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[Hobbestetrician]

Bender: Morgan made me walk the professor. So there we were in the park when this old lady starts screaming that I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her, but she just kept coming. I had to hit her with this purse I found. The point is, it's Morgan's fault.

Commentator: [on radio] And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser, and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty!

 

[Dai101]

Fifty-three years old? Oh... now I'll need a fake ID to rent ultraporn!

 

[Saturday]

President Truman: If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender.
Zoidberg: Both Good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.
Truman: Bushwah! Now what's your misson? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid?
Zoidberg: Are you coming on to me?
Truman: Hot Crackers! I take exception to that!
Zoidberg: I'm not hearing a no.

Two great jokes executed one after another. Really, the entire episode is gold.

 

[Arkos]

Mm, she's built like a steakhouse, but she handles like a bistro!

 

[ProfessorLobo]

There's so many good ones here.
Love Futurama.

Haha, I don't remember this. Which episode?

 

[Septimus Prime]

Hermes: When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town
with a foot and a half of water
Everyone was alright, but I cried all night
It blew my alphabet blocks out of order
And they said this boy’s born to be a bureaucrat
Born to be all obsessive and snotty
I made my friends and relations file long applications
To get into my tenth birthday party.
LaBarbara: But something changed when my man turned pro.
Hermes: I was sorting but I wasn't smilin'
LaBarbara: He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks
Hermes: It's supposed to be about the filin'!
People,
We didn't choose to be bureaucrats
No, that's what Almighty Jah made us
We'd treat people like swine and make them stand in line
Even if nobody paid us
They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats
They say we're anal, compulsive and weird
But when push comes to shove you gotta do what you love
Even if it's not a good idea
Zoidberg!
Zoidberg: They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon
Farnsworth: They poo-pooed my electric frankfurter
Leela: They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye
Bender: I am Bender please insert girder
Hermes: Everybody sing Jamaica!
All: Jamaica!
Hermes: Just the bureaucrats - Jamaica!
Bureaucrats: Jamaica!
Hermes: The grade nineteens!
Morgan Proctor: ... Jamaica.
Hermes: Sing me home,
When push comes to shove you gotta do what you love
Even if it's not a good idea!

Bender: I am Bender baby, please insert liquor!

 

[higemaru]

Short answer; teaching.

"He seems nice." "Pfft, yeah, when he's sober"

 

[the-pi-guy]

Haha, I don't remember this. Which episode?

The Duh-Vinci Code


Love this one too.

 

[Grisby]

"AND I'M HIS FRIEND JESUS!"

"HELP US JESUS!"

"JESUS SAVES THOSE WHO SAVE THEMSELVES!"

 

[Atilac]

The entirely of death by snu snu and all that rosewell and ends well.
one of my favorite single scenes in the show

 

[HelloMeow]

Tell my wife hello.

 

[neshcom]

Commentator: [on radio] And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser, and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty!

Go Lasty!!

 

[krae_man]

Yah closure!

 

[Ondore]

"Drop down! Increase speed! And reverse direction!"

 

[GamerSoul]

From War Is The H-Word:



Same episode:

haha. Also from that episode:

[While Kiff washes Zapp's back in the shower]

Zapp: A little lower, lower, lower, a lot lower, too low! Lower.


Gets me every time.

 

[Oozer3993]

Calculon: I've been all of history's greatest acting robots: Calculon, Thesbomat, David Duchovny!

----------------------------------------------------

Fry: Thanks to the internet, I'm bored with sex. Is there somewhere that will pander to my lust for violence?

Bender: Is the space pope reptilian?

----------------------------------------------------

Bender: What an awful dream. Ones and zeroes everywhere. And I thought I saw a 2.

Fry: It was just a dream Bender. There's no such thing as two.

----------------------------------------------------

Hippy: You can't OWN property man!

Professor: I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippy!

----------------------------------------------------

Lucy Lui-bot: I am Lucy Lui. Give me your spines!

----------------------------------------------------

Fry: This movie is great! It has a vampire and an explosion!

----------------------------------------------------

Lrr: This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

----------------------------------------------------

 

[Genryu]

Leela: I've been a fool. A fully justified, prudent fool.
[touches Fry's hands]
Leela: Aaah! They're so cold!
Robot Devil: And yet hell is so hot! Ahahahahahaha can I have my hands back now?
Fry: No!
Robot Devil: You're not nice!

 

[Inquisitive_Ghost]

"Please, Fry! I'm a professor! I don't know how to teach!"

Bender: Morgan made me walk the professor. So there we were in the park when this old lady starts screaming that I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her, but she just kept coming. I had to hit her with this purse I found. The point is, it's Morgan's fault.

"Aw, crap, is she behind me?"
Morgan: "No. I'm in front of you."
Bender: *shrieks*

That scene is fantastic. That story is all the right kinds of ridiculous.

 

[lamaroo]

All of Bender's penis jokes in Spanish Fry.

Fry: Look, normally I'm the first guy to toot his own lower horn...
Bender: I'll say. Whooooo!
Fry: But in this case, I just don't think it's going to work.
Bender: That's what she said. Whooooo!


Lrrr: Mmm, this jerked chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked.
Bender: It's used to it. Woooo!


Lrrr: This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small...
Bender: In this case, small. Woooo!


Leela: Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold on to your lower horn.
Bender: As usual. Woooo!

His 'Wooooo' delivery is so good.

 

[robochimp]

Zoidberg: "Friends! Help! A Guinea pig tricked me!"

