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Empathy - "But I can't relate to a girl!"

What's most bizarre about these men seemingly unable to empathise with, relate to, or even tolerate female characters is how much they implicitly gender their own experiences.

Do they really see the character's defining trait as being female and theirs as being male?
 
Given the choice I pick to play as female 100% of the time. If there is a choice I take it. Reason being I know what its like to be a dude. I can touch my genitals at any point to check I still am one. If I want to see a man's face I can look in a mirror. I am not a woman of any kind in real life so the option when given is a very welcome thing to me. I value seeing things from someone else's eyes. I have no problem if it's a man's eyes but lets face it playable males are not in short supply.

Also video games being video games you are probably going to be killing thousands of people even if you play as a woman so you would think it wouldn't bother certain people so much but I guess they just don't like women. Which is odd as they make up 50% of all the humans. Its very odd.
 
J_Viper said:
I'll never understand the need to "relate" to a character.

I can't relate to Geralt, I can't relate to Max Caulfield, I can't relate to Jensen, yet I still find them all to be great characters that I care about.

Is it some sort of odd "self-insertion" thing?
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I seriously cannot relate to my sexy bloodborne hunter or my sexy dragonborn no matter how much they look like the ideal me.
 
It's such a narrow way of thinking. What about all other great pieces of mediums out there that aren't about just white males? Can you not watch or read stuff like 12 Years A Slave or Jane Eyre?
 
There are very few East Asian protags in the Western game industry. I mean I like Wei Shen but he's in a gang... I cannot relate to a gang member cos I am a good student and a valedictorian in school! I am basically Michael in the Godf... oops

-

We seek in games different life than we already have. I specifically seek life the opposite of my own. I create skinny black women characters in games as my avatar most of the time lol
 
Whenever me and my friends play random characters in Smash Bros., I feel the seams of my identity breaking away as I try vigorously to relate to the turquoise princess-goddess, the green dinosaur, the pink puff ball, and the blue hedgehog to no avail. It hurts me, truly. Should I tell my friends about this Gaf, that I only want to play as my straight white male human counterparts?
 
Emperor_Uriel said:
This is also why playable women are almost always asexual or lesbians. Straight men just can't stand to play as a woman who is attracted to men, and seem threatened by the idea that a game would ask them to view a fellow man as an object of affection.
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So much this. Games like The Witcher 3 where you can have sex with many of the female charcters are fine, and there are many games like this, but I can't think of one game with a female protag who can have sex with all of the male NPCs.
 
I never got that either.

it really comes down to people trying to justify not liking a thing...and ending up making it worse. "I don't like this thing" just isn't good enough for some people.

I am a 6'4 fat black guy with dreads and bad limbs. Not many games are going to star relatable characters for me. I imagine I am not alone here either. So something else is at play and that reasoning doesn't work as well as people think lol.
 
I play girl characters in fighting games primarily, and that's mainly because I'm stuck playing a male character in everything else.

Isn't the idea of gaming to escape and jump behind the wheel of someone who isn't you? I can't for the life of me understand this "can't relate" concept.
 
Its perfectly ok to want to relate to a game character (they are supposed to be appealing for a reason)

But Ellie in TLOUS seems like one of the safest choices :S
 
Can you even imagine if you've been on this planet for forty fucking years and you still have no idea why people want there to be more women in games? Shits depressing.
 
Veelk said:
I feel this is possible with predefined characters as well though. I am a major fan of action games, but Dante and Bayonetta are far more suited for me living through than Kratos is. It took me a long time to realize it, but one big problem is that Kratos never seems happy. Not even when I am tearing through the monsters he hates. Dante and Bayonetta are often clearly having fun. This is a synergy that allows me to enjoy DMC and Bayonetta in a way I can't with Kratos. I don't know if this counts as me failing to relate to Kratos, but there is definite disconnect for me between me, him as a character, and him as a gameplay avatar.
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I can understand why a lot of people could not connect with Kratos as a character. Part of the reason that I feel that I did was because I have a wife and kids, and despite my not being a very aggressive person in general I do think that if someone were responsible, or was able to indirectly make me responsible for the death of my family against my will that my response would be pretty heinous if I were able to get my hands on that person.

