Long rant, just need to vent, but this is what I'm considering. I apologize if anything's illegible or doesn't make sense, I wrote it fairly quick to give a brief idea of how I've come here, with the occasional needless embellishment. Thanks.
I'm considering leaving the country with my last dime to try for the foreign legion. If not, I'll be homeless on the street begging for work until I can afford a ticket back.
I'm fairly confident in my physical abilities though, I think I can make it.
My reasoning for this decision?
I'm still young, but all my life, 22 years, I've been worrying about money,family money, and my own money when I began to earn it.
I see everyday others in the outlying towns of small city, rich and young, given everything. I've tried working, but I get no where. I'm not trying to be a dishwasher forever like I was told to consider at 19.
Anyway, I don't want to give my life, potentially, for anyone in this country where it's all about who you know and hard work, as far as the physical, is not valued.
I've been told all my life I'm very smart, 12th grade reading comp, 8th grade writing in 2nd grade(probably bullshit), but I can't succeed in college if I have to put all my money into it, aka everything I have, where if I fail I know I'm just falling back on nothing. The stress killed me, and the job I worked into the school schedule was the worst, nearly killed me.I'm all alone, always have been besides my father, so i actually hoped I died, and was excited when I nearly passed out and slipped into the intersection on the way to that job after school.
Anyway,I tried that, I am now 15,000 in debt with nothing to show for it, I returned back home with no help from the trade school. Now it's all on my pops as I'm pretty shaken and not ready to go back to dish washing, if they'd even return my applications.
The worst feeling in the world is going from paying bills to help your pops, your family, to taking a leap to help out, maybe even let my father relax when I get a good job, then seeing that shit blow up in your face.
So I know I'm beating myself up over that, hell, I was talked down by my father from taking the amtrak to detroit, hoping I could make my way in a city where everyone struggles and you don't feel the taunts always. Even if they're in my head, I can't shake the fact that I know I could do good things, be a nurse, be a doctor, but that's all just a pipe dream in this country.
I couldn't be in the top to get to the top, so I'm at the bottom.
The only hope I have, seeing as I don't have any friends here(my best friend from childhood jacked me for a grand when I was at my worst), I feel now, is some branch of the military.
This feel's like the only time I can get out of here, this country, maybe set up my children, if I ever have any, with a better place to live in.
I could put my family in a place where the healthcare is free and so is the education, essentially enabling them to do what the US will not in allowing them to be what they want to be in regards to the latter.
I'm sure shit's not sweet, never has been, but 22 years of living, most of the time, just feigning happiness, always worried in the back of your mind, dying isn't so bad if that's what the course steered me to, just the last weight to slip.
Anyone have any experience/ opinions on the foreign legion/ france in general regarding immigrants turned citizens through the legion? Thanks.
I'm considering leaving the country with my last dime to try for the foreign legion. If not, I'll be homeless on the street begging for work until I can afford a ticket back.
I'm fairly confident in my physical abilities though, I think I can make it.
My reasoning for this decision?
I'm still young, but all my life, 22 years, I've been worrying about money,family money, and my own money when I began to earn it.
I see everyday others in the outlying towns of small city, rich and young, given everything. I've tried working, but I get no where. I'm not trying to be a dishwasher forever like I was told to consider at 19.
Anyway, I don't want to give my life, potentially, for anyone in this country where it's all about who you know and hard work, as far as the physical, is not valued.
I've been told all my life I'm very smart, 12th grade reading comp, 8th grade writing in 2nd grade(probably bullshit), but I can't succeed in college if I have to put all my money into it, aka everything I have, where if I fail I know I'm just falling back on nothing. The stress killed me, and the job I worked into the school schedule was the worst, nearly killed me.I'm all alone, always have been besides my father, so i actually hoped I died, and was excited when I nearly passed out and slipped into the intersection on the way to that job after school.
Anyway,I tried that, I am now 15,000 in debt with nothing to show for it, I returned back home with no help from the trade school. Now it's all on my pops as I'm pretty shaken and not ready to go back to dish washing, if they'd even return my applications.
The worst feeling in the world is going from paying bills to help your pops, your family, to taking a leap to help out, maybe even let my father relax when I get a good job, then seeing that shit blow up in your face.
So I know I'm beating myself up over that, hell, I was talked down by my father from taking the amtrak to detroit, hoping I could make my way in a city where everyone struggles and you don't feel the taunts always. Even if they're in my head, I can't shake the fact that I know I could do good things, be a nurse, be a doctor, but that's all just a pipe dream in this country.
I couldn't be in the top to get to the top, so I'm at the bottom.
The only hope I have, seeing as I don't have any friends here(my best friend from childhood jacked me for a grand when I was at my worst), I feel now, is some branch of the military.
This feel's like the only time I can get out of here, this country, maybe set up my children, if I ever have any, with a better place to live in.
I could put my family in a place where the healthcare is free and so is the education, essentially enabling them to do what the US will not in allowing them to be what they want to be in regards to the latter.
I'm sure shit's not sweet, never has been, but 22 years of living, most of the time, just feigning happiness, always worried in the back of your mind, dying isn't so bad if that's what the course steered me to, just the last weight to slip.
Anyone have any experience/ opinions on the foreign legion/ france in general regarding immigrants turned citizens through the legion? Thanks.