 

[Michael F. Assbender]

Professor Farnsworth: "What in Satan's glorious name is going on here?"

 

[Morrigan Stark]

Calculon: I've been all of history's greatest acting robots: Calculon, Thesbomat, David Duchovny!

----------------------------------------------------

Fry: Thanks to the internet, I'm bored with sex. Is there somewhere that will pander to my lust for violence?

Bender: Is the space pope reptilian?

----------------------------------------------------

Bender: What an awful dream. Ones and zeroes everywhere. And I thought I saw a 2.

Fry: It was just a dream Bender. There's no such thing as two.

----------------------------------------------------

Hippy: You can't OWN property man!

Professor: I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippy!

----------------------------------------------------

Great picks! Especially the last one, somehow I had forgotten about it.

 

[G0523]

All of Bender's penis jokes in Spanish Fry.

His 'Wooooo' delivery is so good.

All of this Woooooing reminded me of the episode where Bender turned human and he died from being grotesquely obese.

Wernstrom: When did he die?
Professor Farnsworth: About twelve hours ago, when the party started.
Wernstrom: But he just said Woo!
Professor Farnsworth: No, that was just air escaping from the folds of his fat.
Bender: [pushes against Bender's fat] Woo!

 

[il Diavolo]

All of this Woooooing reminded me of the episode where Bender turned human and he died from being grotesquely obese.

Wernstrom: When did he die?
Professor Farnsworth: About twelve hours ago, when the party started.
Wernstrom: But he just said Woo!
Professor Farnsworth: No, that was just air escaping from the folds of his fat.
Bender: [pushes against Bender's fat] Woo!

Holy shit I love this one, especially when they start rolling him away. Woooo--woooo--wooooooooo.

 

[Michael F. Assbender]

During a very touching moment in "Luck of the Fryish."

 

[King_Moc]

Lrrr: "Eurgh...that hippie's starting to kick in"

-------------------------------------------

Hedonism Bot: *pulls up in car alongside Bender* "Helllooooo handsome...might I procure your services?"

Bender: "Err...what do I have to do?"

Hedonism Bot: "Ohhh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me...ever so gently, while I humiliate a pheasant"

Bender: *wretches*

Hedonism Bot: *Opens car door* "Save it for the boudoir!"




Why was Hedonism bot even made!?!?

 

[MrSaturn99]

dude

my hands

it's like they can touch anything but themselves

......WHOA

 

[Septimus Prime]

"I washed them."

 

[Arkos]

Kif! I've got the captain's itch!

...I'll get the powder...

 

[rjinaz]

Professor: Fold this shirt
Bender: I'm sorry, do you see a robot here by the name of "Folder"?

It always cracks me up. That whole episode with all the little Benders is great.

 

[Arkos]

*beep beep*

"Yes yes"

 

[Septimus Prime]

"Pumping is just a primitive form of bending."

 

[Dai101]

Bender: You'll need some arm candy. It's the perfect accessory for out-of-shape, middle-aged creeps like you. Yeah, I said it! What's your time, Borgnine?

Lrrr: Big and angry.

 

[MickeyKnox]

Anything and everything with Hedonism bot

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4EsvEgPZ84

 

[Malduke]

Computer: Warning. You are now in forbidden space.
Bender: Forbidden, shmer-shmidden! What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared!
*Alarms go off*
Leela: I've lost control of the ship!
Bender: You lost control of the ship?! Wahhh!

And after they crash, Bender walks out of the ship like nothing happened.

 

[vypek]

I just remembered one with Zapp saying

Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more: Your cowardice or your stupidity!

 

[Rhomega Beta]

Computer: Warning. You are now in forbidden space.
Bender: Forbidden, shmer-shmidden! What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared!
*Alarms go off*
Leela: I've lost control of the ship!
Bender: You lost control of the ship?! Wahhh!

And after they crash, Bender walks out of the ship like nothing happened.

"Alright, I'm finished recomboobalating the energymotron...or whatever!"

 

[Codeblue]

Malfunctioning Eddie-simple but hilarious gag character.

I'm glad someone else brought this up. I laugh so hard every time I see it.

 

[Dai101]

I'm scaroused

 

[Bearjewpiter]

Trust me, I'm a whale biologist

 

[Speedydonut]

"And so I ask you this one question. Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?"

 

[jmood88]

One word: ThunderCougarFalconBird

Also from the same episode, the fake ending always makes me laugh.

 

[Dai101]

 

[Boston]

"The robot Mafia supports you, but don't tell anybody. Spread the word"

 

[openrob]

"Animals eat other animals - it's nature"

 

[JumpCancel]

You shouldn't eat things that feel pain

Honestly there are too damn many to think of.

 

[swearing-circle]

Farnsworth: Oh, don't worry, Fry. I too once spent a nightmare-ish time in a robot asylum. But now it's nearly over. So long.

 

[Sai-kun]

Zoidberg A: All hail Zoidberg, the king with the box! Now it's my turn, maybe?

Zoidberg 1: The box...

*claw down*

says no.

gets me every time, too. Farnsworth Parabox is absolutely one of my top 3 episodes ever. It's so fucking quotable.

Amy 1: Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters?

Hermes 25: We didn't see anything ... [Leela 25, Hermes 25 and Fry 25 turn around. They have no eyes.] ... ever!

 

[Son Of D]

"With blackjack! And hookers!" is a line I've used so much since I first saw that episode.

 

[Robert Williams]

"With blackjack! And hookers!" is a line I've used so much since I first saw that episode.

Ah forget the whole thing.