I think they muddied the waters with the sequels from a story and motive perspective due to the constant changing of directors but that first game I could understand the rage of Kratos.
 
Everyone has their bias for what and how they like to play. If someone only enjoys as playing women, fine. Only like playing games where you are a white male, fine. Personally I don't care race or gender - if the story is well written or in non story games, the game is fun to me. In the case of you want to play a game or sequel to a game , but you don't like the avatar choice? whelp it is time to expand out of your comfort zone or just make peace with not playing it. it is your world. Complaining about not being able to relate to a girl is the same as complaint you can't relate to a man and they should make a woman female character. Race, gender etc et all in story games is the choice of the writer and you are playing their story. If someone is unfortunately that narrow that they need games to special snowflake them.. I guess you can buy games based on if they have a character creator..or again get outside of your comfort zone and grow.
 
Is there a psychological explanation for why normally when I create a character I do one attempt to make myself then all females after?

My ME2 save was me then 4 femsheps to see all the full renegade, paragon options and other stuff. Also a ton of Dragons Dogma restarts.
 
This reminds me of the watchdogs 2 "scandal" too. Loads of games show big swinging dicks, but once a vagina shows up in a triple A title, everyone is shocked, thinks a disgruntled employee secretly rendered it, and the publisher has to appologize.
 
Relating to a character always felt weird to me. Like, why is such a big deal that you have to relate to your character? What does it change?

Being black might do that, but I don't even relate to black character.
 
I remember a conversation I had in an old thread on Gamespot on Samus. One person I argued with does not like the idea of playing as a woman, but the fact that Samus is wearing a robotic suit makes it easier for them to play as Samus.

It's weird... Samus needs a cold, metallic suit of armor that covers her form and face to be seen as playable character.

I will never understand this.
 
I thought its about participating in that character's universe? Not exactly being related besides understanding their predicament. Odd. If I wanted to relate to a character... well it would just happen.

I'm looking forward to this game and don't need to relate at all to a character to enjoy it.
 
When I play a game I understand I'm that character.

When I get to create my own character I always make the character a black male.

Some people aren't use to not seeing themselves in the characters they play and it's crazy how they are put off by the thought of it.

ViewtifulJC said:
remember that GAF thread when San Andreas was announced and dudes aid they "cant relate to black thug culture"

look how far we've come
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Lol I was not around for that thread but that's some pioneering with coded language.
 
I ain't saying nuthin.

MazeHaze said:
Then why post?
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I was told in the thread announcing her as the main character that nobody will be upset, after I said that people will get pissy about it because reasons. As I said in there. I don't understand the ridiculousness of it either.

Lo and behold we even had Gaffers saying they "can't relate" when I only really expected to see that shit on youtube or review comments.
 
PatThePassive said:
Is there a psychological explanation for why normally when I create a character I do one attempt to make myself then all females after?

My ME2 save was me then 4 femsheps to see all the full renegade, paragon options and other stuff. Also a ton of Dragons Dogma restarts.
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I create more female characters because females typically have better fashion options. Males will forever be shafted in this department.
 
Why do you gotta relate to Ellie to fucking play as her wtf. Im playing FFXV, I sure can't relate to Noctis cuz he has grey/silver hair, is a prince, can teleport, and can conjure weapons of mass destruction. But that doesn't matter. Because I can still play as him and have fun. Why do people that use the "relate" excuse always only seem to use as it when it relates to a female (especially if the female isn't sexualized..).

And most of FUCKING all, it's a video game. Who gives a fuck if you can relate to the character you play as? I wonder how people related to Joel if they didn't have a daughter they'd lost.
 
