Need a link to that thread.
She tried to contact me often the first year we broke up, I never responded or acknowledge her.
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Do I say something to my ex?
- Thread starter pompidu
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Need a link to that thread.
She tried to contact me often the first year we broke up, I never responded or acknowledge her.
Its been THREE YEARS. People grow up, they get over shit. Unless the relationship ended because he killed her cat and served it to her at dinner, I'm pretty sure two mature adults should be able to handle a freakin card that somebody had some heart to send without it ruining her life.
Facebook's fine, too, if you really just want to be quick about it. Really, there's no need to overthink it too much.
In the real world when someone you know and have cared about is sick, sending a get well card is what you do. It doesn't mean that you're violating anything. It just shows that you're a compassionate human being.
nVidiot_Whore
Banned
She might just think it awkward.. she might get sad..
She also might think it's a nice gesture..
You never know. It doesn't have to be "OMG SHES GONNA BEAT HIS ASS" type reaction.
I'm glad you doubt she'd jump out of bed and kick his ass though.. that really added a lot to this conversation.
Skellig Gra
Member
No to facebook. Card or flowers would be a nice gesture.
Its painful to read, just a heads up.
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=506414&highlight=
nVidiot_Whore
Banned
Which is why I've suggested repeatedly to send a card if you want to contact her.
My Mom died earlier this year and I have experience "in the real world" with people from my past contacting me in various ways.
Sorry for offering my "real world" perspective to the ever-condescending NeoGAF populace.
Thisisneogaf.gif
but really I don't think she's going to care all that much. Most likely it well get a thanks and that's the end of it.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
I vote for this!
Safest route imo.
TheContact
Member
FACEBOOK haha wow fuck this world. Send her some flowers dude she got hit by a car, it doesn't matter if you ended it on bad terms. Facebook hahahahah wow, I hate this world
nVidiot_Whore
Banned
Thisisneogaf.gif
I dunno.. I've just had some pretty crazy correspondence with people who CLEARLY weren't "over me" even years after a breakup.. so I'd error on the side of caution near some potential tragedy in the person's life myself.
pompidu: Whatever feels right in the situation.. sorry if I pontificated too far on my "she doesn't want you contacting her" thoughts.. the flip side of that being: she tried contacting you for a year.. she might not really be over you?
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=506414&highlight=
Oh Seanspeed got you covered already hah, nice.
How is that so terrible? He's worried about making it awkward. Is she really going to be like, "Facebook? God, what an awful person!". Granted, its only a minor step up from doing nothing, but even that wouldn't be so bad. I think the point here is to keep any gesture to something minor, where its not gonna make anybody think anything other than, "Oh ok, thats a nice gesture."
Its just about being somewhat thoughtful. Flowers might be a little extreme for somebody you broke it off with on whatever bad terms and haven't talked to in forever(on purpose). I dont know. Flowers wouldn't be awful either, just maybe too much, I guess.
Range of doing gestures from least to most extreme:
Nothing
Facebook message
Card
Flowers
Personal visit
Buy her a car
I'd say the first 3 are about where I'd say is fine. Anything more and it might be just a little awkward.
No idea if she is over me or not, don't care either way. Our break up ended up badly, and I said some pretty bad things. I'd rather not say anything, just easier that way. And if I happen upon her out in public, maybe then say something.
Then send her some flowers and wish her well.
anotherVegan
Member
Card and/or flowers, along with wishes of a speedy recovery. Either have then delivered or deliver them personally. Don't consider her someone that is evil, you may even take this opportunity to come to terms with any leftover hangups you have with her/she has with you. But don't do it because she's an ex, just do it because you are a decent human being. Just because she's your ex doesn't mean you aren't allowed to wish her well. She got hit by a freakin' car. If your current gf doesn't accept this, she has major security issues and you should re-evaluate your current relationship.
This
Wow TIL there are a lot of GAF members who haven't got the hang of Facebook...
