woman offers to split the check on a first date, it's a trick!
I've had many woman admit that they offer to help pay but if the guy agrees they won't go out with him again. Evil!
Click to expand...
Good. Makes it easier to avoid these types of girls.
 
Interesting. I pay 9 outta 10 times. In a relationship of three years. I didn't to that with my previous girlfriend, we would always pay half, I was very anal about that and while it wasn't the reason for the break up, it doesn't help either.

It really depends on what kind of person you are dating. And I say: person, not woman. Because we're all unique individuals. In my opinion it is a woman's right to want to be treated like a lady, and thus you pay the bill. It makes her feel good and appreciated, not that it should be a MUST to do it to make her feel special, but it can't hurt, if you catch my drift.

Now, when it comes expected, like, she gets mad when sometimes you cant or wont pay, then its a different story. That's break up material imo. I pay for a lot and once in a while I want to get treated.

But mostly, making my girl feel like a lady, feels good for me too. So it's not a problem. I make enough I guess. Its not that we go out to dinner two times a week.
 
WalkMan said:
If you asked her out, you pay. If she asked you out, she pays.
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So what you're saying is the guy always pays?

But really, this is probably the best way to go about it. Most girls I've dated seem to want to go dutch, which is nice, but I also like being nice towards my date by paying for the food.

*shrug* It's like some kind of kindness/human decency power-struggle.
 
JesseZao said:
I'll just leave you guys to your long-term dating with a piece of paper you signed. I was genuinely curious about the reasoning, but nobody else seems to be.
Click to expand...

In my opinion separate accounts implies more trust than joint accounts. I trust that my wife is maintaining her finances well enough to continue paying her share of the bills. We communicate and understand that things come up and if things need to be adjusted, they are. We discuss retirement planning and saving together and again, I trust that she is executing that as she should.

As for specific reasons, these are three I see fairly often.

1.If there are obligations related to a prior marriage, such as alimony or child support, having a separate account makes it easier to keep track of these expenses and not commingle them with the current household expenses.
2.If one spouse has poor credit or is working toward paying off debt, having a separate account can help execute a debt repayment plan while rebuilding the credit.
3.If a spouse receives an inheritance, a separate account will give them the flexibility to manage this money as they see fit.
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http://www.financialfinesse.com/blog/2012/09/should-married-couples-have-separate-accounts/

My wife and I started out separate due to #2 (not poor credit, just debt repayment) and it has worked out very well since. At this point both of us are so used to our financial independence that a move to joint cause more stress than it's worth.

I'll just leave it with this though.

I love my wife, and believe that maintaining separate finances has strengthened our relationship, not weakened it. But that might not be true for you and your situation. If you and your spouse are happier with joint finances and if it strengthens your marriage, then use joint finances. But donÂ’t combine finances just because you think it has to be done that way. It doesnÂ’t.

WhatÂ’s most important is honesty and communication. Any system in which the partners are open about their money habits is a good one.
Click to expand...

http://business.time.com/2011/07/28/should-you-merge-your-finances-or-keep-them-separate/

Sorry for the continual OT, I'm done now :)
 
Dr.Horrible said:
In my opinion separate accounts implies more trust than joint accounts. I trust that my wife is maintaining her finances well enough to continue paying her share of the bills. We communicate and understand that things come up and if things need to be adjusted, they are. We discuss retirement planning and saving together and again, I trust that she is executing that as she should. [Just seems arbitrary if you're both on the journey towards 'til death do us part]

As for specific reasons, these are three I see fairly often.


http://www.financialfinesse.com/blog/2012/09/should-married-couples-have-separate-accounts/

My wife and I started out separate due to #2 (not poor credit, just debt repayment) and it has worked out very well since. At this point both of us are so used to our financial independence that a move to joint cause more stress than it's worth.

[I understand if there needs to be an account for certain purposes, but it seems backwards to not pool your resources once you're married. Monaco and reverse Monaco.]
Click to expand...

Anyway, thanks for the honest response. Just seems alien to me. When things need to be paid, "we" pay for them, not my wife or I. We're married.
 
Unbounded said:
*shrug* It's like some kind of kindness/human decency power-struggle.
Click to expand...
If you've ever been out to eat with a group of Hispanics, this is exactly what happens. It's rude to not offer to treat everyone. At least that's how it is with my family.
 
Dude pays first date, but the girl should offer to pay half. At least that way you know she didn't just date you because she was hungry. After you're dating for a while then you either alternate or split it. Also if one of them makes way more then that person should probably pay more often... that again is only after they are dating for a while.
 
Unbounded said:
So what you're saying is the guy always pays?

But really, this is probably the best way to go about it. Most girls I've dated seem to want to go dutch, which is nice, but I also like being nice towards my date by paying for the food.

*shrug* It's like some kind of kindness/human decency power-struggle.
Click to expand...

I am Dutch. But if its a first date, I do pay as I'm always the one asking them out.

I insist on it. I dunno, I just feel I need to do it as a guy. Its old fashioned perhaps. But it makes me feel good too.

Last year, one girl probably even felt guilty as I paid for the movie and paid for the drinks also. Before I did anything she said 'you're sweet, but you are not going to pay for this also' when she walked to the checkout of the car park. So yeah, she did pay that for us.
 
Coconut said:
How many dates do I have to pay for until the girl is obligated to let me raw dog her?
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Thats a trick question. I got quite a bit back after the first date. After the second it was the full jackpot in return. But yeah there was no asking involved, it happens or it doesn't.

soworthit.gif
 
maomaoIYP said:
I was having a discussion with a female friend and the topic came to paying the bill when you're on a dinner date.

My argument was that if you're both invested in the relationship and if your lady friend is a decent human being, I think they can take turns paying or just pay for their own share.

Her logic was that the man has to always pay for everything.

So which one is relevant in today's society? How do homosexual couples pay the bill?
Click to expand...

Me and my girlfriend treat each other every other time.

If a man asks a woman out on a date, he should pay. He invited. If a woman asks a man out on a date, she invited him, and she should pay.
 
Madrin said:
I will pay for the first few dates if I initiated them. When it evolves into a real relationship, I expect to split the bill. The only exception is if she is currently working a low-income job and can't afford to go out a lot. In that case I'll cover the bill, but not because of some archaic notion that the man's role is to pay for everything. A girl that feels entitled to your money is a red flag.
Click to expand...

Pretty much my M.O. right here.

I'll cover the first few dates without any issue. If the girl wants to pay the tip or buy a round of drinks should we go to a bar before/after dinner, that's awesome, but not required. After a few dates, I'm bailing if some sort of reciprocal system for paying for dates isn't established and she just continues to have the expectation of me paying for everything.

And like Madrin, I will make some exceptions if the girl is a student or working a low-wage job. As I get older, I try to date less and less of those girls though.
 
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