I like to think folks thirty years from now will have no idea what these discussions are even about

As if what somebody can and cannot relate to is the most important thing ever, who cares about anyone else.

30-something male is not magically a universally relatable thing
 
MazeHaze said:
This reminds me of the watchdogs 2 "scandal" too. Loads of games show big swinging dicks, but once a vagina shows up in a triple A title, everyone is shocked, thinks a disgruntled employee secretly rendered it, and the publisher has to appologize.
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*starts screaming about agendas*
 
I'm not a teenage, Japanese, prince, but I'm enjoying FFXV just fine. It's crazy to get all upand arms about not "relating" yo a character when some of us do that with every game we play. Hell, I loved the last of us and I'm not a middle aged Caucasian father battling the apocalypse.
 
As a minority, empathizing with protagonists who aren't black or male has been preeeeetty easy

I've had to do that my entire life, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

PatThePassive said:
Is there a psychological explanation for why normally when I create a character I do one attempt to make myself then all females after?

My ME2 save was me then 4 femsheps to see all the full renegade, paragon options and other stuff. Also a ton of Dragons Dogma restarts.
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Dude you just like girl protagonists more. Literally nothing wrong with that

(sides, Jennifer Hale is almost impossible to pass up)
 
Raylan said:
I never understood this way of thinking. I was a RPG gamer all my life. I don't care if I'm a dude, woman, boy, girl, an animal, an alien, a....thing, whatever. Playing someone... something different makes the whole experience even more interesting.
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Same here. It's never a bad thing.
 
Nanashrew said:
I remember a conversation I had in an old thread on Gamespot on Samus. One person I argued with does not like the idea of playing as a woman, but the fact that Samus is wearing a robotic suit makes it easier for them to play as Samus.

It's weird... Samus needs a cold, metallic suit of armor that covers her form and face to be seen as playable character.

I will never understand this.
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Unfortunately her character outside the battle suit is horrible.
 
I could relate to Joel because I'm a muscular murderous badass with a tender side deep down too. Nothing beats coming home after a long day of avoiding cannibals and popping in some TLoU.

But a fucking girl? No. Thanks.

Sub Boss said:
Unfortunately her character outside the battle suit is horrible.
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But in that game she's horrible inside the suit too.
 
I don't have to relate to or have empathy for anything. If something doesn't sit right with me I just bypass it. No fuss, nothing. TV. books, videogames, whatever.
 
kamineko said:
I like to think folks thirty years from now will have no idea what these discussions are even about

As if what somebody can and cannot relate to is the most important thing ever, who cares about anyone else
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It's the same way I like to think of homophobes and anti-trans. In 30 years you'll view these people the same way we all view 90 year old white semi-racists. "Oh don't mind grandpa, he means well, but in his day (pejoritive slur for gay people) was just something you called anyone you don't like.
 
I literally don't care what I play as as long as I personally enjoy it. I've never gotten this weird need to relate to the character you play as. The character in the game after all isn't trying to relate to me.
 
chillybright said:
Yep. The more I read them the more obvious they seem to be bait or sarcasm.

I mean how do you even play any game if you seriously have that mentality?
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There are plenty of people with this mentality. Gamergate is a very real thing.

A person unable or unwilling to empathize is someone I genuinely find dangerous.
 
I'm a 29 year old male and I don't understand the argument that you cannot empathize with another gender or person with a different background.

I've played Metroid games and I adore the recent Tomb Raider games, and I've never once had a problem with the character being a girl. In fact, looking back on early PlayStation days in the 90s, those early a TR games, my friends all thought Lara Croft was really cool and they loved those games.

Personally, I just don't see the problem. Would I choose a girl if it's a game where you choose your gender and looks, etc? No, probably not. But would a girl choose to be a dude in her playthrough of the same game? Probably not.

But for games where the protagonist is a girl and it is what the story is, I just don't see why someone of the opposite gender would have a problem with it. Just enjoy the game.
 
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