Send a message on Facebook. In fact, I bet if you look on her timeline a shit load of people would have offered their condolences through wall posts and there is absolutely nothing wrog with that. In fact it will be exactly the sort of thing your hoping for OP. She'll simply 'like' or reply 'thanks' on your post and thats that!
Its 2013.
Send a message on Facebook. In fact, I bet if you look on her timeline a shit load of people would have offered their condolences through wall posts and there is absolutely nothing wrog with that. In fact it will be exactly the sort of thing your hoping for OP. She'll simply 'like' or reply 'thanks' on your post and thats that!
Its 2013.
LiveFromKyoto
Member
Don't listen to GAF. Flowers are way overdoing it for a relationship that ended on bad terms.
Normal people - yes, adults too, sorry antisocial introverts - use Facebook for this kind of thing all the time. Especially if you tell her up front "hey, heard from so and so that this happened, I hope you're okay." If you're still friends on there then you're still friends on there and the door has been left open for acceptable communication. If not, an email will do.
If you're not looking to get back together with her then don't waste energy worrying about if she'll take it the wrong way. That's ultimately not up to you anyway.
This too. If you just post on her timeline along with other people the worst thing she can do is not comment or like it. Odds are she'll at least click 'like' to be polite and you can both move on with your lives.
Normal people - yes, adults too, sorry antisocial introverts - use Facebook for this kind of thing all the time. Especially if you tell her up front "hey, heard from so and so that this happened, I hope you're okay." If you're still friends on there then you're still friends on there and the door has been left open for acceptable communication. If not, an email will do.
If you're not looking to get back together with her then don't waste energy worrying about if she'll take it the wrong way. That's ultimately not up to you anyway.
This too. If you just post on her timeline along with other people the worst thing she can do is not comment or like it. Odds are she'll at least click 'like' to be polite and you can both move on with your lives.
LiveFromKyoto
Member
There's a pretty big difference between "wanting something" from somebody and not being willing to accept well-wishing or inquiries after your health.
Well true. But OP here hasn't been in touch with her for years. If they were on talking terms every now and then it would make sense. If she doesn't want to include OP in her network then he shouldn't.
But I guess if OP is in her friends list, just posting a well wishing message will not hurt and will not be seen as overstepping any boundaries.
Agent_J
Banned
this. it's not about being romantically linked to anyone or about any feelings you may have toward her. it's just common courtesy to wish someone good health when they are ill or have been in an accident, etc.
Deified Data
Banned
If you still like her, wish her well.
If you somehow feel obligated to contact someone you'd rather not have to contact, don't bother.
If you somehow feel obligated to contact someone you'd rather not have to contact, don't bother.
Jeff Albertson
Member
I think its fine
I once found out that a girl I had recently split with lost her dad to a heart attack, I was with another girl and decided it was best to keep my distance
I always regretted not sending a card it was a cunty thing to do but I was 18 and dumb
I once found out that a girl I had recently split with lost her dad to a heart attack, I was with another girl and decided it was best to keep my distance
I always regretted not sending a card it was a cunty thing to do but I was 18 and dumb
Mr. Blonde
Member
just send her a msg on fb, jeebus
So here's a question: what if you heard something really positive had happened to her? Would you reach out?
If the answer is no, then you should probably leave well enough alone.
Best case she thinks "that's a nice gesture" and moves on. Worst case it opens wounds when she doesn't need it.
I've been in her shoes before and had an ex from way back reach out to me. I thought it was nice of her, but part of me kinda wished she hadn't. Especially that awkward moment when my now wife picked up the card and started asking questions....
If the answer is no, then you should probably leave well enough alone.
Best case she thinks "that's a nice gesture" and moves on. Worst case it opens wounds when she doesn't need it.
I've been in her shoes before and had an ex from way back reach out to me. I thought it was nice of her, but part of me kinda wished she hadn't. Especially that awkward moment when my now wife picked up the card and started asking questions....
I know, that's why I was asking if its appropriate. This happened a month or two ago and only found out through a family member. I'm not friends with her on fb so I didn't hear about it when it happened. I'm just not gonna say anything and if I run into her then il ask how she's doing.
Bingo! Good decision.
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